I guess I'll actually make an attempt to fill this stupid thing out....

My name is Matt. Lately, and for reasons I have yet to learn, people have started calling me Matthew, and I think it's a bit presumptuous to assume I have a full, unabbreviated first name, but I'm alright with that (pretty sure that sentence makes me the Indiana Jones of English grammar. Sure, I fucked up, but it looked alright and everything worked out fine in the end). I'm generally a pretty fantastic person; I've got some funny stuff I say sometimes, I've got some brains, I've got some hobbies, some opinions, and they're all pretty decent. Probably have to wait for "half-assed attempt at a profile v3.0" if you want to know any more...

I manage a distribution nexus for a big ol' multibillion, multinational, honest-to-God American corporate monster. Exactly what my 5 years old self wanted to be when he grow'd up. Meanwhile, my 3/4 complete physics degree cries itself to sleep each and every night.

appreciating irony and dispensing sarcasm. I'm really terrible at absorbing sarcasm, and after months of consideration, I think it might just be for the sake of irony.

"Oh, that tall boy just fell off his bicycle."

I'll try to keep this specific enough to determine taste, vague enough to imply that there's a metric fuckton that didn't make the list due to enthusiasm and space concerns.

Books: Harry Potter meets Ayn Rand, and they battle Vonnegut. In space? Written by Neil Gaiman (ghost written by Garth Ennis), narrated by Richard Feynman (audiobook, obviously), featuring Aristotle, and edited by Steven King during his earlier Dark Tower days. Good enough.

Movies: Jurassic Park, plus I'm a sucker for all those Lost in Translation/Eternal Sunshine types. And Wet Hot American Summer.

Music: The Black Keys, The Black Lips, The Black Angels, Big Black, Black Francis, Black Rebel Motorcycle Club, Blackalicious, Black Flag, um... Black Eyed Peas. I've heard Black Ladies is quite alright, but I can't speak from personal experience.

Food: Everything that doesn't have meat or mayonnaise. It's a short (but boring) story that has nothing to do with not wanting animals to die. Not that i want animals to die...

John Cleese, Eric Idle, Michael Palin, Terry Jones, Terry Gilliam, Graham Chapman.

Lately, special bonus thing: Little Steven's Underground Garage.

Mexican food. God, I wish I was joking.

probably sitting at home. Then promptly at midnight Saturday morning, I'm all over the place.

I am the first man who would not do penance for my virtues or let them be used as the tools of my destruction.

But really, this question is definitely the worst of the bunch. Search your feelings, you know it to be true.

what you've just read isn't the most awful bit of shit you've ever seen. Or, if you have any tips on performing period-accurate Medieval dentistry?

But not really.

But really.

Also, is there something wrong with your eye? You keep, like, winking at me. Stop it, I don't even get it. Say something. Anything!