Barrel chested renaissance man. I can have a good time anywhere (the first 3 letters in funeral are F-U-N), I like dark bars and sunny days. My beard is definitely out of control right now. Winter and Fall are my favorite times of year, which is ironic since I look great in shorts. Cats and dogs love me but birds hate me for some unknown reason. I have a cadre of loyal Mexicans at my disposal, so I'm halfway to being a drug kingpin if I so choose. I worry about the library system. I just bought a fez, so I'm pretty sure my life is headed in the right direction. The long lost 6th Beatle. Designer Imposter. I also tend to dress like a burglar. I'm really good at holding doors open for people. Proud graduate of the Handsome Boy Modeling School™. Also I'm definitely not two children in a trench coat pretending to be an adult.

Other than that if you want to know more, I'm an open book.

Running a fake tie manufacturing company is not as exciting or glamorous as you would think it would be.

Which is pretty disappointing.

Problems Solved/Problems Made, key cutting, building stuff, drum repair, handling flooding buildings, soothsayer, screen printing, handy with a screwdriver, cat wrangling and dog whisperer.

That I am a human adult. Do not question it. I have all the rights and privileges that a human adult has.

Misfits, The Beatles, Black Flag, The Ramones, Al Green, Radiohead, Don Caballero, Battles, Pinback, Baroness, Slayer, Barry White, Torche, OutKast, Sick of it All, Elvis, De La Soul, Quicksand, Afghan Whigs, QOTSA, Prince Paul, Elvis, The Cure, Jets to Brazil, Dan the Automater, Blonde Redhead, Dave Brubeck, Patsy Cline, Trap Them, Anthrax, Jeff The Brotherhood, Air, Jawbox, Public Enemy, The Beastie Boys, Bon Iver, Faith No More, Twilight Singers, Danzig, Dillinger Escape Plan, Hot Water Music, Minor Threat, OFF!, S.O.D., The Clash, Rival Schools, Prince, Julie Christmas, Mr.Bungle, David Axelrod, Miles Davis, Candiria, Jawbreaker, The Police, Dead Kennedys, Talking Heads.

Pahalinuik, Easton Ellis, Copeland, Diamond, Huston, Cronin, King, Hemmingway, Thompson.

Master Keys

Everything else is not needed.

The Venture Brothers.

Would I make a good Batman? (Yes, I would.)

Where Glenn Danzig is, right this minute.

Hey Alex, what's that noise?

Hanging out in gas station parking lots, buying teenagers beer and cigarettes.

I steal money from teenagers that think I'm buying them beer and cigarettes.

If you're reading this it means I was kidnapped by the Order of the Eastern Star. Please send help. Or whiskey. Mainly whiskey.

You want to get weird? Let's get weird.