Hi-yo, I'm one in the throngs of ever replicating Austin neophytes whom have come to destroy your once pure city-town. May I intern in your clique? I will be your sycophantic gopher-boy who will fetch you coffees and praise your mediocre hairdo. No really, it looks GREAT! Don't let me trick you though. I am not one of you. I live in Round Rock. Resist the temptation to scuff my ego with your swt Nike trainers, plx.
But look. Glib rhetoric aside, my black hole soul ends in a pile of pink blankets for the special ones. Are you a special one? Are you? Maybe. Let's see! And if my sales pitch of an overly wrought two paragraphs surely dwarfs the bumbling visage you somehow find yourself on a date with, well... feed me some alcohol or something. Then you'll surely be impressed by how capable I am of startling stray cats (or something similar) in a half-baked attempt to entertain you! But really, I hope for our first date we just meet at a bar or party or something.