Write a little about yourself. Just a paragraph will do.
I want to first note that this is a terrible thing to ask someone
to write and I am principally opposed to it in every way.
In summary, I'm decently handsome and intelligent by most available
measures. I'm kind but not in a sycophantic nice guy sort of way. I
try to find humor in everything. I eat the sandwiches that I want
to eat and I sing the songs I want to sing. I like going to places
and eating/drinking lots of stuff. I am an enthusiastic and
critical observer and digester of art and media and cat
People seem to like posting their MBTI type on here, so I'm INTP.
This is rare which means it's good.
I am calm, collected, and probably insane.
OKCupid doesn't require you to have that little 3 trait summary
anymore but I like that sentence.
What I’m doing with my life
Don’t overthink this one; tell us what you’re doing day-to-day.
I went to school a bunch and now I have a pretty sweet job at a
bank. I strut about in fancy tasseled loafers and crisply ironed
shirts and do a very convincing impression of a responsible
When I'm not doing that....I do other things. I enjoy eating and
drinking excessively. I watch and/or do things that entertain me. I
might play golf or mess with my cat or get a sudden urge to fix
stuff. I write vague statements about myself on the internet so
that I can be evaluated by strangers. Stuff like that.
I’m really good at
Go on, brag a little (or a lot). We won’t judge.
Taking ownership. Having fun with it. Improving things. Precision.
Making terrible jokes. Knowing when to shut up. I'm pretty sure I'm
an excellent driver. I'm an asshole to cabs on purpose, because
karma. Opening champagne without letting it pop. Burning stuff on a
grill. Stealing things off the internet.
I'm good at....going to restaurants and ordering too many indulgent
things. Is that a skill? I'm also good at golf. I have also
recently attempted to learn French but that didn't go very
I excel at allocating space efficiently on public transit. This is
part of a larger skillset I think of as being a considerate and
reliable human. I'm pretty good at whipping up a cocktail as well
(or, just pouring whiskey in a glass) but nowhere compared to
people who actually get paid to do this. I am probably pretty good
at making you laugh. I like to think I'm good in the kitchen, but
really I've just eaten enough delicious food at various restaurants
to do an impression of someone with actual skills. I have a keen
eye for...stuff. I'd be a good detective.
The first things people usually notice about me
I’m an empty essay… fill me out!
Symmetry, I hope? My height coupled with my lanky yet
broad-shouldered build. A calming presence. Probably my hair. It
causes people to assume I'm in a band. Dressed...respectably,
usually? I have a lot of clothes for a guy. I have nice shoes.
Rugged good looks and rapist wit. Testosterone-laden natural musk.
Favorite books, movies, shows, music, and food
Help your potential matches find common interests.
So much music. Lardfingers, here's how I broke it, tempest
dusseldorf, ending sadly, christmas for lovers, chocolate mouth
finger, slapping eastward, the jong un trio, jerusalem artichoke,
touching the baby, the nursing brandos, love with eggs, grandma has
a present for you, panamanian jihad...stuff like that.
OK I made all those up to illustrate a point: a giant list of
things is tedious and is not a good reason to want to know
Media - yes. It is good. I like Breaking Bad and the Wire and blah
de blah and probably anything with Liam Neeson and I get most of my
news from Daily Show and Colbert. Games? Yes, also games. All
manner of games - board games, videogames, sure. Music is also
good. If you want to get specific in these areas we can save that
for the part where we are actually talking about things.
Food? Yes, also good. Raw seafood or places with ampersands in the
name or tacos or whatever. I will judge you hard if you think
Michelin stars have something to do with tires.
Books...maybe? The internet has sort of ruined reading for me. When
I do read something, I usually pick up some old 'classic' that I've
heard referenced many times over but have never read. I have
cultural catching-up to do here.
The Onion is basically my inner monologue, on a particularly good
The six things I could never do without
Think outside the box. Sometimes the little things can say a lot.
Stupid / hilarious things on the internet
Other humans I can stand
Fancy phone...although it's not so much the phone as it is the
access to information.
I spend a lot of time thinking about
Global warming, lunch, or your next vacation… it’s all fair game.
Is my pervy pun of a username turning people off? I think it's a
good filter. If it's off-putting to you, we probably don't need to
talk. Why is everyone walking so slow? Why is laughter a behavior
that persists when subjected to natural selection? What is in the
fridge that I can just grab and put in my face and stop being
hungry and go back to whatever I was doing? Why did I just get up
and walk into this room? Why is everyone at this red light inching
forward every few seconds? We're at a red light. Soon it will not
Why so many girls on here have usernames ending with
'_taco'....seriously, what is that. That's like if I made my name
UPDATE: Someone explained this to me in a message....I am very
disappointed in you ladies.
Why preferences in food are important enough to me that I judge
someone when they neglect to fill out the 'diet' part of their
profile. How can you NOT have an opinion?! At least put 'Anything'.
I hate you.
I peoplewatch a lot...people are constantly doing stuff that is
funny and/or hard to explain. Example: About half the people I see
wearing a nice dressy style winter coat never bothered to undo that
little piece of stitching that holds the tails of the coat together
at the bottom. I bet their pockets are still sewn shut too. They
probably just think this is how it is when you buy nice clothing.
Pockets are for people with no class. I haven't come up with a good
way to do anything about this...approaching people on the train
with a smile and a tiny pair of scissors has not yielded desirable
On a typical Friday night I am
Netflix and takeout, or getting your party on — how do you let loose?
Out doing something excessive? I like good cocktails, but I like
really divey places too. I am most certainly not 'out with the
bros', or whatever people put here, but I do like to go out and
eat/drink to a degree of excess. I avoid places that try to appeal
to everyone and/or have lots of TV screens.
The most private thing I’m willing to admit
I’m an empty essay… fill me out!
I manscape....I'll leave it up to you to decide what that means.
You should message me if
Offer a few tips to help matches win you over.
You've got something interesting to say or a good joke to make. You
are intelligent, attractive, and funny. You want to drink whiskey
and argue about things. You want to drink whiskey and make juvenile
jokes at each other. You have grandiose plans and ambitions. These
things are a good start.
Who are you looking for?
This helps us know who to show you on OkCupid.