My Uncle John passed away quite unexpectedly early Sunday evening. He was 49 years old, the picture of health, father of twins (16 years old, like my brother), and fairly recently remarried. We're told he'd been playing soccer with friends, and was just running down the field when he collapsed. Massive heart attack, we're told. According to my RN aunt, given his state of health and the circumstances, he would have been gone instantly, wouldn't have even felt a thing. Incidentally, this also means there was absolutely nothing anyone could have done for him.

My dad said at the hospital that he envisioned my uncle standing in heaven with my grandfather (who passed away from a stroke about 6 years ago), my grandpa's arm around his shoulders, saying, "Guess what just happened to you?" Dad was convinced that John still didn't know what had happened to him.

My female cousin's take on the situation was a little more bleak. The only thing she said to me was, "I'm 16 years old, and already 7 people close to me have died."

Uncle John was my mom's younger brother. That more than most things I think is why this has affected me so strongly. We'd see Uncle John and his family 2 or 3 times a year for major holidays and birthdays and such, but he was my mom's little brother. I don't want to even imagine what it would feel like if I survived my own little brother.

My uncle is the most recent addition to the ranks of family members on that side who just drop dead. My great grandfather suffered a heart attack on his work bench and passed away at 60. My great grandmother, his wife, passed away while chopping a tomato to make dinner (heart attack) at the age of 81. My grandfather, their son-in-law, passed away (stroke) while doing something with his computers at 67. Apparently another uncle or male relative of some sort closely connected to this group did something similar. On my mom's side of the family, there is no lingering, no warning; they just check out.

We're having a memorial service for my uncle and belatedly for my grandfather and my great grandfather this Friday evening at our church.

...but I needed to post somewhere.

I just got caught up on the last two comics of Questionable Content, and (yes, totally appropriate here) OMG!!!!11!!!!

(sorry, I really feel weird using most web acronyms, so that was a little weird to type)

I...wow. Like everyone's said in comments about the strip, we all *totally* saw that coming, but for Jeph to finally allow Faye to push past her psychological walls...*sighs*

I want the next strip to be up. Now. Because I want to see Faye's reaction, because I don't want her to regret her decision so much that she back pedals (I think it's very unlikely that she won't regret this at all, but I still have high hopes for her).

Never thought I'd be so attached to a webcomic, but yeah. QC rocks, and yey for Faye!!! (And for Sven, for finally making it with the right kind of girl!)

/fangirling

...and cares to know why I haven't sent a response, I am actually posting here for once. (yes, I apparently have time to post here but not to respond; be patient, all will become clear in time).

This year has been nuts. It's my (official) senior year of college, and I'm taking 15 (semester) hours (down from 18 hrs at the start of this term) and working 4 nights a week for 10-15 hrs/wk, as well as attending church orchestra and choir rehearsals once a week. At the same time, it's also my first year back after having been abroad for a year in a totally different school system. Add to this that it's my first year to commute (I lived on campus for 5 years; my commute this year is generally an hour each direction in light-to-middling traffic), and it becomes more interesting.

Basically, I have no life this semester. All of my "free" time is filled with homework or (if I'm *really* lucky) decompression from the previous week. This means that I have time to check email at each of my addresses, but only have enough time to respond to emails that absolutely must be responded to (i.e., school functions stuff that require RSVPs, etc). As for stuff like this superfluous entry? I am sacrificing sleep the night before my first art history exam to explain why I haven't been answering emails. And yes, this is the easier option since I theoretically only have to do this once rather than respond to each message (since in theory the people who'd actually care about a response would check my profile for recent activity and hopefully stumble over this post in the process).

And wow, do I ramble when sleep deprived and sapped by allergies.

But yes, please keep messaging me, and I promise when the world rights itself again I'll do my best to reply.

Even if I'd posted some from earlier today, they are now no longer an accurate representation of my appearance. There is one small change now: a helix piercing on my left ear.

I am so excited about this new addition!! It makes me happy. I feel it better represents who I am. My two lobe piercings and this new piercing to me show that I am classic, timeless, but quirky.

In some ways it's so sad that I put so much emphasis on one little piercing, but it really is something that means a lot to me and has a real effect on how I feel inside. The fact that I was able to do this, go through with it and not be held back by certain conventional thought and the fear of not being perfect in my parents' eyes (something that I do treasure because my parents have always let me be exactly the person I want to be, and they've been proud), makes me feel that much more confident in myself. That is what it's really about.

It's times like these when I feel like I'm making silly or foolish statements that I'm kind of happy knowing that chances are nobody'll read this. And yet, I leave this post as a public post because a part of me feels that if the right person reads it, gets what this means to me, I can only benefit from that. If I keep this (or really anything about who I am) to myself, how is anyone outside of myself going to know who I am?

Rambling now, but I really am very excited and happy about this. *squee!!*

...so let's jump on the bandwagon. It's St. Valentine's Day, most recently a mandatory dating/romance day, sometimes affectionately referred to as "Singles Awareness Day".

As a kid, Valentine's Day always brought out my competitive nature. In elementary school, we had to make bags/boxes for the compulsory valentines we'd get from out classmates, and I always made a production of mine (my coup de gras was a kissing booth box with my favorite teddy bear as the volunteer). I never really thought about the "love" aspect then.

In middle school, the love side began to hit me. I was always worried about not having a valentine/not receiving anything on the day or worse, giving a valentine to someone who wasn't planning to give one to me, so I started not giving out valentines to anybody. Well, sort of. I was a retro-active valentine giver if I decided to give them out at all, making sure I gave nice valentines to those who'd given them to me.

As middle school progressed into high school, I started getting a little depressed around the day not because *I* felt the need to be dating somebody at that time, but because I felt lonely/singled out because I didn't. In fact, I didn't really date in high school till my senior year, so I was quite used to not having a date and couldn't really say much to sympathize with my friends who found themselves dateless any given year.

My most memorable Valentine's Day was during my junior year of high school. I'd come to accept (if not embrace) my perpetually single status, and my friends and I had decided that to celebrate the "Day of Love" we'd have a chick-flick marathon. Great. Except that the week of this celebration of independence, I came down with appendicitis. Had to have an appendectomy (naturally), and not only did I miss the festivities, but I also missed the week of midterms (my high school was essentially like college, so missing midterms=a HUGE deal). However, when I came back to school (it was also a boarding school of sorts), my friends had bought me a ton of valentine-y gifts (being onhand and all) and had decorated my bunk. Best Valentine's Day ever.

As of now, I am in my junior year of college. I have yet to be part of a couple/have a date on this over-hyped holiday. Truth is, I kind of like it that way. I'm actually a little afraid of the first time I'll spend this holiday *not* being single, worried that that may actually depress me, unsure of what I'd do, etc. In essence, I'm not in a huge hurry to go out and find a date for this one day. I'm proud to be single, today most of all, because I'm happy as I am. I hope that others may be content today as well, regardless of their relationship status. Happy Valentine's Day, everyone!!

So I feel the urge to post, but really don't know what to post about. Hmmm...Okay, that'll work. Here goes.

I'm going to miss dorm life. Seems an odd thing to say, especially since I've been living in college dorms for 5 years; you'd think I'd've had enough of it by now. I've run the gauntlet when it comes to dorm rooms: I've lived in a suite, with a roommate I'd never known, a friend, someone I chose after orientation, on my own; with private bath, suite bath, community bath; in tiny rooms, in a large room with its own couch; I've done it. I'm used to the people coming in at 4 in the morning singing loudly, fire alarms going off at 4 or 6 in the morning (even 20 fire alarms in one term). I'm used to sharing a kitchen, a fridge, a mini fridge, etc. I am well acquainted with all facets of dorm life.

And next year, my final year in college (this time around), will be my first year not living in the dorms, and instead commuting. From home. Living with my family again for the first time in 5 years.

I miss my family, especially my younger brother since we're finally getting to the stage where we actually get along a majority of the time, and since he's just beginning to go through high school (this year is his freshman year). I want to be the cool older sister who's there for him if he needs me. I want him to enjoy high school more than I ever did.

That being said, I'm going to miss being surrounded by tons of people all the time who are likely to be awake at 2 in the morning. I'll miss being near to my friends and heading out to IHOP at 4a just because we can. I'll miss that extra bit of freedom that comes from being that much further away from my parents. I'll miss the activities.

It always seemed to me that commuters, try as they might, were always missing out just a bit. I hope that I won't miss out on something important just because I don't live on campus any more.

We'll see if I actually write in here with any regularity whatsoever. If not, at least you only have to suffer through one pointless post...if you even choose to read this.