I know the difference between your and you're.

I graduated from UCSB last year with a degree in History, starting in September I'll be working as an English teaching assistant in Linz, Austria before heading to grad school for a Master's of Education.

Also, recently I checked out a profile named Blackguy4me a while back to see if we were compatible. We weren't.

"I had fun once, it was awful"

Making my friends feel uncomfortable by linking their profiles on OkCupid. What's up, John539?

My stunning good looks, my modesty, my sense of humor.

According to my friends: I look like a mix of Vince Vaughn from Old School and Jemaine Clement from Flight of the Conchords. I'd prefer a mix of Ryan Gosling and Tom Hardy, but I'll deal with the cards I've been dealt.

Fine literature: George R R Martin, Joe Abercrombie, Brandon Sanderson, Neal Stephenson, and a dash of Orson Scott Card. After ruining my eyes staring at books all throughout college, I'm now a huge fan of audiobooks. It's like reading...for lazy people.

Gripping cinema: American Psycho, In Bruges, Blade Runner, Prestige, Star Wars, Life of Brian, Watchmen, Primer, AKIRA, Serenity, Django Unchained, Mean Girls, Oh Brother Where Art Thou, Oldboy, Brick, The Jacket, the Bourne trilogy, and Miyazaki films.

Quality programming: Battlestar Galactica, Firefly, Rome, Breaking Bad, Archer, Game of Thrones, Cowboy Bebop, Arrested Development, LOST, Monty Python's Flying Circus, Ergo Proxy, Chappelle's Show, and The Walking Dead.

Stand-up comedians: Louis CK, John Mulaney, Jim Gaffigan, Hannibal Buress, Patton Oswalt, Aziz Ansari, Dave Chappelle, etc.

You probably aren't even reading this: SBTRKT, Omar Rodriguez-Lopez, Pink Floyd, The Dear Hunter, Coheed & Cambria, Daft Punk, Prize Fighter Inferno, Circa Survive, The Mars Volta (RIP 2001-2013), Mastodon, The Decemberists, MS MR, The Sword, Alesana, Sufjan Stevens, and The Protomen.

Preferred saturated fats: Chipotle burrito bowls and mochas, but not at the same time.

1) Earth
2) Fire
3) Wind
4) Water
5) Heart
6) And with their powers combined, Captain Planet

-I love watching my Spotify newsfeed and trying to deduce which of my friends are going through a bad breakup. I'm like the Sherlock Holmes of heartbreak.

-What it must feel like as a female to get thousands of creepy messages from creepy old men everyday.

-What I should watch on Netflix. Seriously, I spend more time browsing Netflix than I actually spend watching the damn shows. It's like I'm watching "Five-Star Reviews: Season 1-6" every time I'm on the website.

Shenanigans, debauchery, and on special occasions a bit of tomfoolery.

I was the guitarist for a death metal band back in my high school days. Our first song was titled "Crucify the Women and Children First!"

Coincidentally: I was single for most of high school.

I also enjoyed Vampire Diaries and Teen Wolf, my most shameful guilty pleasures.

You're an old soul like me and listen to NPR in the car.

Most importantly, you're classier than the people on Plenty of Fish.

Also: I've noticed women on this website complain about getting "hey sexy" messages...I say bring 'em on!