My name is Keith.

I do not have a drinking or drug problem, I'm not looking for a quick piece of tail, I will never ask you to pay my bills or loan me money, I have a place of my own, my own car, and a decent job.

I'm already leaps ahead of that last guy you talked to on here, right?

I'm a bit of a grammar nazi. If your profile is full of misspelled words, a lack of punctuation, or otherwise makes my head hurt, I probably won't read very far into it.

I love road trips.

I work too much in a job that I don't really care for, but it pays the bills. I comfort myself with the knowledge that it's a means to an end.

I absolutely despise Kid Rock.

I have goals and ambitions, and I intend to achieve every one of them.

If a woman's profile says anything along the lines of "Looking for a REAL man" or "Sick of GAMES!" I don't bother reading any farther. Not because I don't consider myself a real man, nor because I play games with relationships. I think it's ridiculous to say that your ex isn't a real man, or that he was playing games with you because things didn't work out. If we date for a couple months, realize it's just not working out for me and break things off, is that considered "playing games?"

I want to meet a woman who can sit me down, converse with me, tell me ten things I didn't already know, and make me laugh. You don't have to look like a model. Excite my mind, and I will follow you barefoot across frozen wastelands and streets littered with broken glass.

I'm not one to beat around the bush. If I were any more blunt, you could probably smoke me.

I love wearing fedoras.

I'm a zombie survival specialist. Oh sure, you're laughing now. But when the zombie apocalypse begins, you're going to be so glad you're dating me.

I'm renting the house I'm at mainly for the garage.

Henry Rollins is pretty much my hero.

I listen to just about all music besides country.

I'm a meat and potatoes guy, but every once in a while I decide to try and make something ridiculous and fancy. Sometimes it even turns out pretty good.

I love dressing up and going someplace classy.

Right now I'm taking classes at MCC for a degree in criminal justice. I'd eventually like to be a police officer.

Automotive repair, Rock Band, BOOM HEADSHOTs, cooking when I get the urge to do so, finding things to do on a boring sunday afternoon. Oh, and awkward silences. I'm really awesome at those.

Eyes. I've been told that I often (unintentionally) give people a great deal of intense eye contact. Sorry about that, I'm really not trying to steal your soul.

Borrow it, maybe.

My all time favorite book is The Stand, by Stephen King. Right now I"m reading "World War Z" by Max Brooks. I'm also a big fan of Nick Hornsby and Chuck Palanhuik.

Movies-Death Proof, Fight Club, The Boondock Saints, Pulp Fiction ("That's a pretty fucking good milkshake. I don't know if it's worth $5, but it's pretty fucking good"), The Big Lebowski.

Music-I listen to just about everything but country. Scroll through my iPod and you'll find anything from Kanye West to Stabbing Westward to Roy Brown to The Foo Fighters to Boston. You can judge me for it if you must, but I'm absolutely loving the new Metallica.

Update: I've just found quite possibly the greatest band of all time: Austrian Death Machine. This is.... Arnold Swarzenegger themed death metal, and no, I'm not kidding. It's pretty amazing.

I watch very little TV, and I typically just buy the DVD if I'm really into a show. Favorites are Aqua Teen Hunger Force, Family Guy, and yes, Jackass. Also, I just picked up the first season of Rescue Me today (3/6/09), and I'm really looking forward to getting into that. What little of it I've seen on TV has been great.

Car, macbook, exercise, iPod, job, goals.

Where the hell my missing keys are, plans for my Nova, what to get next from Netflix, my next weekend getaway, how to make my life really mean something, and the fact that I think too much.

How did my keys wind up under the couch??

Probably playing Rock Band with some friends and having a couple drinks.

I think it's pretty silly to come onto a dating site (or a date in general) with the intent of it leading into a long term relationship or marriage. It just puts way too much pressure on yourself as well as the other person. I mean, obviously that can be what you eventually hope to achieve (I certainly do,) but going into each date looking for it is just a recipe for disaster. That said, early on I'm looking for someone to have a good time with. Let's do the dinner thing, the go out for drinks thing, the laugh and cuddle and "I wonder if she's thinking about me" thing. If a relationship comes out of it, that's awesome. If not, life goes on and you're a little wiser about what you're looking for. Am I right?

You want to tell me something that you shouldn't. It'll be fun!

You would like to give me a reason to get rid of this asinine profile.

You've ever purchased anything from woot.com. ESPECIALLY if it was from shirt.woot.com.

Also, please don't message me if you smoke. No, your other attributes aren't enough for me to overlook it, and no, you can't hide the smell or the taste as well as you think you can. Seriously, that shit's disgusting.

Just a heads up, if you send me a wink, I probably won't respond. If I do, it will be purely for the sake of ridiculing your lack of creativity.