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29 F Chicago, IL

My Details

Last Online
Today – 6:37pm
5′ 4″ (1.63m)
Body Type
Very often
Christianity, but not too serious about it
Pisces, but it doesn’t matter
Graduated from university
Art / Music / Writing
Relationship Status
Relationship Type
Doesn’t have kids
Likes dogs

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My self-summary
I write ads by day. Write and perform at Second City by night. I like to think that I'm funny. Hopefully you are too.

I like beer, whiskey, gin, and tequila.

I pretty much always want to play cribbage.

I was the tamale guy for Halloween last year.

I want all of the Cheez-Its.

Sometimes, in my dreams, my teeth fall out.

I always stand to the right on the escalator.

I want to pet your dog.

That last thing wasn't a euphemism.

Ask me any Saved By The Bell question, and I bet I can answer it. You'll just have to trust that I'm not googling it.
What I’m doing with my life
Advertising, writing, comedy-ing, adventuring, frolicking.
I’m really good at
Impromptu dance parties, winning karaoke contests because I know every word to Rapper's Delight, never failing to make a "That's what she said" joke, baking a killer chocolate chip banana bread, picking out peppers at the grocery store (they should be waxy and firm) (that's what she said).
The first things people usually notice about me

I mime flipping tables a lot.
Favorite books, movies, shows, music, and food
Books: A Tree Grows In Brooklyn, Everything Is Illuminated, A Heartbreaking Work of Staggering Genius, David Sedaris anything, The Goosebumps series.

Movies: Harvey, The Fall, Brick, Everything Is Illuminated, Tommy Boy, The Room (I even invented a drinking game for it), Super Troopers, Donnie Darko, Mean Girls

Shows: It's Always Sunny, Breaking Bad, The Wire, Parks and Rec, 30 Rock, Happy Endings, Mad Men, Cheers, Roseanne, Arrested Development, The Adventures of Pete and Pete, Freaks & Geeks, Salute Your Shorts.

Music: Anything 90s (especially hip hop), Childish Gambino, Girl Talk, Vitamin String Quartet, Lake Street Dive, Dead Man's Bones, The New Pornoraphers, Rilo Kiley, The Decemberists, She & Him, Neko Case, Tuneyards.

Food: Yes please.
The six things I could never do without
The Internet
My family (barf)
I spend a lot of time thinking about
Why does Hugh Laurie have a better American accent than I do? I'm from Wisconsin!

How can I get to the bottom of the hill in Ski Free before that monster comes out and eats me?

Why do people keep writing about Zombie attacks for this part? WHAT DO YOU KNOW?!
On a typical Friday night I am
Working on writing something, out drinking with friends, or drinking at my apartment and watching The Wire.
The most private thing I’m willing to admit
When I was a kid, I used to collect cigarette butts that I found on the street and hide them behind our toaster. I have no idea why. I thought they were valuable? My mom found them one day and was so confused.
Hey, wait! Don't click off my profile! Wait! Where are you going?!
I’m looking for
  • Guys who like girls
  • Ages 24–33
  • Near me
  • Who are single
  • For new friends, long-term dating, short-term dating
You should message me if
I just told you all this stuff about me and you aren't going to send me a message?! Don't make this weird.