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29 Portland, OR Genderqueer


I’m looking for

  • Everyone
  • Ages 27–36
  • Near me
  • For new friends, long-term dating, short-term dating

My Details

Last Online
Jan 24
Queer, Pansexual, Asexual
5′ 9″ (1.76m)
Body Type
Mostly anything
Less than $20,000
Relationship Status
Open relationship
Relationship Type
Likes dogs and likes cats
English (Fluently)

Similar Users

My self-summary
Write a little about yourself. Just a paragraph will do.
Currently I am looking for friends or date-friends who really care about things. People who are dynamic (read, not static) in their beliefs and feel a passion in their lives that they feel willing to die for.
It sounds hyperbolic. Feel free to interpret that as metaphorically or literally as you will.

Long profile. It is mostly me being neurotic about nuance and still not getting it right.

Im not into law enforcement. I think im not competitive. Gallows humor appreciated if youre not being an asshole while doing it.

Im gender-queer. I always dress in drag.

I prefer to date queers of all genders as it feels important for me to be comfortable. Though I am not outright excluding folks if they are not queer.
I think what I am really trying to get at by saying this is because I have certain perceptions about my own identity and body I desire for others to not have certain expectations of either of those things.
I am hesitant about people who have a body type preference for their lovers, even if your preference is for my body type. I like to be thought of as attractive by people I romantically esteem certainly, but I dont like that to be a part of some sort of body script I am supposed to fit into. I don't think all preferences fall under this category necessarily - we like what we like and there is, fortunately or unfortunately, not always a lot of controlling that. This is just something to keep in mind when considering pursuing interactions with me.
I guess that a vague exception is if you like something really weird, I feel likely to be into that.

I don't care about "bad" grammar, "bad" spelling, or
academic qualifications. I mean, do what you do and if its empowering that is sincerely really great, but I have a hard time believing that those kinds of things make one better or more exciting than other folks. It bugs me if you think other people are stupid.

I historically I have listed atheism as an identifier but thats not exactly currently true. It is true to say that as a child and adolescent I lived in a very spiritual home where I didnt really feel affinity with most aspects of the spiritualities I was exposed to aside from the community mindedness that came along with it.
I came up as a late adolescent and early adult in punk-anarcho-atheist scenes. As of late I have been questioning atheism and its role in colonialism, white supremacy, and "progress" I think that spirituality is a nice idea that I dont really know how to enact in my life. Religion and atheism might be more strongly similar than spirituality is to either of those things. Maybe I am culturally atheist though that is kind of sad to say. I am not agnostic, though I admit I don't know.
Working all of this out.

I, in theory, date multiple people. Though I am not really actively trying to date at the moment, more open to falling into situations. Im sort of doing other stuff at the right now.
I just got out of a sort of heart-break situation with someone who had monogamous tendencies and that was dysfunctional. So anyways, if youre not open to hanging out with, running into, hearing about the other people I may or may not be dating then we should definitely definitely not date.

I am married and fluid-bonded respectively. These relationships are really important to me. Not that there is not space for other relationships in my life, but these take precedence for me at the moment.
I dont want to have unprotected sex with you. I recently compromised my commitment to myself and my fluid-bonded date and I feel not-so-good about myself for that. Not looking to do that again without intention.

Talking about statuses and testing is very important as well. Regardless of what my status might be, regardless of what your status might be I strive towards and require honesty, compassion, kindness and above all respect toward one another during these conversations. I attempt to offer these things of myself and expect them from others towards me when talking about STI status.
I am more concerned with serial monogamists who assume that they are "clean" (barf #awfullanguage) than intentional sluts with confirmed STIs.
I am actually super disappointed when I see people discussing this briefly and callously in their profiles. "I'm DD free and would like to stay that way kthnx" Is fucking rude. What an awful way to talk about STI statuses which is something actually emotionally and physically impacts so many lives. Don't be that person.

Im an anarchist and a feminist
Body and sex positive. DIY, Poly

I appreciate a complex analysis of oppression - not
just class struggle and war on the state. I fully support both of these things but desire a dedicated interest in intersections of oppression and struggle. Kyriarchy.

I have a lot of things to say about myself and a lot of buzz words that are a part of that.
I used to be a little worried about this but I find myself caring less and less as I seek to hold those identities in ways that are really personal. I use them to see myself in contrast to the environments around me, to identify myself with people who I have chosen as my peers/friends/community/scene/whatever while also making those labels flexible. This means Im more looking to figure out what words mean to me, regarding myself, and trying to care less what they mean to others, though what others think does matter to me, Im currently working out how to hold these things I a way that is functional.
It follows that any of the words I use here might give you closer to the wrong idea than what I consider to be the right idea of who I think I am. Seems that even if I use the same words as someone else to self-describe it doesn't mean we are going to agree or get one another.

I think the world can hold a number of contradictory truths at the same time. Lets talk about it? Whatever "it" is.

Not particularly militant, in some ways, though I would not say I have a high level of tolerance for folks supporting certain aspects of dominant culture or other extreme or moderate politics that stand in contrast to mine.

Im kinky and or interested in hanging with more asexual folks. Yeah sexuality is complicated. I dont care if mine makes sense to you or not.

This profile is sort of aggressive. I am just having a hard time bring myself to care about anything at the moment. Charming, I know. Doesn't it just make you want to ask me on a date! I swear I am nicer in person most of the time. Interfacing with a glowing screen doesn't inspire me to present some of the best parts of myself.
What I’m doing with my life
Don’t overthink this one; tell us what you’re doing day-to-day.
Striving towards honesty - honesty with myself, honesty with others.

I don't have ambition in the school, career, "stability" sort of a way. I pretty much just want to be what I and some others consider to be a good person and do things that fulfill me and contribute to the people around me when I find people who want that contribution.
Maybe this will change in time but it has been true for most of my life, so if it does change I expect it to be a slow one.

Cloning succulents. I have started watching Star Trek FOR THE FIRST TIME IN MY LIFE DONT JUDGE ME. Currently on Next Generation. Riker just got a beard!

Currently having a life freak out. Between that and all the other things I do or am trying to stop doing I don't really have a lot of space. I'm having a hard time being present right now. I don't really like it, but it's where I am at.

I have a really awesome job with great people. I guess a job is a job, the people though are truly excellent.

I spend a lot of time trying to contribute to a culture that listens to 'no'. I like to lend what I can to enable and empower myself and others to be able to say no without negative consequences.

I am interested in making latex clothing. Mostly to fuck in and wear to annoying and not so annoying events. Also to dinner with my family. You have to mix it up somehow.

Organizing some, but stepping back.
I have a lot of thoughts about transformative justice, some thoughts about grand juries.

Sometimes I record my voice singing or saying things.

Trying to be alert to my emotions and deal with them in a transparent and appropriate way (though I acknowledge appropriate is a relative label) Interested that in others too. Attempting to be personally accountable for my actions etc...

I hang out with people a lot and have many close long-term relationships that I cherish and contribute time towards.
I’m really good at
Go on, brag a little (or a lot). We won’t judge.
I try hard at the following things and think I am moderately good at them most times. At the very least they are things I take more than occasional pride in or have often heard from others that they appreciate.

Cleaning up, not stressing out at others, confrontation, having non-goal oriented sex, dancing, super mario brothers world for snes, wearing lots of layers, listening to the same song on repeat for hours, giving props, cuddling hot water bottles, casually wearing fancy dresses, talking about STIs, applying liquid eyeliner.
Probably other stuff.

I am not good at: emailing back the next day - it usually takes me several days, watching a movie, sleeping - I have some body pain that makes that difficult some nights
The first things people usually notice about me
I’m an empty essay… fill me out!
"You have something right there, hanging from your nose. No, right there. Yeah, that. Oh. Is that a nose ring? Did that hurt?"

My profile was edited by auto-correct and or is missing or repeating random words and my tenses are all mangled.

"You're so posi!"
"It's unattractive when women spit"
"Those are really huge earrings, what are those 162mm?"
"That outfit makes you look like you're from the future"
"Why do you wear so much black?"
"Hey I love your dress!!"
"Was that you singing?"
"I love your hair, is it naturally like that?"
"Subtle but you are totally passable!!"
"Hey baby, I like your...oh that's a fanny pack"
"Did you play basketball in highschool?"
Favorite books, movies, shows, music, and food
Help your potential matches find common interests.
I laugh out loud at Get Fuzzy comics.
I can get stuck on /r/funny for hours, it is extremely hit or miss though


Sci-fi, fantasy, non-fiction, some political theory, young adult dystopias, kinky-erotica.

Book candy: Ursula Le Guin, Ender's Game, Harry Potter, Dune, Octavia Butler, Anne Rice, Gail Carriger, Sherri Tepper, Clan of the Cave Bear etc, Stone Butch Blues, Douglas Adams, Lonely Werewolf Girl (and sequels), Kushiel's Dart etc.
Recently have been reading A Song of Ice and Fire and just discovered how hilarious the Discworld novels are!

Inexplicable movie favorites:
Darjeeling Limited: thanks Wes Anderson for sucking me into another sometimes charming, quirky, and visually stunning though not particularly deep film about rich people, odd colonialism, and death. So over it. But actually obviously not.
Rivers and Tides, Labyrinth, Best in Show, Harry Potter, Lost in Translation, Garden State, Fantasia, Kill Bill, Inception, Resident Evil movies, Lord of the Rings, Bring It On.

The L word, Daria, The Office (US), Ace of Cakes, Dark Angel, Firefly.

I really like pop. Notably by "pop" music I mean music that is described as pop (see: Beyonce, Ke$ha, etc) but also catchy songs regardless of genre.
I like some modern and old timey folk, some metal, pop dance remixes, classical, fiddle.
cajun fiddle, banjo, gregorian chants, shape note singing, cello are among my list of long standing loves. I like to chill out and or fuck to post-metal and ambient electronica.

mushrooms, garlic, tangerines, spiced cider, sausage, kale, fresh basil, ice cream, mulled wine, ginger beer, curry paste, coconut milk, miso broth, almond milk, cashews, cupcakes, kombucha, fuji apples, dates, pho, cinnamon, beets, candied ginger, pork, anything with 'blueberry' as an idea, floral flavors and aromas, sticky rice, stouts/porters. coffee.
sweet & savory combos
I'm on again off again with sugar, but when it's on, it's really on. Bring the cake, 3 times a day!
The six things I could never do without
Think outside the box. Sometimes the little things can say a lot.
Some things I really would not want to do without:

My glasses
Chosen peers
Counter culture
Dance music
Weird sex
Dental floss
Sci-fi and fantasy escapism
A ridiculous dress
STI tests
My period-cup-thing
A bed I can sleep on

I really like coffee
I spend a lot of time thinking about
Global warming, lunch, or your next vacation… it’s all fair game.
I spend a lot of time considering integrity.

Feelings and stuff. Politicized bodies and sex. Heteronomativity, white supremacy and how I perpetuate those.

Fear, compassion, survival, generosity, my friends, my dates. technology and bodies, money, awesome gear, my house, honesty. How to be more compassionate with myself, how to be more compassionate with others. Holding boundaries.
On a typical Friday night I am
Netflix and takeout, or getting your party on — how do you let loose?
Fisting to post-metal or working.
The most private thing I’m willing to admit
I’m an empty essay… fill me out!
Otherwise known as 'the fun facts section'

I like the idea of bromance and am concerned with the concept of frienemies - take what you will from that.
I started drinking coconut water because everyone else was doing it.
I like Christmas music.

I sometimes imagine macing random jerks I overhear in public.
Say some annoying shit:
Its just a fantasy.
You should message me if
Offer a few tips to help matches win you over.
If you know me already, or we have seen one another around at an event or something and you want to say hi. I love seeing people I know, am acquainted with, or straight up just barely recognize on this site.

You want to send me a link to your fetlife prof or wanna see mine. Super into that in friends, randos, or people who want to date. Curious!

You are not into the cops, in general.

You're not racist, ableist, sexist, homophobic, heteronormative- relationship seeking, femme phobic, misogynist, transphobic, classist, ageist, if the jokes you make are not at the expense of another group of people, etc... If you care about the language you use.
I really don't expect people to be perfect and I know I am not but I would like for people to be actively and openly (read: interested in) being attentive to all of this stuff.

Write something more than "hi, how are you?" seriously. I block senders of those messages.

You are really really okay with the fact that I might not message back and that this is, most of the time, not personal. I experience a time deficit and have to prioritize accordingly.

You are out about being queer and poly.
You don't require a binary-gender in a person you are dating. Also if you think, from what very little I put out there on the topic, that we might practice compatible styles of polyamory. Also if you are body affirming.

I'm interested in a number of different things that actually don't really matter (a fact I reiterate at the bottom of the page):

You want to play (er, read: teach me how to play) Magic the Gathering.
You are explicitly interested in Dom/sub dynamics in any direction. Especially if you not a cis-dude top.
You are a feminist switch, which is where most of my experience lies.
You would like to date in a romantic, but largely asexual capacity
You want to try to understand Foucault together.
You are into being fisted.
You want to make large paper mache models of the planets in our solar system with me. Pluto included.
You want to go winter camping.
You like to play cards
You are kind

I only sincerely care about the last line on that multi-item list and even that can be open to creative interpretation, all of the other things are optional.