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42 M Toronto, Ontario, CA

I’m looking for

  • Girls who like guys
  • Ages 28–46
  • Near me
  • For new friends, short-term dating

My Details

Last Online
Online now!
5′ 10″ (1.78m)
Body Type
Agnosticism, and laughing about it
Graduated from university
Banking / Finance
Relationship Status
Open relationship
Relationship Type
Doesn’t have kids
Likes dogs and has cats
English (Fluently)

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My self-summary
Write a little about yourself. Just a paragraph will do.
Note: Rewrite in progress. The static descriptive stuff should still be accurate, the current status-related fluff may be a bit out of date.


I have a moderately awesome life – reasonable material comfort, a job I really like that is walking distance from my home, and a group of good friends. In terms of general arche-(stereo?)types, I'm a downtown, lefty, mostly vegetarian urbanite; I like books, travel, wine, dancing, electronic music, and meeting friends for drinks on summer patios (who doesn't?). I'm fairly cerebral and have some geekish interests, but that's fairly well-balanced with my active, adventurous side. I consider myself a feminist and it's a fairly foundational part of my identity (you don't have to identify that way, though feminists are sexy!).

I'm looking for someone smart, confident, fun and interesting to spend time with and see what happens.

This is where it gets a bit awkward though. I'm already in a serious relationship, that we've agreed to open up. I've had a few dates, but haven't gone any farther since this phase of life started and I'm as yet unsure what it means practically, or of how to handle the "logistics". I've never been into quick and easy hookups and I can't imagine sleeping with someone I didn't also like in a more general way.
What I’m doing with my life
Don’t overthink this one; tell us what you’re doing day-to-day.
Taking it day-to-day without being too concerned about the small details. Things are good right now so I don't feel an urge to plan out exactly where they're headed. I'm pretty happy overall.
I’m really good at
Go on, brag a little (or a lot). We won’t judge.
- Making martinis (not real ones, I'm not much into harsh manly drinks)
- Parallel mental processing
- Juggling (it's probably inaccurate to say I'm good at it, but it's something I can at least do...)
- Evaluating the dynamics of social systems
- Observation
- Listening (a subcategory of observation, really)

- I have recently discovered I am not at all good at ping pong.
The first things people usually notice about me
I’m an empty essay… fill me out!
I don't think I get noticed that much, I'm good at avoiding random attention. Probably a skill picked up in my alienated teenage years.

Of the features that others have mentioned to me, it's generally been my eyes (which has always sounded like a bit of a line) or my tattoo (when visible). Gay boys have tended to like my hair or my butt, but I honestly haven't been hit on by a guy in a while so take that comment with a large grain of salt.
Favorite books, movies, shows, music, and food
Help your potential matches find common interests.
I don't know how useful (or, uh, interesting) a block-of-text list of favourites could be without some context, so I'll keep the specific examples to a minimum and talk more generally about what I like.

I am a semi-voracious reader, but a significantly less enthusiastic consumer of TV and movies. That said, I usually check out a few TIFF movies each year, and recently saw the premiere of a documentary about the revolution in Egypt, called the Square. It was excellent. I like movies well enough - I'm just picky and generally leery of being stuck in a theatre for two hours.

Book-wise, I tend towards conceptual rather than visceral, writing, both in fiction and non-fiction. I like fantastical writing, and so a lot of my favourite authors are genre writers. These include Neil Gaiman, William Gibson, Jasper Fforde, CJ Cherryh and Terry Pratchett.

Some more literarily respectable books I have liked are Regeneration by Pat Barker, Headhunter by Timothy Findley, and 100 Years of Solitude by Marquez. I don't honestly read a lot of 'realistic' contemporary fiction; I am/was a big fan of Jeanette Winterson, but I haven't ready anything of hers in a long time so that may not longer be accurate. I quite liked much of Fall on Your Knees by Ann-Marie MacDonald but I ultimately found it too bleak to finish.

I like non-fiction lately, and am currently very interested in research on the links between social systems and human cognition. Thinking Fast and Slow by Daniel Kahneman is a recent example of a book in that area I liked, I've just started reading the Political Brain and have high hopes for it.

My music tastes are a mix of old-fashioned and modern, delineated more by category than individual artists. I haven't kept up with popular music trends outside of the techno world in the last several years, but I quite like Florence and the Machine. Techno DJs on my list include Richie Hawtin, Tony Rohr, Matthew Dear, Adam Beyer and Chris Liebing; in the summer I saw awesome live performances by Ellen Alien and Nicole Moudaber at a festival in Detroit. If you know who any of those people are, we clearly have something in common, even if only a small spectrum of musical taste.
The six things I could never do without
Think outside the box. Sometimes the little things can say a lot.
Animals - my own, of course, but also all the other animals out there. I like knowing we share the world with other forms of life.



Some kind of tool for creative/intellectual output (pen and paper, computer, cuneiform tablet, whatever...)

A sense of possibility

Genuine human connection
I spend a lot of time thinking about
Global warming, lunch, or your next vacation… it’s all fair game.
While I wouldn't call it a lot of time, at least several times a week I think about:

- ways to improve democratic governance and decision-making, so as to achieve better outcomes and more equality, while maintaining a reasonable amount of freedom and individual incentive (despite thinking about it, I'm not coming up with any great new ideas...)

- how to keep my crazy kitten/cat from continually taking risks that could lead to her falling and cracking her cute little skull

- why so many people seem to be so emotionally invested in superficial elements of existence

- what my next volunteer commitment should be

And to be honest, I've been giving thought lately to this whole non-monogamy thing - how to approach it, what sorts of behaviours are appropriate, how to fit 'dating' into my existing life, what 'dating' means in my context, etc. etc. I'm not entirely sure that the internet is a great medium for exploring this, but I'm willing to try and see.
On a typical Friday night I am
Netflix and takeout, or getting your party on — how do you let loose?
Friday night activities vary for me. Sometimes I'm lazy and tired and relax at home, sometimes I go out with friends for drinks or dinner, and on occasion I go out dancing - but only if there's an interesting DJ playing, my friends persuade me, or the event seems fun and different.

I'd probably be up for doing almost anything, generally speaking, if it promised to be interesting.
The most private thing I’m willing to admit
I’m an empty essay… fill me out!
I talk to my cats, consistently and on a daily basis. I also recently discovered (by trying it to see how it would taste) that red wine with a splash of creme de cacao is awesome.

I assume anybody who actively dislikes animals must be emotionally disturbed in some way; if they ever try to explain the rationale for why they don't like them, I then assume they are aware of and are trying to cover up their underlying psychopathology.
You should message me if
Offer a few tips to help matches win you over.
Answering this would suggest I have some idea of what people are looking for...

...notwithstanding that comment, if you're on the fence about messaging but you have a dog, you should *definitely* message me.