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50 M Asheville, NC

I’m looking for

  • Girls who like guys
  • Ages 30–59
  • Near me
  • For new friends, long-term dating, short-term dating, casual sex

My Details

Last Online
Today – 2:59pm
5′ 10″ (1.78m)
Body Type
Strictly other
Gemini, and it matters a lot
Dropped out of Ph.D program
Relationship Status
Relationship Type
Has kids, and might want more
Has cats
English (Fluently), French (Poorly), Italian (Okay), Hebrew (Poorly), Latin (Poorly)

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My self-summary
Write a little about yourself. Just a paragraph will do.
Epicurean, epistophelean, epistemo-curious. Not bi-curious, neither pedophilic nor pederastic. Definitely not rubberous, rufous nor plastic. Umame, mommy! Mairzy doats and dozey doats and I eat a little lambsy and groats. I.V.? Not on your life-y. Locavore? whatever for? (Because, it's More. Better. Blues; greener. Seemlier.) Gastronome, have a metronome, ignore the garden gnome, not a metrosexual, keep the pedal to the metal. Not a midnight toker, but I'm a riffer, I'm a licker, I'm a wailer, use a snifter. Beater, banger, scholar, wanker. Animal husbandry: menagerie, livestock equals pandaimonium. Gastric bypass? My ass! 420-acquainted, ethanol friendly. Saccharophobic, yeast-aerobic. Fermenting is lacto-zymurgical; Requiem Masses so liturgical. Cult leader wannabe: Koresh-nikovian, Dostoevskian. Bodhisattvan; tantric tendencies, balconies, balustrades, pedestrians--Philistines; therefore: leavened with pratitya samutpadha, kundalini, Barack Obama. Zen koans, Coen Bros., Leonard (and David) Cohencidents, serendipitous accidents. Herculean, her-an'-me-an', search for a good woman: Sisyphean.
What I’m doing with my life
Don’t overthink this one; tell us what you’re doing day-to-day.
By the way, suddenly, I'm getting "visitors" from all over the Eastern Seaboard. Word of my bizarre poetical skills getting around? Therefore, I shall put in this plug for my confessional-memoir, "Kiss and Tell: My life in the personals," by David Tell, previewable on (click the link under the image of the cover to read a couple early chapters, additional pages.) Paperback version just published, review copies sent out for Valentine's Day media tie-in. Watch for me on Ellen, Chelsea Lately!

Meanwhile: multitalented, cute, sexy, youthful, entrepreneurial, musical culinary wizard; Ivy-League educated journalist, screenwriter and author; sustainable foods producer and advocate, small-potatoes farmer, etc. etc. etc.

Love satire and edgy film and TV (was an official film critic back in Phoenix, member of the Phoenix Film Critics Society, I can direct you to my reviews online, where they were posted after appearing in print); am a classical music aficionado and lover of classic rock and blues-rock, not bad playing it on electric guitar and singing it at karaoke (also a drummer and keyboardist). I can identify most items from the standard classical repertoire within two or three measures, by composer, genre, key and opus #.

I will not sell myself short. You don't need to be a female version of me for me to appreciate, want and ultimately love you; you just need to put your heart and mind into it from your end. Appreciate me, dig me, love me, admire ME. Yes, "the cleverness of me" ~Peter Pan

Stats: I'm a few extra pounds but more or less weight proportionate to my 5'10" height. Have two exes, two adult kids living far away, am several months separated from the current wife who is a paranoid Asperger's syndrome genius who snuck out with all her things a fourth and (for me) FINAL time and is MIA; I will have to file divorce in a few months "respondent whereabouts unknown."

I have most of my hair, all of my teeth, don't usually need boner pills but am happy to take one for extra partying now and then. I am a traditionalist about male-female relationships, but that said, most women have found me remarkably communicative and open, willing to accommodate and compromise.

I raise big gardens, also animals some of whom I eat. Be prepared and able to deal with that. All of you who say, "I can't eat something I knew" have it backwards. It's anonymous, factory-farmed meat the cruelty of whose life and death should make you a vegan. If you knew the animal you're eating had a happy, properly nourished life and a humane, sanitary death, you should feel blessed to have known it and now to be eating it. Any other attitude is STUPID, if not overtly, knowingly immoral.

I have a cat, bunnies, goats, donkeys, a pig, poultry. May get sheep again and raise bottle calves for humanely raised veal or baby beef. Not crazy about dogs, but if you have one or two, we can see about working with it.
I’m really good at
Go on, brag a little (or a lot). We won’t judge.
See previous. Also: Tantra. Savaging or soothing people with words. Writing resumes, including the dozen or so of my own, slanted toward any of many professional areas and yet based on appropriate, legitimate, not-too-fudged credentials. Figuring out a better, homemade version of restaurant recipes, also bulk recipes of my commercial fermented and other products with, often, minimal trial and error. Being unusually, eerily in sync with what the Universe has in store for me.
The first things people usually notice about me
I’m an empty essay… fill me out!
That I don't smile much, apparently have an intimidating demeanor. (I'm actually usually silently amused, emanating warmth and goodwill. Or trying to.) That I use big words; some people think I'm trying to puff myself and make others feel small doing so, but they're wrong. I read a LOT as a kid, including a lot of H.G. Wells, Melville, Nabokov, Berger, Faulkner, Roth, Heller, Huxley, Kipling, Heinlein, etc. You just ABSORB a lot of vocabulary and complex grammar in doing so; it can become your natural mode of expression. By the way, Mary Poppins is NOTHING like Julie Andrews. She's Cockney white trash with a shitty attitude and occult connections. Which makes her much cooler than Julie Andrews could ever be. (Somebody thought this means I don't like Mary Poppins. I guess she likes the Julie Andrews version. I look forward to seeing "Saving Mr. Banks," about Disney convincing P.L. Travers to let them make that bastardization of her book and character. I'm pretty sure it vindicates me: she didn't like the movie.)
Favorite books, movies, shows, music, and food
Help your potential matches find common interests.
Books: Little Big Man, The Curious Incident of the Dog in the Night-time, Lord of the Rings, J.P Marquand novels (later ones, not the early bs he's famous for)
Films: Eternal Sunshine, The New World, Brazil, 12 Monkeys, After Hours, All About Steve (yes, I admit it), Two Weeks Notice (yes, I admit it: Sandra Bullock fan), Deja Vu, The Thirst (OK, not a film yet, my screenplay about how vampires came to be)
Music: '70s classic blues-rock and folk rock: Allman Bros, Lynyrd, Who, Led Zep, Jackson Browne, Little Feat, Joni Mitchell, Linda Ronstadt, Karla Bonoff, Nicolette Larson, CSNY/CSN/Neil Young, also Radiohead, Houston, The Kinks, Hendrix, Black Crowes, Sheryl Crow, Big Head Todd, Bonnie Raitt, Yes, ELP. Classical: I can name a composer, also usually the composition by key, opus # etc within 3 or 4 bars hearing it. Jazz: Pat Metheny, Paul Winter, Ralph Towner.
Food: My own awesome cooking. Homemade pizza, pate, subs, pasta, frittatas, paella, Thai food, seafood, sushi, etc. etc. etc.
The six things I could never do without
Think outside the box. Sometimes the little things can say a lot.
Good knives and cutting boards, Wheat INCLUDING gluten!, stuff to read, the other plants and animals (especially the ones that give me companionship, food security), the opposite sex, that may be six.
I spend a lot of time thinking about
Global warming, lunch, or your next vacation… it’s all fair game.
This enterprise, this online connection thing, its challenges, this website in particular and whom it attracts. First, I've never seen so many self-professed bisexual women. Is it this site, or Asheville? Plus people already married or in polyamorous relationships. A woman I met also said it's just a notorious hook-up site. Not criticizing any of the above; just observing.

I grew up here in the 70s, moved back in 2009, and I have a love-hate relationship with the culture. I love the progressiveness, hate the pretension. I share the sustainability-orientedness, hate the New-Age-yness. (I was New Age before there was New Age, and it's kind of gone off the rails.)

City girls are too prissy for me, put on too many airs. Urban pursuits I don't care about or have little patience for: yoga, gluten-free, hair extensions, body art, political correctness, veganism, PETA, etc.

Country girls are mostly too countrified for me: I'm a Democrat; in addition to liking to dig the dirt and care for animals, I'm an intellectual (former and future journalist and author). Even most "country" girls I meet aren't really up for gardening, raising their own meat (you don't have to raise it; I do. You just have to happily know it and eat it).

Total turn-offs: most fast/processed/convenience food. SUGARED BEVERAGES! ------- If you drink sweet tea or non-diet soda, don't bother contacting me. I eat limited sugar in the form of jam, maple syrup, honey. SMOKING! ------- don't contact me if you smoked much of your life or are still "trying to quit" I am a militant anti-smoker. (except for a fine cigar or pipe a few times a decade, MAYBE.)

I recognize we're becoming a more female-centric society, but it makes a lot of you preening pains in the ass. Sorry, I'm a LITTLE more traditional, although I was also once described, in print, as "kind of a male earth mother." (In an article about the home-births of my kids, to whom I was primary caregiver.) For a guy, I've been told I am unusually receptive to, open and communicative with women in my circle, but I still assert a degree of dominance. Partly based in my being male, more based in my being competent. I'm not as "retrogressive" as I make myself sound, but I CAN be high-handed and arrogant (obviously).
On a typical Friday night I am
Netflix and takeout, or getting your party on — how do you let loose?
kitten bowling, competitive cartwheeling, doubles badminton, picking up runaway(s), strip Trivial Pursuit, moontanning, starhazing, fatty-dipping, jammin' to the '70s, fart-gallerying, art-redistricting, brew-snubbing, sheet-changing.
The most private thing I’m willing to admit
I’m an empty essay… fill me out!
I have a "cojone" growing in my armpit.
You should message me if
Offer a few tips to help matches win you over.
If you write me, you don't have to be a prose stylist, but respond to SOME of this, tell me why you're interested. Be prepared to meet if the interest turns out mutual. Be available to commit time and presence to a relationship, doing things together, some of it at my homestead. It's not primitive or ascetic. I have all manner of media, technology, comforts and joy.

Being a few extra pounds is fine, but if your midriff sticks out more than your boobs (or your glutes jiggle like St. Nick's bowlful of jelly-belly) , forget it. (That caveat is more for POF members, 80 percent of whom are morbidly obese. Most AVL OKCers are just pretentious "gluten-free" yoga -practicing vegans and are bi or poly and think they're too cute and clever for mere human males. Eh. Most DateHookupers are cigarette-smoking white trash. I have found pleasant exceptions to all the foregoing, however.) Any age 30-ish to 60ish. Any race, any education. No Tea party types, Limbaugh listeners, Fox watchers, constant gum-chewers, sugary beverage guzzlers or junk food eaters. NO SMOKERS.

If you consider yourself middle-class-professional, are in your 40s, have never been married, and have kids ... I don't judge YOU per se, but there's something way wrong with our culture.

If you have young-ish kids, fine, as long as you're willing to adapt how you raise them to old-fashioned standards of cooperative behavior and ultimate adult independence. If you're now raising older children's chilrden, forget it. I don't need a woman who, instead of becoming a happy empty-nester, embraces raising babies all over again.

Unless you want to have some/some more with ME.