With apologies to the late, great Keith Floyd.
I'm a former bumpkin who's lived in London for about 10 years now, but still hasn't been on the London Eye, or the amphibious Duck. When not questioning the sanity of abandoning a salary to set up a business in a recession, I'm rooting out the latest restaurant opening or hunting down a hip hotel in the countryside. (Can you read a map? Like most men my short-term memory shuts down as soon as I ask for directions.)
A medical disclaimer: I have a football allergy approaching some girls' arachnophobia, and a shocking ineptitude at ball games. I often wonder how different life might have been but for that own goal in the under-9s final.
The minstrel in me is a little out of practice, but I love music - classical/pop and play a couple of instruments, but could use some gig education. I regularly brave the homicidal stags of Richmond Park on my bike, and enjoy a debate. And practical jokes.
Much as I hate being prescriptive, if you're the kind of person who has a 10-year plan or wants to climb the greasy pole at MegaCorp, we're probably not suited. But if you're the adventurous, affectionate, spirited type, dig out your passport!