When someone describes themselves as a fun-loving optimist in the first line of their profile, I usually click away. What does this mean?
More to the point: I can't take OKC seriously, so I guess rather than talking about the things I like (like, say, camping, hiking, movie marathons, baseball, football, writing, video games, and long road trips), I'll mock this section and pretend I'm better than it.
I sit cross-legged a lot. Because apparently I stopped studying other methods of sitting after preschool.
Then I got a job as a TV production coordinator because apparently I had no compunction about being a Los Angeles cliche for a living.
Then I got fed up with it, quit, and now I'm a motherfuckin' mailman. A what!? Yeah, a mailman. I walk 10 miles a day in shorts, showing off my sexy calves for all the swooning 90 year old women waiting by their doors for their weekly coupons. One at a time, grandmothers!
I'm writing a novel in my spare time, with enough frequency that the local Starbucks baristas are comfortable calling me an asshole to my face . We should get together so I can talk all about it for two hours while you feign interest.
-Watching enough Law and Order to deserve an honorary law degree
-Beating my 10yr old half-brother in 1-on-1 basketball. Kid can't shoot for shit.
-Senseless trivia. If you've got a thing for dive bar gift cards, I'm a panty-dropper
-Most anything baseball related
-Recognizing 16 year old Simpson references, but not 15 year old ones.
My co-workers tell me I don't smile much. Then again, they don't seem to realize that they're the reason.
That my fashion sense is alarmingly hetero-normative. I rock a T-shirt and jeans like I invented the shit.
"Sir, you're causing a scene."
Books: Catch-22, Mysterious Stranger, Huck Finn, The Great Gatsby, The Stranger, Devil in the White City
Movies: Dr. Strangelove, Office Space, Ghostbusters, Fargo, There Will Be Blood, Pulp Fiction
Shows: The Wire, True Detective, Breaking Bad, South Park, Mad Men, Old 'Simpsons'
Musicians: LCD Soundsystem, Beastie Boys, The Rolling Stones, Arcade Fire, Girl Talk, The Replacements
And then a bunch of other bands you've never heard of before and/or that I heard before you, so why bother even stating them? *pushes up glasses and rolls eyes*
How all of the most ambitious people I know are also the least talented people I know.
What those two boy scouts in Central Park were about to find in the bushes on Law and Order before my Netflix stream froze. I'll never know.
Why my oscillating fan only wants to hang out with me like 1/4th of the time.
See also: baseball games, movie theaters, pub trivia/drinks, relaxing at home, finding new restaurants, and other WhitePeopleStuff™.
Or Netflix. Because Netflix doesn't judge me for spending $9.50 on "White House Down" like the uppity lady at the box office window.
So yeah, I might be a fucking moron. Are you interested in dating a moron?
I know all the words to Natalie Imbruglia's "Torn." Let's rock that shit.
You enjoy this as much as I do (which is quite a lot):
You know all the words to "Paul Revere" by the Beastie Boys
You don't care that when/if we're together, I tell my parents that we met in a prison pen pal writing program. Less embarrassing for both of us that way.