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mom-says-imcool

28 M Sierra Madre, CA

My Details

Last Online
Today – 8:28pm
Orientation
Straight
Ethnicity
White
Height
5′ 11″ (1.80m)
Body Type
Average
Diet
Vegetarian
Smokes
No
Drinks
Socially
Drugs
Never
Religion
Agnosticism, and laughing about it
Sign
Aries, but it doesn’t matter
Education
Graduated from university
Job
Entertainment / Media
Income
Relationship Status
Single
Relationship Type
Offspring
Doesn’t have kids
Pets
Likes dogs and has cats
Speaks
English (Fluently)

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My self-summary
Y'all don't know what it's like being male, middle class, and white.

I can't take this site seriously, so I guess rather than talking about the things I like (like, say, camping, hiking, movie marathons, baseball, football, writing, and long road trips), I'll just pretend I'm "above" looking for dates on the internet, and treat this like another joke. Which it is.

I was raised by a hippie and a former stand-up comic. I never had a chance.

My dad called a little while back and asked me "Did you tell your [11 year old] sister that Taylor Swift is worse than 9/11?" No comment.
What I’m doing with my life
When I was 15, I learned I have no marketable talents, so I got a liberal arts degree because $100,000 seemed like a reasonable price tag to inflate my sense of self-worth...and then I got a job in the production phase of television.

I write a lot in my spare time. We should get together so I can talk all about my writing for two hours until you order your dinner to-go.
I’m really good at
-Finding a way to blame all of my personal shortcomings on having a black president.
-Watching Law and Order marathons to make up for the fact I couldn't afford law school.
-Beating my 9yr old half-brother in 1-on-1 basketball. Kid can't shoot for shit.
-Senseless trivia. If you've got a thing for guys who can win gift cards at crappy pubs, I'm a panty-dropper.
-Most anything baseball related
-Recognizing a 15 year old Simpsons reference. But not a 14 year old one, because that's when it sucked.
The first things people usually notice about me
That I look like about 50 different famous white guys, none of whom look alike. This list is ridiculous, and full of names that are both complimentary and insulting. And none of them are accurate. Go ahead and try to name (a legitimate) one that I haven't heard.

Probably that I'm not smiling. But it's mainly my co-workers who tell me that, and it's mainly because of them that I'm not smiling. I give them a menacing stare.

That I am the pinnacle of bland hetero-normative fashion. I rock a T-shirt and jeans like I invented the shit.

"Sir, you're causing a scene."
Favorite books, movies, shows, music, and food
Top 6s:

Books: Catch-22, Mysterious Stranger, Huck Finn, The Great Gatsby, The Stranger, Devil in the White City

Movies: Dr. Strangelove, Office Space, Ghostbusters, Fargo, There Will Be Blood, Pulp Fiction

Shows: The Wire, True Detective, Breaking Bad, South Park, Mad Men, Old 'Simpsons'

Musicians: LCD Soundsystem, Beastie Boys, The Rolling Stones, Arcade Fire, Girl Talk, The Replacements

And then a bunch of other bands you've never heard of before and/or that I heard before you, so why bother even stating them? *pushes up glasses and rolls eyes*
The six things I could never do without
Hyperbole
Wild gesticulation
Run-on sentences
Gross generalizations
Meaningless lists
An ipod ipod touch iphone iphone 3G iphone 3GS iphone 4 ipad iphone 4s ipad 2 iphone 5 iphone 5CIPHONE 5S! ...
I spend a lot of time thinking about
How the person who first said "shoot for the moon, because even if you fall short, you'll end up amongst the stars" had a really fucking awful grasp on astronomy.

How all of the most ambitious people I know are also the least talented people I know.

What those two boy scouts in Central Park were about to find in the bushes on Law and Order before my Neftlix stream froze. I'll never know.
On a typical Friday night I am
Hanging out with all the dudes who send you the awful, perverted messages, to thank them for making me look good by comparison.

See also: baseball games, movie theaters, pub trivia/drinks, relaxing at home, finding new restaurants, and other WhitePeopleStuff™.

Or Netflix. Because Netflix doesn't judge me for spending $9.50 on "White House Down" like the uppity lady at the box office window.
The most private thing I’m willing to admit
I have a fear of flying, and I usually spend about the week before every flight I take obsessively reading Wikipedia articles about plane crashes because that's healthy behavior.

So yeah, I might be a fucking moron. Are you interested in dating a moron?

Sometimes after I get out of the shower, I dance awfully for a few seconds to LCD Soundsystem while my cat looks on in abject horror. No one else has ever seen this.
I’m looking for
  • Girls who like guys
  • Ages 23–33
  • Near me
  • Who are single
  • For new friends, long-term dating, short-term dating
You should message me if
You read my profile and said "fuck it, he's got an income, and I've got five good years left, tops."

You enjoy this as much as I do (which is quite a lot):
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8hYtUYiuzkw

You're hot enough to have your theoretical kidnapping reported by CNN.

You've never taken a selfie in a Vegas bathroom mirror or worn a fake mustache.

You don't care that when/if we're together, I tell my parents that we met in a prison pen pal writing program. Less embarrassing for both of us that way.

A lot of the messages I get just say 'hi.' And they're almost always from a girl who says in her own profile not to do that to her. Don't be her.