Write a little about yourself. Just a paragraph will do.
Y'all don't know what it's like being male, middle class, and
I can't take this site seriously, so I guess rather than talking
about the things I like (like, say, camping, hiking, movie
marathons, baseball, football, writing, and long road trips), I'll
mock this section and pretend I'm better than it.
I was raised by a hippie and a former stand-up comic, so I'm not
sure I ever even had the potential to be normal.
My dad called a little while back and asked me "Did you tell your
[11 year old] sister that Taylor Swift is worse than 9/11?" I think
what was worse wasn't that I said it, but that I didn't even
remember if I did.
What I’m doing with my life
Don’t overthink this one; tell us what you’re doing day-to-day.
When I was 15, I came to realize no one pays you to be an ass, so I
went to college and at least became a smart ass instead. And then I
got a job as a TV production coordinator because apparently I had
no compunction about being a Los Angeles cliche for a living. Then
I got fed up with it, quit abruptly, and now I'm a motherfuckin'
mailman. A what!? Yeah, a mailman. I walk 10 miles a day in shorts
and mutter to myself about thorny bushes, yappy dogs, and crazy old
white ladies chasing me down to get extra coupon flyers. And it
kinda/sorta kicks ass, actually, thanks for asking.
I write a lot in my spare time. We should get together so I can
talk all about it for two hours until you order your dinner to-go.
I’m really good at
Go on, brag a little (or a lot). We won’t judge.
-Finding a way to blame all of my personal shortcomings on having a
-Watching Law and Order marathons to make up for the fact I
couldn't afford law school.
-Beating my 9yr old half-brother in 1-on-1 basketball. Kid can't
shoot for shit.
-Senseless trivia. If you've got a thing for guys who can win gift
cards at crappy pubs, I'm a panty-dropper.
-Most anything baseball related
-Recognizing a 15 year old Simpsons reference. But not a 14 year
old one, because that's when it sucked.
The first things people usually notice about me
I’m an empty essay… fill me out!
That I look like about 50 different famous white guys, none of whom
look alike. This list is ridiculous, and full of names that are
both complimentary and insulting. And none of them are accurate. Go
ahead and try to name (a legitimate) one that I haven't
Probably that I'm not smiling. But it's mainly my co-workers who
tell me that, and it's mainly because of them that I'm not smiling.
I give them a menacing stare.
That I am the pinnacle of bland hetero-normative fashion. I rock a
T-shirt and jeans like I invented the shit.
"Sir, you're causing a scene."
Favorite books, movies, shows, music, and food
Help your potential matches find common interests.
Books: Catch-22, Mysterious Stranger, Huck Finn, The Great Gatsby,
The Stranger, Devil in the White City
Movies: Dr. Strangelove, Office Space, Ghostbusters, Fargo, There
Will Be Blood, Pulp Fiction
Shows: The Wire, True Detective, Breaking Bad, South Park, Mad Men,
Musicians: LCD Soundsystem, Beastie Boys, The Rolling Stones,
Arcade Fire, Girl Talk, The Replacements
And then a bunch of other bands you've never heard of before and/or
that I heard before you, so why bother even stating them? *pushes
up glasses and rolls eyes*
The six things I could never do without
Think outside the box. Sometimes the little things can say a lot.
An ipod ipod touch iphone iphone 3G iphone 3GS iphone 4 ipad
iphone 4s ipad 2 iphone 5 iphone 5C IPHONE 5S iPHONE 6iPHONE
I spend a lot of time thinking about
Global warming, lunch, or your next vacation… it’s all fair game.
How the person who first said "shoot for the moon, because even if
you fall short, you'll end up amongst the stars" had a really
fucking awful grasp on astronomy.
How all of the most ambitious people I know are also the least
talented people I know.
What those two boy scouts in Central Park were about to find in the
bushes on Law and Order before my Netflix stream froze. I'll never
Why my oscillating fan only wants to hang out with me like 1/4th of
On a typical Friday night I am
Netflix and takeout, or getting your party on — how do you let loose?
Hanging out with all the dudes who send you the awful, perverted
messages, to thank them for making me look good by
See also: baseball games, movie theaters, pub trivia/drinks,
relaxing at home, finding new restaurants, and other
Or Netflix. Because Netflix doesn't judge me for spending $9.50 on
"White House Down" like the uppity lady at the box office window.
The most private thing I’m willing to admit
I’m an empty essay… fill me out!
I have a fear of flying, and I usually spend about the week before
every flight I take obsessively reading Wikipedia articles about
plane crashes because that's healthy behavior.
So yeah, I might be a fucking moron. Are you interested in dating a
I know all the words to Natalie Imbruglia's "Torn." Let's rock that
You should message me if
Offer a few tips to help matches win you over.
You read my profile and said "fuck it, he's got an income, and I've
got five good years left, tops."
You enjoy this as much as I do (which is quite a lot):
You don't care that when/if we're together, I tell my parents that
we met in a prison pen pal writing program. Less embarrassing for
both of us that way.
You're not a lawyer. Don't be a lawyer. Unless you work for the
Innocence Project or the ACLU or something, then maybe.
Who are you looking for?
This helps us know who to show you on OkCupid.