i like unicorns. and making trouble.

and i'm still totally offended that they told me that wasn't enough information.

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i hate the term "bi-sexual". i like fucking who i want when i want to, and i'm a big fan of people who feel the same. (that being said, i have a supersoft spot in my heart for straight dudes born that way.)

i'm fat, and it will offend me if you tell me i'm not, just because you think i'm hot. i have a fair number of very visible and apparently ridiculous tattoos. i prefer short pants to long pants, even in winter. and i wear colors. lots of colors, all the time.
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i am subjecting myself to the baffling social experiment that is hair school, and it is often brutal. i only do it because i love hair that much. i am a big believer in dreams. unless they are stupid.

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i'm also terribly cranky and incredibly quick to judge, and though everyone i interact with on a daily basis will probably tell you i am "sweet as pie", i will never offer a stranger the advantage. this includes you. and if you gain it i will either be offended or swoony, and there's really no way to know which. i feel bad about this, which i think probably makes it worse. sorry dudes!!

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i find it embarrassing that i can never remember the proper uses of its and it's, but i refuse to look them up, hoping my brain will just offer up the goods one day.
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one more thing - I SUCK AT MAKING PLANS. i am up for almost anything, once, but i do not have a creative bone in my body when it comes to hangouts. left to my own devices i would spend the rest of my life in one bar. but i love new adventures and people who are willing and able to offer them to me.

i push paper at an insurance company by (week)day. most weeknights find me schoolin' or boozin'.

otherwise i'm trying to watch as much television and maintain the largest collection of adorable shoes possible.

i've also started reading voraciously, as my brain has apparently finally gotten out if its post-college slump.

reading upside down. laughing. color coordination.

i have great shoes and incredibly large breasts.

i laugh like the cutest crazyperson you've ever seen.

also, "is that...pizza??" and "are those really unicorns?" (and yes, on both counts.)

a) jamesland, the his dark materials series, the comics la mouche and goodbye, chunky rice. i like dark things and sweet things and miserable complicated things. big ideas in small stories. i get stuck on authors: chabon, lethem, murakami, auster.

b) i don't have a favorite, lately. i have my neighbor totoro on my forearm, if that tells you anything. i prefer movies about teens. extra points if they dance, but its not a requirement. i also like movies where things explode and the unambiguous good guys always win. the trapped in the closet series. i watch a LOT of teevee on dvd/the internets. crime shows. battlestar gallactica. lost. 30 rock. the wire. and basically everything else.

c) mixtapes i made 4 years ago. mixtapes other people made more recently. and r. kelly's remix to ignition.

d) i really love food but am so busy that if it doesn't come frozen i probably am not eating it. it is a damn shame. i could not tell you what foods i really like, except that many of them involve animals.

warm bed.
sassy brilliant amazing friends.
water (but only with bubbles or bits of lime, that regular shit all tastes like dying, no matter how much you filter it).
my cat, chicken.
liquor.
books.

hair. my job. sleep. and books. and whether the concept of goodness is a)functional or b)intrinsic to worthwhile life. also, fucking.

getting home from work and school 14 hours after i left the house. watching television crime dramas, eating iced creams, and passing the fuck out.

or out way too late having way too much fun being way too irresponsible so i can pay for it all day on saturday and not be one bit sorry.

excessive hygiene makes me uncomfortable.

you... know a really good stupid joke. are reasonably cranky. know this shit is a little too creepy for comfort but do it anyway. are generous with your resources. are a friend of robots. on vacation, choose sleeping in over run-of-the-mill tourism. like dogs more than cats. are, or know, someone who can turn my beloved kitten into a puppy. prefer liquor to beer, hi-lariousness to seriousness, and werewolves to vampires.