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moustachemalone

28 M Brooklyn, NY

My Details

Last Online
Jul 3
Orientation
Straight
Ethnicity
White
Height
5′ 8″ (1.73m)
Body Type
Average
Diet
Mostly anything
Smokes
Sometimes
Drinks
Socially
Drugs
Sometimes
Religion
Sign
Education
Job
Income
Relationship Status
Single
Relationship Type
Offspring
Pets
Likes dogs and likes cats
Speaks
English

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My self-summary
A self-summary...? That's like an autobiography that won't be fact checked, right? Riiiiiiiiiiight?

I like to start each day by swimming with platypusses.... platypi? I am also proficient in the pluralization of the names of most egg laying mammals. At the age of nine I was abandoned in the woods with only 2 liters of diet Pepsi, a stick (redundant, I know) and 2 dozen Faberge eggs. The Pepsi and eggs were delicious, the stick was a most welcome companion during the long and terrible night. Whilst on my wooded sojourn I found the time, between fighting bears for outhouse privileges and a run in with a particularly viscous band of beavers who stole my woods-wife (stick), to invent the musical style now known as Jazz. My first job, at the age of twelve was to wind Big Ben every morning; by hand. At the age of fifteen I once stumbled drunkenly from a tapas bar in Pamplona where I mistook a bull for a not-so-fair lass I once knew. I pursued "her" and a large group of "her" friends down the street for hours before sobering up and realizing my mistake. The rest is history. The next 10 years of my life I spent on the L train platform at Union Sq. next to the violinist, who clearly sold his soul to Satan so he could become the worst violinist who has ever walked the earth, in order to learn the true meaning of tolerance and patience. I think it worked, as I was able to restrain myself from throttling him with the horse, or in his case donkey, hair from the bow he uses to make the unholy cacophony of sound that I can only assume he calls music. After that I journeyed through eastern Europe, as a male mail order bride, where a gypsy foretold that I would one day die heroically in space. I can only assume that means the violinist and I will meet again for the final showdown... IN SPACE!

To be continued...

On a more serious note; I recently moved to Brooklyn from Savannah, GA because I had nothing better to do at the time.

Stuff that interests me: soccer (COYI!), meeting new and interesting people, laughing, music, the great outdoors, art, writing, reading and making things. Not necessarily in that order.

Basically what I'm looking for is someone I can be myself around and someone who can be their self around me. Hopefully, they will be the same person.
What I’m doing with my life
Not living up to my potential, but having a great time doing it.
I’m really good at
Ironing my underpants.

...and yours.
The first things people usually notice about me
That I am most likely a human being.

...or a cyborg.

At least I hope people think I'm a cyborg, cause that would be tight.
Favorite books, movies, shows, music, and food
Books: I'm not good at picking favorites when it comes to books. I always tend to get really wrapped up in whatever I'm currently reading to the exclusion of all else. Recently I've been reading some Philip Jose Farmer and some Bukowski. I'm a huge sucker for fantasy/sci-fi.

Music: I like almost all kinds of music. Lately I've been listening to a lot of Die Antwoord and David Bowie.

Shows: Doctor Who, Red Dwarf, The Walking Dead, Arrested Development, Firefly, It's Always Sunny, Parks and Rec, Game of Thrones, The IT Crowd, Breaking Bad, MST3K, Spaced, Psych, The Office, New Girl... I probably watch more TV than I should.

Movies: Star Wars, Arsenic and Old Lace, Fifth Element, 28 Days Later, Die Hard, The Evil Dead, Office Space, Shaun of the Dead, The Inspector General, Alien, The Princess Bride, The Pink Panther, The Big Lebowski, The Terminator, Death at a Funeral, The Goonies, Toy Story, Clerks, The Sandlot, Marry Poppins...

Food: I'll eat anything, but I mostly live off of yogurt, rice and eggs.
The six things I could never do without
A well structured string of obscenities.
Fire.
Strong drink.
The Jek Porkins action figure partially frozen in a snow ball in my freezer.
Imagination.
People to share the other five with.
I spend a lot of time thinking about
Getting into street fights with roving gangs of bandits in a post-apocalyptic world where toe meat is the new currency.
On a typical Friday night I am
Hangin' with my roomie at Ikea for that $1.99 friday fish and chips special.
The most private thing I’m willing to admit
I've begun trying to pull things towards me with my mind whenever I go to reach for something. The reasoning behind this is that you don't just wake up with new muscles, you have to exercise them for them to develop. So, if I truly am telekinetic, as I suspect, then I have to practice using my telekinetic mind muscles regularly if I'm to reach my full potential.
I’m looking for
  • Girls who like guys
  • Ages 21–30
  • Near me
  • Who are single
  • For new friends, long-term dating, short-term dating
You should message me if
I don't much care how you rationalize it. You just should.