Write a little about yourself. Just a paragraph will do.
My friend Becky was on one of these sites for a while. She told me
lots of guys sent her pictures of their willies. Unsolicited. i was
pretty shocked. So apparently, was she. Nevertheless, she still
went out with some of them...
Is this, I ask myself, where I am going wrong? Is this why I have
been on this site for three years yet had no meaningful contact
Should I, rather than attempt to engage with a woman's personality
and intellect, simply send her a message saying "hi love, here's a
picture of my knob, now show us your tits."
Let me just lay this on the line now. I am not going to send you
pictures of my knob.
You can beg.
You can plead.
You can offer me money.
Actually, come to think of it, that last one...
i feel I need to mention that I am somewhat intimacy averse, a
characteristic i attribute to my borderline Asperger's personality.
I am not here looking for sex.
No, really I'm not.
I'm not saying it could never happen; just not right now.
Stop it. Why are you looking at me that way...?
What I’m doing with my life
Don’t overthink this one; tell us what you’re doing day-to-day.
Fixing guitars mostly; I'm a professional guitar technician.
There's not much more to say about it than that. It's better than
working in an office but I really wouldn't care if i never saw
another bloody guitar in my life.
I also used to be a commercial sculptor; making patterns for
jewellery and giftware. just crap basically. I'm a frustrated
novelist who once had a great idea for a thriller which I gave away
to a friend who wanted to make the transition into commercial
thriller writing. Such is my life. Success by proxy...
The other thing I do is work at the sharp end of charity as a
volunteer with Samaritans. I try not to draw attention to it but
we're all supposed to be open about it now so that people don't
think we're shadowy faceless figures and all vicars and
schoolteachers or something like that. Just ordinary
Fuck that. I'm anything but ordinary thank you very much. I'm also
now struggling with my description of samaritaning as being the
"sharp" end; shouldn't it be the warm, fluffy end?
Edit. I'm not doing this any longer. At least not for the time
being. I'm still helping out with the IT and stuff though.
I spend far too much time on the internet.
I’m really good at
Go on, brag a little (or a lot). We won’t judge.
Sleeping. Swearing. Fixing guitars. Correcting other people's
grammar and syntax.
Don't know the difference between grammar and syntax? Clearly you
aren't the one for me then...
The first things people usually notice about me
I’m an empty essay… fill me out!
I'm told that I was cast from the same mould as Dr Sheldon Cooper
and that I should sue Chuck Lorre and Warner Bros. for copyright
infringement and the unauthorised use of a prototype.
Favorite books, movies, shows, music, and food
Help your potential matches find common interests.
Fruit: grapes, cherries, mandarin oranges, bananas, pears. Even my
frigging computer's an Apple...
Books? Well, too many to list here. My favourite author is John
Connolly, whose use of english is like music; you can rip any page
from his books and read it in isolation just for the beauty of the
Films? House of Sand and Fog probably tops my list. Blade Runner
too, and (a bit obscure this one) Light in the Piazza. Yes I'm a
soppy romantic really.
I firkin LOVE The Big Bang Theory. I spent two years dissing it
because I thought it was just another trashy American sitcom in
which all the cool kids poke fun at the silly geeks who can't get a
girl. Naturally, i identify with the latter group so it took me a
while to realise that it was the exact opposite.
The six things I could never do without
Think outside the box. Sometimes the little things can say a lot.
the company of women
I spend a lot of time thinking about
Global warming, lunch, or your next vacation… it’s all fair game.
Why, if the universe was created through intelligent design - as
some people like to believe - the designer couldn't come up with a
better idea for a pear; a fruit that takes a geological aeon to
ripen, has an edibility window of about 5 minutes before turning to
mush and having to be thrown away, and which gives absolutely no
clue to it's current or impending status in this regard. It's
perplexing; unless you are an atheist of course, then the question
On a typical Friday night I am
Netflix and takeout, or getting your party on — how do you let loose?
In front of my computer. What's so special about Friday anyway? Why
not ask what I do on a Wednesday? that's much more interesting.
The most private thing I’m willing to admit
I’m an empty essay… fill me out!
I once earned a living writing tawdry erotica under ridiculous
pseudonyms like Dick Long, Orson Carte and Chester Drawse.
You should message me if
Offer a few tips to help matches win you over.
You want to.
You look like Jennifer Connelly, even a little bit. This is not an
exclusive condition. I mean you don't HAVE to look like her. It
would just be nice...
And if you know that the second person personal pronoun in English
is "you" and not "u", that there is NO Q in barbecue and that it's
"could have" and not "could of".
You know that there is a difference between 'discreet" and
"discrete" and that the difference extends to more than just the
Otherwise don't bother...
I'm guessing that my answers here put a lot of people off, so just
to offset that, I don't really mind if you spell barbecue
"barbeque" just as long as you accept that it's WRONG, but the
"could of/should of" thing and the discrete/discreet thing, that's
a deal breaker...
Who are you looking for?
This helps us know who to show you on OkCupid.