Retired Chippendale dancer. I am living the life I was born to
live. I strongly abide by the motto, “Safety Third.” Every time I
go for a swim, dolphins appear. I chase vodka with high fives. I am
lover not a fighter, but I’m a fighter too so don’t get any ideas.
I have never lost a sock. I once climbed Mount Everest, Mount
Kilimanjaro, and K-2 using only one bottle of oxygen and a sack of
trail mix. I wouldn’t kick you out of bed, unless you wanted to
cuddle on the floor. I don’t care how bad ass you are, if a toddler
hands you a toy phone, you always answer it.
Please stop with the personal lap dance requests. I only do
Bachelorette parties, birthdays (the one where I jump out of the
cake with nothing but a banana hammock on), female only office
parties, Avon parties, Halloween parties, Christmas parties,
Tupperware parties, tea parties, and female sex toy parties.
*Disclaimer: not for everyone. Clinical tests show that he may
cause nausea, fatigue, spontaneous fits of joy, and kidney or liver
problems. Ask your doctor if he is right for you.