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mtheexplorer

33 M Brooklyn, NY

My Details

Last Online
Online now!
Orientation
Straight
Ethnicity
White
Height
6′ 6″ (1.98m)
Body Type
Skinny
Diet
Strictly vegetarian
Smokes
No
Drinks
Often
Drugs
Sometimes
Religion
Atheism, and very serious about it
Sign
Aquarius, but it doesn’t matter
Education
Graduated from masters program
Job
Income
Relationship Status
Single
Relationship Type
Offspring
Doesn’t have kids
Pets
Likes dogs and likes cats
Speaks
English (Okay)

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My self-summary
HELLO LADIES!! THIS IS CAPLOCKED BECAUSE I WANT YOU TO READ IT AS ME YELLING AS LOUD AS I CAN DIRECTLY INTO YOUR ADORABLE FACE!! SERIOUSLY THOUGH, SUGAR, YOU'RE CUTE AS A BUTTON!

i guess i'm supposed to say i'm financially and emotionally stable, or some shit.

i'm considering replacing all the mirrors in my house with poorly painted portraits of crying clowns.

i made this for you:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4iIYRZWBd9Y
uhm... i guess i need to clarify - the above link is not actually me.... well just the abs are.
What I’m doing with my life
i was a relatively upstanding citizen making contributions to society through public education in chicago...

... now i spend my days huffing paint in the park.

i play bass in a garage punk band (who doesn't?) and have some stuff i'm working on all by my lonesome.

killin' this okcupid profile game.

leering
I’m really good at
like the universe and deep shit.

i made some awesome shelves.
The first things people usually notice about me
"wow, those shelves are amazing!"

my height. complete strangers often ask if i played basketball, and then are extremely disappointed when i tell them that i'm horrible at sports.

...so i guess i should say people usually notice my height and how disappointing i am.
Favorite books, movies, shows, music, and food
books: the comma-suit-ra: my sexy life as a grammar mascot
shows: not minstrel
music: Le Pétomane's early stuff, before he sold out.
food: not minstrel (soup)
The six things I could never do without
5 boxes of wine. 1 larger box for holding 5 boxes of wine.

i've been periodically losing things for awhile now... things i loved so dearly... things i couldn't imagine living without... and after they're gone, i'm still here... changed in some way, but okay.

gym membership, my dodge ram, my ram's hemi, racism, Dr. Jonathan Zizmor, unlimited wealth and power
I spend a lot of time thinking about
you can give a man a fish, and he can eat for a day...or you can tie a knife to a dog's paw, and OH SHIT THAT DOG'S GOT A KNIFE!

the concept of a cat dressed as a cowboy, but not actually a cat dressed as a cowboy.

why people are the way they are (everyone seems to be born a pretty clean slate. i've worked with little innocent kids and with teenage gangbangers, and at some point one becomes the other. honestly, the asshole teenagers just seemed like damaged little kids. and the more i look at all the "bad" people the more it seems like they are just injured animals in fight or flight mode.).

why so many girls on here say "don't just message me telling me that i'm hot," but then put nothing in their profiles except stereotypical "i'm hot" pictures. give a guy something to work with....

the gross stuff on the sidewalks in my neighborhood. how they got there, and where did it go. (feces, completely flattened rat carcass, used tampon, etc.)

what the history of a particular atom might be. it's been around for billions of years, and now it's in my eyelash (or in feces, a completely flattened rat carcass, used tampon, etc.)

a bunch of stuff that i should not share if my goal is attracting another human being.
On a typical Friday night I am
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uo9bKdIG_Yw

last friday night (note: this is now a number of fridays ago) i got a "prison" tattoo with a sewing needle and then watched the sun rise... oh brooklyn. **update - it got super infected, but i took a bunch of antibiotcs, and everything is going to be ok. if you're saying to yourself, "that's what you get for being so stupid," you need to chill the fuck out. you're not my mom.**

if you are in fact my mom, who for whatever reason is scoping out the nyc okcupid scene:
a. what the fuck?
b. no matter what okcupid says our enemy percentage is, i'll always love you.
c. thank you for letting me come out of you.
The most private thing I’m willing to admit
when i was a little kid i kissed the nippleless breasts of a barbie. i did so under a blanket so god couldn't see me.....

now i kiss barbie's boobs in open sight just to spite god.

http://dumpfm.s3.amazonaws.com/images/20111026/1319660993894-dumpfm-pantsworth-Whispering1.gif

i would like to pull your hair.

i feel like i should let everyone know that i am capable of acting normal.......
I’m looking for
  • Girls who like guys
  • Ages 18–35
  • Near me
  • For new friends, short-term dating, casual sex
You should message me if
-you're an odd person who likes to do odd things.
-you want to dance while eye-fucking.
-you'll give me wads of your hair from your brush and/or drains, so i can make a little doll of you.
-you're DTDH (down to dry-hump)*

*this is a joke.. but if we were to meet up, and the night was going well, and you were jokingly like, "so you wanna dry hump?" I would chuckle and say something like, "sure i guess," and then we both would laugh and start pressing into one another.... and maybe at first our thrusts would be jerky and clownish, but it wouldn't take long for our dry humping to turn from ironic to passionate...
...and then the night would be set ablaze.

DON'T MESSAGE ME IF YOU WANT TO PUNCH ME IN THE STOMACH AND CALL ME A 'FAG'! NOT COOL!