A couple nights ago a crazed homeless guy, at a bar I was at partaking in a fine beverage/beer, decided to start screaming out over and over again that I was the reincarnation of Noah and that I was here to build him an ark to sail through these troubled times. Of course at that point, I had to question my own sobriety and perhaps his particular mental capabilities and drug use. At least it was raining, so he was somewhat coherent enough to notice the weather.

While I guess I might be sporting what some might call the "righteous beard" that borderlines on being homeless myself, I dont particularly picture myself at all looking like a carpenter capable of putting together a couple of sticks of wood - much less making what would amount to a "huge f***ing boat" to house all sorts of oddities. Perhaps his standards were low in his cracked-out condition. I more pictured myself as Moses sitting around in a field hearding my sheep with a staff in one hand and a beer in the other.

So, that brings me to this morning when I further increase my inferiority complex past just being unable to construct the pre-mentioned "huge f***ing ark" for myself and others as I try to make a model out of whatever office supplies I could scrounge together (read: steal) from the supply room. Apparently a 500 count box of 8.5x11 paper, a glue stick, 1/2 used tube of super clue, a dozen rubber bands, and a handful of pencils, pens and postit notes, a used inkjet cartridge, staples, and scotch tape result in an mini-ark…. Well… a mini-ark that would embarrass the least crafty student in gradeschool. Stepping back and looking at it, I would have guessed just balling the whole piece of sh*t concoction up and throwing it into a puddle would have floated better than what I built.

Uhm. So, I think this brings me to my entire post rolled up into a nice nugget: HELP!!

I'm looking for someone who’s mildly crafty, good with glue (not huffing), light weight and aerodynamic (to keep the ship afloat), handy around the medicine cabinet (cause Ive already cut myself once and I havent moved on to hammers), entertaining (cause no clue how long we will be on the boat), a proficient herder (cause we have to recruit others), relatively young – 24-40 (cause we both need to outlive the voyage), smart (cause I don’t want the boat to fall apart), non-pyro(cause the boats made out of paper and I don’t want my beard lit on fire), disease free (cause we don’t want the animals catching anything), pet friendly (cause it’s a f***ing ark), waterproof (hmm… water?)….

HELP! Its raining!!!

Be different.

Gently and carefully building an ark. Its a tough job, but someone has to do it. I suppose during this process that I am also venturing out of the actual construction aspects onto things such as building scale models, testing its ability to be seaworthy, as well as practicing to swim; after all, I'm in modest doubt of my abilities to actually construct anything thats mildly waterproof or for that matter.... floats.

... looking disheveled. ... talking to strangers. ... jumping for joy. ... reading books. ...writing stories. ... shopping for junk. ... herding animals. ... building arks. ... opening wine bottles. ... creating lists. ... running scared. ... jumping rope. ... baking cakes. ... beer curls.

My beard. Im often times brushing it out of the way whenever Im grilling, playing with glue, or swinging a hammer. After all, I suppose I wouldnt want to light it on fire, glue my crap to an unmovable object, or get a flying object caught in it.

Ive been a collector of books and music for a long time... after all, if one is building an ark - at some point one needs to stockpile a collection of literature, art and music to keep one entertained. Hmm. Come to think of it, I may need to invest in some batteries to keep the ipod-a-goin for the long float. Some bands that jump to the top of the list: Black Keys, Bob Log III, Bright Eyes, BT, Chemical Brothers, Crystal Method, Alphabetizing my tunes (ugh), Decemberists, Devotchka, Dropkick Murphy's (and the black eye I get while in the pit), Ghostland Observatory, Gourds (the vegi too), Kings 'o the Leon, Matisyahu, Merle Haggard (and his liver), Modest Mouse (and non-modest ones), Pavement (and ass-fault), Peaches (she's work friendly), The Streets (remember, I liked pavement too).... I could only make it up to the Ps prior to my mind saying, "OK, enough's enough." Generally it spans from folk/alt country through techno and indie.

I suppose I also enjoy reading profiles. There's something rather interesting in reading how people mold their thoughts through words and pictures to attract a mate (for lack of better words) on dating sites. I suppose this is why I create a profile and gander at other people's work - its sort of like being on the outside looking in at people.

My macbook, good friends, diet redbull/diet coke, pbs/npr, and a good book for passing the time on airplanes.

Perhaps going back to school and learning the fine art of engineering, ship building, woodcrafting, or some other course of study that would enable me to stop hitting my fu**ing thumb with this damn hammer. I also think quite a bit about civic duty and how it related to helping others make the world a better place.

....usually looking to get into a "little bit" of trouble with a partner in crime.

Since I hardly every watch television, Im pretty much lost when people start throwing out random quotations from some of the drivel that is put on the airwaves.

You are interested in some rather insane ramblings from someone who looks near-homeless, who is educated like a rocket scientist, who and jump a tall building in a single bound, who is naive with hammer, and who has a kung-fu grip handling of the English language. You have your own crazy story that hopefully doesnt revolve around you having a beard. You are on here, but dont have to be. You are well read and can put me through my paces. You are unique, and I dont mean a reiteration of when our moms told us we were special as little tikes. You have good hygiene - smelling like a homeless person should be reserved for the destitute. You've been places and want to go to more. You're young in spirit and of heard. You know the difference between they're, their and there.... you are on here but you dont _have_ to be on here to meet new people.