We...

We both feel a deep and profound connection to each other.

We both feel like we can be completely ourselves with each other.

We love each other unconditionally.

We are witnesses to each other's lives.

We inspire each other to live fully.

We give and receive to & from each other easily, effortlessly, and lovely.

Being with each other is blissfully content & easy - we make each other's lives better.

We change and evolve together, helping each other to become more of who we really are.

We leave each other feeling loved, adored, admired, and deeply desired for our whole & complete selves.

We are ready, willing, & open to receiving each other into our lives and to being completely in love with each other.

We support each other's growth & development.

Together we make a difference in the world.

Together we do so much more than we could have ever done alone.

We have time & space in our lives for each other.

We both energize & calm each other, bringing focus & wholeness to our lives.

We give each other a sense of security, stability, & comfort, while challenging each other to play and adventure in the world.

We are priorities in each other's lives, even though we are both doing so much.

We love and appreciate each other.

We are each other's biggest fans & cheerleaders, supporting each other to do so much more.

We are open & honest with each other about all aspects of ourselves, knowing that we will always love each other, always be a part of each other's lives.

We are immensely physically attracted to each other, and our sex life is both wildly fulfilling and extremely comforting.

We enjoy communicating with each other about our lives and our relationship, and we do so consistently to share ourselves with each other.

We wake up each morning, knowing whether or not we are physically next to each other, we are always emotionally & mentally next to each other.

Together we are in love, happy, and fulfilled.

Together life is a game, and we play to our fullest.

We share the most intimates, our secrets, with each other.

We make ourselves and each other blissfully happy & productive.

We know without a doubt that our lives are better together.

We feel a deep sense of compatibility with each other: physically, mentally, emotionally, and spiritually - both long-term and on a day-to-day basis.

We have an immediate connection with each other, from our first significant interaction.

We are drawn to each other.

We understand and connect with each other in every way, on every level, and our connection only grows stronger with time.

We bring a sense of peace, calmness, and happiness when we are around each other.

Communication between us is easy and flows effortlessly.

We make each other smile.

We love to share our hopes & dreams with each other, and then help to make them come true!

We know each other intimately.

We feel like we've known each other forever.

Our strengths & weaknesses balance and compliment each other.

Our talents blend perfectly, and we continually contribute something meaningful to the world.

We feel totally in sync with each other.

We feel like best friends from the beginning, and we know that we'll be friends for life.

We aren't perfect, but we're perfect for each other.

We know that we are together for life, through the good & the bad.

We love each other because of who we are when we're together.

I love Katie & Joshua from Season 4 of So You Think You Can Dance.  Obviously part of the reason I like them is because I love dance and they make great dances!  But what I really love is their relationship...

Check out a few of their dances here...
http://youtu.be/xi37PIFWES0
http://youtu.be/IljUVIcbymM
http://youtu.be/8uI-UnWDN7Q

They are both amazing dancers individually and with other partners, but when they dance together, they are absolutely phenomenal!  They are so in tune with each other, aware of what the other one is doing and how they are working together, moving together.  There's complete trust - and communication.  They bring out the best in each other and really, truly make each other better dancers.

That's what a wonderful relationship is to me.  Two people who are amazing individually, but who are even more phenomenal together - who really bring out the best in each other and help each other create more, live more, and love more.

What is the spark?  What is connection?  What is clicking with someone?

The spark is wanting to write back to them before they've even written back to you.

The spark is being excited to see them come online.

The spark is finding even their so-so jokes and random comments really funny.

The spark is having intrusive thoughts about them all day (and night).

The spark is wanting to 'like' almost all of their Facebook posts.

The spark is realizing you get a silly little grin on your face whenever you think about them.

The spark is feeling happily anxious about the possibility of seeing them.

The spark is getting a tingle through your body when you spot them across the room.

The spark is not wanting the time to end when you're together.

The spark is fantasizing about future get-togethers.

The spark is fitting your schedule around them, rather than fitting them into your schedule.

The spark is feeling comfortable with them, like you've know each other forever.

The spark is sharing parts of yourself you normally keep hidden.

The spark is knowing that even from day one, you would help them out of any jam.

The spark is being at home in their arms.

The spark is having a list of reasons why it wouldn't work, but still wanting to be with them.

The spark is wanting them to be happy, even if that means being happy with someone else.

 

What makes a one-on-one get-together into a 'date'?  In the last few weeks, I've been asked to get dinner or go out 'sometime' by 6 guys over Facebook messaging, and thus I've been thinking a lot lately about whether those outings would be 'dates'.

The obvious first requirement for a 'date'is that there be two people of the opposite sex (or the sex to which each is attracted).  In a good date, they would be also attracted especially to each other, but I've been on a few dates where I wasn't attracted to the guy (thankfully it's been very few of those!)  So attraction to each other is not a necessary condition for a 'date', but is it a sufficient condition?  I would argue that it's not - I've been out more than a few times one-on-one with guys where there was mutual attraction (and I'm talking about mental, emotional, etc attraction in addition to physical attraction), but yet those outings were not 'dates' in my mind - although perhaps they were 'dates' to the guys...

Which brings up the non-mutuality of the 'date'hood of an outing!  It's entirely possible for one person to think that an outing is a date and the other person not to - or for both of the directly involved parties to not think it's a date, but other outside parties to think that it is!

But anyway, back to what makes an outing into a 'date' for me... Asking for a one-on-one meeting after only seeing each other in group settings tends to imply 'date' - as well as using the 'date' phrases such as "we should go get coffee sometime".

One of my friends that I was talking to brought up the uncertainty and thus butterflies that often accompanies a date.  Does he like me?  Does she like me?  Is anything romantic going to happen?  Did I say the right thing, or was that totally stupid?  I think the uncertainty is closer to a necessary condition for a 'date' because if I'm certain (either that it's just friendship or that we're already together), then it's not a 'date' in my mind.

What makes a get-together into a 'date' for you?

 

What is connection?  Is it something that you can consciously create, or is it that magical 'click' that you just feel (or don't feel as the case may be)? 

For me, connection & 'clicking' seems to be something that just happens and is either there or it's not.  Having a connection with someone makes pursuing a relationship easy - I want to talk with the person, I want to spend time with them, and sharing my life with them leaves me feeling better.  Since I'm introverted & currently kinda stressed from work (and having to be social/outgoing at work), if I don't click with someone, then answering their messages becomes something on my to-do list rather than something that enlivens & excites me.

One of my friends doesn't experience connection in the same way I do, and he's always telling me that I need to build the connection by spending time with the person (online or in real life).  I wonder if I can get myself to do that, to work on building a connection - since I experience 'clicking' with someone so infrequently (but the few times that I do connect, it's great!)  There are so many interesting guys out there that might be great for me, but I don't feel that immediate connection with them.  I wonder if there's a way to create the 'click' to make the dating process easier.  (Or maybe the immediate connection is a valid signal, and I should just wait until I feel the 'click' naturally.)

So I took the test and posted a profile on eHarmony, but I'm not liking it. The questions that you can answer on your profile are so generic that everyone seems the same and I can't tell if someone is interesting or not.  I end up closing matches for stupid little reasons, rather than because I actually feel like I wouldn't click with the guy.  

Also the 55 guys or so that they've 'matched' me with don't seem like guys that I would normally be interested in.  Maybe it's because the type of guy that I'm looking for isn't on eHarmony, and the matching algorithm is just doing the best that it can.  But I've found much more interesting people on okcupid, people that I have a lot in common with in terms of interests.  

Although eHarmony does make me think & ponder...  On okcupid and irl, I tend to focus on finding guys who I have things in common with (interests in math/science, cogsci/learning, movement/dance, etc), and while I've certainly met some cool people and had a few good relationships, I haven't found 'the one' or whatever.  Maybe I'm looking for the wrong thing - maybe I need to go more of the eHarmony route, trying to find someone who matches me on more of the relationship 'must-haves', 'life-skills', and 'personality profile' rather than someone who matches me on interests.

 

So cool! :-)

http://machineslikeus.com/news/aquapenguins-and-other-robots

Match Question...
Choose one:

* The ballet
* Belly dancers


I can't choose just one! :-) Before about 2 years ago, I definitely would have said 'the ballet' because that's what I've trained in since I was 3, but then I started taking some belly dancing classes, and now truthfully a good tribal style belly dancing show would probably beat out going to see the ballet, if I really had to choose. But I'd rather see (and dance) both! :-)

So some of my girl friends and I went out last night for a girls' night out in hopes of finding guys. We were not successful, but that's our own fault because we didn't actually go some place where there were guys (we had dinner and walked around La Jolla). But we're not entirely sure where we would find guys that we would be interested in - we're not into the bar and club scene, or rather we don't think that the type of guy we want would be at a bar or a club, at least not frequently.

So my question to you, oh OkCupid stalker, is...

Where is a good place to meet a guy like you? Where might a girl find you (besides online)?

Just a word of advice, guys... When you message,

1) please make sure that you've actually read my profile, not just looked at my pictures (if you have phrases like "doing the work of God" in your profile and I say I'm looking for an atheist or agnostic, we probably don't match, even if you think I'm hot) Also on that note, at least for me, mentioning that you think I'm cute/hot/good-looking is not a turn-on - if you are messaging me, then obviously you don't find my pictures repulsive.

2) please write more than "Hi, what's up?" Your message should in some way show that you're interested in something about my profile. I know that it takes longer to write a personalized message, but if you're really interested in me specifically, please take the time. If you just want to announce a general interest, then woo me or favorite me. I'm less likely to respond to that, but it will get me to look at your profile.

3) if you are really interested in me, and I don't respond after your first message, it's ok to message again. It doesn't magically mean that I will all of a sudden like you, but sometimes a second look means I see something I missed before. However, if I haven't responded after your second message, sorry, I'm just not interested.

4) And just to repeat what it says in my profile... If we're less than 75-80% match, please be specific about why you think we would be able to hold an interesting conversation, because most likely, it will not be obvious from your profile.

Ok, I think my rant is over... and now I will apologize a bit... I'm sorry that I don't answer every single message. I do feel bad, but my experience has been that showing any interest (aka messaging back even if I say I'm not interested) tends to lead to more messages.