Hi, I'm Daniel.

The Most Important Things You Should Know About Me:

I am not a serious person. Youthful enthusiasm and genuinely enjoying life are what I'm all about. Age will never turn me into a jaded cynical adult. I have an infinite sense of wonderment and adventure. Given the chance, I want to go everywhere and experience everything.

Other Info About Me That Is Not Quite As Important But Which You Still Might Want To Know Anyway:

Politically, I'm very liberal, which might seem a bit surprising since I grew up in rural eastern Kentucky. Voted NO on Prop 8, and I'm pro equal rights for everyone, anti-censorship, pro legalized drugs (even though I'm not personally a user), etc.

Trivia and linguistics are two things that I really really enjoy. Books filled with useless facts and obscure random histories are awesome. Words and phrases are infinitely fascinating to me.

Eddie Izzard, George Carlin, Mitch Hedberg, and Jim Gaffigan are great comedians that appeal to my sense of humor.

I like random non-sequitur humor when it's well-timed, witty, or clever, but not when it's just “Waffle monkey cocks! Hahaha I'm so random and wacky!”

I can't be bothered to like things ironically. I like everything genuinely.

When it comes to spelling and grammar, I'm fairly forgiving, but if you regularly use u, r, omglol, etc., as actual words, or if you don't know the difference between two, too, to, there, their, they're, it's, its, are, our, your, and you're, I'm just going to go ahead and assume that you're dumb.

I'm a simple jeans & t-shirt kinda guy. As a general rule of thumb, if I'm wearing a tie, I'm not happy.

I'm not a hardcore fitness junkie, but I do try to stay in shape by running and lifting weights about every other day. In general I just enjoy being physically active.

A lot of my humor is based on on very dry sarcasm. This sometimes puts me at odds with a good friend whose humor is entirely based around terrible puns.

I have a BA in political science from a private college in Kentucky (Transylvania U. And no, our mascot was not Dracula).

But instead of going on to law school, I taught myself proper screen writing and decided to try and make it as a writer. So I spend most of my time writing, reading reviews, doing research, daydreaming, and occasionally volunteering as a production assistant or grip on student films.

Creating stories, having fun, sleeping, staying up all night, drinking, playing video games, making up words, writing, thinking, and making lists.

Being candid is also something I'm excellent at. People tend to open up easily around me, because I'm not judgmental, and I am extremely comfortable sharing with others my own fears, failings, and fantasies. But to clarify, I don't go searching for an audience for my thoughts, and I don't force them onto anyone that didn't ask to hear them.

I'm pretty good at Rock Band. I can drum on expert and sing on hard, but I don't play the guitar unless someone makes me. After much contemplation, I named my band “Legal In Canada”.

Also, I'm pretty kick-ass at board games like Taboo, Cranium, Scattergories, etc. Especially when combined with alcohol. I'm also willing to play Monopoly if it's the group favorite, even though I hate it.

You tell me, because I honestly don't know.

A friend once told me that I have a voice that would be a perfect fit for a Marine Corps drill instructor.

I'm nice to strangers. People might notice that.

A different friend told me that I'm “the nicest mean person she's ever known”. When needed, I can be brutally honest with people, even if it means feelings will be hurt.

[Books] Snow Crash; Red Harvest (Dashiel Hammett); No Country For Old Men (I read the the book before watching the movie and thought both were excellent); Breakfast of Champions; I Am Legend (saw Omega Man before reading the book. I refuse to watch the Will Smith remake); Lullaby, Survivor (Palahniuk); Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy; Naked Lunch; I Hated Hated Hated This Movie, You're Movie Sucks (Roger Ebert); Salem's Lot, On Writing, and most short stories by Stephen King; all of George Carlin's books; America: The Book (Jon Stewart). Recently finished: The Areas of My Expertse (John Hodgman); Perdido Street Station Currently reading: More Information Than You Require (Hodgman); Numbers in the Dark (Italo Calvino) Next on my list: 13 Bullets; Blood Meridian

[Movies] I'm a movie fanatic, but not an elitist snob. Some of my top picks are: No Country For Old Men, Shockheaded (awesome indie film), There Will Be Blood, Hot Fuzz, The Dark Knight, The City of Lost Children, May, Beyond the Valley of the Dolls, Fight Club, The Life Aquatic, Clerks, Fistful of Dollars, The Good the Bad and the Ugly, Trainspotting, Evil Dead 1 & 2, Army of Darkness, , Monty Python's Quest for the Holy Grail, Airplane, Ichi the Killer, American Psycho, Ghostbusters, The Secret of NIMH, John Carpenter's The Thing, Dead Alive, Pulp Fiction, Dog Soldiers, City of God, Tropic Thunder, The Big Lebowski, Supertroopers, The Toxic Avenger 1 & 4, half of Grindhouse (Planet Terror was amazing. Death Proof, even with the powerhouse combination of Kurt Russel and muscle cars, was mostly boring), and almost anything with the word "zombie" in the title.

[TV] I don't really watch anything that isn't already out on DVD, and we don't even have cable at my apartment, since no one here really watches it. But I do enjoy Futurama, all versions of Law & Order, Firefly, the original CSI, and Dexter (probably one of my all time favorite shows, but I'm only just now watching the second season).

[Music] I enjoy a fairly broad range of music, from pop-punk to southern rock to death metal and almost everything in between. Basically the only genre I completely dislike is “new” country, which includes pretty much anything played on country music radio in the last twenty years. A few of the specific bands that I listen to are: Alkaline Trio, Baroness, Bane, Boston, Boy Sets Fire, Brand New, The Darkness, Deep Purple, the Deftones, Electric Six, Flogging Molly, Iggy Pop, Iron Maiden, Jimi Hendrix, Lily Allen, Mastodon, The Material, Metallica, Mindless Self-Indulgence, the Misfits, Neutral Milk Hotel, New Found Glory, Nile, the Offspring, Paramore, the Pixies, Shai Hulud, Soundgarden, The Sword, Taking Back Sunday, The Thermals, Weezer, The Who, the Yeah Yeah Yeahs.

[Food] I'm not very picky. I try to eat relatively healthy, but the words "No thanks, I'm on a diet" will never, ever come out of my mouth.

1. caffeine (mostly from green tea now, I've given up energy drinks)
2. Netflix
3. athletic shoes
4. a comfortable pair of socks
5. excitement
6. ink pens

Everything. Seriously. I'm always up for a philosophical discussion, regardless of the topic.

My thoughts tend to be very random and eccentric. And I try to work most of them into stories.

This is a good example of the random things that I often find myself pondering:

If it's 11:45am and you pass someone on the sidewalk, should you still say good morning or switch over to good afternoon? Maybe they're not aware of the time, and will think you're weird for saying good morning so late in the day, even though the time is in fact pre-noon. And when do you switch from good afternoon to good evening? Do you go by a specific time cutoff, or by whether or not the sun is still up?

Hanging out with my friends. Sometimes that means going out to party, other times it means staying in. But either way, it pretty much always involves drinking.

Any Friday/Saturday night could be: board game night, bar night, shooting pool in the garage night, movie night (in or out), bowling night, Rock Band night, drinking games night, etc. I think you get the idea.

Oh, I know my profile says that I drink often, but it's always socially. I never drink alone. Ever.

I don't always act like it, but at my core I'm pretty damn geeky.

Although I'm a guy, I honestly know very little about cars. And I can't parallel park to save my life.

Beyond that, I'm really a very open person. There's not really anything that I'd shy away from talking about if it comes up.

For something a bit more substantial, when I was 19 and in my sophomore year of college, I was legitimately diagnosed as suffering from clinical depression. A year's worth of medication and therapy helped me get through it, and it's long behind me now. But dealing with it changed my outlook on life. It turned me into a very positive and optimistic person. I now make an effort to surround myself with positive people and influences, and I have a low tolerance for petty, whiny bullshit. A lot of people who've dealt with depression are embarrassed about it and keep it a secret, but I'm ok with what's in my past and don't mind talking about it, especial if I think it'll help other people deal with their own problems.

You should message me if you're fun, intelligent, and a little bit geeky or nerdy. Also if you don't take life too seriously, actually like things genuinely, and you occasionally leave backs nail marked.

Oh, and also if you're someone that's actually willing to take a chance and go out, instead of just being internet friends.

I don't really have a particular type, but I do have a weakness for girls who are tattooed, pale, dyed, and/or pierced.

You should message me if you've actually read everything above this sentence and noticed that we have a lot in common.

On the other hand, if you skipped straight to this line without reading the towering mountain of text preceding it, then you owe me 20 push-ups.