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47 Oakland, CA Man


I’m looking for

  • Women
  • Ages 33–50
  • Near me
  • For new friends, long-term dating, short-term dating

My details

Last online
Online now!
5′ 10″ (1.78m)
Body type
Agnosticism, and somewhat serious about it
Sagittarius, but it doesn’t matter
Strictly non-monogamous
Doesn’t have kids, and doesn’t want any
English (Fluently)

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My self-summary
Write a little about yourself. Just a paragraph will do.
I laugh well and make it my mission to make sure everyone around me is having a good time. When I meet someone, I try to find out what is uniquely interesting and/or delightful about them. It's not that I don't notice what's wrong with you - it's that I appreciate the package deal that you likely are.

I value deep friendship over infatuative romance - the latter is best when it's an overlay to the former. I'm always looking for the better combination of nutrients and light that can make relationships (both friendships and romance) truly thrive instead of bloom-and-fade.

For me, intelligence is the best aphrodisiac, as long as it's served with a slyly wicked sense of humor on the side. Stimulating conversation sprinkled with flirtatious banter leading to, well, you have an imagination, don't you?

I am now twice-divorced, which is to say that I'm not afraid of commitment, but also that I'm a bit skittish about my own judgement in this area, considering my track record. It's not that I don't learn from my mistakes; I just want to make *different* ones the next few times. You can help me with that, right?

I like being in my 40's and being "seasoned." I'm confounding people who thought they knew me because I'm still evolving.

More about my background: Having been raised as a conservative Jehovah's Witness, I woke up and became a devout agnostic, spending my mid-20's waiting tables in semi-exotic locales like Hawaii, Las Vegas, and Washington D.C., before settling into an IT career here in the San Francisco Bay area in '95. Probably to spite my repressed religious upbringing, I walk comfortably in many of the "alternative" scenes that San Francisco has to offer, know lots of people in them, and can jump into just about any rabbit hole with an eye towards learning what lies through the looking glass. From burners to sybarites, I mix well (and have friends in) nearly every crowd. Well, except gangsta rappers. But give me time...

Other relevant facts:

I'm a voracious reader of non-fiction, and enjoy some of that HBO cleverness.

I'm an extrovert who understands why introverts might not want to join me for all the social events that come along, all the better if there are themes and costumes involved at those events.

I'd rather go to a burlesque performance than a strip club.

A quiet weekend working on creative projects punctuated by dinner with friends is my usual speed these days, but I'm usually good for a spontaneous adventure if your pitch for it is enticing.

Just left-of-center politically, I am always interested in learning about possible solutions to make the world a better place.

I'm addicted to podcasts mainly because I love hearing articulate discussion about issues important and frivolous.

I am an ENTP, with a well-developed F side (my parents were incredibly gregarious feeling-types, and I learned social cues by watching them work a room)

The price for leaving the cult that I grew up in was losing all the family and friends I had up to that point at age 22. That makes me extra-appreciative of the circles of very different but equally valuable friends I've been lucky to become entwined with since then, bless their little black hearts, and I am secretly more proud of that than anything else in my life. I know this is the second time I've mentioned "friends" in this profile but I wish I could mention them here in the way some people list their favorite bands or writers because that's the impact they've had on my life for the better.

I believe card games are best played as a prelude to sex, because no matter how many times I may see you naked, it'll never be quite as sweet as when I win that tawdry hand of strip gin rummy and you have to take an article of clothing off to satisfy the bet.
What I’m doing with my life
Don’t overthink this one; tell us what you’re doing day-to-day.
As an independent person who straddles the line between clean-cut IT professional and bohemian adventurer, I'm always looking for that elusive course that will lead me to greater fulfillment. I'm very interested in the idea of intentional community - how we build it and support it, and think the old models could use a refresh. Therefore, it may soon be time to sell my house and attempt my dream, which is to help build a cohousing community, and to participate in living there. (Go on - wikipedia it.)
I’m really good at
Go on, brag a little (or a lot). We won’t judge.
Creating fun out of thin air.

Giving you permission to do what you secretly want to try.

Making you feel safe when you try that thing.
The first things people usually notice about me
I’m an empty essay… fill me out!
My sizable frontal lobe. Then those eyes.
Favorite books, movies, shows, music, and food
Help your potential matches find common interests.
Candidly, I'm mostly a non-fiction periodical reader: I read Wired Magazine for its window into wonderful/terrible things in our world that don't make the front page. I read The Week Magazine to find out what everyone is saying about the front page. The New York Times on my iPhone for the actual front page. That and "The Daily Show."

The most useful and spiritually-satisfying book I have ever read (and re-read) was The Road Less Traveled by M. Scott Peck.

Movies are such a commitment of time so I try to see it only if critics I respect liked it, and then love going back to read (or re-read) the reviews after I see the film.
The six things I could never do without
Think outside the box. Sometimes the little things can say a lot.
I'm rethinking this one and will get back to you on it. My prior list felt like it was written in my 30's before my last marriage. Which it was. My next one will feel like me now.
I spend a lot of time thinking about
Global warming, lunch, or your next vacation… it’s all fair game.
new ways of doing things

the wonder of it all

what are the inexorable forces that make the world make so many short-sighted decisions

how could duct tape, sweat, and bleeding hearts play a role in beating back those inexorable forces

the thing I should be doing instead of the thing I end up doing

if there's a spelling or grammatical error in my writing, I'll be mortified

cool topics for NPR's "Radio Lab" to devote an entire hour to
On a typical Friday night I am
Netflix and takeout, or getting your party on — how do you let loose?
... never, ever bored.

That might mean a night on the town or slipping into bed with a remote or a book, but I mean it: if I'm on my own time, I am never, ever bored. I am self-entertaining, and always interested in something.

This means I wouldn't mind living forever. Since I don't believe in god or an after-life, this is unlikely, unless Kurzweil is right and the Singularity is coming about the time my generation is hitting the nursing home. (Go on - google it)
The most private thing I’m willing to admit
I’m an empty essay… fill me out!
I believe monogamy is a flawed concept, so I prefer an open negotiation. I'm not sure I think marriage should be forever, since people live so long now, evolving and changing, but perhaps a five-year renewable contract to keep us from getting too lazy and too comfortable? I've long felt polyamorous (and there's finally a label for my subset: "relationship anarchy," which is the only kind of anarchy I can get behind). I do believe the heart expands and I'm not the jealous type, but I'm still working out the only-so-much-time-in-the-day thing. Do we really need all the time? Or would less time mean more of it feels like a gift? Pondering that one. Stay tuned.
You should message me if
Offer a few tips to help matches win you over.
If you are brilliant and unconventional, introduce yourself. (And you are unconventional for good reasons relating to your values and not just to be contrary.)

You know a similarity of tastes (in food, entertainment, and art) is not nearly as important as a compatibility of values and character in making choices about connecting with people. (Hint: Match quotient should probably be proportional)

You know that starting with a topic about an idea is a better introduction than "I think you're cool".

You think I'm cool.