All your base are belong to us

This is where I get all deep, tell you all my darkest secrets and trot out all my closet skeletons, right? Right.
The basics: if you can guess my real name, you win a prize. I work as a tattoo artist/peircer but that's only so I don't have to hold down some lame-ass "real" job. I'm not really the type to date, I just seem to drift in and out of these long-term commited relationships broken up by extended periods of singledom. I'm in one of the latter right now. That enough of that? I think so.
The not-so-basics: I talk when I type, so when I type it usually looks like what I'd actually say. There are people who seem to have these conflicting opinions of me: the same person might say to me "Jeezus Lizzy, why don't you give a shit about anything" only to tell me "Jeezus Lizz, you care waaaaay too much about shit." So... figure that one out. I'm attracted to androgyny, though I don't identify as androgynous. What the fuck else? I dunno. Whatever. Next question.

I am bored, waiting, and a little drunk

According to who? My mom thinks I'm wasting it. Like I said up there, I'm a tattoo artist and I do piercings. 9 to 5 jobs are for suckers... unless you like your 9 to 5 job. If that's the case, then cool. Just ain't for me.

Making pop culture references and turning something totally mundane into something vile and dirty. Let's play Sum'un Said. Find the dirty thing.

Sum'un said: "Lizzy knows, and her friends know that it doesn't matter what time of day or night it is, if you're unable to drive, I'll come for anyone."

Sum'un said: "Good thing that judge lives right next door. He'll get me off."

Sum'un said: "Take one part Advocaat, 2 parts sprite and thats what we call a snowball."

My middle finger.

Books: The Gunslinger by Stephen King. Dune, Dune Messiah, Children of Dune and Dune Chapterhouse by Frank Herbert. Orphanage, Orphan's Destiny, Orphan's Journey, Orphan's Alliance, Orphan's Tirumph by Robert Buettner. Heir to the Empire, Dark Force Rising, The Last Command, Survivor's Quest, Outbound Flight, Allegiance, The Blackcollar, The Backlash Mission, The Judas Solution, The Green and the Gray, by Timothy Zahn. The Warrior series, the Blood of Kerensky Trilogy, the Battletech Core Novels, the X-Wing series, I, Jedi and Dark Tide I & II by Michael A Stackpole. Ender's Game and all the other Ender Wiggin stories (including the offshoot Bean Delphiki books) written by Orson Scott Card.

Movies: Forgetting Sarah Marshall, I Love You, Man, Knocked Up, 40 year old Virgin, Pineapple Express, Shaun of the Dead, Clerks I & II, Dogma, Chasing Amy, Mall Rats, Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back, A New Hope, Empire Strikes Back, Attack of the Clones, Revenge of the Sith, Return of the King, The Wrath of Khan, The Search for Spock, The Voyage Home, The Final Frontier, First Contact, Star Trek, Stargate, Harry Potter (all of them, strangely don't like the books though), Bad Boys I & II, Trainspotting, Shelter, American Psycho, Blow, Casino, A History of Violence, American History X, A Clockwork Orange, Godfather I & II, Scarface, Harold and Kumar (both of them), and Waiting.

Music: Nirvana, Sublime, Green Day, No Doubt, Avril Lavigne, the Eagles, Queen, KT Tunstall, the Cranberries, Korn, Linkin Park, Papa Roach, 3 Doors Down, Collective Soul, Bare Naked Ladies, Crash Test Dummies, System of a Down, Against Me, Oasis, Daft Punk, Eminem, Katy Perry, Richard Cheese and the Lounge Against the Machine, the Veronicas, All American Rejects, Death Cab for Cutie, Lights, The New Cities, Paramore, 3Oh!3, Cobra Starship, and Weird Al.

Food: Steak, shrimp, potatoes, and Maynard's Wine Gums.

1. Art
2. Books
3. Stargate (SG-1, Atlantis, and Universe)
4. Tunage
5. Make-out Sessions
6. Sunshine

Boobs.

Holding hands, making out with my shirt off, and touching where I pee.

Once, I was out on a date with this girl and we were at the movies. All of the sudden, I realised I had to do number 2. So I go rushing to the bathroom, but the damn thing was lined up like crazy so I take a peek in the men's room, which was just as bad. I was getting the point where I couldn't hold it just waiting for a stall to come available (I blame the Vietnamese food we'd had earlier). Finally I get to a stall, but damned if it wasn't too late, if you know what I mean eh? So I call the girl on her cell and tell her I need her to get me some clean pants. Needless to say, that was our last date. My family calls these kinds of stories (involving pooping one's pants) Lizzy Stories.

That story I just told you doesn't scare the shit out of you. No pun intended.