Write a little about yourself. Just a paragraph will do.
**off the market
HEY DOPE-ASS INTERNET WOMEN:
Are you at the office 23 hours a day toiling away your youth in a
caffeine fueled, fluorescent lit race to squeeze every last bit of
achievement ahead of a ticking biological clock?
Are you wondering if there's more to life in SF than brunch, Bikram
Yoga, and getting rubbed up on by 50 strangers at the farmers'
Are you unfulfilled sexually?
I AM YOUR INTERNET DATE.
I am the most radical, bitchin’, mind-blowing internet-dating
experience in ALL of San Francisco. All Internet honeys are STOKED
when I’m around, regardless of race or socioeconomic status.
You will be on me like a sorority sister on a RentTheRunway promo
code by the time we've had our fourteenth drink.
As we're ascending toward your gentrified apartment, up those fifty
flights of booty-toning stairs, yo' horny ass fingers are going to
be texting your roommate, "Yo girl, pretend that you're
Do I do relationships?
YOU BET YOUR PALEO GLUTEN FREE ASS I DO. (If I like you.)
What I’m doing with my life
Don’t overthink this one; tell us what you’re doing day-to-day.
Former massage therapist living in SF and working in tech to
support a compulsive retirement habit.
Born on the East Coast. Living on the West Coast. Try-coastal.
I’m really good at
Go on, brag a little (or a lot). We won’t judge.
Running. Preferably not in circles. And toward, not away from
Also, being open. Unless I'm truly unaware of an emotion that I'm
feeling, I'm pretty good at expressing my feelings (or lack of
feelings) honestly, openly, and directly.
But not inappropriately or overbearingly. I try to draw the line
somewhere between sending a "thumbs up" emoji and crying during
The first things people usually notice about me
I’m an empty essay… fill me out!
Obviously my RAW TESTOSTERONE MUSK.
Favorite books, movies, shows, music, and food
Help your potential matches find common interests.
Reading "Love in the Time of Cholera" expanded my repertoire of
emotions. Márquez is a genius.
I also enjoy reading internet dating profiles. I think they're an
The six things I could never do without
Think outside the box. Sometimes the little things can say a lot.
Sunny days, bicycles, books, the produce aisle, access to natural
bodies of water, and occasionally, YO' MOMMA.
"I can't live without my passport" is the new "I love long walks on
I spend a lot of time thinking about
Global warming, lunch, or your next vacation… it’s all fair game.
That's more of an in-person thing.
On a typical Friday night I am
Netflix and takeout, or getting your party on — how do you let loose?
As you can see from my profile photographs, I tend to spend my
Friday nights knitting and exploring the depths of the
personalities of my many, many cats.
The most private thing I’m willing to admit
I’m an empty essay… fill me out!
I had a near death experience recently (unintentionally).
I highly recommend having one if you need a quick, no bullshit
evaluation of how you're doing.
You should message me if
Offer a few tips to help matches win you over.
you are considering copying and pasting entire segments of my
Or if the following words would rarely be used to describe you:
bored, boring, codependent, conservative, religious ("spiritual" is
cool though), dramalicious.
Or on the more affirmative side of things, note that I'm
a) a feminist, and:
b) independently confident enough in my own masculinity to
appreciate good things in my vicinity without feeling
So feel free to be:
c) smarter, taller, funner, funnier, more athletic, more
successful, more privileged, more carnivorous, a better writer,
more informed-on-a-topic-that-I-have-an-opinion-on, etc etc than I
It won't faze me one bit.
I still reserve the right to have more facial and chest hair,
Congratulations. We've now reached the end of my internet dating
advértisement. So ACT NOW. Write me. And we'll get started on
making you happier than a Mormon on her honeymoon.
Who are you looking for?
This helps us know who to show you on OkCupid.