Are you at the office 23 hours a day toiling away your youth in a caffeine fueled, fluorescent lit race to squeeze every last bit of achievement ahead of a ticking biological clock?
Are you wondering if there's more to life in SF than brunch, Bikram Yoga, climbing gyms, having your wardrobe selections fucked by variations in neighborhood microclimates, and getting rubbed up on by 50 strangers at the farmers' market?
Are you unfulfilled sexually?
I AM YOUR INTERNET DATE.
I am the most radical, bitchin’, mind-blowing internet-dating experience in ALL of San Francisco. All Internet honeys are STOKED when I’m around, regardless of race or socioeconomic status.
Yes, you will be on me like an Oakland hipster on a fixed gear bicycle by the time we've had our fourteenth drink.
As we're ascending toward your closet-sized apartment, up those five flights of booty-toning stairs, yo' horny ass fingers are going to be texting your roommate, "Yo girl, pretend that you're asleep."
Do I do relationships?
YOU BET YOUR VEGAN GLUTEN FREE ASS I DO.
I am open to relationships in a variety of forms and levels of exclusivity. You should date me if you recently dated someone who's emotionally aloof -- I am confident enough to express my feelings or lack of feelings honestly, openly, and directly.
Alternately, you should date me if you recently dated someone who's clingy -- you'll sleep soundly knowing I would not be perched outside your window attempting to watch you do so.