Are you at the office 23 hours a day toiling away your youth in a caffeine fueled, fluorescent lit race to squeeze every last bit of achievement ahead of a ticking biological clock?
Are you wondering if there's more to life in SF than brunch, Bikram Yoga, and getting rubbed up on by 50 strangers at the farmers' market?
Are you unfulfilled sexually?
I AM YOUR INTERNET DATE.
I am the most radical, bitchin’, mind-blowing internet-dating experience in ALL of San Francisco. All Internet honeys are STOKED when I’m around, regardless of race or socioeconomic status.
You will be on me like a sorority sister on a RentTheRunway promo code by the time we've had our fourteenth drink.
As we're ascending toward your gentrified apartment, up those fifty flights of booty-toning stairs, yo' horny ass fingers are going to be texting your roommate, "Yo girl, pretend that you're asleep."
Do I do relationships?
YOU BET YOUR PALEO GLUTEN FREE ASS I DO. (If I like you.)