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mystic_writr

40 F Brooklyn, NY

My Details

Last Online
Yesterday – 9:23am
Orientation
Bisexual
Ethnicity
Height
5′ 3″ (1.60m)
Body Type
Diet
Anything
Smokes
No
Drinks
Drugs
Religion
Sign
Cancer
Education
Space camp
Job
Income
Relationship Status
Single
Relationship Type
Offspring
Pets
Likes dogs and likes cats
Speaks
English, Korean

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My self-summary
“The Western worldview says, in essence, that technological progress is the highest value and that we were born to consume, to endlessly use and discard natural resources, other species, gadgets, toys, and often, each other. The most highly prized freedom is the right to shop. It’s a world of commodities, not entities, and economic expansion is the primary measure of progress. Competition, taking, and hoarding are higher values than cooperation, sharing, and gifting. Profits are valued over people, money over meaning, entitlement over justice, ‘us’ over ‘them.’ This is the most dangerous addiction in the world, not only because of its impact on humanity but because it is rapidly undermining the natural systems that sustain the biosphere.” –Bill Plotkin

It's been said that there is no teacher greater than living with an open heart. So, naturally, I ripped my chest wide open.

I know how to speak softly. For you, maybe even softer.

Looking at clouds, riding the waves, watching the people, walking along, growing the garden, keeping an eye out, accepting and loving things just as they are. Especially myself.

Going my own pace.

Twirling my hair.

Might also be said that I'm a soul-searching homebody but I love being outdoors but I love curling up but I love taking trips but I love coming home but I love experiencing new things but I love the old and familiar. Whether it had to do with the alignment of the planets and stars when I popped out or if there was something in the drinking water from the fountains and rivers of every place I've lived loved visited and swam in, I possibly like the feeling of home best, wherever I am, and hope I provide that same sense of comfort to others. There's something really gratifying about feeding people good home-cooked meals and sharing in all that those moments consists of. I also enjoy being whisked away at the drop of a hat. I can spend days inside getting lost in music or an endless stream of words and ideas and sentiments or just a massive ball of burning inertia curled up in one spot in the creaky recesses of my own existence, shoving yummy food in my face, of course!

I went to the woods because I wished to live deliberately, to front only the essential facts of life, and see if I could not learn what it had to teach, and not, when I came to die, discover that I had not lived.

~ Henry David Thoreau, 1854 ~

My woods at the moment is Brooklyn, and it shall always hold a special place in my heart for all that I've learned here.

But as I've come to see more clearly approaching forty years on this earth school, I think the more appropriate metaphor here for me is that the woods is life, wherever it takes me, wherever I am guided to. I strive to be an authentic person, live an authentic life, with authentic intention. Not always easy, but I'm really trying. And albeit anywhere can now be home, how I still dream of that little getaway cottage where the sky and all of nature just fills you up.

So, you see, I don't live by rules, "shoulds", or follow any "isms". I don't gripe about things one would normally be expected to gripe about. Gratitude is thy meal, every meal. Laughter is thy medicine. Positivity, thy fuel. Quiet, thy sanctuary. Love, thy guide. My life is the best trip I've ever been on. DUDES, I'm trippin', alright? Maybe see ya'll there.

Staying in touch with the heart-throbbing quality of being alive. This profile is not a fluid process - I am.

Change

the

way

you

think

about

everything.

What then?

What if you had the fortitude to do exactly what you wanted in this lifetime - without holding back?

What then?

Imagine what you want. Then go for it.

WHAT THEN?

Break those invisible chains you hold yourself to.

Let go.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=15pOr1E6hvc

See for yourself.
Think for yourself.
Decide for yourself.

"We are living in a matrix. If you are reading this article, you are here to wake up."

This is a perfect article that beautifully articulates the kinds of relationships that I'm interested in cultivating - with lovers, with friends, with family, with animals :o), and with myself:

http://lissarankin.com/a-radical-way-to-grow-spiritually-in-a-relationship?inf_contact_key=6829b6f5550e47c0d2056f2f9a2c141f2c69e78905ea73a70277242c7d63ae5e

I will fill my heart with the peace of meditation.
I will pour heartfuls of joy into peace-thirsty souls.

~ Paramahansa Yogananda ~

You are what you want to become. Why search anymore? You are a wonderful manifestation. The whole universe has come together to make your existence possible. There is nothing that is not you. The kingdom of god, the Pure Land, nirvana, happiness, and liberation are all you.

~ Thich Nhat Hanh ~

Quiet.
Typical mode is quiet. Just don't feel the need or desire to talk much. Rare? Probably. Not to be confused with disinterested, etcetera. Quite the contrary.
When drinking though, I can be one of those people - super chatty, friendly, and of course affectionate :0)
Really amplifies how much I love.
Not that I need substance to express this, but it does bring out those colors and helps me be more social when it doesn't come as naturally.

Looking within.

Allowing the (mind) to sink into the (heart).

Love is the ability and willingness to allow those that you care for to be what they choose for themselves without any insistence that they satisfy you.

Now, let it sink in:

Love is..... the ability and willingness....... to allow those that you care for...... to be what they choose for themselves....... without any insistence...... that they satisfy ----> you <----.

Could there be a kinder love!?

We do not attract what we want, we attract what we are.
~Wayne Dyer

What are we attracting in our lives?

The Four Cardinal Virtues:
1. Reverence for all Life
1. Natural Sincerity
1. Gentleness
1. Supportiveness

According to the teachings of Lao-tzu, the four cardinal virtues represent the surest way to leave habits and excuses behind and reconnect to your original nature. The more your life is harmonized with the four virtues, the less you’re controlled by the uncompromising ego.

The mind is everything. What you think you become.

Focus on the powerful, euphoric, magical, synchronistic, beautiful parts of life, and the universe will keep giving them to you.

Be as simple as you can be; you will be astonished to see how uncomplicated and happy your life can become.
~ Paramahansa Yogananda

My religion is to live through Love. :o)
~ Rumi

I know:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YtXZPFNhCuc#t=90

Don't be afraid, love. This is just a temporary ride. Live. Love. Give. Be honest with yourself. Be honest with everyone. No one is a mind-reader. Surround yourself with people who lift you UP. Even if that person is you for the moment. Wear your heart on your sleeves. You get what you give. Open your mind. And let it all go. THERE IS NO BLUEPRINT. And it's all fine.

I love this! --
How To Be Alone
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=k7X7sZzSXYs

Would anyone be interested in teaching me how to play drums or some other lovely musical instrument?

"Realized people are very quiet."
~ Nisargadatta

(I like quiet.)

STOP.

Maybe this is precisely the thing you need to click on right now:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Exuw4mtzdyQ

"Everything is coming and going," says Mooji. Yup, yup. Reminders like this from Mooji, and all of my teachers, always seem to hit the spot; reinforcing my path.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-1MG8o8nWGI&sns=em

And, THIS, this is fucking fantastic. All you Feelers, Psychics, Empaths... ♥ ~ Healers ~ ♥ cruising my profile, you may find this perspective of interest as well. I sure did. Something I picked up on as things started to become more clear.. For most people though, it won't make a bit of sense. And that's okay. But for you, it may be profound.

What a Shaman Sees...

http://twoicefloes.com/perspectives/what-a-shaman-sees-in-a-mental-hospital/

Bedtime stories by Sir Alan Watts:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YMDu3JdQ8Ow#t=269
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fYa1iKdaMTU
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wU0PYcCsL6o
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ivurmn3hnwc

EGO - three little letters that keep us from saying things we really want/need to say like:

I love you
I miss you
and
I'm sorry

I love you. I miss you. I'm sorry.

I used to think the worst thing in life was to end up all alone - it's not. The worst thing in life is to end up with people that make you feel all alone.
~ R W

"Being rich is not about how much we have, but how much we give." :

https://www.facebook.com/photo.php?v=10204040234274340&set=vb.1478465207&type=2&theater

Germany’s first waste-free supermarket about to open its doors:
http://themindunleashed.org/2014/06/germanys-first-waste-free-supermarket-open-doors.html

Okay, what this dude here did is truly spectacular. Talk about a fantastic voyage. This is how I would want to travel and see the world:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VTlXttQL_Yk

A commenter wrote this:

You can not put a price on adventure and meeting all our fellow world dwellers - materialism and trying to impress your neighbors is a far bigger waste of money.

Whatever happens,
Wherever you go,
Whatever you do,
Remember this:
No one can take the Fire
out of your soul,
the Stars
from your eyes,
the Passion
in your heart.
Those are yours
forever.

-sl

By clicking on this link you can help feed the hungry, with absolutely no further commitment. Easy-peasy. And you can do this EVERY DAY. Help feed someone today, if you'd like:

http://thehungersite.greatergood.com/clickToGive/ths/home

It seems Woody Harrelson and I share some intimate views about the world. Spot on. Maybe there's more like us. God, I hope so.

If interested pease watch here:

http://youtu.be/1rKEPtuwJSU

When the night has come, and the land is dark, and the moon is the only light we'll see...

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Us-TVg40ExM

"I live communally with 100 people in Virginia. We run a miniature society, with government and businesses we collectively own, and produce lots of our own food. We aren't tuned into TV/iPhones. We each earn $5000 a year (on average) and all of the money goes to the community. By sharing what we have - seven big houses, fifteen cars, a variety of talents and skills - we get by on very little. We have no leader and there is always plenty of food, comfortable shelter, and no trouble getting bills paid. We are all lucky to be secure and happy with our lives. I choose to live this way...

http://www.inspirationallover.com/#!I-live-communally-with-100-people/c1eit/5F345AC1-7637-4703-8E0A-A5870E43C1B7

Anything like this here in Brooklyn? Or wherever you are? (Where are you?)

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=biGm7nUgisA

I really just wanna do this all day:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Fo6qxye-Vbc#t=149

Your task is not to seek love, but merely to seek and find all the barriers within yourself that you have built against it.
~Rumi

This satirical illustrator is sooooo amazing. His thought-provoking work blows my mind:

http://themindunleashed.org/2014/05/29-clever-drawings-will-make-question-everything-wrong-world.html

http://www.pictorem.com/collectioncat.asp?author=Pawel+Kuczynski

He's illustrated so eerily the inner workings of my own mind in picture-form.

The Secrets of Food Marketing (Brilliant video):
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mKTORFmMycQ

Dolores Cannon Presents Moving into the New Earth:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6ucn3Xswv4Q

Soul contracts? Okay. Discover the soul contracts that influence your life. Even with animals, your pets, etcetera:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zbGNEOyaxNg

Every time you spend money, you're casting a vote for the kind of world you want.
~Anna Lappe

I don’t want someone who promises me the moon and the stars. I want someone who promises to lay on the grass and watch them with me.
~Unknown

I understand that there are varying reasons why people are on this site, and good luck to you all for whatever you're trying to achieve. It wouldn't be too much of a stretch to say that most people are looking to "connect" (or for some, "disconnect") -and it's not just limited to a dating website; I am no exception. But what I seek is something more than the "norm"; the casual. If you're basing your search on little else than the physical domain, it won't hold my interest and it'll be pretty obvious. Let's not waste time. If you've somehow made the connection between You, the universe, and every living thing on this planet, then you and I probably share some interests and I look forward to those types of encounters. I'm an uber-introvert! - just trying to reach a level of Nirvana while on this human-bodied quest; you know, love, peace, happiness through meditation, practice, and quiet. And by being an empathetic, loving, and non-judgmental human being. I don't have time for partying or pretending. Be kind, ya'll - especially to yourselves! *fist-pump*

So, is New York really the kind of place where I'll encounter the connections I speak of? The experience of living sensibly, quietly, sustainably, spiritually? And meeting others with similar views, practice, and focus? An alignment in priorities. That's the stuff. Hmmm.

Off to the farm or mountainside I go... finally?

"I think I fall in love a little bit with anyone who shows me their soul."

This mountain man:
1. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=06VzxxDTnB8
2. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RbVWY_dQQoc
3. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fEwVrYbo7Iw
4. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bxUunEPUGN4

Why Russell Brand is AWESOME:
1. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=i5WGYQ45SKU (His facial expressions are priceless.)
2. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=L8K2n2Yf8jk

Homesteading project anyone?

1. How To Build a Solar Cabin for $2000
2. I like this guy.

Saturday, May 24th, was the big March Against Monsanto, the world over. Here's a map of locations where they took place:

https://mapsengine.google.com/map/u/0/edit?mid=zYBCPsu9Gfsg.kjeYAmLngpCE&fb_source=message

None in Russia though. Or Iceland. How come, Iceland? How come?

This Monsanto is doing a bad, bad thing - to all of us. And for what? You got it - $profit. If you eat food, or know someone who does, this video link might be worth the watch, and then decide for yourselves:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eUd9rRSLY4A

Happy eatin', ya'll.

Woody too?

http://livefreelivenatural.com/listen-woody-harrelson-call-monsanto-earth-rapers/

Imagine $10,000 was deposited into every living human beings bank account (or pocket). How would that change things?

Or

Imagine if money wasn't necessary for the basics of survival, like food, shelter, clothes. How could we change things?

Switzerland may start paying every adult (whether they work or not) a salary of over $2000 per month, based on the idea that their citizens will have more time to devote to things they are intrinsically interested in, instead of spending the majority of their time worrying about how they are going to survive. (Can you imagine? Well, shouldn't we?)

I think a lot about quantity of life versus quality of life. And how to do away with all that is unnecessary so that I may live a more fulfilled, worthy, kind, loving, healthy, and peaceful existence.

And how I can be of service to others.

We, as human beings, think that through social networks, we’ve somehow become more social creatures.

The problem with this theory is, the more we “connect” online, the less actual human interactions we have, making us actually fairly unsocial.

A new video breaks down exactly how the social aspects of human beings have evolved and transformed, showing how we’ve regressed from a social standpoint.

Shimi Cohen shows exactly what’s wrong with our social structure now, and how we manipulate how we want to be presented to peers, family members, and potential mates on social media, rather than having vulnerable and genuine conversations in real time.

Check out this video below, and take a moment to truly assess how you conduct yourself, both online and in person
:

http://elitedaily.com/news/world/this-video-will-have-you-completely-rethink-how-you-conduct-yourself-online-and-in-person-video/

Aside from all that's written below, I am just looking to meet someone who is not too hip, not too busy, not too egocentric, not too consumeristic to chill with - meaningfully. Someone conscientious of the world at large, and within, who likes to bike around and smile with. And likes animals. And cuddling. And wants to watch documentaries then go out and set up a peanut butter and jelly sandwich stand and feed the hungry.

And you are also trying to align yourself sustainably. Sweet!

You've probably considered yourself anti-establishment at some point; a non-conformist; an individual; free-thinker... a free-spirit. Bundled in love. (<---Very important to note.) Now, that's attractive.

Genuine human contact. This is what I seek. I think this is what any of us seek. For some, it's just easier to convey and acknowledge.

I don't have the energy for anything less.

Wisdom tells me I am nothing. LOVE tells me I am everything. Between the two my life flows.
~ Nisargadatta Maharaj ~

“Normal is getting dressed in clothes that you buy for work and driving through traffic in a car that you are still paying for - in order to get to the job you need to pay for the clothes and the car, and the house you leave vacant all day so you can afford to live in it.” ―Ellen Goodman

There are people we meet in life that make everything seem magical.

Cherish them.

Been reading up on the effects of sugar, high fructose corn syrup to be more specific, which led to reading up on food and the effects on the body and our ecosystem as a whole. I'm giving eating healthier more due attention once again.

More plant-based. Less cooked.

Wealth Inequality in America

Printable List of Monsanto Owned “Food” Producers

These Ten Corporations Control Almost Everything You Buy And Watch

This guy right here ChenStyleJohn he's my new idol. They have a Community Health and Education Center in Southern Costa Rica should anyone care to help and donate to their worthy cause. I've never interacted with this person but I think he's doing a beautiful thing with his life, which is helping those in need. I admire that beyond words. This motherfucker is livin' the life.

"I think I fall in love a little bit with anyone who shows me their soul."

"I think I fall in love a little bit with anyone who shows me their soul."

I don't think you heard me:

"I think I fall in love a little bit with anyone who shows me their soul."

Modern day Bodhichitta (?) (+spiritual loner) living in one of the most centralized points in the world. I don't know why. I don't really know anyone like me. Again, I don't know why. Maybe everyone feels this way.

I think it would be pretty badass to become some warrior-bodhisattva, like Mother Teresa was, like Martin Luther King Jr. was, but living this ordinary life is also as necessary, carrying this burning light within me, and letting it radiate when and if and how it will.

"So then, here's the drama. My metaphysics- let me be perfectly frank with you- is that there is the central Self, you could call it God, you could call it anything you like. And its All of us. Its playing all the parts of all beings whatsoever, everywhere and anywhere.

And its playing the game of hide and seek with itself. It gets lost, it gets involved in the farthest out adventures but in the end it always wakes up, and comes back to itself. And when you're ready to wake up, you're gonna wake up. And if you're not ready you're gonna stay pretending that you're poor little me."

~ Alan Watts
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7blUYJm6i-c

To be yourself in a world that is constantly trying to make you something else is the greatest accomplishment. - Ralph Waldo Emerson

"It is only with the heart that one can see rightly; what is essential is invisible to the eye." --Antoine de Saint Exupéry

Which might explain why so much true beauty and wisdom is lost in our exterior-based culture. And it just keeps getting more extreme at a really disturbing and alarming rate. All for money? Fame?

We all need role models throughout our lives and something to attain to, but look at what society feeds us. Look at these American Apparel ads promoted from within this site alone with pretty little girls stripped down to their bones, in the sexiest poses that they can get away with. Look at all the hundreds of magazine covers strategically placed by check out lines, junk food, and crap, just crap, EVERYWHERE with the "beautiful ones" looking so happy and shiny, in movies, commercials, books, we are surrounded by it every which way we look -- THEY don't even look like that were it not for make up artists and stylists and photographers and editors. It makes the majority of us average looking folk feel like we're not enough, and it's not because we're lacking anything per say. So we'll buy the products, fast for days, lose ourselves in a game that we can't win. A game that we shouldn't even be playing. And on and on it goes.

FED UP - Official Documentary Trailer

I'm a fan of health, positivity, peace. You ain't gonna find these things by turning on the news, buying those magazines, feeding into the facebook frenzy -- what a nightmare that thing is.

Does Brooklyn seem to be getting LOUDER lately? And more cramped?

While it may appear otherwise, I am actually not much of a talker. I've gone long stretches in silence. Most people would find that impossible. But for me, it's serenity. Get a few drinks in me, though, and I'm the happiest chattiest friendliest drunk around. Sort of like I am when sober with kindred spirits, albeit it doesn't happen often.

I keep writing new things, just to see the old disappear at the bottom. I guess they've finally put a cap on it.

Thinking about Omega Institute
Or a farm
Mountains
Or a beach on an island
Or something else, a volunteer program helping those in need. I'd be good at that.

Maybe for a weekend
A week
Or until it's time

Love still compels me
Forever
It will

Medicine men
Healers
Lovers
Where do I find thee?

I'm not afraid to walk alone
I've done it forever
but a little light along the way is always nice to encounter

We are energy. Everything is energy. Our natural state is a very high state of energy. The more we stay in that high energy state the more our lives are blessed. We often make the error in believing that the negativity of others pulls us out of our high state of energy. We are wrong. Only our reaction to others can drag us into a lower state of energy.

https://www.facebook.com/photo.php?v=10203748023649257

The universe is a system which forgets itself and then again remembers anew so there’s always constant change and constant variety in the span of time. It also does it in the span of space by looking at itself through every different living organism, giving an all around view....Therefore, you are virtually nothing. A hundred years from now you will be a handful of dust, and that will be for real. All right now, act on that reality. And out of that...nothing. You will suddenly surprise yourself: The more you know you are nothing the more you will amount to something. ~Alan Watts

Hi.

"You suppose you are the trouble
But you are the cure
You suppose that you are the lock on the door
But you are the key that opens it
It's too bad that you want to be someone else
You don't see your own face, your own beauty
Yet, no face is more beautiful than yours."
-- Rumi

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aJjNWOuF3Pc

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qKJAMLG_uYE

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=toO1lIb1LQk

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Zgu5YCpQVUk

May 9, 2014
Something just shifted. I don't know, but I feel like I'm ready for a major change of some sort. Like the portrait I painted here with all these words, as it came to be throughout the past year or so, learning an incredible amount? I thought I could feel at home anywhere, and I did, but lately I'm starting to feel a real pull. Away from this. I am tired, I am so fucking tired. I feel like I'm drowning. Drowning in social anxiety.

I am tired of the chatter.
I am tired of the noise.
I am tired of people who don't care,
or caring about nonsensical things of absolutely zero substance.
I am tired of the egos and aggression and all that comes with them.
I am tired of being around drones & zombies.
I am tired of not being fully and properly nourished by the environment around me.
I am tired of all this junk,
Junk that people buy as acceptable standards of living.

I want a little house
With a little land
And a hammock
With some animals, plants, and food
With time to daydream, sing, breathe
As the seasons pass
As the days grow into nights
As my skin becomes more weathered
A line of clean clothes rustling in the breeze
I want to be free

To live out the rest of my life
On this amazing planet
Surrounded by natural beauty, peace, joy
And love

Not wait until society says I can retire
To live my own life
Like I do
Like I do

The Secret Life of Plants

I seem to live in a very different world because how radically different I view and experience life. I don’t care for the things that people care for, like money, status, upgrading, social media, media in general. I feel more akin to nature, and animals, and trees, and clouds. I understand people and their suffering. Empathetic as the flesh covering my body. Most folks have no quiet space in their mind, full of second-hand opinions.

How I long to be near more human beings who are whole, kind, intelligent, alert, awake, sensitive, not dogmatic, always learning and growing. But not imposing. Not judgmental.

Not loud.

Not boastful.

Knowing how powerful and limitless they are, and using it positively, for the good, even if if wasn't necessarily so arriving to this point.

If you prefer quiet, introverted, non-ironic, non-conventional, loner-ish-type girls with love that could fill the sky, we should try orbiting through space, side by side, tumbling through the universe.

I'm rarely bored alone; I am often bored in groups and crowds.

And if you are of a higher frequency, a little mentoring would be nice so that I may keep evolving. Not too many people in my world who understand.

Here's to the people who get back up more times than they are knocked down,.. who give more than they ever expect to receive,.. who still show love to others,.. even when their own heart is broken,.. who smile through the sad times,.. who light the way for others,.. who spread laughter and joy... Thank you for making the world a sweeter place to be.



Sigh.

Huh. Maybe we are all at fault for the way we are allowing our society to be.

TO: humanrace@earth.com
SUBJECT: unsubscribe

Kindness, a world made more beautiful.

Damn you Thai Life Insurance ads. I see a lot of similarities in Mae Toi ha.

Follow your heart.. Let your love lead through the darkness.. Back to a place you once knew.. I believe I believe I believe in you.. ! Follow your dreams.. Be yourself an angel of kindness.. There's nothing that you cannot do.. I believe I believe I believe in you... !

The Dalai Lama, when asked what surprised him most about humanity, answered "Man. Because he sacrifices his health in order to make money. Then he sacrifices money to recuperate his health. And then he is so anxious about the future that he does not enjoy the present; the result being that he does not live in the present or the future; he lives as if he is never going to die, and then dies having never really lived."

Can't Turn Me Away
Let's Get Lost

Ya know, I think I'm going to try to get through the whole Carl Sagan Cosmos series this weekend. Here's Episode 2.

Greatest Speech Ever Made

Nothing kinda tops Charlie Chaplin but some British guy created a spoken word video called "My Call For Humanity". LOVED IT. Sharing this shit. That's what I do when I love something.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=z4zFwyToywQ#t=347

You may cry watching this video of a rescued pit bull.

There are essentially only two drugs that Western civilization tolerates: Caffeine from Monday to Friday to energize you enough to make you a productive member of society, and alcohol from Friday to Monday to keep you too stupid to figure out the prison that you are living in.

~Bill Hicks

I love Bill Hicks. I love booze and coffee. I love the truth.

I'm finding polyamory more and more interesting to explore due to the fact that it's just more people to love. I mean, what is it except multiple people getting along without the inclusion of cheating, lying, killing, hurting. It seems to be win-win all around. It's a tribe. Unity. I am currently one thousand percent single and have never been in anything quite like this. I would also love it if the universe would sprinkle more of this love stuff toward my (and your) way: http://www.newsweek.com/polyamory-next-sexual-revolution-82053. Like, I've always thought growing old with some-ONE to be the most romantic thing (since this is mostly the "norm" in "society" and what we're accustomed to growing up, and I still find the idea quite fuckall romantic) but what if you could grow old with multiple people? I dunno, just keeping an open mind about everything. Making my own reality as I go along.

I mean, can't I just love people, whether it's one, two, two hundred, two billion people who are simultaneously spinning in the same Galaxy with me like an enormous pinwheel because I can't help but not to? Without feeling guilt, judgment, or remorse about it? Right. So I will.

What am I doing on SoundCloud? I dunno, what are you doing on PlanetEarth? But there I am. And by some strange coincidence, some strange human being, from some strange far away land found me, sampled two of my strange poetry-ish, stream of consciousness recordings and sent it to me. Strange! = So cool.

https://soundcloud.com/mysticwritr/intricate-pieces-sampled-by
https://soundcloud.com/mysticwritr/self-journey-beats-sampled-by

...because today I read a quote that said

Live in the opening where
there is No door to hide behind.


So funny. Any time I upload a photo like the one above I get a barrage of half-naked torso shots on my visitor's page. And tons of "Hi sexy" messages. Obviously, these folks aren't reading a word of my profile. Yeah, let me get back to you son, cuz you be everything I been dreamin' about.

I know. And I do know better. But still.

So weird.

So typical.

So sad.

But if supposing say the right situation presented itself, I would not be opposed to a good-hearted lusty playmate (let's just say!). One that doesn't creep me out. (Good luck with that.) Preferably one that ovulates.

I want you to know
one thing.

You know how this is:
if I look
at the crystal moon, at the red branch
of the slow autumn at my window,
if I touch
near the fire
the impalpable ash
or the wrinkled body of the log,
everything carries me to you,
as if everything that exists,
aromas, light, metals,
were little boats
that sail
toward those isles of yours that wait for me.

Well, now,
if little by little you stop loving me
I shall stop loving you little by little.

If suddenly
you forget me
do not look for me,
for I shall already have forgotten you.

If you think it long and mad,
the wind of banners
that passes through my life,
and you decide
to leave me at the shore
of the heart where I have roots,
remember
that on that day,
at that hour,
I shall lift my arms
and my roots will set off
to seek another land.

But
if each day,
each hour,
you feel that you are destined for me
with implacable sweetness,
if each day a flower
climbs up to your lips to seek me,
ah my love, ah my own,
in me all that fire is repeated,
in me nothing is extinguished or forgotten,
my love feeds on your love, beloved,
and as long as you live it will be in your arms
without leaving mine.

~Pablo Neruda (+ mystic_writr)

It's just like this.

Earth is so amazing. Thirty-three unbelievable places to visit before you die.

Some people are old at 18 and some are young at 90; time is a concept that humans created. It's true.. Somewhere my birth certificate may say that I was born in 1974 but where does it say how old my soul is? Can I please get a proper past life regression hypnotherapy session once and for all? Besides, I look (or act) like I'm 12. It gets very confusing.

But this body? There is no mistaking it; it couldn't be, taste, or feel more woman.

Which of the following forms of poetry best resembles what you desire in a relationship?

A Sonnet - Controlled, deliberate, and surprising.
A Haiku - Short, simple, and vivid.
-----> An Epic - Long, meandering, and powerful.
Free Verse - Wild, shifting, and confusing.

Like my soul. Like your soul.

"I bequeathe myself to the dirt, to grow from the grass I love;
If you want me again, look for me under your boot-soles.

You will hardly know who I am, or what I mean;
But I shall be good health to you nevertheless,
And filter and fibre your blood.

Failing to fetch me at first, keep encouraged;
Missing me one place, search another;
I stop somewhere, waiting for you."

~ Walt Whitman

"There's unconditional love there. You hear that phrase a lot but it's real with me and her. She loves me in spite of everything, in spite of myself.”

~Johnny Cash

Our adopted Sioux uncle once told me, "Niece, the longest journey you will make in your life is from your head to your heart, gently touching his forehead and then his chest.

If you are looking for that one person who will change your life, take a look in the mirror.

There is no exercise better for the heart than reaching down and lifting people up.



Love is hugging the same way 50 years later.



The greatness of a man is not in how much wealth he acquires, but in his integrity and his ability to affect those around him positively.

Those doing soul work
who want the searing truth
more than solace or applause
know each other right away
Those who want something else
turn and take a seat in another room
Soul-makers find each other's company

Heard this AL Green cover today of him singing Unchained Melody the only way AL Green knows how to deliver. Good grief, hose me down somebody, anybody. He made me fall in love all over again and again and again. He had me tumbling upwards, inwards, coursing through a thousand parallel universes, right through every soul that ever existed and will ever, ever exist, billions and billions of them all in one moment. Here:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=S7Pp7O2mxHI

Okay, me & Al Green Friday night I guess.
haha fuck this is good:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=h8NWqO85P6Y
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yOxFl4dna3o
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rPI6ZSUOKhw

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UgAFcvIw8J4

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jA7JhcF1rPs

It's alright darlin's if your eyes are a little moist after listening to these tunes. Must mean you're alive.

And then there's this fucking I'm Yours song I can't stop singing:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cl88QEll-Xc

What we share is real. Nothing else can bond humans. Joy, sorrow, care, courage, and tenderness are real. Kindness is real. Tears are real, and so is laughter. These are the currency of the heart. They are meant to be exchanged.

This is why I am here.



Every year the high school in my small town welcomes its freshman class with a special retreat. Those who are willing spend a day and a half in a rural setting, playing outdoor games, sharing their talents, and going as deep with each other and themselves as they desire.

In circles of ten or twelve on the second day, each writes on a small piece of paper what what he or she values in the other members of the group. First everyone writes about one person in the circle. Then they each read aloud to that person what they wrote. The person listening is allowed only three responses, "Thank you," or "Thank you very much," or "Thank you--will you read that again." Then they write about a second person, and so on.

They look for something fundamental to value. Not, for example, an ability such as, "You are a wonderful athlete," and not a characteristic such as, "You are so charming," but something meaningful such as, "I appreciate how you take strong stands without making people wrong," and "I feel safe around you because I know you are listening."

A few years ago a graduate of this school was killed in a traffic accident. In his wallet were small pieces of paper from the beginning of his freshman year with words of appreciation written by new friends in a circle of peers.

What can you say to someone that is so meaningful that he will carry it with him unto death? Only a message from the heart can reach that deep, heal that powerfully, and last that long.




I never knew what it would be like getting older, until I got older. Even then, everything is still a new experience, every day a new discovery -- of myself, and everything and everyone in this world where we are all together in. New and strange, so very strange, yet completely fascinating. I'm getting there.

It makes me think about and feel so much tenderness for old people, you know, the one's who've weathered every storm and every cell on their body. Yet, they were once young too, and inside I imagine they still are the same person (same soul) they've always been, except when they look in the mirror, they probably see a stranger looking back at them. Surprising? I bet. This is going to happen to all of us, and it's not as long a trip as we initially assume it to be. You'll see. We will all see. Be tender with the old, especially the crotchety one's. They haven't learned yet how to let go. It must be quite frightening for them.



There were tears in his eyes and he was laughing at the same time. He had unlocked his heart, and he saw that keeping it unlocked requires other people.



Those who danced were thought to be insane by those who couldn't hear the music.

Those who dance are thought to be insane by those who don't hear the music.



Never say there is nothing beautiful in the world anymore. There is always something to make you wonder in the shape of a tree, the trembling of a leaf.



I like being alone too much.

Unless I really enjoy being alone with you.



I love that magical feeling of intimacy, freedom, and connectedness with another human being when everything just clicks.

Don't we all know how rare and special a thing that is?



In the end, only three things matter: how much you have loved, how gently you lived, and how gracefully you let go of things not meant for you. (I got this.)



Yeah, these are little fucking hearts. I love hearts.



Mind Over Matter: Princeton & Russian Scientist Reveal The Secrets of Human Aura & Intentions



More than three decades after the debut of “Cosmos: A Personal Voyage,” Carl Sagan's stunning and iconic exploration of the universe as revealed by science, COSMOS: A SPACETIME ODYSSEY sets off on a new voyage for the star, this Sunday at 9 pm. This shit is going to be hosted by Neil deGrasse Tyson.



http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4Lki_IeM6bQ



International Space Station Commander Opens Up About His UFO Sighting In Space (Coool.)



Is This Proof of Heaven? A Brain Neurosurgeon’s Journey Into the Afterlife (Fantastic.)



Spend your life doing strange things with weird people. (No shit?)



The stars are like letters
which inscribe themselves
at every moment in the sky.
Everything in the world
is full of signs.
Everything breathes together.



What if our religion was each other?
If our practice was our life?
If prayer was our words?
What if the Temple was the Earth?
If forests were our church?
If holy water — the rivers, lakes and oceans?
What if meditation was our relationships?
If the Teacher was life?
If wisdom was self-knowledge?
If love was the center of our being.



7 Day Silent Retreat At Zmar (I want.)



The more you know the crazier you look. (Per-fect.)



Think different.

10 Reasons Why EarthShips Are Fucking Awesome

Earthships are 100% sustainable homes that are both cheap to build and awesome to live in. They offer amenities like no other sustainable building style you have come across. For the reasons that follow, I believe Earthships can actually change the world. See for yourself!

The most powerful thing Earthships do is force people to think differently about how we live. If housing can be this awesome, and be beneficial to the environment, then what else can we change? What else can become more simple, cheaper and better at the same time?

It’s time for us to re-think much of what we consider normal.


earthship.com

(oh shit yes. go little earthships!)



America Could End Homelessness in One Year by Doing This

House Construction with Plastic Bottles by Samarpan Foundation



Be soft..
Do not let the world make you hard...

Do not let pain make you hate.

Do not let the bitterness steal your sweetness.

Take pride that even though the rest of the world may disagree, you still believe it to be a beautiful place.

I want to live simply
a quiet and peaceful life

I want to sit by the window when
it rains and read books
I’ll never be tested on
I want to paint because I want to
not because I’ve got something to prove
I want to listen to my body
fall asleep when the moon is high
and wake up slowly
with no place to rush off to
I want not to be governed by money
or clocks or any of the artificial
restraints that humanity
imposes on itself

I just want to be
boundless and infinite

I live in a very different world no matter where I live, because how radically different I view and experience life. I don’t care for the things that people care for, like money, status, upgrading, social media, media in general. I feel more akin to nature, and animals, and trees, and clouds. I understand people and their suffering. Empathetic as the skin covering my body. Most folks have no quiet space in their mind, full of second-hand opinions. How I long to see a human being whole, intelligent, alert, awake, sensitive, not dogmatic, always learning and growing.

Not loud.

Not boastful.

Knowing how powerful and limitless they are, and using it positively, for the good, even if if wasn't necessarily so arriving to this point.

I think I fall in love a little bit with anyone who shows me their soul, whether we're meeting for the first time or have known each other for ages. This world is so guarded and fearful. I appreciate rawness so much.

“The world is like a ride at an amusement park. And when you choose to go on it, you think it's real because that’s how powerful our minds are. And the ride goes up and down and round and round. It has thrills and chills, and it's very brightly colored , and it's very loud and it's fun, for a while. Some people have been on the ride for a long time, and they begin to question - is this real, or is this just a ride? And other people have remembered, and they come back to us. They say, 'Hey! Don't worry, don’t be afraid, ever, because, this is just a ride...'...It's just a ride. And we can change it anytime we want. It's only a choice. No effort, no work, no job, no savings and money. A choice, right now, between fear and love.”

~Bill Hicks

The planet does not need more "successful" people. The planet desperately needs more peacemakers, healers, restorers, storytellers, and lovers of all kinds.

Like this guy..

It's inspiring how the spirit of just one person could affect a whole crowd of people. And how incredibly moving.

If people looked at the stars each night, they'd live a lot differently. When you look into infinity, you realize there are more important things than what people do all day.

Soaked in soul, moon spilling in...

"Today you are You, that is truer than true. There is no one alive who is Youer than You."

Careening down unexpected paths of fiction and truth, illusion and reality, wrong and right, shadow and light, generic lessons handed and genuine lessons found, my life has been an interesting and eye-opening adventure not unlike that of Alice when she tumbled down the rabbit hole into a realm of different realities and rules where nothing seemed to make sense. And now I absolutely know for certain it doesn't.

Now, here I am, as I always was before. But I suppose it took some gettin' to.

Own less, live more.

We The Tiny House People (Documentary)

The Great Bell Chant

MY LITTLE "hope" LIST:

This isn't a list, it's more about character than anything else.

The following tendencies I generally find admirable, in people, in relationships, in life, in myself, and how fortunate to discover these dwellings, have them merge ceaselessly together somehow, regardless of whether cupid's arrow strikes us a blow or some other lucky girl/guy along the path (because they'll probably appreciate this too):

Receptive and soft
Strong and supportive
Can handle love - silence - unpredictability - paradox - change - and humor
Patient and willing to reach or swim to the other side; it's always better than not trying
And usually more rewarding than you think
Simple things that mean so much (or do you know otherwise?)
Where it no longer matters what clothes we wear (unless it's sheep)
When we are no longer attached to outcomes (unless it's the universal message of we're-all-in-this-together. Shit, homey, a girl can dream, can't she?)
Probably not a "social butterfly"
Or, rather, doesn't mind if she is not a "social butterfly" (INFJ here)
An explorer of his inner well
And elsewhere
Makes us feel safe (it just comes instinctually) and tells us how beautiful we are

And you speak from your heart..
The well of your soul..
And you know how much it matters that you do.

Remember, this isn't a checklist. It's not really even about you, is it? But, who knows, maybe today is the day it'll make all sorts of crazy sense...

I hope he enjoys swallowing the rain and sunshine equally.
I hope he is kind and complex and will tell me how wonderful my cooking is.
I hope he likes all the stinky animals we share this earth with and is an admirer of the big badass natural world.
I hope he is surrounded by things that he loves
especially him or herself
But I hope he doesn't believe the old, unquestioned assumption that there is a connection between how much one owns and how valuable one is.
I hope he's come to some point where he no longer feels the need or desire to impress anyone--largely himself.
I hope he is nodding.
I hope he's into culture or at least interested to learn about mine.
I hope he is able to show emotional sensitivity and does not fear being different, maybe even thrives on complexity.
I hope he's looking for a warm woman to hold who takes comfort in him holding her.
I hope he's done playing the Mr. Cool-Detached-"Whatever" Guy
And that the thrill of dating and the chase no longer suits him.
I hope he sees beauty in life, in spite of everything that goes on here.
I hope he is curious and still yearning
...bright and trying.

I hope he likes the music. The all kinds.

EXISTENCE, "existence is relationship, and you are smack in the middle of it." ~ Alan Watts

"This is what you shall do; Love the earth and sun and the animals - despise riches - give alms to every one that asks - stand up for the stupid and crazy - devote your income and labor to others - hate tyrants - argue not concerning God - have patience and indulgence toward the people - take off your hat to nothing known or unknown or to any man or number of men - go freely with powerful uneducated persons and with the young and with the mothers of families - read these leaves in the open air every season of every year of your life - RE-EXAMINE ALL YOU HAVE BEEN TOLD AT SCHOOL OR CHURCH OR IN ANY BOOK - dismiss whatever insults your own soul - and your very flesh shall be a great poem and have the richest fluency not only in its words but in the silent lines of its lips and face and between the lashes of your eyes and in every motion and joint of your body."

~ Walt Whitman

What a gorgeous, lovely, kind, and wise human being this man ever was. He got it.

Perhaps most people feel as if they need to travel extensively to see the world? Me.. ? I just dim the lights and head inside.

free spirit n: 1. a person with a highly individual or unique attitude, lifestyle, or imagination; nonconformist 2. a person who lives according to his or her own wishes and beliefs, unconstrained by society's conventions

If people looked at the stars each night, they'd live a lot differently - when you look into infinity, you realize there are more important things than what people do all day.

I am just centering on the journey of being alive.

I am a sky where spirits live.
Stare into this deepening blue,
while the breeze says a secret.

Like this.

~Rumi

And here is moi reciting one of my faaavorite Rumi poems, trying to do it some sort of justice:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aJjNWOuF3Pc&list=TLW3qB_NS0Ercl-uCMEXg1-MrUmTJnC_2Z

I love getting out and wandering this insane world, whether here, there, where anywhere, but nothing beats coming home to or with someone you care about and finding the universe there. Lame, I know. But not really. I'm a homebody, a whirling creature of comfort, but that doesn't sum it up at all. I'm not especially fond of crowds, or at least, the loud screeching look at me look at me scenarios. That goes for people who talk or scream into their phones in q u i e t places, and they talk and talk and talk and talk

1. I don't care to listen to your conversation.
2. I can't believe the shit that is coming out of your mouth.
3. Please, just shut up.

Here, this portion below is also written elsewhere in this profile, but I'm also pasting it here because I know this is a big ocean of words to swim in and it's what I most feel like sharing at this moment:

I live simply and quietly in a large loud hustling and at times uncertain world. I dare say the monks would be proud; the would-be envy of hermit-enthusiasts everywhere were they anywhere to be found. "Helloooo out there!" For the time being I spend my waking walking cycling feeding contemplating meditating learning loving weeping and dreaming hours in Brooklyn, New York. Just a bridge and a bike ride away from the Big Carnival where people from all reaches and walks of life want to come and take part. As if it's some magical playground. And maybe it quite possibly is. And there I be, like an owl gently careening through a fluttering sea of flock (on two wheels).

Going my own pace.

Twirling my hair.

I'm odd.

It's tough, sometimes, being such an introvert in an extroverted world but no one experiences the magnitude and depth of how much we're able to feel and intuit. At least, this has been my unyielding experience. Although hard at times, it's also what a friend said to me once with so much conviction that I had to buy it, that I'm luckier than most. Maybe he was out of his fucking mind. (This is an edited version. The original remark was quite kind and agreeable. But doesn't everything ebb and flow? Don't we hate to love, then love to hate? Don't we dream to sleep, then sleep to dream? Isn't everything sort of flip-floppy? Sometimes?)

Shallow, heartless, mindless people really fucking bum me out.

And anyone who answers THIS question with a "Yes":

Would you strongly prefer to date someone of your own skin color / racial background?

:(

Despite appearances, I'm a pretty quiet person. I'm not much of a talker, except when I do. Does that make sense? But goddamn is my mind engaged. And goddamn do I write like a motherfucker.

Anyway, what am I doing here. What am I saying. I'm looking for YOU so that we can be together, explore life, ourselves, do things we wouldn't necessarily do on our own; learn on our own; see on our own; feel on our own; be on our own; grow on our own; give on our own; transcend on our own. Maybe pick up where we left off somewhere else. Join forces and find ways to spread our disgusting love, laughter, and nurture to all who need it. (They are waiting?)

I also just wanna hang out, you know, "hang out" with other people who don't need anything specific to do, happy to meet new people, create new experiences... just admiring nature or each others grill, doing laundry or dishes with music playing in the background or whatever comes up, picking lint off each others clothes, weeding the garden, or watching wet paint dry together. I don't know. Shadowboxing with the dog? Tripping on the sky? Anything is enjoyable when the company is right, when the invisible forces interweave. That's not rocket science and I hate stating the obvious.

✿ ✿ ❀¸¸¸.•´¯`❀✿❀¸¸.•´¯`❀✿❀ ✿ ✿ ❀¸¸¸.•*´¯`❀¯`✿ ✿ ¸¸¸.•´¯`❀✿❀¸¸.•´¯`❀✿❀ ✿ ✿ ❀¸¸¸.•*´¯`❀¯`✿ ✿ ❀¸¸¸.•´¯`❀✿❀¸¸.•´¯`❀✿❀ ✿ ✿ ❀¸¸¸.•*´¯`❀¯`✿ ✿ ❀¸¸¸.•´¯`❀✿❀¸¸.•´✿ ✿ ❀¸¸¸.•´✿ Social media really screwed romance ❀¸¸¸.•*´¯`❀¯`✿ ✿ ❀¸¸¸.•´¯`❀✿❀¸¸.•´✿ ✿ ❀¸¸¸.•´¯`❀✿❀¸¸.•´¯`❀✿❀ ✿ ✿ ❀¸¸¸.•*´¯`❀¯`✿ ✿ ❀¸¸¸.•´¯`❀✿❀¸¸.•´¯`❀✿❀ ✿ ✿ ´¯`❀✿❀¸¸.•´✿ ✿ ❀¸¸¸.•´¯`❀✿❀¸¸.•´¯`❀✿❀ ✿ ✿ ❀¸¸¸.•*´¯`❀¯`

...and the view above;
within.

This sums it up quite nicely, "The image of a lonely, isolated man masturbating to his computer is the Willy Loman metaphor of our decade(s)."

(Does this path have a heart?)

"The unexamined life is not worth living."

He co
What I’m doing with my life
“One day a six-year-old friend said to me, ‘Pretend you are surrounded by a thousand hungry tigers. What would you do?’ I visualized the situation as he had suggested and, coming up with no viable plan of action, said, ‘Wow, I don’t know. What would you do?’ And he replied, ‘I’d stop pretending.’”

Are they capping this shit? Uh oh.

(uh, continued...)

The one who follows the crowd will usually get no further than the crowd. The one who walks alone is likely to find himself in places no one has ever been before.

And quite the introverted/loner type. But when I'm engaged and intimately involved, my whole heart and being is in it, it's like the universe opening up. There is no cause to doubt. And the possibilities, why, they're as limitless as we believe them to be. I am a protector, nurturer, and hopefully an encourager of all good things to every single living thing alive (boundaries are imaginary lines that others wish to impose) this is what I do, this is where I'm at.

INFJ, and strangely accurate.

Some people understand this.
Most do not.

Oh soul,
you worry too much
You have seen your own strength
You have seen your own beauty
You have seen your golden wings
Of anything less,
why do you worry?
You are in truth
the soul, of the soul, of the soul
--Rumi

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Gp8qSLxjLEg

Somewhere in this process you will come face-to-face with the sudden and shocking realization that you are completely crazy. Your mind is a shrieking gibbering madhouse on wheels barreling pell-mell down the hill utterly out of control and hopeless. No problem. You are not crazier than you were yesterday. It has always been this way and you just never noticed. You are also no crazier than everybody else around you. The only real difference is that you have confronted the situation they have not. [And over time you can develop greater discipline]. "Discipline" is a difficult word for most of us. It conjures up images of somebody standing over you with a stick, telling you that you're wrong. But self-discipline is different. It's the skill of seeing through the hollow shouting of your own impulses and piercing their secret. They have no power over you. It's all a show, a deception. Your urges scream and bluster at you; they cajole; they coax; they threaten; but they really carry no stick at all. You give in out of habit. You give in because you never really bother to look beyond the threat. It is all empty back there. There is only one way to learn this lesson, though. The words on this page won't do it. But look within and watch the stuff coming up-restlessness, anxiety, impatience, pain-just watch it come up and don't get involved. Much to your surprise, it will simply go away. It rises, it passes away. As simple as that. There is another word for self-discipline. It is patience.
- Bhante Henepola Gunaratana
"Mindfulness in Plain English"

To begin with (to begin with):

The Joyous Cosmology by Alan Watts

Okay, I just stumbled upon this unbelievably breathtaking piece of writing by Alan Watts called The Joyous Cosmology. Words can't even describe how awe-inspiring this man was... and continues to be to me. Every thought he expressed made (and absurdly makes) more sense than the culmination of all my formal studies in school combined. I fucking kid you not.

So, then, hense this playlist I created, fittingly called (well, what else?)

The I Fucking Love Alan Watts Playlist!

dedicated to this most prolific teacher, which I myself return to over and over (and over) again. Simply, it's a conscience on a universal level I can relate to, believe in, and trust.

Last little reference to this is that the timing of finding him and my shift in focus about life as a whole and our place in it, let's say it's been a beautiful and synchronic song and dance, a perfectly (silently) (solitary) attuned musical symphony, which I can never return from I gather. I'm, for lack of a better description, swept, or rather... spirited away.

The Dream of Life

Okay I peeked and landed on this:

"Listen, there's something I must tell. I've never, never seen it so clearly. But it doesn't matter a bit if you don't understand, because each one of you is quite perfect as you are, even if you don't know it. Life is basically a gesture, but no one, no thing, is making it. There is no necessity for it to happen, and none for it to go on happening. For it isn't being driven by anything; it just happens freely of itself. It's a gesture of motion, of sound, of color, and just as no one is making it, it isn't happening to anyone. There is simply no problem of life; it is completely purposeless play—exuberance which is its own end. Basically there is the gesture. Time, space, and multiplicity are complications of it. There is no reason whatever to explain it, for explanations are just another form of complexity, a new manifestation of life on top of life, of gestures gesturing. Pain and suffering are simply extreme forms of play, and there isn't anything in the whole universe to be afraid of because it doesn't happen to anyone! There isn't any substantial ego at all. The ego is a kind of flip, a knowing of knowing, a fearing of fearing. It's a curlicue, an extra jazz to experience, a sort of double-take or reverberation, a dithering of consciousness which is the same as anxiety."

Ah god
I feel like I'm exploding with aliveness
And I just don't know what to do with all "this" (what is "this")... or maybe I am doing it, right now.

It's been said that there is no teacher greater than living with an open heart. So, naturally, I ripped my chest wide open.

The heart grows.

Soaked in soul, moon spilling in...

(For whom were you weeping?)

A little excerpt for you:

REMEMBER THAT YOU ARE ALIVE. We live, but we're so busy running around that we forget how remarkable it actually is that we even exist. And we seem to take for granted how fast it could suddenly stop. Me? I think this calls for one huge lifelong celebration. But we got crazy ideas put in our heads by people who had it put in theirs and someone's banking on it bigtime. Are you happy? Are you living your life the way you want to?

Keep exploring. Life is NOT a competition, no matter what they say, so go ahead and look around and enjoy the view instead of fighting it, yourself, and each other.

Nor is it a race, even though the speeds and the highways will offer challenges and they will always change. Life is what we make it, so why not make it as interesting and good as we possibly can, not just for ourselves but for everything that lives on this planet with us. And always keeping in mind that it doesn't end when we do. But while we're here, let's:

Is THIS how life is supposed to be? "How did I get here?"

Why aren't there more options? Better options for ourselves? Why aren't we creating more meaningful ways to exist? Why don't we start fresh? Living with less materially so that we're able to enjoy a deeper personal wealth?

Simply existing, peacefully? Without judgment?

The societal structure has been strategically designed, implemented, and reinforced, but we're never offered the explanation that those are only DEFAULT SETTINGS. There are people who live their whole lives on those settings, never realizing they can customize.

We can.

Things I don't care for:

ding dongs who feel entitled. Jesus, they don't even know who they are. Like the SHOUTY ones, who are either oblivious to their surroundings or all about themselves. Hey man, I don't want to listen to your conversation, is that alright? Or those who decide that standing right in the middle of the sidewalk is a good idea. A few steps to the left or right would actually allow people to pass, you know? Over-sized umbrella carriers. Really? It just seems like those are the same entitled bastards who don't care if they poke your eye out, hanging out in the middle of the sidewalk, shouting into their phones, holding a tent over their head. One drop of rain. Basically, I guess I don't care much for thoughtlessness or retardation in that 'You're a fucking retard' kind of way. And if you're one of those people who must absolutely be around the beautiful ones, or you just fall in love with every girl you see, please, get out.

MY LITTLE "hope" LIST:

Foolish perhaps, but I still hope for the following qualities in people, in relationships, regardless of whether cupid's arrow strikes us a blow or some other lucky girl along the path (because they'll probably appreciate this too):

Receptive and soft
Strong and supportive
Can handle love - silence - unpredictability - paradox - change - and humor
Patient and willing to reach or swim to the other side; it's always better than not trying
And usually more rewarding than you think
Simple things that mean so much (or do you know otherwise?)
Where it no longer matters what clothes we wear (unless it's sheep)
When we are no longer attached to outcomes (unless it's the universal message of we're-all-in-this-together. Shit, homey, a girl can dream, can't she?)
Probably not a "social butterfly"
Or, rather, doesn't mind if she is not a "social butterfly" (INFJ here)
An explorer of his inner well
And elsewhere
Makes us feel safe (it just comes instinctually) and tells us how beautiful we are

And you speak from your heart
The well of your soul
And you know how much it matters that you do

Remember, this isn't a checklist. It's not really even about you, is it? But, who knows, maybe today is the day it'll make all sorts of crazy sense...

I hope he enjoys swallowing the rain and sunshine equally.
I hope he is kind and complex and will tell me how wonderful my cooking is.
I hope he likes all the stinky animals we share this earth with and is an admirer of the big badass natural world.
I hope he is surrounded by things that he loves
especially him or herself
But I hope he doesn't believe the old, unquestioned assumption that there is a connection between how much one owns and how valuable one is.
I hope he's come to some point where he no longer feels the need or desire to impress anyone--largely himself.
I hope he is nodding.
I hope he's into culture or at least interested to learn about mine.
I hope he is able to show emotional sensitivity and does not fear being different, maybe even thrives on complexity.
I hope he's looking for a warm woman to hold who takes comfort in him holding her.
I hope he's done playing the Mr. Cool-Detached-"Whatever" Guy.
I hope he sees beauty in life, in spite of everything that goes on here.
I hope he is curious and still yearning
...bright and trying.

I hope he likes the music. The all kinds.

The last hope is that we make the leap; there is a sea of beautiful crazy good bad amazing ordinary unbelievable to unexplainable and touching shit about you and me and life and the world to discover; inside and out.

Me: Filled with wanderlust and compassion for all alive, I'd describe myself as a student of the world. My trip is life.

Soaked in soul, spirit, and humanity... or getting something nearer and nearerer to it.

You: Prismatic eyes. Gentle spirit. Heart of gold. Something like man to spill into.

----------------------------------------------------------------------

Meditating, like a motherfucker.

Well...

I'm not a Buddhist, I don't ascribe to any religion, BUT with really no other way to describe it, I will say that being a Bodhisattva (since this is the closest thing I can even explain as to what is happening right now with complete consciousness and focus) is the most meaningful thing that I have ever experienced up to this point in my life.

In Buddhism, Satsang is the invitation to step into the fire of self-discovery. This fire will not burn you, it will only burn what you are not.

They will ask you
what you have produced.
Say to them,
except for Love,
what else can a Lover produce?
~Rumi

“I wish I could show you when you are lonely or in darkness the astonishing light of your own being.”
--Hafiz

Me: Filled with wanderlust and compassion for all alive, I'd describe myself as a student of the world. My trip is life.

Soaked in soul, spirit, and humanity... or getting something nearer and nearerer to it.

You: Prismatic eyes. Gentle spirit. Heart of gold. Something like man to spill into.

• NOW I practice meditation as often as possible. If you'd like to sit together, send me a message. I'm still pretty much a noob.
• Or practice being a loving, compassionate, fun-hearted, open-minded human being in this little world, please send me a message.
• And then eat and drink and be merry, read the AKASHIC RECORDS or Leaves of Grass together (or to each other) and imprint them onto our subconsciousness, whilst practicing being a loving, compassionate, fun-hearted, open-minded human being. Please do kindly let me know you're here.

Note to you:

Sorry! There's a lot of fucking links here, music, poetry, documentaries, amazing talks from amazing people I've had the great fortune to discover, all relateable, relative stuff and I'm sharing it... all of it... with others eyes and ears they may capture. And if there is resonance, that resonance, you and him and her and they are welcome to come along for the ride if one so desires...

or simply begin your own.

And just as I wrote the above paragraph, this appeared before me:

Your work is not to drag the world kicking and screaming into a new awareness. Your job is to simply do your work... sacredly, secretly, and silently... and those with ‘eyes to see and ears to hear will respond’

The signs are everywhere.

Note to self:

I don't know, I like seeing the red or yellowish dot that indicate that these people (more men in general, I'm speaking of here) respond selectively, because it probably denotes a particularness that I myself wholly appreciate (and understand). It's not even that we're assholes or being assholes or think that we're better than anyone (I can only speak for myself, of course). But I think it's that I relate more to those who's ideas and lifestyles are generally, well... different, somehow. Even if you are constantly being mistaken for "normal"...

You're just not interested in the outer packaging (that only goes so far) and "hooking up" (because you're trying so desperately to stave off your incredible loneliness or death, or you are just not ready to engage in the kind of relationship that me and many other people prefer to pursue). (And you really really really know what I'm saying here.) There is an endless number of stunningly "gorgeous" people in this town, hordes of them zipping past us or sitting across from us at any given moment, and what about it? That's not what grabs our attention. That's not what we care about. That's not what speaks to us. Our desires are elsewhere, but our intuition and intentions always in tact. We notice and are more captivated by those cold distraught beggars on the street or the cloud formations in the sky, the signs that say just what we needed reminding of or the elderly and how they've lived, and will soon die. You've really come a long way. Boy you've grown.

LOOK AT THE BELIEFS THAT FORM THE GROUNDWORK OF YOUR LIFE.... We are full of beliefs that we have collected over the years - attitudes, ideas, opinions and conditioning, and we are so full of what we know that when challenged, we dig in our heels and often think, "Don't tell me anything new. I have my beliefs together and how dare you try to change them. This is what I've based my whole life on. Now you are telling me I could be wrong. I don't want to hear that." We live with a set of beliefs called religion, a set of beliefs called politics, a set of beliefs about ourselves, a set of beliefs about the kind of people that we like or don't like and a set of beliefs about everything else.

Many of the things that we believe, garnered from past experience, groups of people and individuals - are not true, but they are the things that we have IMAGINED to be true out of our need to survive. Because the will to survive and the desire for certainty are strong, we create rules about the nature of life and how it unfolds, and these rules become BELIEFS.

Unfortunately those beliefs can also become limitations.

The only shackles we have are the ones we create ourselves.

“This is where we are at right now, as a whole. No one is left out of the loop. We are experiencing a reality based on a thin veneer of lies and illusions. A world where greed is our God and wisdom is sin, where division is key and unity is fantasy, where the ego-driven cleverness of the mind is praised, rather than the intelligence of the heart."
― Bill Hicks

No Facebook.
So many people on their open laptops glued to this medium, everywhere. Being saturated and plugged into feeds from an endless blanket of meaninglessness. (Who am I to say?) Do you see them toooo?

(Regarding Facebook, this is no longer accurate. While I have an account there, I use it solely to further my practice of love and compassion. I never thought of using this medium as a source to bring more enlightenment to my world. I have not added a single person to my page, it's more about ideas and images that resonate with where I'm currently at. I suppose it's an extension of my profile here, my YouTube channel, and now this, just some way for me to express, articulate, and piece out what's happening inside...)

It's a fantasy world. An illusion. Another ego-infested human trap. And finally, a socially accepted addiction. Kind of like porn. I don't dislike the idea of either, just depends on how it manifests into reality. But whenever I overhear people having a conversation and the word Facebook comes up, I kinda cringe. Do you know what I mean? It's like McDonald's or Bank of America, Wal-mart, fashion. It actually makes me sad.

No Twitter.
I don't understand how this Twitter thing works. And I don't ever care to.

What the fuck is an instagram?

I just wish we weren't "on" all the time. Before technology it was a much simpler world I imagine...in some regards, anyway.

With so many people, so many websites, so much temptation, desires, so much of everything, it's hard to maintain an honest focus.

Until you're ready.

Life is a blink of an eye.

No ego, power trips, competitiveness in the fuck-someone-over-for-one's-own-benefit way. That just sucks. How often in our lives do we do this without even realizing it? How often in our daily fucking lives do we do this fully conscious of knowing that we're doing this? This, this, this, this. This.

No superficial anything. Can't. Won't.

Truth.

Open-mindedness.

Compassion.

Love.

Not judging. (I'm such a fucking hypocrite sometimes.) Not hating. (There's nothing hypocritical here. None.) Not living in fear.

Not living in the past. Not imagining a future. Just here now. This is it.

Forgiveness.

Self-respect.

Healing.

Letting go of institutions, ideas, things, memories, and people who no longer serve my spirit. That's right, my spirit. It's the most amazing thing I got.

I'm letting go

Let go

I'm wild just like a rock, a stone, a tree
And I'm free, just like the wind the breeze that blows
And I flow, just like a brook, a stream, the rain
And I fly, just like a bird up in the sky
And I'll surely die, just like a flower plucked
And dragged away and thrown away
And then one day it turns to clay
It blows away, it finds a ray, it finds its way
And there it lays until the rain and sun
Then I breathe, just like the wind the breeze that blows
And I grow, just like a baby breastfeeding
And it's beautiful, that's life and that's life
And that's life and that's life


This song just about puts it all into perspective.

Remember it.

I'm apparently obsessing over my recent YouTube Channel:

• Like creating a Henry Rollins For President Playlist.
• Or The I Fucking Love Alan Watts Playlist Playlist.
• Or piecing together the Just Good Shit Playlist.
• Or compiling a playlist on Documentaries that have really affected or moved me this past year.
• Or adding to this ever-growing Music Feed of all my favorites as I remember or discover them.

Most importantly, I'm kissing the shit out of love and life and strangeness and all the beautiful wandering spirits in it in my own little subtle beautiful quirky ways. You don't know it but I do.

These are days.

Strange is our situation here upon earth. Each of us comes for a short visit, not knowing why, yet sometimes seeming to a divine purpose. From the standpoint of daily life, however, there is one thing we do know: that we are here for the sake of others… above all for those upon whose smile and well-being our own happiness depends, and also for the countless unknown souls with whose fate we are connected by a bond of sympathy. Many times a day I realize how much my outer and inner life is built upon the labors of my fellow man, both living and dead, and how earnestly I must exert myself in order to give in return as much as I have received.

--Albert Einstein

It's been said that there is no teacher greater than living with an open heart. So, naturally, I ripped my chest wide open.

The heart grows.

It's also been said that people are waaay too uptight. (Or just not loose enough!)

There is also another saying: "When you sit, sit; when you stand, stand; whatever you do, don't wobble." Once you make your choice, do it with all your spirit. (Okay.)

LIBERATE:

I live "simply" and quietly in a large loud hustling and at times uncertain world. I dare say the monks would be proud; the would-be envy of hermit-enthusiasts everywhere were they anywhere to be found. "Helloooo out there!" For the time being I spend my waking walking cycling feeding contemplating meditating learning loving weeping and dreaming hours in Brooklyn, New York. Just a bridge and a bike ride away from the Big Carnival where people from all reaches and walks of life want to come and take part. As if it's some magical playground. And maybe it quite possibly is. And there I be, like an owl gently careening through a fluttering sea of flock (on two wheels). Going my own pace. Twirling my hair.

Looking at clouds, riding the waves, watching the people, walking along, growing the garden, keeping an eye out, learning to accept things just as they are. Especially myself.

Might also be said that I'm a soul-searching homebody but I love being outdoors but I love curling up but I love taking trips but I love coming home but I love experiencing new things but I love the old and familiar. Whether it had to do with the alignment of the planets and stars when I popped out or if there was something in the drinking water from the fountains and rivers of every place I've lived loved visited and swam in, I possibly like the feeling of home best, wherever I am, and hope I provide that same sense of comfort to others. There's something really gratifying about feeding people good home-cooked meals and sharing in all that those moments consists of. I also enjoy being whisked away at the drop of a hat. I can spend days inside getting lost in music or an endless stream of words and ideas and sentiments or just a massive ball of burning inertia curled up in one spot in the creaky recesses of my own existence.

Other times-- I'm laughing like a lunatic, inside and out, which tends to happen anytime I'm watching human interaction, recognizing repetitious patterns with each new emerging generation. Our flaws, our strengths. Our denial, hypocrisy, our idiosyncrasies -- especially those who try the hardest to hide them. Our sweetness. Yes, the sweetness. I see it in everyone underneath the tremble of hardships, hardness, uncertainty, confusion, and fear. Especially myself. Scowls, frowns, furrowed brows. The faraway look in the eyes. Each of us playing a part. Shifting the wave of human existence. One by one, little by little. Cycles and seasons, chaos and reasons. The hair on my spine, the skin in my gut, a heart that keeps growing. Perspective and changing it if I want to. Being able to help others... if I can. Weird wonderful things happen with age, it seems. (Wow, I'm really aging. Finally.) It's amazing to be alive. And that we're all working toward the inevitable (whether that's clear or not); heading in the same direction. Coming... and going.

We're like army ants and bees pollinating the empty pages of
existence.

Together.

Unconventional and nonconforming. Neither oblivious nor unmoved. Lordie, I am curious and concerned about the world and the people in it. I believe everything and everyone deserves a chance. Unless I have blocked you.

I am serious and playful and not kidding about the heart.

The little ones and the animals always staring me down, necks twisting backward. Like that squirrel in the park the other day with the mangled tail that actually followed me for a half mile or so, acting all possessed. I have pictures and a video recording. I've been stalked before but never quite like this.

I'm not big on stereotypes. Or racists. Or "should's". Or letting things go to waste.

More solitary than extravert... but I'm rooting for everyone.

My favorite thing in the world: kindness.

I'm open to life, and change, and possibility. Paradox, mystery,
imagination, humor. I'm open to life, and change, and possibility. Paradox, mystery, imagination, humor. I'm open to life, and change, and possibility. Paradox, mystery, imagination, humor. Things can turn in an instant.

|Flip|

Finding one's way to spiritual perfection first as an outlier, in solitude, and then, as a joint effort together with people of the same conviction. This is what consumes me as I enter the next phase of this miasma; overcoming fears and other obstacles to reach my goals, getting free of inhibition, and finding the courage to pursue the path that leads to the realization of one's own potential... which will in unison ultimately reveal the nature of the soul; mine and yours; alone and together.

Excerpt from The Seat of the Soul by Gary Zukav:

There are certain growing dynamics that can only occur within the dynamic of commitment. Without commitment you cannot learn to care for another person more than yourself. You cannot learn to value the growth of strength and clarity in another soul, even if that threatens the wants of your personality. When you release the wants of your personality in order to accommodate and encourage another's growth, you attune yourself to that person's soul. Without commitment, you cannot learn to see others as your soul sees them -- as beautiful and powerful spirits of LIGHT.

The archetype of spiritual partnership reflects the conscious journey of multisensory humans toward authentic power. Spiritual partners recognize the existence of the soul, and consciously seek to further its evolution. They recognize nonphysical dynamics at work within the world of time andatter. They see matter as the densest, or heaviest, level of Light that is continually being shaped and reshaped by the souls that share this sphere of learning. They consciously cocreate their experiences with each other, with an alive Earth that loves Life very much, and with a compassionate Universe.


There are varying objectives for my active profile here. (As in the expanse of life.) We want to feel, to act, to see, to be. To engage. So that one may learn, and feed, and share, and grow. There's love. There's friendship. There's family, community, the common people, and the environment. And there is always the unexpected and unknown.

While I am delighted and overjoyed to discover breath of like-minded individuals with kindred heart soul sensibility and imagination I am also taking this opportunity to network.

If after reading my profile you feel there is something you would like to approach me about regarding work or a creative collaboration, please do so--whatever the idea or suggestion might be. I would be more than interested in hearing about them. A place to start; form and foster ideas. Inspire. There is ample writing here to give you a pretty good indication of the kind of person I've been molding myself into and what direction I might like to venture but I remain open to possibilities, adventure, the unknown, and hopefully a creative, fulfilling, sustaining gig.

As vague as that may seem I'm not interested in limitations and I think, overall, when we make the conscious decision to allow ourselves to keep boundaries open, the more Life opens up to us and the more we open up to Life. I myself am becoming a believer that there is opportunity to be discovered (or created, yes, I'm starting to believe the power of self-actualization) everywhere and anywhere with anyone--should one remain open to the notion. That's the kicker. I am open and ready to learn new things about myself and what I may have to offer this world within the business parameters and beyond. Who knows? we could end up dreaming something beautiful together, in turn making this world slightly kinder and brighter and more joyous to exist in for all who are ready. I know how it sounds, but perhaps that's just the point.

Here I am drawing myself to the Universe's greatest gift: human beings with open hearts.

(Now, continuing...)

I think I'm ready for the joint venture now, even as I'm still in the process of self-realization, which is apparently perpetual and ever-changing. Come watch me flower.

I'm close.

Goddamn there's like a million people on this site...

So far, I'm not digging these peanut-sized images with little else to go on before one starts trolling around this pop-sickle stand. (Is there a special section for "day old" or advanced souls I wonder?) Whenever I click on a man's profile who's only looking for dudes or some other random fella who turns out to be 20 years old looking for gurrrls 18-22, I'm all like "Aaah, shit."

And then I have a good laugh.

I choose not to browse in private. (Sorry if I popped into your reality for a moment there, buds.) I can only imagine that happens to us all. Sometimes it's just some angle from those really tiny cropped images or maybe a jolt of color that catches my eye. Or those rather odd "Quiver matches" they keep sending me. Or "Similar Users" off those odd matches (they do keep sending). Or just the simple fact that you've viewed my profile. Etcetera, etcetera. So I'll have a looksee, that's all. While we might not be a match, feel free to visit my page as often as you like as I may do the same (for whatever reason, which might be quite puzzling for both of us). As you'll see below, there's a lot going on here. (Or not.) Take from it whatever you need if you do find that there's something here that resonates with you. Some things in life are in fact -- FREE.

I know the first shot here will be due to the photo... but I hope
you stay for the content.

Please feel free to edit-favorite-rate-hate-save-tag-love (or like) or lastly leave my profile at any time.

But I hope you'll reconsider sending me messages such as the following because frankly it's taking up space in my mailbox and I've been having to delete (and at times block) people, not because I think they might be terrible people and certainly not because I'm a terrible people--there's just too many people on this site, hence this little personal note. I'm not quite here to "chat" or to ping-pong one-liner compliments. I can get that walking outside sporting my sweat-stained tee and twenty-year-old faded sweatpants that smell like something crawled in them and died. So, with that said, I've clearly inserted my reply for you below and sorry and please CREATE a beautiful life: (What I'm saying is--Don't wait for it, see... it never comes.)

"Hi."
"Hello."

"How are you?"
"How am I?"

"Interesting profile."
(sigh)

"That's quite a long profile."
"I guess."

"How long did it take you to write that?"
"Longer than you can imagine I suppose."

"I'm intrigued."
"Uh... thank you?"

"Would you like to get to know me?"
"What?"

"I think we'd get along."
"Really?"

"Nice body!" - "You're sexy." - "Sexy as hell!"
(I think I die a little every time.)

"You're Asian?"
"You're Human?"

(Oh god.)

This:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pz584ojSajk

And this:
"...to be, somehow, looking together from the same place, when it comes to something so profound as the truth."
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jABqjnuDxKQ

I like this. If you understand, get in touch.

One regret, dear world,
That I am determined not to have
When I am lying on my deathbed
Is that
I did not kiss you enough.
--Hafiz

Opening the window of your heart, one, by one, by one.
I’m really good at
empathy

Thirty-nine years of it now. Like a pro. Don't worry, I've left room ahead for myself, a warm plate, a cozy pillow, long nights that greet the dusk. There is no straightaway about it. Never has been. Good thing. Today? I really, really like who I am. Definitely better than I was ten years ago in my struggling twenties, struggling the only way a twenty-something struggles, you see. Oh, that was not pretty. Even better than I was just a year ago which I can say for certainty is when the switch truly started to flicker. (Had ya seen what I was thinking/writing back then compared to now? you'd still say I was crazy.) Not to say that life is not filled with hardships, complications, struggle, and the unexpected turn of events (I'm not completely disillusioned), but I like to believe that I've blossomed with age (one seems to grow with experience and allowance) and deep surges of perpetual self-examination. And somehow, between then and now, I think I became a better person; perhaps because of all those challenging obstacles that come from merely being alive which used to cause me incredible suffering. But it's somehow different now. I taught myself the art of mental kung-fu? I can't change other people but I can choose how I see, behave, and respond to whatever comes along...and that there is something that for me has become invaluable.

I'm really good at letting people be who they are and listening when they speak. I'm an excellent hugger.

I know how to speak softly. For you, maybe even softer.
The first things people usually notice about me
The quiet. Mystery. Or laughter.

Or if you saw me on my bike yesterday, that was me giving money to a beggar in a wheelchair. Oddly, he and I were both in the bike lane. I hadn't done that in a while but I was compelled to. Seems like the less money I have lately the more I want to share it. Also, my bike almost got stolen yesterday (not again, the first time it happened almost killed me). Some crackhead almost successful cut through the wire on my lock. So I'll be visiting shops, maybe invest in a Kryptonite.

If I'm outside, sitting somewhere, and my eyes are closed, then probably meditating. I can do this almost anywhere, alone, or amongst people. The more I do it, the more I love doing it.

Or, if attuned, the rainbow of my soul. Maybe even my chakra pouring out.

I'm cleaning up after myself (and sometimes others around me who don't). Moving aside for those who are in such a rush. Being kind to those that other people ignore. Doing my best not to be a burden in this world.

At 39, I get carded. Everyone just assumes I'm sooooooo stupid young.

My beard. My aura. My helmet. I see you. I feel you. I smell you? I'm always hungry. In all seriousness, I'd eat your face if given the opportunity.

Maybe I'm holding up a mirror.

Maybe a sign.

People are confused by me because I look or appear a certain way, but think or turn out to be radically different than what they assumed. Maybe I break a lot of stereotypes. But those who see me, they know who I am. Maybe they see themselves. But when I'm not hiding, which I'm doing less and less of these days, I admit to being probably the poorest Asian girl in New York. I've never been poorer in my life. And, frankly, I have absolutely no idea what's ahead of me. But I also don't think I've ever been more clear. I lost it all in one sense and then gained something truly remarkable in turn. Like remembering gratitude and having that reinforced tenfold and realizing that it truly is the little things that mean so much. When you have nothing else there is still hope. More content than I've ever known. I know this might not make any sense. None of it made sense to me either until very recently. And I'm still soaking it up and enjoying it while starting to pave out the next road, turning the chapter, putting one foot in front of the other. Or maybe I'll fly... People usually think I'm just a kid. And once they get to know me, oh my old soul. I can be very quiet and reserved, but then, I can be quite animated. I'm almost always alone, if not for my bike.

And while there's a lot written here, and I suppose a lot on my mind, in person I'm not one who needs to be (constantly) flapping my gums. Conversation is overrated. (I suppose I appreciate the beautiful potential of the written word or that sublime sound that you hear when nothing is spoken or just taking in everything that's going on around me, inside me, through me and bouncing off of you.) I take that back--talking just for the sake of talking grinds me. But titillating conversion between two people who have an appreciation for what the other person is saying, the place where they're coming from, and BOTH are mutually interested and invested is something to be highly desired. Those conversations could last forever. It could range from heartrendering serious to the ridiculously ridiculous. It doesn't matter what we speak about when the flow is there. And we all know it can't be forced or manufactured. But nonetheless when the same frequency is there I am fond of non-verbal communication and other outlets of expression. This is being in tune with one another's essence. The finest melody unuttered. We will enjoy our thoughtful silences whenever it beckons or you may kindly go take a flying leap, flappy. Just kidding, people. Lighten up, okay? Like I said, conversation can be great when you're speaking the same language and hearing the same tone, otherwise it just sounds like arguing, debating, or an AAMCO commercial, or a bunch of clucking chickens, and there are other more enjoyable ways to spend our precious moments, agreed?

There's nothing flashy or fancy about me. I don't wear make-up, carry phat-ass designer bags, and I don't know what the latest anything is. I don't fit the typical mold of what a woman (person) should be (like, look like, talk like, think like, dress like, behave like, roll like, work like, write like, live like). But at the same time I do. When I was in my twenty's, I too used to wear those loud shoes, stomping around as loud as I could, because I thought it made me sound important, like I knew what I was doing, as if I was supposed to. Now? I like that my feet don't hurt and that I could outrun a bear if I had to, or catch one and wrestle with it. And I admittingly don't care what I know or if I know anything, nor who else knows it. I just do my thing, carrying along, without trying to cause too much unnecessary disruption around me. It's a simple life. But inside? my inner world? it's richer than I can even believe... and I'm burstin g.
Favorite books, movies, shows, music, and food
i carry your heart with me(i carry it in
my heart)i am never without it(anywhere
i go you go,my dear;and whatever is done
by only me is your doing,my darling)
i fear
no fate(for you are my fate,my sweet)i want
no world(for beautiful you are my world,my true)
and it's you are whatever a moon has always meant
and whatever a sun will always sing is you

here is the deepest secret nobody knows
(here is the root of the root and the bud of the bud
and the sky of the sky of a tree called life;which grows
higher than soul can hope or mind can hide)
and this is the wonder that's keeping the stars apart

i carry your heart(i carry it in my heart)

--ee cummings

Favorites? I don't like the word favorite unless I am yours?

[2.14.14 - True Detective and Orange is the New Black. Phew. You'll see. I have stellar taste.]

I don't know... maybe Fargo? maybe Rushmore? maybe The Big Lebowski? maybe Donnie Darko? The Wizard of Oz? The City of Lost Children? Twin Peaks? The Wonder Years? Arrested Development? Life on Mars (UK)? Black Adder? Shaolin Soccer? UFC? Planet Earth? Nature? Waste Land? Punch Drunk Love (spoiler)? Stand By Me? The Outsiders? Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind? The view above? The view all around? Definitely the view inside. Sunsets and sunrises and twilight? Stargazing? Moongazing? maybe It's a Wonderful Life? Maybe it is.

I like entertainment, media, and broadcasts that are accessible in other countries. Like Europe for example. They don't censor there as much as other places.

Okay, I wasn't going to do this, but how can I not? Have a ball:

Adam Curtis is the (BBC) man:

The Trap - What Happened To Our Dream Of Freedom, Part 1/6: Fuck You Buddy!
The Century of the Self
The Power of Nightmares

So is Quentin Crisp! He da (homosexual) man!
The Naked Civil Servant
is genius.

BBC rules!

Zeitgeist - Moving Forward
Zeitgeist - Addendum
John Perkins - Confessions Of An Economic Hitman

59 Witnesses - Delay on Elm Street
Bill Hicks - JFK

The Men Who Killed Kennedy "The Love Affair" Episode 8

Noam Chomsky and The Media - Manufacturing Consent
The Corporation
The One Percent
Money As Debt

Aaron Russo - The War on Terror
Hidden History - Ideological Subversion: Yuri Alexandrovich Bezmenov was a journalist for RIA Novosti and a former KGB informant from the Soviet Union who defected to Canada

Stoned Cop (FAIL)

Ong Bak - Fight Club
Onk Bak - Street Chase

Network (1976) Clip 1
Network (1976) Clip 2
George Carlin - Life is Worth Losing (2007)
George Carlin - The American Dream

Afraid of People
Making A Killing - The Untold Story of Psychotropic Drugging

Barry Schwartz - The Paradox of Choice

Henry Darger - In the Realms of the Unreal
Children of the Secret State

Food, Inc.
Earthlings
Waste Land

A Passion For Sustainability
John Ruskin Unto This Last
Henry David Thoreau Walden

Hermann Hesse Steppenwolf
Albert Camus The Stranger

Fernando Pessoa The Book of Disquiet
Michel de Montaigne Essais
Vicktor E. Frankl Man's Search For Meaning
Gary Zukav The Seat of The Soul
Wayne W. Dyer Your Sacred Self

The Joy of Quiet

Ajahn Brahm - How to be a happy hermit
Alan Watts on insecure societies and hermits

Recent Mass UFO Sightings 2011
Betty and Barney Hill

Live broadcasting of Northern Lights (Live Aurora!) from Alaska

Planet Earth - The Complete BBC Series
Cosmos: A Personal Voyage (Carl Sagan)
Life After Life
Cutest kid from Glascow, Scotland remembers his past life
Michael Newton Past Life Therapy - Journey Between Lives
Dr. Brian L. Weiss Many Lives, Many Masters
Dr. Brian L. Weiss Through Time Into Healing
You Can Heal Your Life

Groundhog Day

Hopi Elder Message

Alan Watts - Existence is Weird

The Day the Earth Stood Still (1951)

We The Tiny House People (love this!)

Susan Cain: The power of introverts

I LOVE documentaries. I came across some fantastic work last year (see above) and read things that took me just where I needed to go. Books upon books from the library and those, yes those, I found on my neighborhood streets of Brooklyn that seemed like they were left there JUST FOR ME. Not once; not twice. Opened and shined light into my heart, my eyes, my soul... bettering my life in leaps and bounds, inspiring me to want to be a better person, or to at least consistently, continually practice being the person I've come to be, or always was... for the sake of OTHER people.

For me, coincidences don't exist anymore.

We find meaning in things from (usually) unintentional, random, actions of other people and, personally, we'll never know just how much impact we have on each others' lives. (THANK YOU.) But it will manifest in unexpected unfoldings in everything we do and touch from that point forward.

But food and music? These have to be relayed in person, my friends. In proper atmosphere and timing. With all the senses and beyond. It’s too varied and expansive to allow myself to be pigeonholed by listing just a handful here.

NOTE: I stopped eating "fast food" about eight years ago. While I am the biggest food fanatic ever born to this planet--lately, I'm now mostly eating clean and healthy. It's super easy for me because I love practically everything fresh and organic -- as in natural, unlabeled, uncanned, unprocessed, no pretty packaging, no shelf life. "Organic" on the other hand is just overpriced labeling. It's like the Louis Vuitton of sustenance.

I wish every living person was provided the nourishment of good fresh healthy sustaining food. Not just those who can afford it.

WITH ALL THE FOOD IN THE WORLD I don't see why anyone should starve. "Oh, you didn't work for it? Then you surely don't deserve it." The hordes of wasted food on a daily basis. To me it sort of seems like a crime, let alone avoidable.

Nothing makes me happier than seeing a rainbow-colored fridge or tabletop. YAY. Now that I think about it, I think my upbringing had a lot to do with this in a roundabout manner. That's fantastic to realize! I want to know what I'm feeding my body, just like I want to know what's feeding my mind. It does matter. Because what I feed it, it's gonna pour out. And it's something that I 'm constantly working on because my will is not made of stone. But leave me alone in a room with ANYTHING edible or your granny's hot plate and, look, I'm not responsible. (I know--poor granny.) I am an eating machine. The Undisputed Heavyweight Champion Eater of the World. And apparently always hungry. I have a problem.

When you're with someone who shares similar goals and outlook, it's easier to keep each other motivated and on the right track. And I like the track I'm now on.

The goal: pure body, mind, soul.

Balance = Process = Motion

Now here is a little story about, I guess, food:

An old Cherokee is teaching his grandson about life. "A fight is going on inside me," he said to the boy.

"It is a terrible fight and it is between two wolves. One is evil - he is anger, envy, sorrow, regret, greed, arrogance, self-pity, guilt, resentment, inferiority, lies, false pride, superiority, and ego." He continued, "The other is good - he is joy, peace, love, hope, serenity, humility, kindness, benevolence, empathy, generosity, truth, compassion, and faith. The same fight is going on inside you - and inside every other person, too."

The grandson thought about it for a minute and then asked his grandfather, "Which wolf will win?"

The old Cherokee simply replied, "The one you feed."
The six things I could never do without
That sound that you hear when nothing is spoken.

Generosity. Morality. Patience. Energy. Meditation. Wisdom. Hugs.

---------------------------------------------------------

It's not too late

---------------------------------------------------------

My heart. Your heart. His heart. Her heart. Their hearts.

Our hearts.

Every year the high school in my small town welcomes its freshman class with a special retreat. Those who are willing spend a day and a half in a rural setting, playing outdoor games, sharing their talents, and going as deep with each other and themselves as they desire.

In circles of ten or twelve on the second day, each writes on a small piece of paper what what he or she values in the other members of the group. First everyone writes about one person in the circle. Then they each read aloud to that person what they wrote. The person listening is allowed only three responses, "Thank you," or "Thank you very much," or "Thank you--will you read that again." Then they write about a second person, and so on.

They look for something fundamental to value. Not, for example, an ability such as, "You are a wonderful athlete," and not a characteristic such as, "You are so charming," but something meaningful such as, "I appreciate how you take strong stands without making people wrong," and "I feel safe around you because I know you are listening."

A few years ago a graduate of this school was killed in a traffic accident. In his wallet were small pieces of paper from the beginning of his freshman year with words of appreciation written by new friends in a circle of peers.

What can you say to someone that is so meaningful that he will carry it with him unto death? Only a message from the heart can reach that deep, heal that powerfully, and last that long.


I am smiling at myself today
There's no wish left in this heart
Or perhaps there is no heart left
Free from all desire
I sit quietly like Earth
My silent cry echoes like thunder
Throughout the universe
I am not worried about it
I know it will be heard by no one
Except me.
--Rumi

all my friends know the low rider. The low rider is a little higher. The low rider drives a little slower. Low rider, is a real goer. Low rider knows every street, yeah. Low rider, is the one to meet, yeah. That and all my shit. No dawg, truth is, I don't have much... I'm a striving minimalist. But it would be nice not to go without food, water, and a place to rest my head... which comes to $xxxx-too-fucking-much-per-month to cover the basics and to keep from sleeping on the streets or starving to death. Although, sometimes I do wonder how I would handle being out on the streets (or camped in the woods, or high on a mountain), completely freeing myself from financial chains, foraging or growing things to feed my belly, deboweling deceased camels and using their carcasses for shelter if I ever found myself drifted to the Middle East. Instead of walls and a ceiling, I could literally fall asleep under a blanket of stars every night... a blanket of stars...

And love. I equate love as food for the soul. Self-love being the most necessary.

And I wouldn't want to do without a bike. Ever.

Stevie Wonder's Innervisions.

And ohmigod I just discovered Stevie's 1974 album Fulfillingness' Final Finale for the first time and it's like magic flowing into my ears, mind, body, yes soul.

♥ Your friggin' smile... lighting me up. ♥

But it would be so nice to reach a place called home with a warm knowing-smile (see?) and a hug that fits like a glove waiting for me there... and lots of crazy affectionate animals bouncing up and down or slithering all around us while we're necking. Home-cooked meals, good vibes, plants, peace, music, kisses, good karma... someone I really like who likes me just as much. (But hopefully more! Like me more dammit.)

You can picture it too, can't you?

Simple beautiful harmony.

Take a little trip... take a little trip with me eee.

Life is unpredictable. Ya heard? LIFE IS UNPREDICTABLE, so each moment and each day is like a flower blossoming or wilting away. One life. Jump in. Or remain still. Believe in something. Be true. Treat everyone equally. EVERYONE. People who have everything. People who have nothing. People who love. People who suffer. We're all in this together... even if it doesn't seem that way. You can be "against" or you can be "a part". The more you're "against" the more "against" it will seem against you. The choice is yours. Be kind. Slow down. Take a moment. Remember what's important about life... and what you really want to make of it. (And I'm not talking about what you "think" you should be making of it. Or what other people have planned for you. Big difference. Search out anything by Michel de Montaigne or Bill Hicks or my homey's Albert Einstein and Alan Watts (free-thinkers of non-mainstream society) and see if they make any sense to you the way they make sense to me.

REMEMBER THAT YOU ARE ALIVE. We live, but we're so busy running around that we forget how remarkable it actually is that we even exist. And we seem to take for granted how fast it could suddenly stop. Me? I think this calls for one huge lifelong celebration. But we got crazy ideas put in our heads by people who had it put in theirs and someone's banking on it bigtime. Are you happy? Are you living your life the way you want to? Why are we running around again? I mean, what's our true motivation? What do YOU think life is? Is it really a 9-5 job (more like 9-9 in NYC), 60+ hours a week, sitting at a desk, meaninglessly pushing buttons or paper around, trying to look busy, "killing/wasting" time, getting a half hour lunch break, barely enough time to shit piss or eat, just always pissed off, counting down till the weekend, getting maybe 4-6 hours of sleep each night, pumped to get 1-2 weeks paid vacation out of the 52 work weeks in the year, buy a newer phone, bigger house, fancier car, feeling so good about material possessions until the neighbor gets an even fancier car or phone or house. It's like a dream. But not our own. Like it's not real. But it is.

Are we really meant to work 5 days out of a 7-day-week EVERY WEEK especially if it's something that's slowly killing our souls? Why? Why is it structured THIS way? Who is happy with this? Who benefits the most? What's it all for?

There are different variations of this kind of slave-driving herd mentality and scenario but it all leads to the same place and questions.

Is THIS how life is supposed to be? "How did I get here?"

Why aren't there more options? Better options for ourselves? Why aren't we creating more meaningful ways to exist? Why don't we start fresh? Living with less materially so that we're able to enjoy a deeper personal wealth?

Simply existing, peacefully? Without judgment?

The societal structure has been strategically designed, implemented, and reinforced, but we're never offered the explanation that those are only DEFAULT SETTINGS. There are people who live their whole lives on those settings, never realizing they can customize.

We can.

Do you know how many people take medication for a mental disorder because they're not happy? or feel out of control? out of place? out of their mind? Do you know why that is? Do you care? Do you think it's wrong? You probably know someone or know someone who does... because 1 in 3 Americans suffer. What does this mean? Why are so many people sick? Does it have to be this way? No, it doesn't have to be this way, but it's also okay if it is. THERE'S NOTHING TO BE ASHAMED OF. Frankly, these people make life more interesting. The feelers of the world. Goddamn human beings. We are as frail as we are strong. But I think this is an important topic that should be discussed more openly and honestly and frequently--like the weather, sports, or celebrity gossip. Rather than being looked down and frowned upon, or something to be embarrassed and ashamed of, how about we approach it as a vehicle in which we can learn how to enhance our lives instead? each and every one of us? Why not implement a course early on in school and have it discussed as a part of REALITY, like learning the alphabet or learning how to count, and not something that needs to be hidden? Help and educate the children, especially the children. Arm them with all the necessary tools they need. Teach them that we're all the same yet different and to appreciate the differences of all. If there were more happier (less miserable) people in the world, what would our world today look like? What would you like your world to be?

Our choices create our experiences. Nothing else could. Nothing else will. Whoever you are, whatever you are, wherever you are... trust in yourself and be proud. We all have something different to offer; neither better nor worse than anyone else. Embrace that. Few people truly know what they want or who they are; some born with a specific gift or a relentless drive that carries them effortlessly forward. But for the majority of us, we have to seek and experience failure after failure and grief as a sign to keep looking. (Keep going, keep growing.) Like holding your hand over a ring of fire, or pulling it away. That's all it means. That's why we're here. So if you don't know, keep searching, take as long as you need. Even if that's seven lifetimes.

Keep exploring. Life is not a competition, no matter what they say, so go ahead and look around and enjoy the view instead of fighting it, yourself, and each other.

"The pioneers of a warless world are the youth who refuse military service."
--Albert Einstein

Nor is it a race, even though the speeds and the highways will offer challenges and they will always change. Life is what we make it, so why not make it as interesting and good as we possibly can, not just for ourselves but for everything that lives on this planet with us. And always keeping in mind that it doesn't end when we do. But while we're here, let's:

ENJOY.

RELAX.

HAVE FUN.

BE HONEST.

BE KIND.

"In a world full of people who couldn't care less, be someone who couldn't care more. "
~Author Unknown

The greatest good you can do for another is not just to share your riches but to reveal to him his own.
~Benjamin Disraeli.

Love someone who doesn't deserve it. ~Author Unknown
This might be my favorite quote today.

Don't save for rainy days.

And hang out with me sometime.

In a hundred years, none of us will be here. Not one.
I spend a lot of time thinking about
Those who walk alone.

Those who walk with everyone.

Boobs, a fat one, warmth, cuddling, and how that fits into this profile. I know!

Kissing kisssssssing !

I wonder what it would be like to date a woman. Or touch a woman. Would I miss men at all? I feel like I'd like the experience... but I'm not quite certain how to approach it?

Am I just an aging pervert?
Like the creeps who used to harass the holy hell out of me when I was in my twenties?
I'm not a pervert.
Experience has taught me well.

Who's going to be the next love of my life?.. Will I have children before my mother leaves this earth school?.. Who is going to show up and stick around besides me?

Am I fulfilling my purpose?.. Am I brave enough to act on it??

I am... I am a beautiful and powerful flower in bloom.

I never knew what it would be like getting older, until I got older. Even then, everything is still a new experience, every day a new discovery -- of myself, and everything and everyone in this world where we are all together in. New and strange, so very strange, yet completely fascinating. I'm getting there.

It makes me think about and feel so much tenderness for old people, you know, the one's who've weathered every storm and every cell on their body. Yet, they were once young too, and inside I imagine they still are the same person (same soul) they've always been, except when they look in the mirror, they probably see a stranger looking back at them. Surprising to say the least. This is going to happen to all of us, and it's not as long a trip as we initially assume it to be. You'll see. We will all see. Be tender with the old, especially the crotchety one's. They haven't learned yet how to let go. It must be quite frightening.



Understanding is knowledge. Seeing is wisdom. Knowing is trust.

Also, I need to find new living accommodations by the end of this month. I haven't the foggiest idea what's going to happen. Will I finally drift away into the woods? Live on a farm? (Learn how to farm?) Join a monastery? Sleep on the streets?

Anyone know of an affordable, livable space, maybe communal, preferably in Brooklyn? I've always had interest in creating something like this, buy an old run-down Victorian house and fix it up (they actually exist in parts of Brooklyn), creating a living and livable, mindful space for like-minded people, who share in living responsibilities, living responsibly, a backyard (or front lawn) for gardening, beekeeping, growing our own food (backyard, front yard, vertical), a porch with a bench for stargazing, reading, meditating, singing, conversing, cuddling, drinking, napping, bike-friendly, sharing, or just occupying the same beautiful space in quiet, peace, love, fun, support and growth. Cooking, eating, cleaning, sleeping, cooking, eating, eating, cooking. DOGS! CATS! FURRY THINGS! Someplace to come home to. Or be at home at. (Like those rigid craigslist postings 'ARTISTS AND MUSICIANS LOOKING FOR SAME, MUST BE IN YOUR EARLY TO MID 20's', except I'm not in my early to mid 20's anymore and my house would be more accepting of age and circumstances, but I kind of get it now, it's an experience thing, when you're younger, you just don't know any better -- usually. They'll get there.) Where people can just be themselves, introverted, social, but considerate of all this. Like in nature, where animals, insects, plant-life all co-exist. In fact, this idea sounds incredible once again. Even a run down old apartment building that after a fix-up will be warm and quaint, preferably with a rooftop, would be perfect. We gots them here, tooo. (Sparks alight!)

Oh my god, and MUSIC. I did mention music, didn't I?! MUSIC. All aspects of it.

And then there's the two bedroom apartment that I lease. If anyone is interested in renting out the other room, that could work for the short term. It's an option. Until I let go of this money-sucking apartment and its landlord.

There's a match question on this site that asks:

Would you strongly prefer to go out with someone of your own skin color / racial background?

And it boggles my mind when a person who's either visited my page or written me a message has answered this question with "Yes."

What?!?

And I can't stand when people lie. But in this medium where I believe the majority of people are trying to connect in meaningful ways, it's dishonest and disheartening to start it off having been lied to about anything, but (for me) especially about one's age, or if they're actually single, in a relationship, married, and so forth. I'm 39 years old and completely unattached. Everything I've laid out here is as real as the sun rising every morning and the darkness that follows each night. Look, I'm really not interested in getting intimately involved with anyone over 55, let alone 50 (unless you look and act much younger, as I do, because I do). I mean, maybe we could be friends, if that's possible. (For those who do fudge about their age and then claim ageism, do you as well consider those who are 10-20 years older than YOU? Usually not. Just my observation. But they are probably thinking and responding just as you are.) I've never wanted to date my father. This is just my preference and absolutely not meant to offend anyone and doesn't make me a terrible person. But as I mention elsewhere in my profile, I have a gorgeous mother who is in her mid 60's (who passes for 40) whom I'd love to set up with someone really terrific. She deserves it. And when I spent Mother's Day with her recently, I want this even more for her -- she's incredible, so much spunk this one, so much life. But she's ol' timey and not one to go out looking for companionship/dates (she has no clue how!). So if you have a fun, loving, single, father, friend, colleague, neighbor who'd like to charm the pants off the old girl, hit me up right now. Ain't a lot of time left.

I don't know, but this aging process is pretty fucking weird. And then we cease to exist! (If we even make it that far. Just how far will we go?)

Longing by mooji: "A human being like this, the whole world is waiting for."

But I really do love it here in Brooklyn. Even if I am just scraping by. (I don't mind at all.) There is no comparison to this and the way it was before. No regrets. I don't need much. I actually have almost everything that I need. Just need to finally figure out this 'how to live sustainably' part and I'm fucking golden.

Aside from that:

IMAGINE (imagine! imagine!) as a spiritual ideal a human being who vows to cultivate in her own heart purity and wisdom to the greatest extent possible, in order to be of the supreme benefit to beings suffering in this and other worlds.

Imagine that she then makes her life’s (or lives’) work the accomplishment of this goal.

Is there a more noble or inspiring vision anywhere
for the potential of a human being? Is there
anyone on the path of Dharma who doesn’t feel some
degree of resonance with this aim?


So, what does it mean to be a human being?

And what does it mean to be a human being encountering awakening?

What do we mean by Bodhisattva? Bodhi means enlightenment, the state devoid of all defects and endowed with all good qualities. Sattva refers to someone who has courage and confidence and who strives to attain enlightenment for the sake of all beings. Those who have this spontaneous, sincere wish to attain enlightenment for the ultimate benefit of all beings are called Bodhisattvas. Through wisdom, they direct their minds to enlightenment, and through their compassion, they have concern for beings. This wish for perfect enlightenment for the sake of others is what we call bodhichitta, and it is the starting point on the path. By becoming aware of what enlightenment is, one understands not only that there is a goal to accomplish but also that it is possible to do so. Driven by the desire to help beings, one thinks, For their sake, I must attain enlightenment! ... Bodhichitta, then, is a double wish: to attain enlightenment in itself, and to do so for the sake of all beings.
--Dalai Lama

ENLIGHTENMENT

"Make no mistake about it— enlightenment is a destructive process. It has nothing to do with becoming better or being happier. Enlightenment is the crumbling away of untruth. It’s seeing through the facade of pretense. It’s the complete eradication of everything we imagined to be true."
--Adyashanti

And, boy, all kinds of love.

I love what Wayne Dyer says about... "Love is the ability and willingness to allow those that you care for to be what they choose for themselves without any insistence that they satisfy you."

How easy is that?

Aura

Spirit

Energy

Consciousness

Subconsciousness

"It seems to me that everything in the light and air ought to be happy; Whoever is not in his coffin and the dark grave, let him know he has enough."
--Walt Whitman

Why we do the things we do
Why we think the thoughts we think
Why we act the way we act

Human Beings
Other Beings
The Natural World
The whole unfathomable Universe

How can I be kinder? gentler? more understanding?

Minimize the burdens of everyone.

Material things are insignificant,
I no longer waste time nor money buying into this concept.

Why are so many people troubled?

Everyone is finding their way
in their own time
place
through life
in living

---
The mystery of chance.

Willful action and destiny.

The meaning of life

And the meaning of death

And everything in between, the knowables and the unknowns

Trouble.

Shelter.

A vision of love.

How I stumble across shit like this: _______________________ !

Who am I becoming?

I'm taking in the sight of a slow-moving Aurora Borealis. Floating in the middle of the Blue Lagoon. Going beyond the visible Universe. Coming back to landing. Hanging out in my edible urban garden on a clear sunny day or on the porch of a small sustainable farm gazing upon a sea of stars at twilight. Submerged in music. Eating my brains out. Sprinkling fairy love dust into the planet's water supply. Seeing a huge smile on your face. No, bigger. Feeding the world. Me first.

Geeky romance. Armchair astronaut. Mr. Destiny. Warrior for truth. To be loved the way I love. My favorite thing in the world.

♥ Minimizing the burdens of everyone. ♥

love, food, affection, my beard, secrets we only whisper
to each other, sensuality, food, love, quiet, pleasant
sounds, a home, 10, 000, 000, 000, 000, 000, 000, 000 stars, nature, sorry, karate chop, bike lanes, trees, relationships, kissing, the kind of man I could stay passionately in love with for a lifetime, sustainable living, bills, the human condition, human behavior, disease, past life regression, outer space, the universe, souls, The Angel Test, puppies and kitties and monsters and choco pie. Where does it all go? How's mom? Is she okay? Why do people choose "short-term dating"? Is there an actual cut-off time? "We will only know each other for two months and seven seconds and then it's over, baby." Who threw their garbage on the street? Why aren't more people wearing their helmets? Why are kids with accents so adorable? Why isn't healthcare and education universal? Why shouldn't opportunity be afforded by everyone? Why does everyone seem to live 1 mile from me? Do you? Is it time to eat yet? My butt is soo big. I think about how to make this world just a weetle better, starting with myself. It has to... the world begins with me. It is me and I am the world. And you are all aliens. Just kidding? (But if you are--please write!)

I can't help but think about humankind and its destiny. LIFE. I'm introspective.

Who are we becoming?

Whenever I can, I also like to let the mind go quiet.

But writing? It's true, I write and write and write, erase, (and write), and sometimes I even write, but I can easily go days without speaking a solitary word. Maybe that is my simple little gift back to the Universe.

I want the best for everyone. I really do. I always have, haven't I...

Hypothetical question: If I wrote a book, would you buy it?

A) Yes.
B) No.
C) When's it coming out? Can I pre-order?
D) I'm just here for booty.

Yes, please send a note if you'd like to hire me to write. Or be my editor. Agent. Publisher. Friend.

or know where or how I could utilize my writing to sustain myself? There are so many writers out there earning a living--but how?

Or simply make a donation of loving-kindness toward my spirit. And every person you come into contact with from this moment forward. Best gift one could give or receive.

I tend to get really excited about whatever I'm into.

Question 9:

Which of the following is most true of your current behavior? (not which you aspire to the most - but which you actually DO.)

A) I try to set things up so I can be free to follow my whims and seize the day. Too many people tie themselves down too much - I just don't get it.
B) It is very important to me to feel like I belong and that I am respected, so I conduct myself in order to maximize those things. For example, I like to be popular or to keep up with the Joneses.
C) It is important to me to always learn and gain skills, to be expert in areas of knowledge and concrete ability, so I do things to increase my power every day. I am VERY defensive about my knowledge and don't like to admit my vulnerabilities.
D) Everything has a deeper meaning and I enjoy trying to figure that out, to grow as a person and be as genuine as I can. The life unexamined is not worth living, as they say. Too many people go through the motions of life. I refuse to be one of them.

Guess which one I am.

Do you know who you are? Do you?

To push the envelope of creativity and language. And what's really important is, I call it, the felt presence of direct experience, which is a fancy term, which just simply means we have to stop consuming our culture -- we have to create culture. Don't watch TV. Don't read magazines. Don't even listen to NPR. Create your own roadshow. The nexus of space and time, where you are NOW, is the most immediate sector of your universe. And if you’re worrying about Michael Jackson or Bill Clinton or somebody else, then you are dis-empowered. You're giving it all away to icons, icons, which are maintained by an electronic media. So that you want to dress like X or have lips like Y, this is shit-brained this kind of thinking. That is all cultural diversion, and what is real is you and your friends and your associations, your highs, your orgasms, your hopes, your plans, your fears. And, we are told no, we're unimportant, we’re peripheral, get a degree, get a job, get a this, get a that, and then you’re a player. You don’t even want to play in that game. You want to reclaim your mind and get out of the hands of the cultural engineers who want to turn you into a half-baked moron consuming all this trash that is being manufactured out of the bones of a dying world. Where is that at?

(Where is that?)

Now... Things I Don't Care For: ding dongs who feel entitled. Jesus, they don't even know who they are. Like the SHOUTY ones, who are either oblivious to their surroundings or all about themselves. Hey man, I don't want to listen to your conversation, is that alright? Or those who decide that standing right in the middle of the sidewalk is a good idea. A few steps to the left or right would actually allow people to pass, you know? Over-sized umbrella carriers. Really? It just seems like those are the same entitled bastards who don't care if they poke your eye out, hanging out in the middle of the sidewalk, shouting into their phones, holding a tent over their head. One drop of rain. Basically, I guess I don't care much for thoughtlessness or retardation in that 'You're a fucking retard' kind of way. And if you're one of those people who must absolutely be around the beautiful ones, or you just fall in love with every girl you see, please, get out.

MY LITTLE "hope" LIST:

I still hope for the following qualities in people, regardless of whether cupid's arrow strikes us a blow or some other lucky girl along the path (because they'll probably appreciate this too):

Receptive and soft
Strong and supportive
Can handle love - silence - unpredictability - paradox - change - and humor
Patient and willing to reach or swim to the other side; it's always better than not trying
And usually more rewarding than you think
Simple things that mean so much (or do you know otherwise?)
Where it no longer matters what clothes we wear (unless it's sheep)
When we are no longer attached to outcomes (unless it's the universal message of we're-all-in-this-together. Shit, homey, a girl can dream, can't she?)
Probably not a "social butterfly"
Or, rather, doesn't mind if she is not a "social butterfly" (INFJ here)
An explorer of his inner well
And elsewhere
Makes us feel safe (and tells us how pretty we look)

Remember, this isn't a checklist. It's not really even about you, is it? But, who knows, maybe today is the day it'll make all sorts of crazy sense...

I hope he enjoys swallowing the rain and sunshine equally.
I hope he is kind and complex and will tell me how wonderful my cooking is.
I hope he likes all the stinky animals we share this earth with and is an admirer of the big badass natural world.
I hope he is surrounded by things that he loves
especially him or herself
But I hope he doesn't believe the old, unquestioned assumption that there is a connection between how much one owns and how valuable one is.
I hope he's come to some point where he no longer feels the need or desire to impress anyone--largely himself.
I hope he is nodding.
I hope he's into culture or at least interested to learn about mine.
I hope he is able to show emotional sensitivity and does not fear being different, maybe even thrives on complexity.
I hope he's looking for a warm woman to hold who takes comfort in him holding her.
I hope he's done playing the Mr. Cool-Detached-"Whatever" Guy.
I hope he sees beauty in life, in spite of everything that goes on here.
I hope he is curious and still yearning
...bright and trying.

I hope he likes the music. The all kinds.

The last hope is that we make the leap; there is a sea of beautiful crazy good bad amazing ordinary unbelievable to unexplainable and touching shit about you and me and life and the world to discover; inside and out.

Waltzing Matilda
Christmas Card From a Hooker in Minneapolis
You're Innocent When You Dream

It's okay if it hurts
Don't want to have control
I want a perfect body
I, I, I want me one of those brand new perfect souls

What do I think a lot about?

Love, the all kinds.

And... all of you.
On a typical Friday night I am
...home.

[1.20.14] “I've never been lonely. I've been in a room -- I've felt suicidal. I've been depressed. I've felt awful -- awful beyond all -- but I never felt that one other person could enter that room and cure what was bothering me...or that any number of people could enter that room. In other words, loneliness is something I've never been bothered with because I've always had this terrible itch for solitude. It's being at a party, or at a stadium full of people cheering for something, that I might feel loneliness. I'll quote Ibsen, "The strongest men are the most alone." I've never thought, "Well, some beautiful blonde will come in here and give me a fuck-job, rub my balls, and I'll feel good." No, that won't help. You know the typical crowd, "Wow, it's Friday night, what are you going to do? Just sit there?" Well, yeah. Because there's nothing out there. It's stupidity. Stupid people mingling with stupid people. Let them stupidify themselves. I've never been bothered with the need to rush out into the night. I hid in bars, because I didn't want to hide in factories. That's all. Sorry for all the millions, but I've never been lonely. I like myself. I'm the best form of entertainment I have. Let's drink more wine!”
~ Charles Bukowski

But then...

I swear they are all beautiful,
Every one that sleeps is beautiful . . . every thing in the dim night is beautiful

It's true.

A co-worker asked me yesterday why I was single, unattached, not married, "Why don't you have a boyfriend?! Why don't you have a man in your life?! Why aren't you married?!" (He actually harasses me about this pretty often, and I find it incredibly adorable and amusing.) And as always I heartily smile or laugh at him and say "I dunno." But I assure him that I'm happy anyway, quite content with my own company, and when it's time, it'll happen, as it does, as it has, as it will, as it shall. He couldn't understand -- but I do. I think growing up most of us strive for some idealized destination (I'm pretty certain what the truth of that now might entail). There is this narrow blanket of which we are conditioned to follow from birth on in our "civilized" society. Gotta be this, do that, have this, have that. When and where and how and who. But never really WHY. (In fact, most of us go along without asking "Why?" ourselves.) Or that we can start, stop, then start again at any time -- if we so desire, AND THAT THAT'S OKAY. They tell us over and over again what their definition of happiness, attractiveness, and success is and how each of our lives should unfold, and a time frame in which it should, as if we were puppets or made from a mold... and hardly a hint at how to love, or be loving, or how simple (and amazing) it can be just to live, experience being in the human form, and marvel at the natural world where we already were given all that we ever needed. Instead, they give us blinders to wear where the centeredness is on materialism, status, and getting there. Competition, winning, should's, and what right is and if it ain't right then of course it's absolutely wrong. It's pretty unreal when you start dissecting it. (But then, once unraveled, aaah...) Aaah, I've unshackled myself from the hypnosis of conditioning, living anyone's life but my own, just centering on the journey of being alive (how silly that sounds, but powerful beyond measure), wherever that may lead, and no longer afraid of the unknown, myself, or others. No longer afraid, which doesn't mean that I don't get scared from time to time. Looking and moving around like everyone else, putting on my shoes, going out into the crowd, coming back home, but with this deep inner peace and freedom, no matter where I'm at, what I'm doing, who I'm with... if anyone. Not needing much. But enjoying everything. Living mindfully. All know the way but few actually walk it. I probably always felt something amiss as a highly sensitive child, struggled through a rough birth into adolescence and adulthood (little guidance, support center, and a sea of of anxiety and fear about myself (and them) and my place in this world that I was drowning in "Who am I?" "What am I?" "Where am I going?" "What am I doing?" "What is all this?" "What's it all mean?" "What for?" "Why?" "WHY?" "WHY!" and then the start of a more real, conscious, albeit painful and lonely journey (I couldn't relate to anyone near me) at twenty-eight when I just couldn't take it (the way it/they/I was) anymore, spending most of my thirties in near solitude, wandering, wondering, watching, aching, writing, reading, listening, learning, aching, writing, then... finding. Discovering. Creating. Emerging. Blossoming into (or out of) myself. I went through so much to get here (and FASCINATED by those who came already arrived). What an incredible journey I've had the privilege to experience thus far, the good having been blissful and the bad just heart-rippingly unspeakable, but I am thankful for all of it. (But now it only seems to get better. It only can, I see.) I am grateful. But with that said, companionship and someone to share all this with, walk, bounce, feed, support, nurture, LOVE, lie, and laugh with, offers another kind of joy, as we all know, and I would be thrilled for that unity. My arms are wide open. As is my mind. As is my heart. As is my soul. I have a lot of love to give it could fill the whole sky, sprinkling back down all over the Earth and upon every single beautiful person on it. Everyone.

I wish it could.

Well SHIT I just got nailed by someone who decided to open their passenger side door while in a driving lane as I was riding my bike down the designated bike lane. The car had slowed down at a red light. I saw the door open, in a fucking flash, but what could I do? Fucking knocked me and my bike down HARD. Ankles and limbs are sore, bruised, and bloodied. She apologized and asked me if I was okay. I took off (that was kind of embarrassing actually, lots of people around -- kind of like when I was hit by a car when I was ten, or the other bicycle accident I had exactly a year ago while that Five Borough Bike Tour thing was happening and I found out first hand that bones do break... shit, I'm still alive!) but I am not okay. What does one do in those situations? I knew she felt terrible about it and I'm pretty certain it wasn't intentional for her to want to fuck up my Friday night plans, my body, bicycle. Goddammit that fucking hurts. I guess I'm in for the night, not that that's a big stretch for me. (Nope.) It's just such a lovely Spring day and I was looking forward to a twilight run or something (because the sky at twilight has been so beautiful lately [and always], that bluuuuue). Sooo feel free to send me something that you're totally in love with, music, poetry, writing, photography, documentary, quote wise if you'd like, that thing that's twirling inside you, you've been wanting to share with someone who might appreciate it too. That'd be nice. Or maybe I'll wobble around the corner for an ice cream cone and whiskey.

Wow! I'm really intrigued by how many polyamorous folks are on this site, linking all their lovers together, it's like a maze. So very interesting.

Well, it turns out that the crash was worse than I thought. After a shower I was a little alarmed to see this massive bruising under my armpit. Not sure how THAT happened, guess I made incredible impact with the passenger door as I crashed into it. Looks worse (than the photo) than it feels. But my ankle...

Anyway.

The wise student hears of the Tao
and practices it diligently.
The average student hears of the Tao
and gives it thought now and again.
The foolish student hears of the Tao
and laughs aloud.
If there were no laughter,
the Tao would not be what it is.

~Lao Tsu
Tao te Ching, verse 41

eating it up, like every night. Probably alone. That's right. And, now since I've joined this wonderful site, checking on all the links I've posted here to make sure they are in good working order because nothing sucks worse than a bad link. (Would someone please be kind enough to let me know if the links actually work? It does on my end but I'm slowly getting some feedback that not all of them do, which makes me confused, which makes me want to ball up my tiny little fists and put them through a very soft cushiony wall.)

I possibly enjoy myself more than should be legal but sometimes I don't mind warm company. Especially if I think it's adorable and we come to find that hanging out together is one of the best things about being in Breuckelen (or wherever in the world). I like it when people push me out of my comfort zone and attempt to drag me out. Go on. (But not be pushed in a way that I want to punch you in the face, know what I mean? I don't want to punch you in the face. I'd rather kiss your face and lick your eyeballs. Be sweet with me and I will treat you like heaven on earth.) My inner world is starting to align like the stars that light up the night sky. Something's happened to me. Now I want to connect more with the outer world and the stars of humanity and connect all the polka-dots and the people's.

creating
dreams

sharing
The Invitation
The most private thing I’m willing to admit
Shit(shitfuckfuck), I love the journey that everyone is on.

*
*
*

I used to keep everything inside. Now all I want to do is share.

Can I say all this?

I wouldn't know how not to. I'm starting to understand now.

People tend to like my voice; my touch. Maybe my quiet resolve. If I can make people laugh? that's THE BEST out of everything. (Thanks Timo!) And whatever this thing inside me is--people like. I like.

If I knew what to do with music, I think it would touch a lot of hearts. I'm not sure what that means but I know it. Maybe everyone feels this way?

Now, if I knew what to do with my writing, well...

When I was younger, I wanted a den of little ones and cultivate my own tribe. The magic number was ten. Then eight. Then six. Then five. Four. Okay, three.... two. One?

I sometimes think about the fact that I'll never be that young mother. Ever.

Nonetheless, I will probably make the coolest kickass understanding free-spirited and most loving baby's mama. Like a mama bear. And like mama bear in strength, devotion, appetite, and ferocity, oh... I will feed and protect those I love. Maybe that is why they did not eat me that night in the mountains. I've always been very domesticated and family-oriented, even through all the shit, and have a weakness for those who are as well... through all theirs.

He will be like she and me, as free as a dove
Conceived in love
Sun is gonna shine above


I (yeah, secretly) want to be:

(spiritual partner) (mom) (family man) (friend) (writer) (pet owner) (home owner--but that shit is expensive in the city) (traveler) (rock star) (magician) (healer/channeler) (monk in the mountains) (monk in civilization, living like everyday people, in everyday clothes, sending loving kindness in everyone's direction, especially the grumpy one's - I do that now) (chef!... or snag me a chef boyfriend) Maybe I want my own korean food truck or restaurant, bribing mom into cooking all her delicious delicacies and feeding all the hungry bastards in New York, even though she refuses such a horrid idea. She's the most amazing cook EVER. I think it should be shared. (You would all fucking die of its awesomeness.) I think SHE should be shared. Love her. By the way, she's on her own for the first time in her life so if you know of any wonderful older gentleman (55-65) who is looking for a beautiful VIBRANT Korean woman, let's hook them up! I don't know how we are so different but she's kind of a ham; extroverted to the nth. Like, she really should be an actress or in the movies or something--she's a handful. People freak out when they learn her age; she usually gets mistaken for being at least 10-20 years younger than she is. She's got a lot of spirit, that one. It's weird. Truth is, I'd rather find someone wonderful for her and make sure she's taken care of. We'll all eventually go through the stage of losing our parents. But while she's still hanging out, I want her to experience as much joy as possible. She's extraordinary and I've been one lucky face-stuffin' daughter. So that's sort of a fantasy I'm having lately. Get mom hooked up. Maybe get something going together with her? Wait, shit, that would drive me crazy. hmm... (mad scientist) (housewife) (farmer) (food critic) (photographer) (journalist) I want to go on expeditions and impact lives, etcetera... I want to do everything and nothing.

But the self journey is something else entirely. I want to be free from all secrets, desires, competition, ego, fear. And so I'll work on it until there's nothing. I am already everything I want or need, now and always. Secret is... so are you. This is the constant struggle. Needing to be somebody. Needing to go somewhere. You already are. You're already there. Not to lose focus of this. Not to get caught up in external measurements. We each create our own suffering by wanting, comparing, holding on, holding out, unwilling to forgive, or accept, or sacrifice, or compromise. Blaming, judging, criticizing, losing patience or having none at all. How we see and treat the world and others is a reflection of how we see and treat ourselves. Everyone and everything is along to help us heal the splintered parts of ourselves if we choose to see it that way. We've all been through a lot. And we'll go through them some more before we're through. Every encounter is an opportunity to heal, to learn, and to grow... until we do. And share like crazy. (Just shut up and do it!) (And like it!) (xo)

Keeping a lookout...

But what next? Whatever it is I have a sense it is going to be amazing.

I'm the happiest I've ever been (bursting, remember?)

still

I'm really kinda scared

...and terribly excited.

You know, my life has been challenging in some pretty unorthodox ways. I've lived anything but a mainstream life. While one has nothing to do with the other, truth is... I'm kind of a really great girl.

You are beautiful.

My life is brilliant. My love is pure.

You are not alone.

I will always always always

wish you love.

Say "Hey, I love you."
I’m looking for
  • Everybody
  • Ages 25–42
  • Located anywhere
  • Who are single
  • For new friends, long-term dating
You should message me if
...there is love in you.

And love for everyone and everything that isn't you.

Most of all, anyone who can't read. (No exceptions.)

No one will ever love you as much as your INFJ.

Your love should never be offered to the mouth of a stranger, only to someone who has the valor and daring to cut pieces of their soul off with a knife then weave them into a blanket to protect you.

And, well, these folks visited my page from all over:

48·Berlin, Germany
31·Notting Hill, United Kingdom
49·New York, NY
31·Arlington, IL
40·Baltimore, MD
34·New York, NY
45·New York, NY
26·North Babylon, NY
41·Poughkeepsie, NY
26·Astoria, NY
28·Oakland Gardens, NY
38·Farmington, CT
37·Los Angelos, CA
37·Studio City, CA
41·Lyndhurst, NJ
40·Bow, NH
33·Jersey City, NJ
32·East Granby, CT
42·White Plains, NY
42·New York, NY
41·Watertown, MA
37·Garden City, NY
41·Webster, NY
42·Toledo, OH
25·Brattleboro, VT
42·Pittsburgh, PA
55·Virginia Beach, VA
40·Clifton Heights, PA
42·Chareaa el Hamra, Lebanon
26·Langhorne, PA
37·Kelowna, British Columbia, CA
30·Staten Island, NY
31·Miami, FL
41·Ottawa, Ontario, CA
28·Yonkers, NY
32·New York, NY
35·Lindenhurst, NY
34·Leesburg, VA
28·Brooklyn, NY
41·New Brighton, United Kingdom
37·Brooklyn, NY
40·Edgewater, NJ
42·Wilson, NC
49·Philadelphia, PA
38·Brooklyn, NY
45·Zoetermeer, Netherlands
39·Toronto, Ontario, CA
38·Montreal, Quebec, CA
46·Franconia, NH
41·Berlin, Germany
39·Little Brickhill, United Kingdom
41·Paris, France
38·Kingston, NY
41·London, United Kingdom
43·Arlington, VA
29·Quebec, Quebec, CA
40·New York, NY
35·New York, NY

This is just from this morning. I don't know how all these people are finding me, and I find it pretty spectacular that we are able to reach each other in this expansive way, but where all the Brooklyn boys and girls at?? I want to ride bikes with you!!

One of the best parts of life's journey is who you get to share it with. It'd be something to still be holding hands with the same partner after decades have gone by, wrinkled and soft, cherishing the life we built, cherishing the last moments of life - together.

I'm also great alone.

What a strange, beautiful creature you are.

You, a Thousand-Petaled Lotus.

A heart filled with desire for
sweetness and tender souls
must not waste itself with unsavory matters
~ Rumi

Due to the cold weather, holidays, preferring to eat and eat (and eat) all the delicious food prepared and laid before me, I've been overly indulgent and lacked motivation to keep from ripping the seams of my pants. All terrible excuses. An intervention seems necessary. You could be my work out buddy, inspiration - running, biking, hiking, yoga, skiing, weight lifting, mixed martial arts, rock climbing, that crossfit thing..... I like physical exertion.

Consequentially, if it wasn't apparent by now, I'm quite the hermit/loner/recluse/don't read the "news" sort, but still seemingly warm, wonderful (according to others) and hopefully and eternally open-minded. This will naturally deter about 98.99999999 percent of those who actually read my profile, most may even find this disenchanting and hard to understand, perhaps conditionally so. But if you're somewhere in the profound margin and you happen to feel that I may be missing something worthwhile, even so much as a leaf that I have not yet set my eyes upon, please be so kind as to let me know. (Hand drawn maps and instruction manuals are most helpful and endearing.) I'd like to go camping and lay beneath the open sky, just gazing at the marvel above us, perhaps some place far, far away, perhaps in our backyard. Hop in a boat, and just glide. I don't need to do be doing anything, to pass the time, to enjoy myself. I never get bored... ever... I don't need what most people seem to need,.. except for the most basic of essentials... Even then.....

(How very close your soul with mine)

Watch this, ok?:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pqHpwlPvgPg&sns=fb

And you know better than to save for rainy days, right? Right?

Here is The Invitation:

It doesn't interest me what you do for a living. I want to know what you ache for and if you dare to dream of meeting your heart's longing.

It doesn't interest me how old you are. I want to know if you will risk looking like a fool for love, for your dream, for the adventure of being alive.

It doesn't interest me what planets are squaring your moon. I want to know if you have touched the centre of your own sorrow, if you have been opened by life's betrayals or have become shriveled and closed from fear of further pain.

I want to know if you can sit with pain, mine or your own, without moving to hide it, or fade it, or fix it.

I want to know if you can be with joy, mine or your own; if you can dance with wildness and let the ecstasy fill you to the tips of your fingers and toes without cautioning us to be careful, be realistic, remember the limitations of being human.

It doesn't interest me if the story you are telling me is true. I want to know if you can disappoint another to be true to yourself. If you can bear the accusation of betrayal and not betray your own soul. If you can be faithless and therefore trustworthy.

I want to know if you can see Beauty even when it is not pretty every day. And if you can source your own life from its presence.

I want to know if you can live with failure, yours and mine, and still stand at the edge of the lake and shout to the silver of the full moon, 'Yes.'

It doesn't interest me to know where you live or how much money you have. I want to know if you can get up after the night of grief and despair, weary and bruised to the bone and do what needs to be done to feed the children.

It doesn't interest me who you know or how you came to be here. I want to know if you will stand in the centre of the fire with me and not shrink back.

It doesn't interest me where or what or with whom you have studied. I want to know what sustains you from the inside when all else falls away.

I want to know if you can be alone with yourself and if you truly like the company you keep in the empty moments.

This is one of my favorite pieces of writing. If only I could write so eloquently; the writer painstakingly conveys her most intimate longings as if they were my own.

10. You are a DOG and want me to take you out for a dynamite walk. I have treats. And I will pick up your poo. And return you safely to your owner. Unless you want to come home with me. And I will say okay. And feed you till a belly ache.

10a. Ever thought about having a canine companion? Well, how about LADY? She needs a special adopter who sees her as perfect just the way she is. Is that adopter YOU?

9. You are a WOMAN and like the idea of sisterhood. Because I'm liking the idea of having beautiful females be a part of my life. As friend, mentor, protector. Instead of competing with each other, I wish we could be more of a support network for one another. But I guess being single in New York can be fierce. So many attractive, driven women trying to win that prize; live up to the "image".

9a. I do so love when women reach out to me. It takes a lot of balls. Thank you.

8. You are a MAN, single, and under 50 please. (Sorry. I'm still just a kid and I look (act) like I'm 12.

7. You know about some cool WORK that you'd care to extend my way. (Build some serious karmic points here.) I would rather work for beans doing something that I enjoy with people who care and that I like than make a billion dollars doing something that makes me miserable working for or alongside monsters. I do not care about money, prestige, or status. Tried and true.

7a. If you work in the RESTAURANT biz or something FOOD-RELATED, or maybe you know someone who does, I'm actually interested in getting some hands-on experience, maybe working the kitchen line? In my head I keep hearing "DO WHAT YOU LOVE, MAMI... DO WHAT MATTERS" and what about food am I not insanely mad about? It'd be great if you wanted to discuss this further, either to offer, encourage, or talk those SHOUTY voices out of me. PLEASE WRITE.

7b. If you're involved in interesting, fun, cool, different, beautiful (etc) things, I'd love the EXPERIENCE of seeing just what kind of alternatives are out there and how other people are living. INVITE ME INTO YOUR WORLD for a day or so! I'm awful handy, non-obtrusive, take great direction, and wouldn't mind helping out as gratitude. I'm a great assistant or sidekick. And did I mention that I know mental kung-fu?

6. Wanna do shit like YOGA? I'm getting all into this now. We could BIKE to class. And stuff our fat sweaty faces afterward. But when I can financially afford it, I intend to get back into martial arts and power-lifting. And this is just crazy-talk here but maybe I'll even train for a triathlon one of these days. I'm a really bad runner with good intentions. I also want to try snowboarding, water/skiing, rock/mountain-climbing. I bet I sound pretty sporty! And one day, I will learn how to play the drums, once and for all. These are activities I already know I'd be great at because my center of gravity, balance, and rhythm are all fricking amazing. But mostly, they seem fun and adventurous and I've always wanted to do them. Lately, I fantasize about doing this.

6a Wanna do shit like VOLUNTEER? Tell me what you're interested in doing. I may be into it, tooooo.

6b. If you've got your own dojo teaching some form of martial arts maybe we could do a barter since I cannot afford to pay for lessons right now. For instance, in exchange for lessons, I could help with the cleaning of the space or office work. It could be something other than martial arts as well, but something that will connect my body to my spirit would really be great and helpful.

5. Homey, you know you want to break out the chopsticks and eat some mother-flippin' DOLSOT BIBIMBAP with me (or mom's cooking... if you lucky.)

4. Ever have something strange/bizarre/odd/weird/unexplainable happen to you? Lights flicker on/off when I walk by.

3. OH, YOU CAN'T HELP YOURSELF?

2. YOU HAVE COURAGE?

1. YOU ARE KIND?

+1. YOU KNOW HOW TO READ?

I NEVER WRITE IN ALL CAPS BUT I THOUGHT I'D TRY SOMETHING DIFFERENT. IS THAT OKAY?

Z. ARE YOU LOOKING FOR A PLACE TO LIVE IN BROOKLYN or are you looking to fill a room at your place? I already went into some detail below. If you're interested, read on.

Y. You are here.

X. [Insert your own idea here.]

I bike wherever I can, whenever I can. (My bike needs a serious tune up; got it used and rusty. Needs some love. I've had 2 bikes stolen within a six-month time frame and it nearly ripped my heart out.) I like thrift stores and finding great bargains. (I'm really good at this.) Did you know they have half-off days?! I like that there are so many diverse cultures in the world and I think we're lucky to be immersed in it here in the city like we are. I sometimes compare us to wildlife on an open field, where all the different species are sharing and grazing the same space and resources, all so different in appearance, behavior, and rituals but alike in fundamental ways. Eating, farting, sleeping, playing, mating, giving birth and dying. Some people look like birds. Some people act like donkeys. I've spent way too many hours of my adult life watching animals humping in front of the tube.

Serious question time:

Did you:

A) Click on my profile by accident?
B) View my profile in private first before changing your settings so that I can see that you viewed me?
And if you answered b), and you’re interested, why not just write?
C) "Don't care. I'll click on anything."
D) Are any girls viewing me in private? Ladies?

End of serious question time.

Note: I actually don't care how you got here--as long as you are here.

I'm on the introverted/weird/quiet side (if you're not yet convinced, lordie just check out my personality traits, test choices and results tabbed for your viewing pleasure above). I warn you, I'm super nice and my inner dork unleashes once I warm up... depending on our compatibility. (Of course!)

I might like it best when the comfort level between me and another human being allows me to express just how incredibly dorky I can be, which in turn might bring out the incredible dork in you you never knew you had, and that's always fun. But I also like being able to show my tender, nurturing, and sweet side, and having it reciprocated. Deep, intense, sometimes really retarded intimacy. It's all true.

I'm unconventional, non-judgmental, unassuming and hopefully growing every day. Loyal as they come. People trust me. Turtles trust me. I trust that everything is.

I'm not really looking for pen-pals... but if you are just wonderful and sadly living in another part of the world where I just can't run or bike to--write away. I love knowing amazing people are out there and welcome the exchange of good vibrations swimming across the universe, regardless of what's between or before us. Like one of my dearest soulmates in Spain that I've known forever. And another kindred spirit braving his way alone in New Zealand. Maybe like you. A recent unexpected kindred friendship with a gentle and genuine soul just a few states away which I couldn't be more grateful for. And so forth. I know you're out there. And besides, I'm not bound to any one place. (Um, ever hear of parallel universes?) I've taken off to faraway shores on a whim. There are many ways. Imagination. No limits. Just the mind. There might be a knock on your door. Or a shadow awakening in your dreams. Or is it mine?

Anyway, what am I doing here. What am I saying. I'm looking for YOU so that we can be together, explore life, ourselves, do things we wouldn't necessarily do on our own; learn on our own; see on our own; feel on our own; be on our own; grow on our own; give on our own; transcend on our own. Maybe pick up where we left off somewhere else. Join forces and find ways to spread our disgusting love, laughter, and nurture to all who need it. (THEY ARE WAITING.)

Aren't you?

I also just wanna hang out, you know, "hang out" with other people who don't need anything specific to do, happy to meet new people, create new experiences...just admiring nature or each other's grill, doing laundry or dishes with music playing in the background or whatever comes up, picking lint off each other's clothes, weeding the garden, or watching wet paint dry together. I don't know. Shadowboxing with the dog? Tripping on the sky? Anything is enjoyable when the company is right, when the invisible forces interweave. That's not rocket science and I hate stating the obvious.

With that said, I would like a vegetable garden. B-A-D. I almost signed up for a year-long farm apprenticeship a few months back. Thought urban farming would be my next bread and butter and lifestyle. An opportunity to be with other people who see the world in some of the same thoughtful ways that I do. Help to bring AFFORDABLE FRESH food to the community--especially those who do not already understand the importance nor POSSIBILITY of eating healthily on their budget. Even on government assistance. Sure, a fast food "hamburger" costs a buck. But with a buck you can also buy a whole bunch of collard greens or kale (especially when they're on sale). (Mmm kale.) It could last one person several days or feed a whole family at dinnertime. The added benefit is that it's dee-licious AND good for you. I think there's some strange myth that you have to look a certain way or have an X amount of money to treat yourself well. (Like the idea one gets about losing weight before joining a gym. Huh? What the fuck is up with that shit?) Money can make things easier but there are ways around everything if you put your mind to it. Cut down the carbon footprint. Do you know how many miles and how much gas has been wasted to compile the food on your plate right now? How many hands have touched it? What it's gone through to make it your meal? Make it accessible. There's a whole pocket of depreciated neighborhoods that don't have access to fresh food--all they get is old dried-up wilted rotting shit that's been sitting in a bucket for god knows how long. Growing one's own food is still a wonderful goal to strive for and I admire those who are making this difference. The more I expand on this the more I feel the worth of this cause and feel that this might be something to still strongly consider.

I find it really really disturbing that almost every child alive knows what McDonald is but wouldn't know what produce was if it slapped them upside their heads. In fact, it's disheartening that a good handful of adults don't either. It took me until my early 30's to look at food in a discerning manner and the relationship and impact of it to our bodies, culture, and society--I'm not judging here. No. Fuck that--I totally am.

Just because we're poor doesn't mean we have to eat that way. Good news is that we can start at any time. Today even. I have no idea how I was able to quit buying or consuming those hot tasty and dirt cheap meals they packaged as food located close to just about anywhere I found myself, nor did I ever think before then that I would ever stop--but somehow I did. Cold turkey as they say. Almost 8 years, maybe going on 9 now I don't know. But what I do know is that I have no intention or desire to change that.

The marketing behind shit like the "Happy Meal" is frankly genius and so so frightening. My conscious would not allow me to sell shit to the mass public that I know could potentially harm or even kill people in order to turn a profit. No matter HOW wealthy it could make me. No fucking way. Yes, everyone makes their own decisions in life but we don't have to partake in making it that much harder for the people we coexist in this current world with.

Resist falling into stereotypes and socioeconomic and self-traps at all costs. Take care of yourself. Your beloveds. Each other.

But most of all, I want to be connected with people who care about humanity, earth, the environment, universal laws, souls, and themselves and having an absurdly fantastic time doing god knows what. I'm not here with expectations nor restrictions, but I'm also not here just messing around. (Did you get a whiff of this profile?) I have no preconceived idea how any of this is going to turn out. But I think it'd be great if folks would make themselves more available and receptive to meeting people and making new friends or acquaintances, and clearly stating what they want if they know. Lay it all out. Don't wait for the "right times". Friends... we all could use more of them. I know I certainly want that. People from all walks of life. People with everything. People with nothing. Curious people. Positive people. Optimistic and confused people. People who are still trying. Or people who want to start.

People who feel. People who love. People who believe.

HERE IT IS-------> And people looking for a room in Brooklyn (or offering a room). I got one for $xxxx if you're interested for January 1st. Unless you have space at your place that kicks ass -- I would so leave this place in a heartbeat. Okay, let's move in together. We could start our relationship ass backwards. Or become friends. (We don't necessarily even need to be friends.) Sounds crazy, I know. But fuck it, why not... Can we just go build a shack in the woods or live in a tent? Not forever, you know, but just for now?

We're all a part, intricate pieces of a ripple effect. A collective human wave. Don't you see? No, we don't see, but it's happening. It's always been happening. No one is an exception. No one is excluded. (An oral citation.)

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The life we touch for good or ill will touch another life, and that in turn another, until who knows where the trembling stops or in what far place our touch will be felt.

There's a saying that goes something like:

When I was young, I admired clever people. Now that I am old, I admire kind people.

There's another saying that goes like this:

How far you go in life depends on your being tender with the young, compassionate with the aged, sympathetic with the striving and tolerant of the weak and strong. Because someday in your life you will have been all of these.

And this:

The best portion of a good man's life - his little, nameless, unremembered acts of kindness and love.

Oh, this, too:

There are many people who are not authentically empowered but who are quite reverent. They would harm nothing. Often it is the case that they are the most compassionate and the most loving people because they have suffered so much.

R.D. Laing is quoted as saying: The main fact of life for me is love or its absence. Whether life is worth living depend for me on whether there is love in life. Without a sense of it, or even the memory of a hallucination of it, I think I would lose heart completely.

Who could disagree with that?

[Your overall purpose this life is to nurture. You are to live simply. You are to have a relationship with and be connected to animals. You are to speak your truth. Be conscious. Just live in the moment. Do not judge. Be with people where they are at any point in their life. Take in warmth and sunshine. Let yourself grow.]

I know I should edit this down but instead it keeps growing.

So what.

The more you learn about someone, the better the chance of understanding where two people can or can't meet, and where it could potentially go from there... I'm here with purpose. Pictures alone don't do it for me, no matter what you might look like. I hope you didn't mind this somewhat ridiculously lengthy profile. I hope you know how to read. I mean, if you can't get through my profile, or even bother trying, how do you expect we'll get along?

Like I mentioned elsewhere here, I'm new to this site and feeling my way through. If I don't respond right away, it doesn't necessarily mean I'm not interested. But truthfully? it's rarely the case where I connect but with a few, but you are welcome to try. If you know what an INFJ is, it totally makes sense. But I also get thrown for an INFP sometimes, so if you know what those two in combination equals, I'd be delighted to hear more about it. Lastly, get this, they say I'm on the path of a "Master Soul" (11). (That's what they say.) Well, shit. Seems I even signed up for it. (They say that, too.) Tie it all together and you get a lot of very confused and nervous people.

Incidentally, ever since 11/11/11 I've been seeing the numbers 11 or 1:11 or 11:11 or :11 or buying groceries in the amount of $11.11 like ALL THE TIME. (Master Soul = 11). How could this be?! What are the odds? Well look at that, it just happened again -- looked at the time to see 11:11. No, I do not freakishly watch time pass.

(11:11)

The journey's been long, quiet, solitary... I'm just starting to reemerge, like I'm getting ready to make the biggest leap of my life...

Me: Filled with wanderlust and compassion for all alive, I'd describe myself as a student of the world. My trip is life.

Soaked in soul, spirit, and humanity... or getting something nearer and nearerer to it.

You: Prismatic eyes. Gentle spirit. Heart of gold. Something like man to spill into.

Before passing on while I was still a child, my grandmother foretold the way in which my life would unfold to my mother; she said I would come into my own late in life, in my thirty’s and no sooner than that. Slowly blossom into being. Have the greatest love affair of my life. (This last part I just made up.)

I wonder if this is what you meant, Hal-mu-nee. We miss you so much. Especially mum.

Maybe now I can finally stop worrying her to pieces?
okay?

A message from 100 years in the Future.

Word count: INFINITY
Links: ... ? I don't know... I lost track ha
I landed here in 1974 to see what you were all up to... but for how long?

Not long.

Final thought: What is life without love? Kindness? Acceptance? Forgiveness and patience? Hard. Some days there are tender moments where I weep I feel so blessed. The floodgates have opened and kindred spirits seem to be flowing near me like a warm comforting gentle sea breeze. We find each other in the oddest places but we find each other. Amazing things are happening in as much as there are amazing human beings all around us in every nook and cranny of existence -- should we choose to see.

And amazing for no other reason than we are here, all of us, here, right now, together. Isn't that weird... and almost unbelievable?

I mean it. Don't give up. Don't fuck it up. Not like that.

Heart of gold.

Baby, take off your cool...

love

Keep what is worth keeping
and with the breath of kindness
Blow the rest away

Last word before sleep...

Should this be the only thing you read:

Be kind, for everyone you meet is fighting a hard battle.

“Only once in your life, I truly believe, you find someone who can completely turn your world around. You tell them things that you’ve never shared with another soul and they absorb everything you say and actually want to hear more. You share hopes for the future, dreams that will never come true, goals that were never achieved and the many disappointments life has thrown at you. When something wonderful happens, you can’t wait to tell them about it, knowing they will share in your excitement. They are not embarrassed to cry with you when you are hurting or laugh with you when you make a fool of yourself. Never do they hurt your feelings or make you feel like you are not good enough, but rather they build you up and show you the things about yourself that make you special and even beautiful. There is never any pressure, jealousy or competition but only a quiet calmness when they are around. You can be yourself and not worry about what they will think of you because they love you for who you are. The things that seem insignificant to most people such as a note, song or walk become invaluable treasures kept safe in your heart to cherish forever. Memories of your childhood come back and are so clear and vivid it’s like being young again. Colours seem brighter and more brilliant. Laughter seems part of daily life where before it was infrequent or didn’t exist at all. A phone call or two during the day helps to get you through a long day’s work and always brings a smile to your face. In their presence, there’s no need for continuous conversation, but you find you’re quite content in just having them nearby. Things that never interested you before become fascinating because you know they are important to this person who is so special to you. You think of this person on every occasion and in everything you do. Simple things bring them to mind like a pale blue sky, gentle wind or even a storm cloud on the horizon. You open your heart knowing that there’s a chance it may be broken one day and in opening your heart, you experience a love and joy that you never dreamed possible. You find that being vulnerable is the only way to allow your heart to feel true pleasure that’s so real it scares you. You find strength in knowing you have a true friend and possibly a soul mate who will remain loyal to the end. Life seems completely different, exciting and worthwhile. Your only hope and security is in knowing that they are a part of your life.”

[nah-mas-tay] sanskrit: My soul recognizes your soul, I honor the light, love, beauty, truth, and kindness within you because it is also within me, in sharing these things there is no distance and no difference between us, we are the same, we are one.

You have the power to say, "This is NOT how my story will end."

May you all radiate the beauty and light within you and live the lives you know deep in your heart to be true.

Ever here, this journey, together or alone. You and I.

Let someone love you just the way you are – as flawed as you might be, as unattractive as you sometimes feel, and as unaccomplished as you think you are. To believe that you must hide all the parts of you that are broken, out of fear that someone else is incapable of loving what is less than perfect, is to believe that sunlight is incapable of entering a broken window and illuminating a dark room.

Final note... I'm really not certain if I'm as solitary as my nature, birth date, my own claim allude to or if this was something that had to happen, or even predestined let's say, in my life in order for me to grow and learn in some truly deeply enriching profound way. But nowadays, man, I like to think there is a RAINBOW of friends ahead of me; friends that really mean something... others who understand the meaning of Presence.

Throughout the years I've met a few rare, special people who really took to me just the way I was (am) and there's no way to put a finger on exactly why.

That'll probably be kind of how we're drawn to one another. Not for the cheap thrills or some small-minded matter. There's heart in there bigtime and comprehension that transcend the obvious. Not everyone sees it this way but we don't know any better. And for these reasons alone we instinctively start carving out a place within ourselves where we can always find each other... wherever we are.

I drifted for a while out there but now I think I'd like to be a part of something, even if it might seem like nothing to you. I did without a lot.

One thing I know I really like though: perceptive and resourceful folks who have their own way about them. Although I don't mind explaining things, not having to explain everything is nice.

Taking a chance on the unknown is not something that people are naturally hardwired to do. But it'd be a shame to miss out on knowing someone great because either side made some unfortunate assumption. Just have go with your gut and take the leap. The downside is no chemistry in a message or phone call, the upshot is happily ever after.

As the sufi poet Rumi once beautifully put it:

Out beyond ideas of wrongdoing and rightdoing there is a field.

I'll meet you there.