Write a little about yourself. Just a paragraph will do.
I am going to write a normal profile now. This will contain valid
information about myself and my life to help you decide if you
might like those things.
Hi. My name is ______, and I am a stable, functioning adult. I am
so stable and functioning, in fact, that I have trouble taking
this, or anything, seriously. What hypothetical/random strangers
think I ought to do is so unimportant to me that you could
reasonably call it a flaw. That's why this is so awkward.
All in all, I like working. It involves traveling sometimes, which
I do under duress. Not that I've ever regretted ending up next to a
beach or mountain creek, but I can't claim to be a "travel" person
either. From what I gather, this should be a great source of shame
and disappointment, and I'm sorry. I ask that you please balance
this shortcoming with the rest of what you see here, and consider
me for speaking to regardless.
I do like going out and walking around. Restaurants and drinking?
Check. Fitness and nature? Oh yeah. If you've got a synthesizer
with a subwoofer attached, I've got a brownie with my name on
Let's see, I didn't grow up here, but you wouldn't be able to tell
where I grew up, so I'm not going to tell you. You'll have to
guess. This adds to the mystery of reading the profile and makes
you curious to learn more.
(I feel like I should be clear here that I *hilariously*
out-function many people who are wildly up their own asses about
what type-a power rangers they are. I'm laid-back because I focus.
Some of you wouldn't know the moon if it came and bit your finger
off. I just don't want anyone getting the wrong idea about why I
don't act like a thirsty millennial saltlord.)
What I’m doing with my life
Don’t overthink this one; tell us what you’re doing day-to-day.
Well that's kind of an assumptive question, isn't it.
I'm hedging my bets in every way I know how, in order to not die
for as long as possible. Other than that, I'm heavily preoccupied
with digital music and exercising.
I've sunk far more time into video games and random tv marathons
than I care to admit, and don't act like you haven't too. I do go
through phases where I read quite a bit. It's just what I read is
mostly crap. (Unless you told me to read it; then it was good. Also
. . . nevermind.)
(I actually don't play video games as much as I used to, but just
pretend I do in case you were planning on having a problem with
that. In fact, pretend I said I'm a gamer. Hell, for our purposes
I'm playing starcraft right now as I type this.)
Here's *not* my idea of a cool life:
Going around taking pictures of food. Demanding organic or imported
goods and pretending it makes me erudite as opposed to snobby.
Activities where 80% of the point is that I get to post pictures on
social media and create a narrative about myself being active and
interesting. Acting like the cast of scrubs. Acting like someone
else's clothing or way of speaking is somehow impinging on my
rights or violating my space in public. Being *delusional as shit*
about how I stack up against others on the altruism ladder.
Spending a bunch of money and free time on travel I wasn't actually
in the mood for, in pursuit of aforementioned photographs and
Just, in general, my idea of not a cool life is doing a bunch of
classist leisure shit and then pretending that makes me
And I'm not saying I don't blow resources on stupid activities or
even travel. I'm just saying I don't act like it makes me special.
I’m really good at
Go on, brag a little (or a lot). We won’t judge.
No, that's pretty much it, and trust me, I am milking it.
. . . But if you need a beat, I've got beats. For real.
The first things people usually notice about me
I’m an empty essay… fill me out!
That I'm not transfixed, wide-eyed, just because you deigned to
speak to me. Seriously, is California leaking or has it always been
Almost every day, someone assumes I'm dull or stupid just because
I'm not some conscientious citizen busybody, and I derive a
shameful amount of joy from the typical outcome.
Favorite books, movies, shows, music, and food
Help your potential matches find common interests.
My favorite things are musical things people make and post on
Every book I have ever been forced to read since middle school is
my favorite book. Oh, but I also read Salinger that one time. List
I do really like Trailer Park Boys, and Curb and all that stuff,
but it's been a while because TV is the first thing that falls off
my list. I am totally down af for some reality show marathons,
though. I was not playing around about that. I wish Abby Lee Miller
were my mom.
The six things I could never do without
Think outside the box. Sometimes the little things can say a lot.
Um my trusty uh . . . key
I spend a lot of time thinking about
Global warming, lunch, or your next vacation… it’s all fair game.
dual bandpass quotables
How we were all better off when easily-indoctrinated mobs stuck to
the spiritual/ephemeral issues.
How sad it is that so many refuse to consider the parallels there.
On a typical Friday night I am
Netflix and takeout, or getting your party on — how do you let loose?
Usually eating too much food and/or _________ too much ____ and
watching too much netflix/youtube. Or shitting my pants because
work. I do these things with others sometimes.
The most private thing I’m willing to admit
I’m an empty essay… fill me out!
I almost drowned when I was a kid but instead of the instinctive
drowning response, I doggy paddled, so I'm pretty much a hero and
you have to respect me.
I would have a much easier time filling out this profile in a
positive way if I weren't cognizant that many of you act like
you're the only living person who should be permitted to have a bad
attitude (and that's probably why we're both here).
You should message me if
Offer a few tips to help matches win you over.
This crazy world is tearing us apart so just message me. My heart
is open to all messages.
If you have strong opinions about social justice issues, you should
*definitely* message me. I think you'll really like it a lot.
Who are you looking for?
This helps us know who to show you on OkCupid.