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40 • Oakland, CA • Man
I’m looking for
- Ages 25–50
- Near me
- Who are single
- For new friends, long-term dating, short-term dating
- Last online
- Apr 25
- 5′ 8″ (1.73m)
- Body type
- Mostly anything
- Judaism, and very serious about it
- Virgo, but it doesn’t matter
- Graduated from masters program
- Rather not say
- Open relationship
- Mostly non-monogamous
- Has kids, and wants more
- Likes dogs and has cats
- English (Fluently), Hebrew (Okay), Spanish (Poorly)
Hi there. :-)
I don't make idle promises, because I treat promises as sacred vows. However, I'll wager this: I bet that my capacity for love is greater than that of almost anybody you’ve ever met.
My style in life has always been to dive into the deep end and then learn to swim. I haven't drowned yet, and have learned that if asphyxiation doesn't kill me, my fear of it certainly won't.
I'm irreverent and iconoclastic; I'm skeptical of the party line not because it's cool to buck the trends, but because I have a good reason or haven't yet figured out what question nobody is asking.
I'm a big Jew. Are Jew?
I'm currently in a nonmonogamous primary relationship, but am open to meeting new play partners.
Testimonial from past partner: "No baggage, reliable skills, doesn't fuck around." I don't know if that's the best we can hope for, but I'll put it on my resume in the Other section.
When I don't know something, I try to admit it. That said, I am proud of my smarts, for I have worked really hard to be intelligent, articulate, and empathetic. Mostly because of all the times I discovered I was not those things.
One of my mottoes is that I'll try anything twice. After all, maybe I was wrong the first time.
I've done a shit-ton of healing work for the last 15 years in multiple modalities -- half a dozen types of psychotherapy, hypnotherapy, meditation, medication, 12-step, and some woo-woo Berkeleyesque New Agey stuff that I'm too shy to name here because you might roll your eyes in a dismissive oh-yeah-I've-heard-of-that reflex. I'm proud of how far I've come, and have so much more to learn.
I recognize that I'm not a victim anymore. It's one of the most liberating epiphanies I've ever had.
"Don't try to open your heart. Recognize that your heart is already open." --Tenzin Wangyal Rinpoche
I try to put myself out there. I recognize that I am toeing the edge of a cliff, and that I will fall and get hurt. And then I will climb back up and do it again, and it's so totally worth it! Wanna climb some emotions with me? It's no fun to do it alone.
The goal of my spiritual journey is not to transcend illusory reality, but to adore it. After all, no matter how enlightened I get, I’m stuck in this skin for now, and there's always more good work to be done.
Pema Chodron -- any questions?
I recently started a practice of going on Negativity Fasts: for 10 days, I try not to gossip or speak cynically or disparagingly about anything or anyone. This usually turns out much like the time I tried abstaining from onanism when I was 13: if at first you don't succeed... Except that, when I was 13, I decided not to try again.
I always keep fresh flowers on my dining room table.
I make lemonade out of lemons.
I say "poopie" with above average frequency.
I like to read poetry aloud in bed. Preferably not to myself.
I'll drive you to the airport at romantic hours like 5 a.m., and give you killer back rubs, though not simultaneously.
If I have a dollar, I give it to the next homeless person I see. If I have change, I stick it in the tip jar.
A poet pointed out that SCARED is an anagram of SACRED.
I’m proactive, solutions-oriented. If I ever wrote I'm a team player! in a cover letter, I'd be telling the truth, although I would never write that because it's too cliché, and besides, I plan to never write another cover letter in my life. I’m hoping that if I’m ever diagnosed with a terminal disease, or crippled permanently in an accident, I’ll still be able to face every day of my life with equanimity and gratitude for what I have now, and for what I used to have in the past that allowed me to experience all the potential of living. "I am dying fully in touch with loving life, and yet, also, fully accepting death." -- Inbal Kashtan, z''l
I dish out bonus life points to people when they use 11-point Boggle words.
I try to recognize that my feelings are my own; nobody else caused them to exist. So too, my judgements are my own, and they are by nature neither right nor wrong. I try to "stay on my side of the street," i.e. hold only myself accountable for these arisings, take ownership, take responsibility. Sometimes I'm wildly successful. Sometimes I'm not. Oh, you too? Cool, another human being! Let's get together!
I eat avocados out of the skin with a spoon and salt.
I try not to look at my iPhone obsessively when I'm idle. I once almost dropped it in a urinal; that was an important, & potentially expensive, lesson in mindfulness.
I like to say that life is full of high-quality problems. That's the sign that things are overall going right.
Smiling at strangers on the BART; hoping that someone asks me for directions so I can be of help; trying not to fart in small enclosed spaces when there's a chance someone else might walk in; practicing celebration and compassion not just every day, but every moment: compassion for others, and for myself.
When I'm in a shitty mood, I go buy a cookie for myself... and for the person in line behind me. This never fails to put me, and two other people, in a better mood (because the cashier always laughs). (Plus, I get a cookie.)
Full disclosure: I've been pursuing a divorce for two and a half years (!) and the timeline is at the mercy of intransigent lawyers with no incentive to hurry themselves. Might be done by spring 2015?!? Who knows. OKC doesn't have a "Separated" relationship status category.
I have 50% custody of two beautiful six-year-olds. Whether you deem that a benefit or liability is up to you; obviously, only the former will open the way to a potential long-term relationship. Personally, I consider them a benefit, but I realize I’m hopelessly biased.
I’m a Big Jew™. I was raised Conservadox but rebelled, and am now a radical neo-hippie East Bay Renewal type. But I'm still fraught with Jewish ambivalence, and the search for integration may preoccupy me all my life. How will this manifest in my Next Big Relationship? Not sure; I can say that I'm strongly partial to dating Jewish women, and open to meeting Jew-fetishists (a.k.a. Judeophiles, Philosemites). It behooves me, as someone who aspires to Peace Amongst All Humankind within the next seven generations, to be open to interreligious, interethnic partnerships -- if I can't walk the walk, how could I hope anyone else can? How could I truly hope for peace in the Middle East?
I'm a breeder. I've wanted to be a father all my life. I have two children and I want more. If this paragraph has turned you on, you should just message me immediately, don't pass Go don't collect $200, so we can negotiate transacting business together.
I’m the laziest entrepreneur you’ve ever met. I used to work the 80-hour weeks… No more! Life is with people. Let's keep it that way.
Besides that, I've noticed that I can get good at anything that I decide is worth spending time on. I'm a very, very quick study. Otherwise, I'm probably bad at it, but I don't care and might not even know because I don't spend time finding out. Like, for example, lacrosse -- I have no desire to learn lacrosse so I don't care that I probably suck at it -- but in that case, c.f. above where I will try anything twice.
Hopefully those are the last things they consciously notice, because I have so actively engaged with them that they stop noticing their noticing. Otherwise, it's probably not going to be a fun date for either of us.
"You don't stop laughing when you grow old. You grow old when you stop laughing." --my uncle, of blessed memory
"I can't believe it's only eleven o'clock and I've had that many emotions and orgasms. That's totally rad." --someone who knows
I’m a sensualist. I'm into the energy of sexuality, not just the orgasm. I could just kiss for hours, or even smell you, if that seems like the quickest way to epiphany. Sometimes I actually get disappointed if I don't have enough time to admire and delight in how you look in clothing. That said, let's not dissemble some kind of neo-Puritanism: my disappointment at taking your clothes off would be so fleeting you'd need a particle accelerator the size of goddamn Eurasia to even hypothesize that it may have existed.
I'm into the slow simmer, with occasional gasoline thrown on the flames. Explosion; cackle gleefully; repeat.
I'm an enthusiastic kinkster. Mission in life: Save World From Bad Sex. Because, let's admit, there's a lot of it out there, and most people don't even realize what shitty sex they've been having for decades until, hopefully, they realize it... and life will never be the same.
"Your cock is amazing. I've never had an orgasm that made me weep. All I saw was blue clouds and lights." --Ibid.
Exploring kink the last couple years has, alas, turned vanilla sex into a very yawn-inducing affair. I'm a compassionate yet sadistic top and only play with women who are into being submissive. If you don't know whether you're into kink, and don't know how submissive you'd like to be, I would enjoy satisfying your curiosity in a safe, sane, and consensual environment. If you already know the answers to these questions, why haven't you messaged me yet?
I'm done with monogamy, though I don't need twelve sex partners a week.
Is AD(H)D not a dirty clinical pathology, but a manifestation of how contemporary Americans experience perpetual, miraculous, "divine" abundance and curiosity at every moment?
Is there actually a hierarchy of human needs (c.f. Maslow) or is it flat, or constantly rearranging itself, and what are the implications for human aspiration and decision-making? When is a relationship worth "sacrifice," i.e. ostensibly putting some of one's own needs on hold in favor of relationship-based needs, versus ditching?
Past a certain point, is it really so critical to understand the psychological genesis of the feelings of the moment, or is it more useful to turn my focus to nurturing myself for the potential of the future? Phrased another way: Is it really all that important for me to tell a therapist about my mother?
Is depression a culturally-maligned but extremely useful spiritual experience of emptying out to make room for the new, or for the divine (i.e. that which is older than old), or both, or are they the same thing? Wow that one sounded deep, you really should message me now.
How I should be paying attention to my children, or getting enough sleep, instead of seeing who visited my OKC profile (hello there!).
- Going to some Jewy event
- Going to a show
- Putting my kids to bed
- Washing the dishes
- Errrrrr, apparently trolling OKCupid, hi
... or any of the above!
I love Billy Joel. I love love love Billy Joel... I LURV Billy Joel. Don't tell my friends, only my mom knows and she loves him too.
Actually, I am willing to admit anything and everything. I'm an open book. Hell, I welcome getting to know you cuz it'll help me get to know myself, if awkwardly.
☞ This resonates with you: Three Harsh Truths About Love
☞ It's okay with you that it might take a few weeks for our schedules to synchronize initially.
For fun, here are some things you might consider addressing in a first message to me, which I welcome heartily:
☞ Which are your favorite four GRE words? (Cheating if you pick four from my profile...)
☞ On a scale of 1 to 10, where do you rank Billy Joel, and what do 1 and 10 mean on your scale?
“Remember that real love continuously and consistently makes your life better. Settle for nothing less." -- Susan J. Elliott
I don't know who you are, but I'm certain that once I find out, I will see that you are wonderful. Even if we're not the right fit, which I'll admit when I figure it out.
If I fall in love with you, I am certain I will forever, irreparably raise your bar for what constitutes a satisfying relationship.
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