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25 M Manchester, United Kingdom

My Details

Last Online
Online now!
5′ 11″ (1.81m)
Body Type
Strictly anything
Agnosticism, and laughing about it
Sagittarius, but it doesn’t matter
Graduated from university
Entertainment / Media
More than $1,000,000
Relationship Status
Relationship Type
Doesn’t have kids, but might want them
Likes dogs and has cats
English, German (Poorly)

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My self-summary
I'm a horrible cunt, truth be told. I'm very loyal. I'm Mr November, I won't fuck us over.
What I’m doing with my life
I enjoy the use and abuse of semi-colons and regular colons.

I pay for my life with a job as a features writer and sub-editor but you don't care. I consider myself a feminist. I hit stuff (not you though, unless you ask nicely). I fill my other waking hours reading non-shitty books and being like 'DFW did it better' and watching shitty films and going to the gym to work on my sweet, sweet non-shitty body and levelling up my shitty Pokémon and using the Alt Gr key to get those shitty little French hats over my letter Es.

I should add that it gives me the willies that this website might've got it wrong and has been using the wrong algorithms to calculate with whom I might be a match, and I'm missing out on talking to beautiful big-breasted fantasy women with bright red vintage Porsches who totally 'get' me, and but so like, read all this shit and make yr mind up from that, I spent at least eight or nine minutes writing it. In the long-long term I'd love to find a partner to marry and watch The West Wing with forever; until then I'm DTF.
I’m really good at
The first things people usually notice about me
How 10/10 A++ gold-star great at cunnilingus I am.
Favorite books, movies, shows, music, and food
Words: No Vonneguts, no glory.

Sounds: Things that don't sound like the things you'd think I'd like.

Celluloid: Things with Brad Pitt in.

U wot m8: I don't generally watch telly apart from things that Aaron Sorkin writes and I don't eat food eww fucking disgusting are you kidding me.
The six things I could never do without
The six huge piles of smack in my bedroom.
I spend a lot of time thinking about
The six huge piles of heroin in my bedroom. Whether I put my shoes on the right feets. Delicious crime. Twenty chicken nuggets. Forty chicken nuggets. How to do proper one-foot blasting. #420blazeitfraggle. How to finish my novel. Free real estate.
On a typical Friday night I am
Desperately scrolling through the okcupid app on my non-gender-specific smartphone hoping to the high heavens that the perfect woman will stumble across my profile and read how splendid I am at masticating box and bring me battenberg cake.

Welcome to the seventh annual boys' dip.
The most private thing I’m willing to admit
Yeezy reupholstered my pussy.
I’m looking for
  • Girls who like guys
  • Ages 18–30
  • Near me
  • For short-term dating, casual sex
You should message me if
You want to start a fight club.

Or if you feel like talking to me or sutin', or you look like Nicki Minaj mixed with Rooney Mara. I'm not just here for banging or romantic relationships; if you're a cool girl or guy, then say hello! What do you have to lose except your liver?

PS: Everything on this page is a fucking joke, including this disclaimer.