I have friends from many different backgrounds and faiths, but this
time around I'm here specifically for dating, so please don't
message me unless you are a Christian virgin who doesn't drink or
smoke. (I do make an exception for widowers, and guys whose
virginity was taken against their consent.)
You ought to be more intelligent than average, or we will drive
each other nuts. However, I consider kindness and consideration
more important than intellect.
While I am here mainly for dating this time, I still would want to
establish something of a friendship first, so to start out I'd want
to keep things light and casual. It makes for stronger long term
relationships (and less hard feelings if we don't work out).
This is my second time on okcupid. I met some good friends the
first time around, but I'm just here for dating this time. Again
I'm busy [like super-mega-busy], so I can't take the time to gently
reply to everyone like I have in the past.
DON'T MESSAGE ME (CAUSE I WON'T REPLY):
1. To argue some point about my religious preferences.
2. To ask how an intelligent person can be a Christian. I have a
long and detailed answer, and while I might be willing, in a good
mood, to cut and paste it to you, you deserve to be ignored for
3. If you can't think of anything to say other than "hi" or "how
are you?". [hint: Ideal first contact messages are 1-3 paragraphs
in length. I usually check guys' profiles before replying, so don't
just cut and paste from your profile.]
3b. Please don't interview me. It's one thing to ask a burning
question or two, but I keep running into conversations where I get
asked question after question without much feedback and they get
tiresome. Pretend I might actually be interested in learning a
little bit about "you"....at least answer the question you asked me
or comment on my answer before throwing out another.
3c. And please keep in mind the whole SUPERMEGABUSY thing...if my
answers are kind of short, that's probably why. Not blowing you off
when I say I'm busy...it's just a statement of fact.
3d. Asking "How are you?" is polite on occasion. But if you ask in
every single reply, I'm likely to just stop talking to you.
Particularly if it's the only thing you ask. I'm here to find
people for potential meeting up and going out, not online chatting,
and definitely not recounting my day on a daily basis in text
4. If you haven't read my profile. [I can tell.]
5. If you are not a virgin (and I don't mean just technically...my
two exceptions listed above).
5b. This includes Divorcees. It's not that I think less of you. I
just know what is right for ME, and I don't date divorced
5b-2. I can't take time to reply to you guys any more. You all have
a sob story. I'm sorry you didn't choose wisely or that she
suddenly grew a third head, but that wasn't my fault. Please
respect my wishes. It's not simply a matter of ethics but
psychology. *I* need to be first. I'm just gonna be selfish that
way. Really, I hate writing rejection letters, so I'm gonna stop
now and just not reply.
6. If you smoke. [If you're trying to quit, I applaud you, but quit
contact me. I am allergic. It's a real health
7. If you drink or would be unwilling to give it up. I hate alcohol
with a passion.
8. Do not message me to debate with me the merits/ethics of alcohol
unless you're interested in dating me and willing to at least
personally give it up.
9. Do not message me to debate any of my standards or requirements.
There are plenty of other nice girls out there. Try them.
9a. Do not message me to lecture or enlighten me or "burst my
bubble". You only get a very small slice of what I believe and who
I am from this profile. It's not enough to put you in a position to
criticize constructively. You look far more arrogant than I do when
you try. (If you actually know me and are in a position to observe
my life and actions, that's a different story.)
10. If you are a racist. I can't tolerate racism.
11. If you can not follow basic rules of grammar and spelling. (I
can forgive a few mistakes, but make an effort. I'm a writer at the
core, so the English language is a great love of mine. I don't like
to see it neglected or abused.)
11b. To make a letter capital, you hold down your shift key while
pressing it. If you lack the skill to do this, I will find your
messages painful to read and most likely won't reply. Proof reading
shows consideration. [Exceptions will be made for men possessing
only one finger.]
11c. "U" is a letter. "You" is a person. "Ewe" is a sheep. Keep
12. If you have looking for "casual encounters" (i.e. sex partners)
on your profile.
13. If you're not a born again Christian.
13a. We're all growing, but I'd really prefer someone with some
level of spiritual maturity. I enjoy discussing theology.
13b. I'm nondenominational, with an interest in Messianic Judaism
Jewish roots of Christianity. I'm not Catholic, and I have too many
issues with Catholic church to ever be Catholic. So if the Catholic
denomination is important to you, I'm not your girl. If you can be
polite, I am willing to discuss my reasons, but you should be aware
my stance is unlikely to change on this point.
13c. Getting kind of annoyed with holier-than-thou messages from
other "Christians" who think I'm being too judgmental. I'm not God,
just a single woman. Don't confuse judgment with discernment. I
could not possibly date every single man on earth even if I wanted
to, so I need ways to narrow the selection. You'd be surprised how
many guys do fit the basics of what I'm looking for. If that isn't
you, don't worry, I'm not saying you're unworthy of love or less of
a man, you're just not the man I'm looking for. I'm not asking for
anything I'm not offering, so don't tell me my standards are some
impossible bar of perfection. I fit them, and I'm not perfect. I'm
not waiting for Jesus. I already have Jesus, and I'm generally
content with my life. Just staying open to the possibility of
someone making it even better.
14. If you can't live without a dog. (I have nothing against
dog-lovers, but I do have a phobia. I'm working on it, but dogs
still make me far too nervous to ever dream of living with one.)
It's not that I mind getting contacted by a dog-lover, but it's
really sad to get rejected over a pet (you might be suprised how
often this has happened...) so spare my poor feelings and don't get
my hopes up.
15. If you're more than 10 years older than me. I struggled with
this one for a bit, because philosophically, I don't think there's
necessarily anything wrong with an age gap. However, I have to
admit that 10 years either way is my comfort level and dating
outside my comfort level is not a good thing.
16. If you're long distance and not willing/able to put the effort
in. I've seen people make long distance work, but it takes money
(for travel) and dedication. I can provide dedication, but I'm
rather short on cash and probably will be for a while (writer). So
for long distance, I require you visit me before I get too excited
about the idea. If things go well, I'll do my best to visit you in
return, set aside time for phone calls, etc. but unfortunately the
lionshare of travel expenses is going to fall on you until my
career takes off or I give up and get a "real job". If you're okay
with this, I'm game to try, but really give it some thought, before
charming me with your awesome-(but sorry you can't have
16a. If you are local, I'd much rather meet for a coffee/tea/ice
cream or lunch and chat, rather than exchange 100 messages first.
(A few for initial introduction and screening questions are fine.)
My first date rules involve keeping it casual, meeting in a well
lit, public place and coming in my own car. I've tried to train
myself to be gracious when guy offers to pay, but I don't expect
it, particularly not on a first date. I do look for red flags and
will decline if I spot any, but beyond that I'm here to get out of
the house, not sit at my computer more.
17. To ask for feedback on your story or poem. It's great that you
write really. It's okay to mention the fact you write. If you want
to share the link to your writing/creative website that's fine as
long as you understand I may not have time to read it. But I'm
really not exaggerating about the BUSY, and the majority of my time
is spent either writing or editing or reading or working on the
business end of writing. The last thing I want on okcupid is
another person asking me to read their story/poem. Firstly, I'm
here for a change of pace, and secondly, I'm a brutally honest
critic. I'm always grateful when I mention my book(s) and someone
is intrigued enough to buy it. But I talk about my writing because
that's where my blood, sweat, and tears are. It's not a sales
pitch. It's just the thing I do, and it's a whole lot easier to
send someone a link than write out a fresh synopsis. If you don't
buy my book, that's okay. It won't count against you. Later on, if
we form a relationship or friendship, and/or I ask to see something
you wrote that's a different story. But DO NOT send me your story
or poem unless I ASK to see it. And don't ask for feedback unless
you're open to a critique and want to see my negative side. (I
actually don't mind critiques on my writing, but the qualities I
look for in a critic and in a boyfriend may not be the same.)
NB: My list has absolutely nothing to do with whether I think
you're a good person or a good Christian. It has to do with my
personal needs and requirements, which I have come to after a lot
of thought and prayer. For example Feasul
is one of my best friends and a great
person, but he and I agree that us dating would be a bad, bad
thing. (And now he has a girlfriend that he met on this site...so
see, it does work.)