Quickmatcher? nekosoft01

Hi! My name is Erik and I'm a writer, artist and corporate drone (along with about a zillion other -ers and -ists. Seriously, a verbal self-portrait? Words are insufficient).

I live in Boulder County, though not in Boulder proper (so you know I'm grounded). In my free time... well, if I had any free time, I enjoy daddying (totally a word), geocaching, cooking, writing, and designing toys. I don't do World of Warcraft, but I'm an avid Kingdom of Loathing player. And I'm not as pretentious in real life as I seem here. Seriously.

I love to travel and I've lived all over the United States. Coast to coast, north to south. It's not that I'm on the run from creditors or in the witness protection program, it's just life happens... you know? Consequentially I have a subtle, strange accent with a slight southern drawl spiked with Canadian vowel sounds. Y'all want to go oout in the boout? It's not that bad (disclaimer: it's pretty close). When I was taking Japanese the teacher wanted to know why I spoke Japanese with a French accent. I was answerless.

I am easily distract-ooh!, hyphen-prone, and former-nomad.

My current title includes "manager", though I prefer to lead. 119 people's livelihoods depend on my decisions - which totally doesn't keep me up at night. I work at a three letter acronym in Boulder County: you may be able to see through my clever obfuscation.

I used to call myself a professional author, as the food I ate is bought with the words I write. My first and second books are available for purchase and are probably in the top million on Amazon [edit: two million [edit edit: four million ] ]. I'm working on the third.

Just about everything I try. Sorta good anyway. Adequate, at the barest minimum. I travel well and try to take good pictures (my secret: take a lot of pictures). I think I'm an ok cook but many I cook for say I should open a restaurant. I think I'm a fair writer but those who read my work can't stop until they reach the end. Again... not this pretentious in real life. I prefer to tend towards modesty, but upon looking back at my answers, that's not apparent.

Uh... my hair? I can't do a thing with it and it's been that way for at least fifteen years. Otherwise, I try to blend into the crowd, outside of subtle signs that I'm cool to like-minded individuals. Blending-in lets me accomplish my nefarious plans with a minimum of interference. It also mitigates social anxiety.

Also, whenever I'm outside I'm wearing sunglasses. On sunny days over my eyes. On cloudy days perched on the top of my head (in case the sun comes out). I'd like to say it's more because of the Timbuk 3 song, rather than the Corey Hart song, but the truth is that I'm extremely photosensitive and sneeze loudly and repeatedly when I see the sun. Obviously, this could be a problem when driving. Hence the sunglasses.

The PostSecret series, Edward Gorey, Warren Ellis, Jim Mahfood, Colleen Coover, Roald Dahl, James Kochalka, Carl Barks (and Don Rosa), Margret Atwood, Anne Sexton, Michael Chabon, Spider Robinson, Scott McCloud, Alan Moore, so much non-fiction. The last five books I read were Devil in the White City, The Best American Travel Writing (2003), Y: The Last Man (volume 5), Man in the High Castle by Philip K Dick, Ender's Shadow by Orson Scott Card (though I wish his politics weren't so depressing) and The Things They Carried by Tim O'Brien.

Dr. Strangelove, Sneakers, Duck Soup, Goodfellas, Rafifi, Walk Hard: The Dewey Cox Story, Delicatessen, Christopher Guest movies, Hedwig and the Angry Inch, The Big Lebowski, Cohen Brother movies, The Jerk, The Life Aquatic with Steve Zissou.

The Tragically Hip, Mike Doughty, The Rheostatics, Ryan Adams, Mashups, Sarah Harmer, Pixies, Soul Coughing, Postal Service, Ani DiFranco, Miracle Legion, Dar Williams, Bettie Serveert, Judybats, The Police, Rilo Kiley, Nields, Moxy Fruvous, Minibosses, Paul Simon, Joel Plaskett Emergency, Caitlin Cary, Spoon, Alabama Shakes, Black Carl.

Virtually all foods (except eggs, because they are gross). Particularly sushi, Thai, Szechwan, Indian, properly prepared steak, anything on a stick, Mediterranean... I'm getting hungry just writing this up!

(E) Idiot Box: Archer, Community, Parks and Rec, Arrested Development, Second through Seventh Season Simpsons, Kare Kano, The Adventures of Pete and Pete, Good Eats, Daily Show/Colbert Report, Firefly, Futurama, Home Movies, BSG (at least portions) and 30 Rock. I think I've gotten over my Rachel Ray crush. But my Amy Goodman is as strong as ever. My current obsession is Adventure Time.

(F) Other: NPR, This American Life, RadioLab, Dylan's Theme Time Radio Hour, XM Radio in general, Sega Dreamcast, Lumines, any video game with esoteric peripherals (Rock Band, Samba De Amigo, Donkey Konga, DDR, the whole Wii phenomenon) Pokemon, Animal Crossing, 1000 Blank White Cards, Flux, Cards Against Humanity, Lego, Xevoz, Harper's, Make, Hedgehogs, pre-prohibition cocktails.

Increasingly, Firefox's spellcheck. Also: The sun. Not solely for the photosynthesis, mind you! Ooh, good friends are vital. I'm extremely enthusiastic about my new electric teakettle (For tea, cocoa, instant oatmeal. It's great!). It's been pointed out to me I would probably die without my iPhone (though it can't replace my SLR). Oh, my tiny daughter: forget the rest.

Spelling and punctuation. Does everyone think about it that much or do I just really have to work at it. Are there those with native superspelling powers? Are their lives limited in other ways? I wonder if I could deal with having no sense of smell if I could be assured that ever sentence I typed would be properly spelled and punctuated. Would I still be able to taste if my sense of smell were removed in such a hypothetical bargain? I hate how when someone says "I have a hypothetical for you", it never is. It's like that song that isn't ironic.

Amazingly, I still am able to function normally in modern society.

I also spend a lot of time thinking about the nature of free will. I believe in it, despite mounting evidence to the contrary. At least, I'd like to think I chose to believe in it. One can never tell.

These days? Drinking along with Archer. Otherwise, maybe trivia or otherwise hanging out with friends misspending an evening after a week's worth of work.

I will throw you the idol if you throw me the whip.

Folk legend Tom Paxton hates me.

I'm quite ticklish.

I have a pathological fear of losing my keys in a movie theater.

Oh and I'm a unmarried male who owns a minivan. It's practical! But I need to paint flames or skulls on it so people don't get the idea that I'm not a single guy.

I once accidentally shouted out Warren Beatty's name during sex.

I guess that's five things. I have more.

Edit: it's been suggested that certain private things I've mentioned are... less than masculine. To that I say: I spent more on illegal fireworks last year than I spent on shoes. What could be more manly?

You're not a robot or autonomous software agent or spam harvester or trying to get me to join some pay site somewhere.

Only humans (or robots that can pass a Turing test) need apply! Seriously, when I was a kid I would have killed to talk to a real, live robot. Seriously: If the phone rang and there was a chance it could be 1970s Artoo-Detoo rather than a robomarketeer? The future is disappointing.

Anyway, if you're within driving distance and want to go to the movies or just want to say hi. You needn't be within driving distance to say hi. Or if you want to exchange mixtapes. Or mixCDs. Or even plain old lists of songs. Viva the new frontier!

Or if you want to message me. You have free will (and hence: not a robot).

Edit: I don't know if robots heed my warning or OKCupid is doing a better job of filtering the mechanized masses, but only humans have been messaging me. We will win the battle against our software aggressors!