I'm Alice + I'm too old for this shit. Skilled conversationalists with good politics move to the front of the line.

NOTE: I know it probably says that I "reply very selectively," but that's a little bit misleading. A sample of messages to which I have not replied:
- "You're hot. Show me your tits"
- "hmmmmmmmmm"
- "do u havea wooden paddle"
- "hello r u thr"
- "dtf? ;)"

So it's not that I don't want to talk to anybody, it's that I don't want to talk to everybody, you know?

Playing with my hair. Neglecting my various creative endeavours so that I can amass debt and spend a lot of time agonizing about my life choices. Loving you but not being in love with you.

My grilled cheese is off the hook.

I'm pretty tall, half of my hair is way shorter than the other half, and none of my clothes are ever reliably opaque. I'm kinda hard to lose in a crowd.

(a) Studying literature for a few years will really fuck with your interest in reading for pleasure, you guys. An incomplete list of books I love: No One Belongs Here More Than You by Miranda July, The Camera My Mother Gave Me by Susanna Kaysen, Ariel by Sylvia Plath, Naked by David Sedaris, Popism by Andy Warhol + Pat Hackett.

(b) Mostly documentaries and really splashy action movies. I paid real American dollars to see the most recent Resident Evil movie in the theater (in 3D!). It was poorly acted, poorly written, and totally bad ass.

(c) I don't have a TV (and I wrote a whole article about it!) but I still keep up with stuff on the internets. I love Parks and Rec, New Girl (GRUDGINGLY), RuPaul's Drag Race, It's Always Sunny, etc.

(d) You guys, I've fallen into a podcast hole. I love podcasts. I know that's not music, but it is audio and it cuts into my listening of other audio. Beyond that, James Blake and Trimbal and Beyonce and Fiona Apple have been big listens for me lately. I dunno. My last.fm profile will give you a better picture so you can develop a crush on my *exquisite* taste.

(e) All pizza, all the time. And I'm obsessed with Indian food right now too, so if you can make it you need to tell me so.

Cowboy boots, overpriced cosmetics, xanax, jean cutoffs, pizza, and the emotionally unavailable.

The haircuts I'd assign to those around me if I had complete control over everybody's hair. I think I'd be very good at making decisions about everybody's hair.

Preening, dancing around my bedroom in my panties, taking a bath. I'm too old for fun in public.

I hate my voice + I've fucked a Republican. I'm a trans woman and while I hate having to deal with all of the assholes who send me raunchy messages about it when I mention it in my profile, I hate having to work it into conversation even more.

I have even juicier shit to admit when I actually get to know you! It's tempting, right? You're tempted.

Badasses, shitkickers, the criminally insane. Superheroes, supervillains, nerds, drapes, people who will talk to me about horror movies and not expect me to watch them. People who wear suspenders, people who like driving, and people who are currently married to Brody Dalle.

I'm way shy, and thus I probably won't message you first. It's hurting me more than it's hurting you.