As a matter of fact, this website has actually saved me SSOOOOOO MUCH time, money, drama & heartache instead of wasting time on the aforementioned types of Wastes of Time (and did I mention time missed playing Halo?) that I actually BOUGHT A HOUSE. YEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEARS AGO because I'm NOT spending on worthless, unappreciative dates!!!
THANK YOU, OKCUPID!!!! \(^_^)/
***AT LEAST MY PROFILE WON'T BORE YOU TO TEARS. PLEASE READ MY ENTIRE PROFILE WITH ROBERT DOWNEY, JR.'S VOICE (from "Iron Man" specifically) in mind***: (Pisses me off that we can't edit photos ON here and that it won't allow a photo unless it's a certain size- a n n o y i n g!) I HATE THIS F*CKING PLACE. THE HUMIDITY ESPECIALLY. GET ME THE F * C K OUT OF THIS DAMNED PLACE! Like the song "Tonight Tonight Tonight" by Genesis- "help me I'll do anything- anything -if you'll just heeeeeelp...GET ME OUT OF HERE!!!!!" NO SH*T, RIGHT?! Jarvis, Where the hell are the pictures of me from the Marilyn Manson concert I went to last July? I DID take some, didn't I...OH. WE'RE LIVE? Okay then, here we go:)
***I AM ALLERGIC TO CATS AND CAN'T STAND SMOKE, SMOKERS OR SMOKING- THANKS ANYWAY!!!!*** (here's where 2/3 of you click the "next" button- again, thanks anyway!)
Here's what I "bring to the table":
I have my sh*t together.
I have two loving parents. Two loving brothers.
I have my college degrees.
I have my investments.
I have my own place. No roommates.
I have my own car. And yes it runs. I paid cash for it and drove it off the lot 17 years ago. Just put a new engine in it a year and a half ago. Classic, red, no-longer-make-it, t-top sports-car.
I have no STDs.
I'm not abusive.
I am nobody's "baby's fadda."
I have no psycho ex-girlfriend(s).
I don't stink. I don't have bad breath. To the contrary, I smell AWESOME.
I have a full head of natural hair, lol!!!
I don't smoke and I am not on any illegal drugs.
I have a Tony Starks personality.
I am talented as hell. Or- as my Nike t-shirts attest: "Lazy But Talented" \(^_^)/
Do I have problems/issues? Sure, who doesn't.
Do I have "drama" per se? No.
Do I have my ups and downs. Sure, I'm human like anyone else.
Love may know no bounds, but if you live in like San Antonio, Louisville, Zimbabwe, India, Pakistan, Karu, Kazasitkan or however it's spelled- or worse, indianapolis -don't bother. In short, if you're not "Within F*cking Distance", please- spare BOTH of us!
And I'm a sucker for dogs (^_^).
***I won't go out with a woman with a guy's name. This list includes- but is not limited to -Sam, Alex, Chris, Kris & Jo.***
***If you have 4 kids, 3 jobs, are in law school and/or working on your degree at age 45 at night school, this will not work. You don't have time as it is. Be honest with YourSELF.***
STRIKE ONE (A): ***how if your main profile pic shows you frowning/looking like a complete bitch, I know EYE'm not gonna want to see that when I come home- from ANYWHERE -so why would any OTHER guy?***
STRIKE ONE (B): ***IF YOU LIVE OUTSIDE OF THE UNITED STATES, FORGET IT!!!!***
STRIKE TWO: ***Do YOU already live a comfortable lifestyle and really don't want a guy invading it all? Do you have "time" for a relationship? Do you have SPACE for a relationship, both in your heart and your mind? Hell, do you have time for a drink? A phone call for 15 minutes? Sex? I mean, if you can't Respond "Yes" to ANY of these- or To A Text -then YOU DON'T. And if you don't, please save us BOTH the trouble and don't type me!***
STRIKE THREE: ***If we're going to make plans for a FIRST date, you cancel and DON'T Suggest Alternative Plans? THREE STRIKES, YOU'RE OUT.***