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ninjafetish

30 F San Jose, CA

My Details

Last Online
Jul 20
Orientation
Bisexual
Ethnicity
White
Height
6′ 0″ (1.83m)
Body Type
Jacked
Diet
Anything
Smokes
Sometimes
Drinks
Socially
Drugs
Sometimes
Religion
Other, and laughing about it
Sign
Gemini, but it doesn’t matter
Education
Dropped out of two-year college
Job
Art / Music / Writing
Income
$20,000–$30,000
Relationship Status
Seeing Someone
Relationship Type
Offspring
Doesn’t want kids
Pets
Likes dogs and has cats
Speaks
English (Fluently), German (Okay), Ilongo (Poorly)

Similar Users

My self-summary
I HATE EVERYTHING BUT YOU

I DONT DRIVE I DONT HAVE A PHONE I AM OTHERWISE MOBILE. I AM THE WORST PERSON TO DATE, BUT IM COOL AS HECK TO MEET

"I am pretty seriously an acquired taste. "

im going to give you a warning
BIG WARNING i am going to look like a fool to you if you are a SNOB becuase i give NO FUCKS about hitting the delete key or other bullshit grammatical rules
my prose is conversational and if you ever fucking interrupt me in real life for not using an oxford comma while im talking to you --- oh wait, thats silly?
SO IS YOUR MAXIMUM SECURITY GRAMMAR FACILITY


Im severely lacking in the SOCIAL GRACES department. I consider people i dont know NPCS and grind them maliciously

so yeah im pretty big on PERVERSION and i prefer all my sexual activities to involve me in a situation that, to the UNTRAINED EYE, might seem unfair, or undesirable, or even SEVERELY PAINFUL

im daphny. im loud and abrasive but i really like introducing people to people i think they will benefit from knowing, one day i hope everyone worth knowing will know eachother and then everyone else will just DIE.
okay maybe they can just play sadistic drinking games that i pretend to participate in but AH HA, MY SHOTGLASS IS FULL OF WATER
but daphny i thought you were submissive
I AM ONLY SADISTIC WHEN IT IS HILARIOUS my desire to be stepped on and my desire to force people to guess the temperature then make them eat a tablespoon of chili powder for every degree they were off by are TWO DIFFERENT WORLDS OF DESIRE
ugh i went on a tangent i had nointention of going on and now im too arrogant to delete it
can you shut me up?
you want to dont you?
LETS DEBATE WHETHER THIS IS TOPPING FROM THE BOTTOM

I am inconsiderate, inconsistent, and insatiable
What I’m doing with my life
i recently broke my LEFT HUMERUS giving someone a PIGGY BACK RIDE. i love to give piggy back rides because i am sturdy like a pizza oven and therefore make a great rickshaw
but things went AWRY and in the middle of indiecade i fell right on my elbow and BROKE IT. pendleton ward and john romero were witnesses. ask them about it
ANYWAY i have been doing physical therapy and am doing my damnest to get full motion back, but since it was such an awful break ITS PROBABLY NOT GOING TO HAPPEN
i have a gnarly ass scar and a huge plate in my arm, you can touch them if you want i do all the time

bouncing ideas off of people
if you're working on a creative endeavor you should totally talk to me and it will become BETTER THIS IS A GUARANTEE

GETTING SO ANGRY (╯‵□′)╯︵ ┻━┻

I LIVE i shout at independent game makers and the 'community' (mORE LIKE VOMIT OUT OF MY ASSHOLE no thats poop daphny ACTUALLY ITS VOMIT YOU SEE WHEN I GAGGED MYSELF I PUSHED MY FINGERS SO FAR DOWN MY THROAT THAT THEY JUST PUSHED ALL THE VOMIT RIGHT OUT OF MY BUTT, THATS HOW BIG OF A JOKE THE COMMUNITY CAN BE [bracket: its not always a joke, and i mean the tools available for people liek you YES YOU to make games are becoming more and more widely available that WE CAN ALL MAKE GAMES AND HAVE A REAL SENSE OF COMMUNITY! close the bracket])

ive been working on writing rhyming childrens stories that arent outright perverted/violent and im having a REALLY HARD TIME grasping the concept of subtlety. A NEW CHALLENGER APPROACHES <--- okay im so fucking mad becuase i really like rhyming and im PRETTY GOOD AT METER metering? my meter? oh what the fuck EVER i can flow who cares about shitty words in dusty academic dictionaries anyway TANGENT

YOU KNOW WHAT IM DOING WITH MY LIFE
INTERRUPTINGMYSELF

anyway
huff

no im really mad because i get the ideas and the rhymes and then FUCK SITTING IN FRONT OF A COMPUTER YOUTUBE CLICK CLICK ANIMAL CROSSING FISH FISH JULIA CHILD IS CUTTING HERSELF i am a pokemon and my weakness is instant gratification and in this day and age *shakes cane* there sure is a lot of that sometimes i wish itd get off MY LAWN

i just realized that all performance art is getting on peoples nerves in public when they're trying to mind their business and that this qualifies me as an artist to the highest degree
what are you doing with your life
ARTING
i think my new project is going to be recreating everything i like 4x (its bigger than it sounds) larger than actual size
i think that will make me like it 4x more
shit i could like DRIVE in my fucking geiger counter if i did that

ARGH I THOUGHT I JUST FLIPPED THIS TABLE (╯‵□′)╯︵ ┻━┻
I’m really good at
editing my profile in an attempt to shorten it but only making it MUCH LONGER, dr mario, coming off as a huge dick, working a crowd, making up backstory, chugging, entertaining myself, getting in trouble, kissing, kicking people in the balls on accident, yelling, fucking grammar up, set, being the same person in real life that i am on the internet, pattern recognition, forgetting my cellphone, making bad first impressions, breaking glasses in your face

i'm fucking fantastic at putting people in awkward/uncomfortable situations, and making them feel okay about it. basically im trying to say in a really nice way that im manipulative as hell but i try to use my powers to make people feel good instead of for some kind of crazy world-domination plot twist.

singing bulba bulba bulbasauuuur

i am SO GOOD at throwing parties, ask about my parties you will get jealous
The first things people usually notice about me
my shitty username I MADE IT WHEN OKCUPID WAS STILL SPARKMATCH GET
OFF
MY
BACK

my dumb hats
boy i have a lot of dumb hats

my fucked up teeth, like people tell you they have bad teeth and then they meet me and want to cuddle with their perfect teeth

actually people usually find me by hearing my laugh from like fifty feet, i call it sonar but its been referred to as "a weapon"

the conversation was like
me: ha hhaHHAHAHAHAHAHH
her: your laugh is a weapon.

that im really aggressive, most people are incredibly intimidated by me because i dont mind LOUDLY wondering what pattern this uncomfortable ass chair is pressing into my backside or RUDELY adjusting my tights because the crotch feels weird "intimidated by" is interchangable with "irritated with" see also "disgusted with"



i shaved a dick into my head once, i might have some impulse issues
Favorite books, movies, shows, music, and food
so yeah i just link sites i go to that list what i read and listen to, instead of making a huge list
because unless you have an EXTREMELY VESTED INTEREST there is no fucking reason for me to force you through a bunch of bands books and videogames that you havent heard of
I AM NOT AN INCONSIDERATE ASSHOLE
think about that when you post 70 bands that .1 percent of people have heard of okay?

a) grey is the color of hope or just check my goodreads!

b)
computer chess

c) last.fm

d) banana peppers

5) COMIX - frontier by unomoralez

6) GAMES - dyad see what i wrote about it

i change these all the time
i dont read your fucking irrelevant telling-me-too-much-thereby-telling-me-nothing lists adn i dont expect you to read mine!
harumph.
The six things I could never do without
oxygen food water MY OWN DICK RAMMING DOWN MY THROAT BECUASE I CANT STAND MYSELF AND MY HANDS DONT WANT TO BE ANYWHERE NEAR ME, LET ALONE MY FUCKING MOUTH THAT THINKS ITS GREAT TO MAKE THE MOST OBVIOUS JOKE

isnt this a place where you fucking want to stand out? 'OH HEY NO DONT BOTHER WITH ME IM JUST THE LOWEST COMMON DEMONIATOR'

CAPITAL LETTERS

lowercase letters

stalin, kago shintaro

kink and qoo



well i could probably do just fine without lowercase letters, but everything else is MANDATORY

my hitachi magic wand and I HAVE A 3DS NOW BOY STREET PASSING SURE IS FUN BOY NINTENDO SURE DOESNT KNOW HOW TO FUCKING RELEASE ANYTHING WORTHWHILE IN AMERICA BULLSHIT at least it was free oh you like videogames? well FUCK YOU.

other people to shield me against my horrifying social anxiety
IS THAT A JOKE COULD SHE BE SERIOUS???? youll neverknowwwww
I spend a lot of time thinking about
the vagus nerve (mainly conciously controlling it so i can get out of doing the dishes or eating beets)

ive become bored with traditional sex, and although cuddling and making out is great i dont want my relationship to revolve around holes used as a means to an end
my holes are a means to be mean to

figuring out how to know when to stop. THIS IS MY WORST TRAIT IM JUST PUTTING IT OUT THERE SO YOU CAN KNOW I TAKE INTERACTIONS TO EXCESS AND END UP PUSHING ENVELOPES THAT PRESS BUTTONS THAT ACTIVATE THE NERVE GRATER its like a rube goldbergian device of annoyance
i MEAN ITS NOT LIKE THIS WAS A SECRET -- LOOK AT MY LONG ASS PROFILE

when i can make an energy serum and just suck some out of me and INJECT INTO THIS SLOW ASS FUCKER WALKING IN FRONT OF ME WALK FASTER JEEEZ
On a typical Friday night I am
being told to shut up or get out

i just want to play pinball and videogames and jump into lakes and pools and bounce on trampolines and get beaten and roll down grassy hills and pretend im a dinosaur and wear dumb hats and not worry about a cover charge and inspire others and wander and smile at strangers and discover hidden urban treasures and ride bikes and ALL SORTS of other romantic cliches! except my desire is genuine.

i dont want friday nights to be typical basically

every other SATURDAY i have a board game club called Fun And Games SATURDAY where all my board game playign friends get together and wig out over 18xx and eurogames and zendo and MUCH MUCH MORE
NO MONOPOLY
NO MUNCHKIN

no PANDEMIC! let me tell you why pandemic is a bad game. its a game where theres ALWAYS ONE DOMINATING SOLUTION and whoever finds that solution orders everyone around
how is that cooperative? its a TOTALITARIAN game!
message me to argue this point

DO YOU GET IT
F.A.G.S. im fucking ~clever~
The most private thing I’m willing to admit
deep down its possible that im a gentle and loving caring sweet girl, but its probably unlikely
subspace doesnt count >:O

my safe word is "sassparilla"

i gave up my privacy as sort of a social experiment in brutal honesty and now that i have nothing to hide no one has anything to use against me, so instead of leaving myself open and vunerable i have built a fortress of truth that no one can penetrate becuase fucking everyones inside already

when the ecosystem stops rewarding complexity, it is the people who figure out how to work simply in the present, rather than the people who mastered the complexities of the past, who get to say what happens in the future
I’m looking for
  • Guys and girls who like bi girls
  • Ages 20–99
  • Near me
  • For new friends, short-term dating, casual sex
You should message me if
if you believe our contradictions make us more human and you want to SCREAM AND POINT out the contradictions in my testimony

if you can dish it out and take it

www.poopdoggyballs.com

as if there wasnt enough bullshit here you can go look at ten years more of it

AIM: ENEMARATHON

SKYPE: proletearatwat