ATTN: LADIES. If you are single and the below profile appeals to you, you may be interested in my good friend Sinespe, who is a Sir. Be gentle with him.

HEALTH WARNING: The following profile is incredibly long and a bit waffly. Abandon hope all ye who enter here. Your home may be repossessed if you give me the keys.

Please note: An open mind really is a pre-requisite if you want to talk to me (or at least if you want me to like you in the long run). With that in mind, those of you without such a faculty, please shut the door as you leave; I wouldn't want to waste your time.

I'm 25, a bit unusual, and a few other things.

Things you should know about me (potential deal-breakers, and points of general [dis]interest):

- Allegedly INFJ, if you put stock in those sorts of things.

- I am seeing someone at the moment. Emphasising this as apparently it's quite easy to miss the bit up by my name. I can understand people assuming that if you have an active profile on here you're looking for something-or-other of a romantic/extra-marital nature, but I am probably the exception that proves that rule. I am happy with my lady, and am looking for FRIENDS. There may be parts further down that contradict this sentiment - please disregard them. I wrote too much and now I can't check it all :(

- I'm insecure. I will favourite you, but I will more than likely fail to summon up the sheer strength of will to apply fingers to keys and send you a message. I state this in the vain hope that someone out there will find my shyness endearing, and take the initiative. Even "hi" helps a great deal. IMs are even better.

- Not only do I like swearing, I also think it's clever. "Fuck" is the most versatile word in the English language. Consider the following grammatically correct sentence: "Oh, fuck; the fucking fucker's fucked." So yeah, if you're offended by bad language... well, consider yourself the subject of the aforementioned sentence, I guess.

- I don't want children. Definitely not now, and probably not ever, although one never says never (unless one has been sterilised). As a corollary to this, if I *was* ever to decide I wanted kids, my (strong) preference would be to adopt. There are too many people in the world as it is, and why make another life when there are already untold numbers of kids growing up without family. Seriously, if I can influence you in any way at all, please, don't procreate - adopt an orphan/unwanted child. It really is the RIGHT thing to do. I welcome anyone who wants to debate this with me.

- I'm politically liberal/centrist. Following the whole tuition fee debacle, I no longer consider myself to have a political party, but I used to vote yellow. I've become so bloody disaffected that I no longer have a clue who I'd vote for if an election fell tomorrow. But I'd vote. Or scrawl profanity across my ballot in disgust.

- My degree? French and Mathematics at Exeter. As part of it, I spent a year living and studying in Chambéry, Savoie - it's a beautiful little town. Go there.

- My linguistic background is probably part of the reason I'm a bit of a grammar-fascist. I do try to keep it in check, though. Although I'll never get over people confusing "less" and "fewer". It's really not that hard. Less cake, fewer cakes.

- I never seem to be single for very long, and I don't know why. I've even *tried* to stay single, and failed. This isn't a boast - I genuinely see this as a negative thing.

- I'm a firm believer in the motto "Stop moping, start coping". I succeed at this 99.997% of the time, and fail spectacularly the other 0.003%. I'm ok with that, given that most people seem to have the inverse ratio going on.

- I'm broadly anti-Religion. Not any particular religion, just the concept itself. Personally, I identify as agnostic, in the sense that I have yet to see any evidence to either prove or disprove the existence of a deity of some ilk. In any case, I feel that anyone who claims to be able to definitively say that there either is or is not a God is deluding themselves. Sure, when you die you may find out you were right, but if you do, you just got lucky, sunshine. My dad always jokes (sliiiiightly racistly, I fear) that "everyone is going to feel really stupid when they die and find out that Bongo-Bongo, the God of the Congo was in charge all along." He may have a point.

I'm strongly of the opinion that the default position on anything should be "we don't know", until incontrovertible evidence one way or the other is found. That's an intelligently-formed, carefully-considered conclusion based upon all available evidence. To my mind, science doesn't (or at least, shouldn't) say "there is no God". Science says, "Ask again later". No, wait, that's a Magic 8 Ball. I think I've forgotten what my point was.

Thankfully, Victoria Coren has put it quite marvellously here: "there seems to be a false distinction gaining ground between “believers” and “rationalists”, when I think neither theism nor atheism is particularly logical. It worries me that a certain vocal group of proselytizing atheists are trying a little too hard to attack the idea that faith is a comfort (what’s wrong with that?) and that taking comfort in faith is ignorant. I say: whatever gets you through the night. If it’s prayer, or faith (whether within a particular church or [...] a less specific, less doctrinal sense of higher power that doesn’t currently express itself regularly in any official place of worship) then don’t let people make you feel a fool for that; you aren’t one. Unless you are one. But there are as many non-believing fools as believing fools, and faith has nothing to do with it."

For the record, Victoria Coren is ace.

- I want to be musical, but am not - I lack the dexterity. I can strangle a noise out of a guitar, sort of, and I love playing my ukulele (not a euphemism) although again, I'm not much good at it. I can also sing a little, but I hate my voice - doesn't stop me randomly singing my way around the house/life in general, though.

- I've re-discovered my love of gaming (video games,boardgaming, CCGs, card games... the works). You'll find me fairly frequently at DarkSphere Games in Waterloo playing Magic: the Gathering (usually booster drafting (badly) or playing Standard (badly)). I'm always looking for people to trade/playtest with! Equally, if you like Ticket to Ride, Settlers of Catan, Carcassonne... we should hang out.

- I think Dr. Seuss had it right; "Be who you are, and say what you mean, because those who mind don't matter, and those who matter don't mind." However, I'm blessed/cursed with a complete inability to take most of life at all seriously.

- I play a bit of poker. Yes, for money. No, rarely for much money. Yes, I'll teach you. No, I won't let you win. I probably won't have to. *sadface*

- I am, broadly speaking, anti-smoking. Important distinction: That's anti-smoking, not anti-smokers. If you smoke, fair enough, but I am one of these people who would *prefer* it if you didn't smoke around me. It smells bad, it tastes bad. Personally, I don't get the attraction - these days, the having to go out in the cold when you're at the pub would be more than enough to put me off! Whatever floats your boat, I guess.

- I veer massively between an almost sociopathic lack of patience with "people in general" and being incredibly tolerant and appreciative of people's "differences". I think I probably just don't like people who are too "normal". I fucking love quotation marks, too.

- I like wrestling (WWE etc.) and am ok with it. It's just Eastenders with added gymnastics, let's face it.

- I make racist jokes to poke fun at racism, sexist jokes to poke fun at sexism, and homophobic jokes to poke fun at homophobia. Honestly, if you're going to take that sort of shit seriously when I come out with it, you're not going to like me. My sense of humour is "unique" and somewhat harsh (occasionally cruel), but they're fucking jokes, people - they don't reflect what I actually think, they're just absurdities that make me laugh. Chances are that if I'm poking fun at you, winding you up deliberately, or generally just being a bit mean to you, I'm quite fond of you.

- I'm stealing these words from a friend of mine, but... "sometimes I struggle with me."

- Oh... and my name's Nathan. I should probably mention that.

- PS. Full disclosure, I suffer from Secret Internet Fatness. I've put on a few stone since the photos were taken. I'm not vast, but I'm not what you'd call slim either. Not that it matters.

I now work for a Marketing Solutions company in Kensington as a Data Analyst. While it sounds (and is) incredibly dry, it pays the bills... just.

I used to live in Newport with my gorgeous (if fucking annoying) JRT, Pip, in a house that I've finally managed to sell (at a crippling loss). For the record, if you're not a dog person, then the chances of us ever having a successful long-term relationship are reduced, though not to zero.

I'm now living in a flat in Park Royal with two girls. Oh yeah, still got it. Or maybe not.

I'm trying to find my way home. The plan is to find work in Bristol, and move in together with my lady. If this comes to fruition, then YAY!

Mostly, I'm waiting for my real life to begin.

Putting the wellbeing of others before my own.

Deliberately mispronouncing words for comic (in my opinion) effect.

Doing it wrong.

Turboskiving.

Being a fatty fat fat fatty.

Wrecking my ankles.

Sounding like a long-winded, verbose douchebag on online dating sites.

Well, I suppose the most evident thing is my face, which is usually obscured behind a full beard of variable length. I'm basically trying to hide behind it in attempt to become invisible, which logically you must be in order to be able to hide behind yourself...

However, it's entirely possible that before you even encounter my visage, you'll have heard me coming, either because I'm laughing implausibly raucously at something that was maybe very slightly amusing, or because I generally lack an internal volume control (or "inside voice"). My laughter in particular causes me a little embarrassment - at one comedy gig I went to in Newport, the comic (Lloyd Langford, if you're interested) was having a lot of trouble with some pissed-up hen-nighters in the front row who thought that they were the act, and spent most of his half-hour set trying to get them to shut up and/or fuck off. His attempts at this, and indeed his jokes when he could get them out, were hilarious, although apparently my opinion on this was perfectly evident given the fact that before he left the stage he acknowledged me and called me a "comedy lighthouse".

For the record, I AM tall, but I don't go around flashing. ITHANGYEW!

Oh, dear.

Hopefully, if you get to know me, you'll learn that I am caring to a fault, honest to the point of brutality (and on occasion, foolhardiness), and almost terminally lazy. I would consider myself loyal, too. I am the kind of person who, rather than a large group of acquaintances, has a small group of close friends who he would take a bullet for (although I do kind of hope that this is only ever relevant in metaphorical terms...)

Books: It's probably easier to list my favourite authors since I'm more about writing style than anything else. So;
Jasper Fforde - The 'Thursday Next' novels in particular, but basically everything he's ever written.
Frank Herbert - The Dune saga. (I also like the widely-regarded-as-bilge Prelude to Dune series written by his son Brian and some other goof)
Kazuo Ishiguro - His books are a little dense and difficult to get through, but Remains of the Day is just awe-inspiring. Never Let Me Go is one of the most heart-rending books I've ever read. I'm still fighting my way through The Unconsoled nearly 3 years after buying it, but it IS good.
Christopher Brookmyre - all of his books
Terry Pratchett - no more need be said.

Movies: If I had to pick one favourite film of all time, I'd struggle, and then say either BASEketball, Chasing Amy or Garden State depending on my mood. I generally like comedy films, and am a big Kevin Smith fan. I ADORE V for Vendetta, and am a little bit in love with Natalie Portman. Everyone should watch Thank You For Smoking. Films I have watched recently include Rounders, Any Given Sunday, and Mission: Impossible 3. Good, great, and... yeah, respectively.

Music: I'll try to keep this to the bands/artists I absolutely adore, as otherwise we could be here forever (I like lots of different bits of different things and tend to like individual songs rather than artists or albums.) So, in no particular order;
Barenaked Ladies, Rilo Kiley, Semisonic, Julia Nunes, James Taylor, The Cat Empire, Coheed and Cambria, Motion City Soundtrack, Holly Brook, Seasick Steve, older Foo Fighters, Regina Spektor, Frank Ocean... and others. My current favourite track is Some Nights by Fun. - it's so good. Too good.

TV: Futurama (I can't believe I missed this out in my original list - I'm ashamed), Top Gear, How I Met Your Mother (I'm very slightly gay for Neil Patrick Harris, which is convenient), The Big Bang Theory, Mythbusters, QI, Peep Show, That Mitchell and Webb Look (Sir Digby Chicken-Caesar is my hero), The Armstrong and Miller Show, Only Connect, Spaced, Studio 60 on the Sunset Strip, House, Blackadder, Have I Got News For You, Green Wing, Scrubs, Family Guy, American Dad!, Man v Food, Outnumbered. Guilty pleasure: Playing it Straight. Excited to watch The Newsroom when it eventually hits Netflix.

Radio: The Now Show, Fighting Talk, The News Quiz, Just A Minute, Jest A Minute, John Finnemore's Souvenir Programme, I'm Sorry, I'll Read That Again, The Unbelievable Truth, I'm Sorry, I Haven't A Clue.

Food: Pizza is top of the list. My favourite meat is Chicken, my favourite vegetable is Broccoli, my favourite cereal is Frosties (or Fruit and Fibre, or Ricicles...) and my favourite ice-cream flavour is Vanilla. I recently considered vegetarianism. I decided against it.

Excluding the obvious/cliché answers (oxygen, food, water, etc etc etc)

1. Electricity
2. A computer
3. The internet
4. Dogs
5. Human contact
6. The Oxford comma. (I'm the one who gives a fuck about it, for realz.)

...fuck all, to be fair. I have an enviable ability to just switch off for an hour and relax.

Other things include:

What the fuck is going on with my fucking life/why won't it just SLOW THE FUCK DOWN

How I'll do it differently/better next time

Where did it all go right/wrong/sideways-and-on-fire

How to improve my deck without mangling my mana curve

Where the hell I left my keys/wallet/sense of self-worth

How great it would be if Google and Apple got together to create the Googly-iPhone

How I really, really can't afford to be alive (financially speaking)

Why people confuse similarity with compatibility. If we wanted someone exactly like us, why would we look for someone else - wouldn't developing a multiple personality disorder be less effort? Then again, what if the extra personalities were too different too...? Perhaps it's better that these people stay single.

If I'm not driving back from London to the South West, I'm usually sat at home - I won't lie. I have debt to pay off, I pay London rent, I know nobody in London, and I don't earn an awful lot by London standards, so I don't have the money to go out all the time and still enjoy the other parts of my life. But I don't mind this. I've never enjoyed clubbing particularly - as a single, 'club' is merely a pseudonym for 'hall of alcohol and rejection', and as part of a couple, it means instead 'pointless, sweaty exercise'.

I used to be an online dating site user like you, but then I took an arrow to the knee (or a girlfriend to the face, as the case... is).

More seriously - I'll tell you absolutely anything truthfully if you want to know - all you have to do is ask (and I encourage you to do so)! I believe strongly in openness.

...you want to make new friends in London to hang out/play games/do stuff with.

Or...

...you value honesty above all else, as it's all I like to deal in.

In that spirit, I think that, realistically, you're in a better position to answer this than me. If you message me, I will reply, almost guaranteed. And I LOVE getting messages! Unless they are from weird stalker types. And even then, it's not all bad.