Do I know how to do the Lambada? Sure!
Alright fine, maybe not. But what the hell - fun? frivolity? manic Bacchanals around town in nothing but my skivvies? I'm there. Still I don't think there's anything wrong with being civil and, dare I say, compassionate either - to echo the Costello song.
Yes I've administered a few purple head-band, ginsu beat-downs like when I owned a little red scooter that went from 0 - 70 in four seconds. Silly Porsche drivers would get out of their cars and charge me in a drunken water buffalo-like rage of confusion and jealousy after I smoked them out of the green light. But I took no pleasure in these punitive measures. "This hurts me more than it hurts you" kind of thing.
Point is I'm only bad 48% of the time .
The rest of the time I'm working in soup kitchens and helping crippled whales.
I like trees and stuff and children wave to me wherever I go. And dogs always want me to pet them.
I'm kind of like Tarzan.