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no_turtlenecks

39 M Toronto, Ontario, CA

My Details

Last Online
Apr 18
Orientation
Straight
Ethnicity
White
Height
6′ 0″ (1.83m)
Body Type
Overweight
Diet
Mostly other
Smokes
Yes
Drinks
Very often
Drugs
Often
Religion
Sign
Education
Graduated from high school
Job
Unemployed
Income
Less than $20,000
Relationship Status
Single
Relationship Type
Offspring
Pets
Likes dogs and has cats
Speaks
English, French

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My self-summary
yes, that is a recent photo of me. I am Ron Jeremy's cousin on my mom's side.

look, i'm not going to sugarcoat it.

I'm a degenerate and pretty much a pervert.
I recently got my high school diploma, and I'm a bit of a monosyllabic slob.
I live with my mom, (in the basement. I dont know how to do laundry or cook).

I'm the dude in high school who had the Iroc Z with the fiery eagle on the hood, the mullet, the hightop white sneakers and the Iron Maiden fringe jacket. I rocked out with my cock out. I still do, well, when I manage to get it out.

Accomplished video gamer, I travel for wrestling conventions because that shit is realz. I love animals (i've got 8 dogs living with me). But let's be honest, the best place for an animal is BBQed on your plate with a keg of Schlitz beer! good times!

I was working, but I got let go because I was overqualified. I was told I drove that forklift too damn well and the union was gettin' pissy. Seems like the old timers didnt like my whippersnapper approach.

They blamed my drinking but that's impossible. I had so much Drakkar Noir on there's no way anyone could smell the vodka. So now I live on welfare and do internet fraud. It works. I just can't have a bank account or a credit card or anything like that. I usually cash my welfare cheques down at the bar. Ever been to Michaels on Queen street? fuck yeah, hepatitis in a glass baby!

I'm pretty active and have a healthy lifestyle. A beer keg, weed bongs and a box of wings is my weekend. I must be doing something right because Domino's got me some customer of year plaque. I work out on my playstation, I have friggin muscular fingers. My thumbs can easily press 100 pounds. My eyes move at lightning speed. I'm working on reducing my size 56 pants.

I hope you like being active also.

So hit me up ladies. This quality of stud aint going to be on the market for ever.
What I’m doing with my life
drinking beer and making homemade hashish.
I’m really good at
hand to eye coordination
names of 80s pornstars
Favorite books, movies, shows, music, and food
books? wtf. who's got time for that useless shit. make a movie or die.

tv : everything. no, really.

food: sure, as long as someone else makes it.

music: ACDC, Ted Nugent. Samantha Fox, Styxx, Foreigner, Aldo Nova.
The six things I could never do without
hot ladies
mother-daughter combos
my VCR tape collection
air guitar
I spend a lot of time thinking about
hot ladies
mother-daughter combos
my VCR tape collection
air guitar
On a typical Friday night I am
fucked up drunk yelling at the wall
The most private thing I’m willing to admit
I like rich women
i've appeared in a few pornos
I’m looking for
  • Girls who like guys
  • Ages 18–50
  • Near me
  • Who are single
  • For new friends, long-term dating, short-term dating
You should message me if
you are rich
you have a fancy car (bmw, mercedes or porsche, i'll let a jag slip in, but no shitty Lexus crap)
you like giving head
you'll cook and clean
you'd like to have my children
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if you made it this far there's an assumption that you got that this profile is intended as a joke. If you haven't until now, just skip to the next profile. If you are intrigued enough, drop me a line, i'll actually tell you what I'm really like.