You should know that while my IM may be on, unless we have previously interacted on at least a semi-regular basis I am not interested in talking to you via that medium. I dont respond to, or even open, IMs unless they're from someone with whom I'm already acquainted. Unless I'm incredibly bored, in which case I will taunt and curse at you and then post the transcript in my journal.
It's probably safest if you send me a mail if you have something interesting to say. Kthx.

Oh, and one more thing?
I'm experimenting for the greater good of the site, so humour me with this:
If you look at my profile and decide not to message me, send me a message instead letting me know why (unless you are looking at this profile for like the fortieth time in the last week because you like to look at my pictures and imagine what it would be like to have a "casual encounter" with me and you've already once sent me a message telling me just that).
I can't promise to care about your reasons, but I will be genuinely interested in what they are.

Anyway, on with the rest of the 'getting to know you' malarkey...

"I'm a mess, I'm a wreck. I am perfect and I have learned to accept all my problems and shortcomings 'cos I'm so visceral, yet deeply inept"

I'm here for the lulz. And the casual encounters.
I am very much in <3 with a hot, awesome, not-at-all-gay boy.

My lonely hearts ad, appropriated from my journal on someone else's advice:

Green eyed, incurably romantic, attention-whoring, chain-smoking, red-headed basket case seeks similar for shits and giggles. Interests include crying during arguments, kicking midgets and buying unsuitable shoes. Dislikes boring people and vomiting. Own house, car (dented), teeth and breasts (unfortunately). Occasionally solvent. Willing to throw my own phone number in the bin to save you the trouble. Great catch!

TrafficGuy said this about me in his journal:

noangel77 is another Brit I absolutely adore. She can slice and dice, but is self-effacingly genuine. And hot, fer sure. Kiki has the goods.

independent26 said this:

Noangel You have a lovely body, you can bake, and you look awesome as a blonde as well as a brunette. That makes you yummy in my book. Plus I really do enjoy your journals. I had this dream once where you had cupcakes as boobs and I was um....:D <3

oedipuscrow said this:

Underneath a layer of fluent snark, noangel has a heart of gold. She does, however, have a low tolerance for stupidity so those with moronic tendencies are advised to give her a wide berth. Which is a pity since rumour has it her baking is to die for and if that doesn't seduce you, her stern take on librarian chic surely will.

cricketsmack said this:

You know when you're eating a delicious meal and you take that one bite that has the perfect mix of all of the flavors and you sit for a second with your eyes closed and thank God (though you were atheist seconds before) for miracles? Noangel is that perfect bite personified. She's funny, gorgeous, quick, snarky, and sweet all in the right proportions to make women think they might be gay and men go gay just so they can turn straight again.

zap25 said this:

You're a wonderful bundle of discrepancies. You're hard, and soft. Hot and cold. Kind and ballistic. Strong and lazy. Sometimes it seems you have a 6th sense that makes you do exactly the thing nobody expected, well, nobody but you more like.
Brutally honest.

Carlos_Adama

She's Alfie with tits

CaptainScorpio

A delightful soul in a heartbreaking body, enormous fun to flirt with, biting cynicism with a sweet, gummy center. The perfect crush.

I am very easy (and a great deal of fun) to distract while on the 'phone.

A few of my favourite things: cute emo boys, pretty shoes, singing, matching underwear, irises (the flowers and the coloured bits in your eyes), girls and boys who wear lots of eyeliner, dancing, chip butties, reading -- anything and everything, being adored, tattoos and piercings (on me and other people), setting stuff on fire, sexy backs, summer -- I *love* summer! It makes me happy to wake up and know that it's going to be warm and sunny and I won't be shivering all day, kissing -- I fucking love kissing! Songs with handclaps and cheesy, jangly guitars.

A few of my *least* favourite things: chavs, arguments, trainer socks, shellfish, gold jewellery, selfishness, false nails, racist/sexist/homophobic bigots, fake tans, being ignored, Ugg boots (why would anyone think they're attractive or flattering? Sure, they're warm. Like you need warm boots in Australia), rude people.

My dance card is at present pretty much full, as far as dating is concerned. You will have to be pretty fucking special (not to mention local) in order to convince me otherwise.

I have the attention span of a.....OOoooh, look! A rabbit!

Editors

• CaptainScorpio
• joehill
• Carlos_Adama
• cricketsmack
• cambridgejosh
• oedipuscrow

"singin' songs from the balcony as the city crumbles under the powers of an evil doctor rocket science monster with capabilities to destroy the entire universe"

Actually, that's a lie. I have an office job. I'm also qualified in reflexology, Indian head massage and sports massage.

Being a member of the London Cupid Alcoholics Society.

Single-handedly attempting to prop up the shoe industry through the recession.

Flirting with polyamory, but not sure if it's THE ONE.

Editors

• Endarkenment
• oedipuscrow

messing about, flirting, making people laugh, listening, laughing at freaks, tightlacing, breaking things, apparently reading 'too much' into song lyrics, wishing I was Gwen Stefani, fancying Dita Von Teese, being emo without the nasty shoes, cooking for appreciative people, being stalked, horse riding, getting jealous for no reason, laddering my stockings, pretending to be cool, 'your mum' jokes, showjumping, Guitar Hero (on Medium), telling the most thrillingly long stories that will have you riveted to your seat with interest and wonder, catching sweets in my mouth (peanut M+Ms work best for this), being tied up, finding my way around London (eventually), baking, sharing joehill with 70schild.

Perhaps more importantly, I'm really terrible at:

staying focused on anything for any length of time, saving money, knowing what I want, playing the actual guitar, making decisions, logic puzzles, Mariokart, arm wrestling, anything that involves willpower.

Editors

• joehill

"Perfect make-up but she's barely scraping by"

"She's not as pretty as she thinks she is"

^That’s because she’s far prettier than that! -- CravenCoward

My hair.
The fact that I'm actually a bit of a cunt. Or not as much of a cunt as they originally thought.
Either my glasses or the fact that I've just walked into them due to vanity making me take my glasses off.
Often it's my shoes. And how short I am when I remove them.
That I have the smallest hands they've ever seen on an adult.
Or the fact that I dress like a 1940's war bride.
I've usually spilled something down me.
I talk. A lot. And I laugh. Too much and at inappropriate times.
Sometimes it's that I'm singing -- in the car, at my desk, in the supermarket on my own or along with whatever song is on the stereo in the bar that I'm in. Mine's a Scarlett, by the way...

I have quite a lot of trouble with eye contact. Most people notice that I'm rarely looking them in the eye. It makes me uncomfortable. There are very few exceptions to this, but they know who they are. I'm working on it.

On the 27th December 2008, a photographer said I have 'a grace', a stand-up comic called me 'pretty' (he was probably joking) and a lawyer told me I am 'elegant'. It was a good day.

I fidget. All the frickin' time.

I'm kind of a big deal. People know me.

My unbridled punniness withers the opposition.

Editors

• CravenCoward
• _uv_

a/ Probably my favourite book is Tess of the D'Urbervilles by Thomas Hardy. Also Burlesque/Fetish and the Art of the Teese by Dita von Teese and La Gloire de Mon Père by Marcel Pagnol.

b/ Pulp Fiction, Fight Club, Kill Bill 2, Jaws (all of them -- even the shitty 3rd and 4th efforts), The Wedding Singer, Napoleon Dynamite, The Little Mermaid, Breakfast At Tiffany's, Annie Hall, Anchorman.
I am the most annoying person in the world when watching any of the above films. I can't stop myself from quoting. I know it's wrong.

I have a terrible weakness for disaster films. And shark films. And particularly disastrous shark films.

I fall asleep almost every time I watch a film. I also cry almost every time I watch a film.

c/ Dashboard Confessional, Blur (and various Britpop malarkey), Tenacious D, Red Hot Chili Peppers, Lady Gaga, Motion City Soundtrack, No Doubt, Sinatra, Foo Fighters, Sonic Boom Six, Me First and the Gimme Gimmes, Beatles, The Juliana Theory, Arctic Monkeys, Jeff Buckley, Frank Turner

Meh. Just click this. Laugh at my library. Realise that some of your own guilty pleasures are shared by me. Feel better.

d/ It's probably easier to say what I don't eat:
Shellfish (except prawns, but they must be shelled for me).
Fruit-flavoured sweets -- I always feel a bit left out when someone has Haribo.
Lychees (and anything else that might have the texture of an eyeball).
Fried cheese.
Savoury things with fruit -- you can keep your Hawaiian pizzas, Stilton with apricots and raisins in curry.

I would HATE to be without my family, my friends, love, music, my car and the ability to write. Oh and my camera. And books. Lip balm, hand cream and mascara. Heels. Gmail. And the ability to count to six.

"Who are you? I can't remember your name. Where am I? What was I gonna say? What's the time? What day is it today? I feel fine, I'll probably be okay"

"Sitting round feeling far away, so far away but I can feel the debris, can you feel it?"

How I am always 8lbs heavier than I would like to be, and what to do about that.

I think a lot about what to write in my journal. It's either emo shit or funny shit. Or sometimes both. Or cat or goth macros. Or sometimes both.

I like to make up stories for people I see in the street or the bar. I sometimes manage to convince other people that it's a good pastime too.

I think too much in general. I freak myself out sometimes with my overanalysis.

I wonder why people would wear ugly shoes, or why some peoples' friends allow them to go out for the evening wearing those clothes. Believe it or not, I don't judge people on appearances. But I will judge their friends for being so bitchy as to let them go out looking like crap so as to lessen the competition.

I spend a lot of time wondering how I got myself into whatever mess I'm in, and how to get out of it. Usually I can't.

I am the evil twin to this work of art in female form.

Her. She's ravishing!

"Dancing on a Friday night, Let the music smother me, Whole weekend recovery, Dancing on a Friday night"

Either wishing I'd gone out or wishing I'd stayed in.

"the bmx bike of my life is about to explode"

I am only slightly less awesome at calculating pi to 26 significant digits in my head than I am in bed.

I'm also great at booking folks well in advance who wish to partake of my riches. You could almost call me the Fat Duck of women.

Editors

• liberodisco
• alpha1971

I've pissed you off.

Or if you want to take me out to do something I've never done before. I might say no, but you won't know unless you ask.

You want to teach me something.

Or if you recognised any of the quotes up there ^^^^^

You want to compare hand-sizes.

Or if you're a man who wears eyeliner and/or looks like Evan Dando or Dave Grohl.

You want to spank me.

I very rarely send the first message, so don't wait for me!

Stalkers need not apply.

Do NOT message me if you like chickpeas. I do not want you eating my breasts, which are mostly made of houmous.

Editors

• CravenCoward
• 70schild
• alpha1971