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34 M Austin, TX

I’m looking for

  • Girls who like guys
  • Ages 26–44
  • Near me
  • Who are single
  • For new friends, short-term dating

My Details

Last Online
Yesterday – 8:44pm
5′ 9″ (1.76m)
Body Type
Dropped out of two-year college
Rather not say
Relationship Status
Relationship Type
Doesn’t want kids
Has dogs and likes cats
English (Fluently)

Similar Users

My self-summary
Write a little about yourself. Just a paragraph will do.
Was it Kierkegaard or Dick Van Patten who said "If you label me, you negate me?"

I've got 99 problems, and being a decaying organism that's born to die in a society run by money that I cannot escape from is one of them.
What I’m doing with my life
Don’t overthink this one; tell us what you’re doing day-to-day.
Oh, you know, just trying to get by, keeping a sense of humor in the face of adversity and not taking life too seriously.

In 2012 I let my beard grow without shaving for a full year, just to see what would happen.
I’m really good at
Go on, brag a little (or a lot). We won’t judge.
I'm usually pretty excellent at any kind of trivia contest; I have an almost superhuman ability to remember random facts. My only weakness is sports trivia; I'm completely useless there.
The first things people usually notice about me
I’m an empty essay… fill me out!
I have long, luscious, cartoon princess eyelashes.

Oh, and I'm hella fat, so if you're not into it, jog on.
Favorite books, movies, shows, music, and food
Help your potential matches find common interests.
BOOKS: I'll read anything I can get my hands on. I'm a huge fan of Love & Rockets by Gilbert & Jaime Hernandez, the Game of Thrones series, Vonnegut, Kate Beaton, Katherine Dunn, Stephen King, Michael Chabon, Junot Diaz, Tom Robbins, Bradbury, Cormac McCarthy, Raymond Chandler, Andrew Vachss, Edward Gorey, etc.

MOVIES: Wet Hot American Summer!!! Back to the Future, Hot Rod, The Blues Brothers, Clue, Real Genius, Raising Arizona, The Jerk, Better Off Dead, Tapeheads, The Ladies Man, Let The Right One In, Revenge of the Nerds, The Big Lebowski, Black Dynamite, Shaun of the Dead, Hot Fuzz, Role Models, the collected works of John Waters, David Lynch, Wes Anderson. I firmly believe that Uncle Buck is the greatest movie of all time, and also that The Godfather is overrated garbage.

MUSIC: Currently OBSESSED with Beach House. Like, I cannot stop listening to them. The Clash, The Misfits, The Cure, Nick Cave, Neutral Milk Hotel, Roxy Music, Brian Eno, 70s Glam, 60s girl groups, Siouxsie, Sleater-Kinney, Hall & Oates, PJ Harvey, Little Richard, Motown, The Smiths, Arcade Fire, Black Lips, King Khan & BBQ, The Thermals, Le Tigre, Bikini Kill, Janet Jackson, Taylor Dane, Bonnie Tyler, Salt n Pepa, anything with surf guitar, 80s synthpop, the collective bands of Jack White, lo-fi, hi-fi, sideways-fi, pretty much. I do have a weakness for certain pop hooks.

TV: The State, The Adventures of Pete & Pete, Twin Peaks, Spaced, Garth Marengi's Darkplace, The Wire, The Eric Andre Show, Parks & Rec, Brooklyn 99, Breaking Bad, Game of Thrones, Boardwalk Empire, Jimmy Fallon, 30 Rock, Community, Anthony Bourdain, Conan, Daily Show & Colbert, Archer, Venture Bros, The Heart She Holler, and so on.

PODCASTS: Comedy Bang Bang, Welcome To Night Vale, How Did This Get Made, WTF, Mike And Tom Eat Snacks, Topics with Michael & Michael

FOODS: Most things, really, but I get a total boner in my stomach for thai, bbq, and especially Pho, which is probably the world's most perfect food.
The six things I could never do without
Think outside the box. Sometimes the little things can say a lot.
High speed internet
My dog, Dickripper
A good book
Old school Vans hi-tops
Comedy Bang Bang: the podcast
A sense of humor
I spend a lot of time thinking about
Global warming, lunch, or your next vacation… it’s all fair game.
Hey girl, do you want to make a fragile human connection in the vast and unfeeling infinity of a chaotic universe?

Does the body rule the mind or does the mind rule the body? I dunno.

And is it possible to overdose on a Vick's VapoInhaler?
On a typical Friday night I am
Netflix and takeout, or getting your party on — how do you let loose?
Trying to figure out how a 33 year old man with social anxiety makes new friends.

That or, you know, staring into the void.
The most private thing I’m willing to admit
I’m an empty essay… fill me out!
Time is a flat circle.
You should message me if
Offer a few tips to help matches win you over.
If you're a fan of Twin Peaks, if you're good at bar trivia, if you consider yourself sarcastic, if you have thighs strong enough to crush a man's hopes and dreams, or if you like the movie Wet Hot American Summer, let's hang out.

Alternately, we probably won't get along if you're racist, homophobic, anti-feminist, anti-abortion, a heavy drug user, a juggalo, super into wrestling or a fan of nickleback-style buttrock, if you're religious, or if you consider yourself politically conservative. Not that I'm comparing all of those things, I just wouldn't want to waste anybody's time.