Find better matches with our advanced
matching system

—% Match
—% Enemy


35 Austin, TX Man


Similar users

I’m looking for

  • Women
  • Ages 24–44
  • Near me
  • For new friends, short-term dating, casual sex

My details

Last online
Oct 3
5' 9" (1.76m)
Body Type
Used up
Dropped out of Space camp
Doesn’t want kids
Has dogs
English (Fluently)
My self-summary
Write a little about yourself. Just a paragraph will do.
I've got 99 problems, and being a decaying organism that's born to die in a society run by money that I cannot escape from is one of them.
What I’m doing with my life
Don’t overthink this one; tell us what you’re doing day-to-day.
Staring into the void.
Cuddling with my dog.
Trying to maintain my cool exterior.
I’m really good at
Go on, brag a little (or a lot). We won’t judge.
Stuff & things
Remembering every lyric to 80s/90s one hit wonders that I haven't heard in ten years
Being awkward
The first things people usually notice about me
I’m an empty essay… fill me out!
I have long, luscious, cartoon princess eyelashes.

Oh, and I'm hella fat, so if you're not into it, jog on.

ig: shmemson
Favorite books, movies, shows, music, and food
Help your potential matches find common interests.
BOOKS: I'll read anything I can get my hands on. I'm a huge fan of Love & Rockets by Gilbert & Jaime Hernandez, the Game of Thrones series, Vonnegut, Kate Beaton, Katherine Dunn, Stephen King, Michael Chabon, Junot Diaz, Tom Robbins, Bradbury, Cormac McCarthy, Raymond Chandler, Andrew Vachss, Edward Gorey, etc.

MOVIES: Wet Hot American Summer!!! Back to the Future, Hot Rod, The Blues Brothers, Clue, Real Genius, Raising Arizona, The Jerk, Better Off Dead, Tapeheads, The Ladies Man, Let The Right One In, Revenge of the Nerds, The Big Lebowski, Black Dynamite, Shaun of the Dead, Hot Fuzz, Role Models, the collected works of John Waters, David Lynch, Wes Anderson. I firmly believe that Uncle Buck is the greatest movie of all time, and also that The Godfather is overrated garbage.

MUSIC: Currently OBSESSED with Beach House. Like, I cannot stop listening to them. The Clash, The Misfits, The Cure, Nick Cave, Neutral Milk Hotel, Roxy Music, Brian Eno, 70s Glam, 60s girl groups, Siouxsie, Sleater-Kinney, Hall & Oates, PJ Harvey, Little Richard, Motown, The Smiths, Arcade Fire, Black Lips, King Khan & BBQ, The Thermals, Le Tigre, Bikini Kill, Janet Jackson, Taylor Dane, Bonnie Tyler, Salt n Pepa, anything with surf guitar, 80s synthpop, the collective bands of Jack White, lo-fi, hi-fi, sideways-fi, pretty much. I do have a weakness for certain pop hooks.

TV: X-Files, The State, The Adventures of Pete & Pete, Twin Peaks, Spaced, Garth Marengi's Darkplace, The Wire, The Eric Andre Show, Parks & Rec, Brooklyn 99, Breaking Bad, Game of Thrones, Boardwalk Empire, Jimmy Fallon, 30 Rock, Community, Anthony Bourdain, Conan, Daily Show & Colbert, Archer, Venture Bros, The Heart She Holler, and so on.

PODCASTS: Comedy Bang Bang, Welcome To Night Vale, How Did This Get Made, WTF, Mike And Tom Eat Snacks, Topics with Michael & Michael

FOODS: Pizza, tacos, pizza tacos, any kind of asian, bbq, anything fried with cheese on it, and Pho, which is probably the world's most perfect food.
The six things I could never do without
Think outside the box. Sometimes the little things can say a lot.
High speed internet
My dog, Dickripper
A good book
Old school Vans hi-tops
Comedy Bang Bang: the podcast
A sense of humor
I spend a lot of time thinking about
Global warming, lunch, or your next vacation… it’s all fair game.
Hey girl, do you want to make a fragile human connection in the vast and unfeeling infinity of a chaotic universe?

Does the body rule the mind or does the mind rule the body? I dunno.

Is it possible to overdose on a Vick's Vapo-Inhaler?
On a typical Friday night I am
Netflix and takeout, or getting your party on — how do you let loose?
Trying to figure out how a 35 year old man with social anxiety makes new friends.
The most private thing I’m willing to admit
I’m an empty essay… fill me out!
Time is a flat circle.
You should message me if
Offer a few tips to help matches win you over.
If you're a fan of Twin Peaks, if you think the truth is out there, if you want to believe, if you're good at bar trivia, if you consider yourself sarcastic, or if you like the movie Wet Hot American Summer, let's hang out.

Alternately, we probably won't get along if you're racist, homophobic, anti-feminist, anti-abortion, a heavy drug user, a juggalo, super into wrestling or a fan of nickleback-style buttrock, if you're religious, DEFINITELY if you're white and have dreads, or if you consider yourself politically conservative. Not that I'm comparing all of those things, I just wouldn't want to waste anybody's time.