Having survived the fourth month of a traumatic separation, I am doing better. I decided in the first generation of this profile to focus on inviting conversations about relationships. Many women engaged me in conversation and the results were enlightening, so much so I used my second generation profile to post important insights. This is my third generation profile and I have decided to remove my laboratory style, enumerated observations and incorporate what is important into a more conventional profile, one that reflects the fun loving guy I actually am, one who fell into the shadows of the past two profiles.
Now in the 5th month of separation I am branching out from just seeking friendship, to casual dating (what ever that means).
I love intensity, assertive communication, open inquiry, am striving toward total truthfulness in my life and am dramatically raising my expectations to someday prove to be a worthy mate. In the mean time, I am working on my relationship with myself and becoming friends with my complete cast of my emotions (feel free to ask about my cast).
Who am I? I am a guy who attended my first flying saucer convention at the age of eight, with my parents of course who were spiritually ahead of their time and independent thinkers. I am a guy who as a kid argued with his school mates about the fact that aliens were real. Despite the fact that I could never convince anybody of that "truth" (keep in mind I had never actually seen an alien, I just knew my parents would never lie). I grew up arguing about other things that were not very popular like the need to get out of the Viet Nam War (I was a conscientious objector in the military, spent time in the brig before I got out, refusing to ship out to the South Pacific).
I got into a grad program in landscape architecture because I wanted to have the skills to protect and build community, something I continue to do, now through the Seattle Permaculture Guild and the Northwest Ecobuilding Guild.
I could go on and on since my history shaped me, but what matters now is that I am beginning to find threads around me, in the northwest, that I am beginning to weave into an open tapestry. This tapestry is what I need right now while I connect with others and opportunities that help generate form for my future. When you have your past taken away, made largely inaccessible (home I helped design and build over the past 30+ years / partner who is now remote in more than one way), the now is everything. When the present is an orbiting vessel that has lost its planet, you tend to feel lost in space (my last four months) the present is something you need to move out of. The threads are like the filaments of a spiders forming web, they catch, they create tension, they connect, they interconnect. Finally, that is beginning to happen. As it happens I begin to create the first sketch of my emerging future. A Painful process as I seek grounding. A liberating time as I discover possibilities that illuminate who I am and engage parts of myself that have been hibernating.
What is emerging is a semi nomadic life where I will soon spend a month in Calif where my wifeness lives, extracting the essentials of my physical inventory of stuff that is in her way and that I need to bring with me in my pickup and small trailer, back to the nest that does not yet exist, propelling my life forward with a few possessions and all of my remaining tools.
The next steps are described below, "What am I doing with my life", take it away....