OK, so I'd be lying if I said I'm new to the world of online dating. I've been on more hilarious bad first dates with certifiably insane people than I can count! I've also had success in the past, and developed meaningful relationships and friendships from dating sites. I started out as a closet internet dater, but now have no shame in it whatsoever! But, I completely understand if you want me to lie to your friends about how we met -- whether it be a strip club, a gay bar, or wherever you see fit.

So I've read through so many profiles that all sound exactly the same that I want to shoot myself in the face! I know, I get it, we all love Chicago in the summertime, we all love to travel, enjoy new experiences, new restaurants, and will try anything once. However.... I am very happy to see that there are a lot more unique people on this site than the ones you have to pay for. I guess people that don't have money to blow on those sort of things are more interesting than those who do?

So how can I stand out? How can I convince you to email me? I guess I have to impress you with enough humor or intelligence so that you decide you like the online version of me. The latter of which, is not going to happen -- since, unfortunately... I have a much better knowledge of Urban Dictionary than Webster's Dictionary. So I guess what I'm saying is that if you don't laugh at least once while reading this profile, then getting a drink with me would probably be a bad idea....

I have this belief that my life is meaningless unless I'm out there making a difference in society somehow. So I feel the need to positively contribute something to this world. Most people do this just by popping out babies, but I have an utmost respect for those who go beyond that -- like the founders of ebay and craigslist, who changed people's lives by enabling small businesses to succeed -- and of course all of you wonderful teachers, medical practitioners, and non-profit volunteers. What I do for a living somewhat reflects this general idea. I build microchips for automotive safety systems for a living. Yes, it puts me in the same category as those who play "Magic: The Gathering" on Saturday nights and think it's cool to do because they drink beer while doing it. Yes, I get along perfectly with these people. No I'm not one of them, though. I just took this path because I'm good at math, and like to invent things I guess. I started out working for the corporate machine (think cell phones with anorexic models on billboards) mainly for training and networking purposes. Then after I grew fur and a tail, and spent every afternoon begging my 30 bosses for a food pellet, I decided it was best to move to a small company and enjoy this concept of "freedom" that I heard people talking about. So I'm happy where I'm at now, but eventually would like to get into a start-up company where I can take my own ideas and make them a reality.

Outside of work, I basically do whatever I can to stay sane and release the stress! The gym, tennis, running, yoga, volleyball, kickball (don't make fun...), skiing and snowboarding, riding my bike around the city, obsessing over Sudoku puzzles, and many more things that I can't think about right now.

About the bike, though -- I should mention that it is my primary form of transportation, since I sold my car last April -- which was the best decision I've made in my life since moving back to Chicago. Aside from the obvious financial perks, the benefits in physical fitness and stress management are incredible! It's just so great that I no longer have to come up with creative ways to curse at drivers on the Kennedy expressway... and I do feel good about not contributing to pollution, congestion, and oil consumption. So now I have a thing for "bike people" -- but I'd never consider myself worthy of such a description, since my bikes are extremely old, with gears and steel frames. So if you are a bike person, please let me know what you do in the cold and snow, so I don't have to wear my ski goggles and get laughed at by the cool kids...

Turning small-talk into meaningful conversation
Figuring out your sense of humor, then making you laugh
Making fun of strangers (people that deserve it -- like a group of guys in silk shirts with four buttons undone)
Making fun of friends (to their face -- you know, in a funny way -- not an insulting way)
Making fun of myself (but that's easy -- I mean look at me...)
Pretending to ignore people's conversations/arguments in public, when I'm really eavesdropping with my undivided attention
Listening
Giving Advice
Knowing when it's appropriate to offer advice, and when you should just listen to someone vent without trying to fix their situation
Frogger (i.e. Jaywalking) -- haven't had to do a run-walk in over five years!
Navigating public transportation, in Chicago and other cities.
And since I scored a 96% on the "cuddle test" ... I must be really F-ing good at cuddling! Seriously, I love to cuddle...

My sweet dance moves.
Seriously, what is the point of this question?

BOOKS
I would say that my top three books are White Noise by Don Delillo, The Book Thief by Markus Zusak, and What Does it All Mean by Thomas Nagel. White Noise especially for Delillo's brilliant, satirical view of how society is strangled by pop-culture. The Book Thief is my favorite in the category of "Books that Everyone else has Read" just since it's such a unique writing style, using Death as a narrator. A friend of mine recently lent me "What Does It All Mean?", after I kept bugging her with questions like "Is your consciousness a product of your mind, or does your minds react to your consciousness?" If you know of any other good philosophy books, please let me know...

MOVIES
I am a very forgiving movie critic -- I like pretty much anything that
makes me laugh or entertains me. I do quite enjoy the whole genre of modern comedy -- like Old School, Wedding Crashers, Napoleon Dynamite, Knocked Up, The Hangover, etc, etc. I also appreciate some movies that inspire emotion, and feel like I should mention Hotel Rwanda, since it was the only movie that actually made me cry. I also really liked Pi, Memento, and Requiem for a Dream, despite how depressing they are. As I read other people's profiles, I think of more movies that I like -- thinking "oh yeah, Run Lola Run, City of God, I forgot about these" I definitely need to see more independent film. And a few friends of mine and I have this thing for watching bad scary movies, too. Sometimes bad movies are as entertaining as good movies, in a Mystery-Science-Theater-like sense. Zombie movies especially!

MUSIC
My favorite band is The Button Pushers -- but no one has heard of them because they have no idea how to market themselves, and can't book anything bigger than Martyr's. I went through so many music phases in life, and so I still have a soft spot for so many songs from all the nostalgia. So going down the iPod, I would say that the bands/artists worth mentioning are Albert Hammond Jr, Andrew Bird, Arcade Fire, Arctic Monkeys, Ben Folds, Bloc Party, Cake, Damien Rice, Elastica, The Frames, Girl Talk, KMFDM, Led Zeppelin, Muse, Nine Inch Nails, OAR, Of Montreal, OK Go, A Perfect Circle, Pink Floyd, Poe, Raconteurs, Ratatat, Spoon, Tapes 'N Tapes, Tony Lucca, TV on the Radio, and 311. Like I said, some of it is relatively new, and some is definitely high school! But I absolutely love to check out new bands that have some sort of artistic or technical talent, so suggestions are extremely welcome!

FOOD
I adore Latin American seafood -- like El Barco, Cafe 28, Palmito, etc. Since I love having multiple courses and dishes, I naturally like tapas and sushi - favorites probably being People and Tsuki. I am certainly capable of eating almost anything, and love to try new ethnic foods -- Middle Eastern, Southeast Asian, Indian (veg, and non-veg -- Indian-Chinese food is the best!) -- anything that I haven't had before. My favorite part of this online dating experience is trying out new restaurants that I'll read about on yelp. And I love to cook for people too -- although I must admit that most of the dishes I make are straight off internet recipes, or from restaurants I used to work at...

1. CTA Bus Tracker
2. Crushed Red Pepper
3. Live Music
4. Dennis, Mac, Frank, Sweet Dee, and of course Charlie
5. www.someecards.com
6. Coffee -- black, hot, strong, and lots of it -- just how I like my men

If people are going to understand that the comment about the coffee was a joke
What I can do to make myself a better person
What I'm going to be for Halloween
What I can do to somehow improve society more
The last thing that I read about in GOOD magazine
What's going to happen to our economy. Do you think salaries will keep up with inflation? Are other currencies going to move with the dollar? When the unemployment rate drops back to normal, is that actually going to help the housing market, or are we going to have to wait until the general population catches up to those idiotic developers that have been blowing up all our neighborhoods with cookie-cutter condo buildings?

Going to 74 birthday "parties" that I'm obligated to attend -- mainly to since people will get upset if I don't show up to whatever bar they picked, hug and/or high-five them, and ask them what they've been up to since the last time I saw them -- which could have been two days ago.

Sarcasm aside, when I do get to make my own plans on the weekend, I try to see some kind of live music or live entertainment. And sometimes its as simple as finding a hole-in-the-wall bar with a great beer list...

I am gay-friendly. I'm not gay, or bi, or ever done anything affectionate with a man. But I have half-a-dozen close friends that are gay, and absolutely the funniest people I've ever known in my life. So from time-to-time, I go with them to gay bars, and sing karaoke, and dance, and it's actually a lot of fun!

You want to meet someone who will make you feel a lot better after a shitty day of work
You know the answer to the mind-body question about consciousness that I mentioned in the books section
You want free drinks
You want to have intelligent conversation
You want to have stupid and pointless conversation about monkeys or trashy reality TV

But most importantly, only message me if you want to actually meet in person! I'm sorry, but I just don't have time to endlessly email people on here, or make new friends on the other side of the country...