OkCupid does not provide "Bacon" as an option for
the Diet field. So, just in case you're wondering, my diet consists
almost entirely of "bacon."
OkCupid does not provide "Disney Prince" as an
option for the Body Type field. That's Ok though, that would
attract the wrong type: sorry princess, your prince is in another
castle. So I had an inner monologue that went a little like
"Hey, not_moriarty! No one ever puts Used up as
their Body Type. What does that even mean?" [he glances
out the window at the Salvation Army a block away] "Oh. Well...
Shit. Whatever, I'm just going to put it anyway and pretend it
doesn't mean homeless." — Me, just now, in my head, which is
residing very much inside my home.
Also, I didn't really go to space camp. I wish I did. But I totally
want to start a space camp and call it "Jamaican Me Spacey: a
Jamaican-themed Space Camp."
What I’m doing with my life
I work an undisclosed agency in the Market. I can't tell you its
name, for your own safety. Wait, does that make me sound like an
escort? Shit. I was going for a Jason Bourne type thing. He's
definitely on my celebrity list; not Matt Damon, just Jason
I can tell you that I work at a really cool tech company
in the Market. We make it easy for you to setup an online store.
You know, to sell all those Beanie Babies that you always promised
your Mom would make you so much money one day.
I’m really good at
Executing velociraptor escape plans.
Typing in boxes.
The first things people usually notice about me
The hats. Or the vests. Or occasionally the bow tie. It's my
assault on the commonplace.
I have an excellent sense of direction. Also, depending on the
moment, a keen eye will notice I may be time travelling.
Favorite books, movies, shows, music, and food
Has anyone in this family ever even seen a chicken?
I Will Survive. By Cake.
The six things I could never do without
I’m an empty essay... fill me out!
I spend a lot of time thinking about
My favourite words are bombastic and hyperbole.
The superlative locution noted in modern parlance could be found to
be bombastic hyperbole. This sentence brought to
you by meta bombastic hyperbole.
On a typical Friday night I am
Kicking in the front seat, sitting in the back seat; gotta make my
mind up, which seat can I take?
The most private thing I’m willing to admit
Sometimes, when walking around a corner, I still put my arms out
and pretend I'm an airplane coming in for approach.
Ok, I do this often.
You should message me if
- You feel like it;
- You like riding bikes;
- You are the world's only consulting detective;
- You are a time traveller from the future and have a message for
ESPECIALLY that last one.