I am not a dinosaur. I don't know too many terrible lizard people.
I'm not sure why so many people have -saurus as the end of their
I am a male great ape, and compared to my closest relatives I have
an unusually upright posture, little body hair, and a small stomach
which means I prefer my food processed by fire. I have considerable
mental faculties, and with them extend my lifespan.
What I’m doing with my life
I form symbiotic relationships with plants and animals, guiding
their growth and reproduction for my own purposes. I reshape the
land and reroute the water around me. I seek shelter and build
complex communities through kinship, trade, and politics. I
communicate verbally with a variety of languages and visually with
a wide array of symbols. Uniquely among the various species
inhabiting Earth, I search for understanding, meaning, and
I stare at a glowing rectangle and evoke changes on it by smashing
my digits against small buttons. In these and other ways I seek
love, companionship, and the answer to life, the universe, and
From what I glean from people's profiles, I am prone to argue about
the Oxford comma. Let's just say: it is correct, and anyone
intentionally leaving it out is obviously a gibbon.
I’m really good at
Complex stereoscopic color vision, slow maturation, and marked
sexual dimorphism. I have surprising stamina and can hunt prey by
I domesticate animals, mine and refine metals for tools, and have
superficial tribal instincts. I purposefully ferment beverages to
temporarily alter my mental state. I have a firm grasp of logic,
geometry, and higher mathematics.
I have put the seeds of Mother Earth into space, and have sent
mechanical envoys to the outer planets. I know that the world is
quantum-mechanical and generally relativistic, and I believe the
Church-Turing Thesis is a physical law. I have split the atom,
decoded the DNA of life on Earth, and laughed at cat videos on
The first things people usually notice about me
I have notably mobile shoulders, dextrous fingers and opposable
thumbs, a characteristically large brain, and true bipedalism.
Favorite books, movies, shows, music, and food
A sampling of my favorite music was recently
launched into space
I am omnivorous, but can adapt to a wide range of diets. I cook,
and have developed agriculture and dairy farming; all three
possibly effected evolutionary change in my biology.
The six things I could never do without
My five senses, and water.
On a typical Friday night I am
At a quiet bar sitting and talking with friends, or at a movie, or
playing a board game somewhere, or at a house party, or cooking
something, or seeing some live music, or recovering from the week
at home with a good book or movie.
The most private thing I’m willing to admit
Sometimes I make things up because I am uncomfortable with
You should message me if
you are an interesting, sapient, modern-day simian;
you appreciate the joke/rant that is this profile or have a
correction to offer;
you don't mind silly word play;
you like holding hands.