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32 New York, NY Woman


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I’m looking for

  • Everyone
  • Ages 27–40
  • Near me
  • For new friends, long-term dating, short-term dating

My details

Last online
Yesterday – 11:18pm
Queer, Sapiosexual
5′ 7″ (1.70m)
Body Type
Strictly vegetarian
Atheism, and laughing about it
Graduated from university
Art / Music / Writing
Open relationship
Doesn’t want kids
Likes dogs
English, French (Okay), Czech (Okay)
My self-summary
Write a little about yourself. Just a paragraph will do.
Human/Composer/Muckraker/Theatermaker/Sexuality Educator

I'm fiercely open-hearted and open-heartedly fierce.

Everything I do is reaching toward: how can we be together better - as lovers, as families, as communities, as citizens of the world?

I'm a relationship anarchist. To me, this means I create my own vocabulary around every connection, and I can say to everyone in my life: I love a number of different people in a number of different ways, but that doesn't take away from how much I love you. I'm not afraid of longterm commitment or longterm intentions, but I don't think that those things constitute the only valuable kind of connection. Here's a (necessarily reductive) manifesto that I love.

I've got a long-distance but serious thing going on with Diogenes_T which takes up a lot of my heartspace and makes me grin a bunch.

I was raised in the Midwest in a super conservative Christian family, and I came to the (post-Jesus) light only about eight years ago when I really deeply reckoned with the manipulability of the human mind and the beauty of living for THIS life, not some notion of an afterlife. Now I'm a gleeful heathen.
What I’m doing with my life
Don’t overthink this one; tell us what you’re doing day-to-day.
-Working primarily as a composer. Two main projects at the moment:
*A film: a respectfully incendiary character study of Jesus, with a lot of singing in it.
*An opera: Street Scene 2020 - a riff on the Langston Hughes/Kurt Weill thing. Our version is six operas, which spring from stories of six different families on one city block, layered simultaneously on top of one another. The audience will be on headsets- and thus there will be the political weight, at every second, of choosing whose track to tune into, whose narrative to validate. My collaborator and I are writing only one of the tracks, and we are facilitating five other teams of writers, from very different backgrounds, in writing the other tracks.

-Doing a cross-country house concert/conversation tour with my band, BONOBONOBONOBO. We're developing an album called Love Songs for the Rest of Us in conversation with people from a wide variety of backgrounds. You can read more about the project here.
If I am looking at your profile, but you are nowhere near NYC, it's probably that I'm passing through your city soon. I'm also unabashedly using this site sometimes to seek out hosts for house concerts - even if there's no interest in anything resembling dating.

-Co-hosting a podcast/blog with marsupiallegory, who was my primary partner for six years and is still my dear friend: It's called Sex For Smart People* (*that means you). It's a relationship-advice-podcast-that-doesn't-really-give-advice, and we're committed to the expanding conversation around love and sex in America.

-Singing in the streets! I catalyzed, and I now often facilitate Everybody Now!: a radically inclusive direct action choir which aims to amplify the voice of direct action, not just in loudness but in beauty and power. This means that I often get to enter into groups of hundreds of strangers and throw a melody out there that then everyone ends up singing together (I just got to do this up in Maine at the Beehive Collective!). This is a drug like no other!

-Taking excellent care of myself and my body. I thrive on a steady practice of yoga, working out, and meditation. I can easily default to being too cerebral, and intense physical things keep me grounded.

-Cultivating kindness. One of the many things Kurt Vonnegut said better than anyone else is: "Hello, babies. Welcome to Earth. It's hot in the summer and cold in the winter. It's round and wet and crowded. At the outside, babies, you've got about a hundred years here. There's only one rule that I know of, babies—God damn it, you've got to be kind."
I’m really good at
Go on, brag a little (or a lot). We won’t judge.
Structuring my time efficiently. No seriously, REALLY efficiently.
Facilitation, and coordinating people and ideas.
Playing and writing music.
Thai hand massage.
The first things people usually notice about me
I’m an empty essay… fill me out!
So I’m told - a distinct aura of joy
Also, the green streaks in my hair.
Favorite books, movies, shows, music, and food
Help your potential matches find common interests.
Writers: Kurt Vonnegut, Nicholson Baker, Adrienne Rich

Music: Joanna Newsom, Eddie Vedder, Nina Simone

Movies: Y Tu Mama Tambien, mostly everything by Terrence Malick

Food: I’ve been a vegetarian since I saw Charlotte’s Web when I was five years old and informed my parents that I would never again eat animals. I'm basically vegan, but I am not strict about it.
I spend a lot of time thinking about
Global warming, lunch, or your next vacation… it’s all fair game.

But also:
-Abundance mentality!
-Kinesthetic awareness!
-Sex, sexuality, gender, gender identity!

And of course:
-how to actively address/subvert/undermine/eradicate systemic oppression
-how to communicate better about addressing/subverting/undermining/eradicating systemic oppression with those who haven't thought in those terms much before

Last but not least, this thing that John Cage said in "Diary: How to Improve the World (You Will Only Make Matters Worse)":

"The most, the best we can do, we
believe (wanting to give evidence of
love), is to get out of the way, leave
space around whomever and whatever it is.

But there is no space!"
On a typical Friday night I am
Netflix and takeout, or getting your party on — how do you let loose?
There is no typical Friday night!
The most private thing I’m willing to admit
I’m an empty essay… fill me out!
Seriously, ask me anything you’d like to know.
You should message me if
Offer a few tips to help matches win you over. are a super smart and sexy queer woman are an awesome, kinky cisdude who makes a point to subvert hegemonic/heteronormative practices in and out of the bedroom. If you are straight and have no idea what I'm talking about, we probably won't get along, at least not in a dating sense. are interesting and interested and take excellent care of your body.
...especially if you are happily and healthily polyamorous, whether partnered or not
…you have read Urban Tantra and want to discuss and possibly explore. want discuss life, the universe, and everything, while intermittently making out.

I’m extremely busy, and thus, extremely slow to respond. I have so many amazing friends and lovers and friends/lovers in my life already, but I am open to casual short-term dating and/or new friends.