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notyourbigpapa

45 M Portland, OR

My Details

Last Online
Yesterday – 7:20pm
Orientation
Straight
Ethnicity
White
Height
6′ 1″ (1.85m)
Body Type
Used up
Diet
Strictly anything
Smokes
Drinks
Often
Drugs
Never
Religion
Agnosticism, and laughing about it
Sign
Pisces, but it doesn’t matter
Education
Graduated from masters program
Job
Technology
Income
$100,000–$150,000
Relationship Status
Single
Relationship Type
Monogamous
Offspring
Doesn’t have kids, but might want them
Pets
Likes dogs and has cats
Speaks
English, Spanish (Poorly), Chinese (Poorly)

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My self-summary
[Note: If you're looking at my profile via the OKC Mobile App it will appear formatted differently than how it's supposed to, and may make me look like a crazy person .... As apposed to how it's displayed via a regular web browser .... where I seem slightly less crazy. ... Thanks!]

Oh, hey there ...... I'm Russell.

I am rife with many delicious ironies. For instance....

I'm intelligent and witty, but not pedantic. In fact, I think the use of the word "pedantic" is itself...pedantic. I just thought I would point that out.

Ummmmm?..... Oh yeah, also ....

I bake homemade pies, but I can also build a road with a bulldozer. (Why is that ironic? Just bear with me, please!)

I swing between being an extroverted introvert and an introverted extrovert.

I am irreverent, yet nostalgic.

I think I'm "Left Brained" and "Right Brained", hopefully without the two canceling each other out.

I'd like to think of myself as kind of a Jack Donaghy meets Hunter S Thompson, but I might be a bit more of a Michael Bluth meets Kenny Powers. .... but either way, with a dash of Bill Murray.

I think my Myers-Briggs assessment puts me in the GFYS spectrum.

I can do "smart classy fancy" and "ironic tacky low brow", unironically, all in the same night. .... uh.....THINK about it you silly Philistine, .....and pass me the Old Crow!

I'm good at having a life with some edge and vice, gracefully balanced with integrity and responsibility. ... ... errrr .... or so a friend told me once ... I think they were super high at the time.

I am so full of love'n .... that if you get too close .... you're gonna git some on yah!

Ummm ....I'll make you laugh, even when you know you shouldn't.

I'm not nearly as menacing as first impressions might imply. I'm actually a sappy dorky teddy bear. Big heart'ed and affectionate. One just has to take those one or two unassuming baby steps closer to find out.

Due to my work and social circles I mingle with all sorts of nerds, vixens, punks, fashionistas, creatives, hobos, wonks, rockers, hicks, crafters, hipsters, politicos, journeymen, cowboys, jokers, suits, dorks, emos, salty dogs, and academics. I think this throws people off at times, because I don't quite fit into any of the peg holes of the Portland Egosystem. I have a huge soft spot for freaks, geeks, and misfits.

Ok ok .... Forget the rest of the verbose nonsense below .... I've got good whiskey and bad wine in the cupboard at home, and a hot tub out back .... Your move, .. time's a'waste'n!
What I’m doing with my life
Grrrrr, I hate using "Executive / Management" as my job, ....it's, like, so totally not punkrock or mëtal. Anyway, I'm an owner of a couple techie and/or creative businesses, and enjoying a life of sophisticated aesthetic leisure .... in a semi-retired Portlandia kinda way.

I'm a life-long Northwestern'er. I grew up in my very small Twin Peaks-like hometown, about an hour outside Portland. I went the UW in Seattle where I earned degrees in Physics & Art. I've lived in NE PDX part-time/full-time for over 15 years. Currently residing in the Alberta/Alameda area, living the Portland Mid-Century fixer-upper dream.
I’m really good at
....being organized, being on time, being dependable, being dedicated, being patient, being helpful, and being self deprecating. Oh, and I'm also really good at trivia, foot massages, and cat juggling.

Beyond maybe being "good at", I also "love" singing Meatloaf at Karaoke, kicking ass at Pub Trivia, indie music festivals, Hong Kong and Grindhouse movies at the Hollywood Theater, the Opera, exploring museums, smarty pants lectures, geeky volunteering, art events, road trips, hiking secret beaches you can't drive to, picnics in inappropriate places, air mattress star gazing, cycling or motorcycling a lonely country road, snowboarding a blustery mountain, or floating a quiet river.

I love to travel, and I have the time and means to do so, and I'm really good at the logistics travel, but I'm lousy at the "what to see and do" kinda stuff .... That's where you come in! ... Where should we go? ..... Let's break up some place really exotic!! .... *awkward chuckle* ...Kidding!!!
The first things people usually notice about me
That I'm tall, snugly, and not burdened with large amounts of hair.

And while we're on the subject of hair, it seems that a lot of you Ladies have some very strong opinions on facial hair.

Well ... don't try to change me, Baby!! .... the good news is that I'm very flexible .... kind of depends on the season or mood for me .... so I am willing to accommodate certain fetishes or phobias in that department
Favorite books, movies, shows, music, and food
Books? ... *eye roll* ... I have them .... *whisper* .. Nerd!

I also have a fetish for collecting Magazines ..... not to be confused with collecting magazines about fetishes. My friends think I have a hoarding problem with the magazines ....but the only problem I have is when my friends come over to my house and mess up the order of my magazines for chuckles. ....ummmm..... my friends are DICKS!..... Uh ...please don't touch or talk about my magazines.

Movies? .... All over the map, from high brow auteur, to grindhouse schlock. Some of my favorite movies in the last year or two were Hesher, Drive, The Tree of Life, Melancholia, Beasts of the Southern Wild, Her, and The Grand Budapest Hotel. I think Showgirls, Smokey and the Bandit, and the 80's version of Flash Gordon are the most brilliant movies ever made! .... I am not ashamed to admit this .... I AM NOT CRAZY!!..... I ....AM ..... ENLIGHTENED! ....ummm......Discuss?

TV? ....*smug pretentious tone* Ummm ... I don't own a TV ...
*snicker* .... I'm just mess'n with yah! .... I frick'n heat my house with TVs! ..... My new favorites are Sundance Channel's Top of the Lake and Rectify, and HBO's True Detective. Other current and old favs are The Wire, Deadwood, The Killing, Mad Men, Vice TV, Treme, Luck(both canceled??! Boo!! Fuck you, HBO!!), Breaking Bad, Game of Thrones, Twin Peaks, Shameless, Hell on Wheels, Big Love, True Blood, Dexter, Walking Dead, Weeds, Bored to Death, Lost, BSG(new and classic), Fringe, X-Files, Freaks and Geeks, It's Always Sunny, Wilfred, Louie, Archer, South Park, Metalocalypse, Childrens Hospital, East Bound and Down, ALF, Behind the Music, Metal Evolution, Real Time with Bill Maher, Daily Show, Corbert, Top Gear, Science Education shows, Sunday Morning Political wonk shows.

Music? ... old Grunge, old Punk, old garage rock, outlaw country, cheesy eighties metal....Hey Man, there's NOTHING gay about Judas Priest!! ..*snicker* ....errrrrr ...also lots of current Indie crap that the hip kids are into, and Opera. The last few shows I've been to were Man or Astroman?, Guitar Wolf, Jason Lytle, Portland Opera's Lucia, Punkrock Bowling and Music Festival in Vegas, Sub Pop's 25th Year Jubilee, The Postal Service, The Yeah Yeah Yeahs, the FYF Music Fest in LA, Dead Moon, Meatloaf's Rocktales & Cocktails in Vegas (OMG!!), and The Pixies.

Artists? ... Jeff Koones, Paul Caponigro, Andy Goldsworthy, Vito Acconci, Miguel Calderon, Chuck Close, Damien Hirst, Survival Research Laboratories, and others.

Food? .... A couple years ago I learned that I was a member of the tribe of the glutarded, but it's not severe, so I can still have some pizza every once in a while. Beyond that, I'm open to pretty much anything, fancy foodie or street/cart. Favs include Pok Pok, Beast, Bunk, Biwa, Podnah's, Cruz Room, Queen of Sheba, Tasty & Sons, Laurelhurst Market, and any number of carts. I seriously can't keep up with the food in this town ... where should we go??
The six things I could never do without
my spectacles, my integrity, my awesome friends (they're not always dicks), music, a tape measure, and a sturdy vintage blazer
I spend a lot of time thinking about
..... how Portland used to be .... http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=83Nfe3utHrs

.... if Portlandia starred Janet Weiss and Vincent Gallo would it be more caustic, darker, meaner, and thus, more accurate?

.... do nerds in tight jeans dream of electric motorcycles?

..... sure, the Oxford Comma .... but what about the Vermont Vo-Tech Shwa?

....Astronomy, Cosmology, Physics, Philosophy, Politics, Religion, Economics, Technology, Design, Art, Photography, and Film. ....and the fusion of Science and Art, i.e. "The Third Culture"

.... replacing an Airstream Trailer down by the river with a hip Cabin down by the river.

....... pimped out vintage Mercedes, hunting for vintage clothes and watches on eBay, and learning to sail.

..... where is the best Thai Steak Salad in town?

.... cashing out and opening a Fat Tui Burger stand in New Zealand
On a typical Friday night I am
...just trying to fit in!!....up for almost anything. some of my favorite spots in town are the Moon & Sixpence, rontoms, White Owl, Roadside Attraction, The Speakeasy, The Aalto, Bye & Bye, The Alley Way, Vendetta, Secret Society, Moloko, Holman's, The Florida Room, and the Windows Lounge at the Convention Center Red Lion. And anywhere else there's cool food, art, music, karaoke, or a Pub/Bar Trivia match going on. I love to make know-it-all hipsters cry in their PBR's!

Or snuggled up on the sofa at home with some Scotch and ice cream organic tea and gluten-free carob cookies and snickering wryly while watching Spring Breakers sitting in front of the fire, talking about Philosophy ....ummm ....and stuff .. is nice too.
The most private thing I’m willing to admit
I have been accused of being a member of the Mormon Mafia ...... but.... there is no such thing ... *wink*

...... I am referred to by some as "The Official"
I’m looking for
  • Girls who like guys
  • Ages 29–49
  • Near me
  • Who are single
  • For new friends, long-term dating, short-term dating
You should message me if
.... you have a thing for cool dapper nerds ... ummmm .... but without being weird or creepy about it! ... http://philosophy.sexy

.... you want to meet a younger, more urbane version of this guy .... http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WDQQfBrSUs0

... also if you are smart, but not peda ...... uh ... well.... you know what I mean, Little Miss Smartypants! ...... ummm .... oh, also snarky, hipster-ish, rocker-ish, nerd-ish, punk-ish, awesome-ish, closeted mondo-ultra-mega-dork, creative, crafty(literally AND figuratively), affectionate, erudite, stylish(in your own way), serene, engaging, together, graceful(on the inside if not on the outside). You are more Muse than Fury, .... more "kick ass" than "punch in the gut". You want to teach me, and introduce me to fun, rad, dorky and amazing things. You can tolerate, if not embrace, my quixotic geekery. You don't mind, and are worthy of, being worshiped. ... You have what it takes to step up and engage.

Deal Breakers: No dirty hippies, Moonies, carnival chicks, or Juggalettes! ..... or if your name ends in a vowel ... especially if it ends with a "y".....errrr..... I AM NOT CRAZY!!

Ok, so this is the section where you ladies usually list your "Deal Breakers" .... which, by the way, can sometimes be totally hilarious and eye rolling ...... anyway, rather than revealing any nutty superficiality on my part by listing my own deal breakers, of which there are many, I assure you, I'm going to respond to some of your more common and very reasonable DB's with a list of what I like to call "Deal Makers"(<- see what I just did there?)

"no creepy shirtless bathroom mirror cellphone pics!!"
RESPONSE: Check! ... And Ditto! Don't be tacky!! Bathroom mirror Selfies = "I am a shut-in and I have no friends!" Oh, and take the damn sunglasses off, Ladies!! Your FB and Instagram friends know what your eyes look like, but OKC'ers don't. ... and what is up with all the Selfies taken from the driver's seat of your car?.... COME ON!

"no homophobes, Republicans, racists, or extreme Christians!!"
RESPONSE: We're all good on that front ... I am a non-racisit, rational, scientifically minded, agnostic, Democrat, who has a good collection of gay friends who are pretty rad and fierce ... probably more than your gay friends .... Oh Snap!

"no drunks or junkies!!"
RESPONSE: Double Ditto!! I do love to have the drinks, but I am always responsible and drama-free. And I never do hard drugs. I would ask the same of you. And I can happily roll with Straightedge'ers and Teetotalers if that's your way to be together and drama-free. And while we're on the topic, I will also add that I find it tedious to deal with those stricken with addictions to such things as drama, mind games, pretense, narcissism, and/or validation. .....All things in moderation my precious Darlings.

"please have a job!!"
RESPONSE: No problemo! I got the skillz to the pay the billz. Though I can play the slacker dirtbag hipster with the best of them, if that's your type. But I am not one of those destitute loser Portland dudes looking for a sweet sugar mama. I make a hell'ah good living for Portland, and I bring a lot to the table ... without being a douchie braggart about it .... this rare declaration being a practical exception, of course. .... So no worries, I am all smooch and no mooch, Yo!

"please have a car!!"
RESPONSE: I do own a car. It screams ... well .... cranks ... Old World sophistication .... in a "bought off of eBay from a Tijuana Chop Shop" kind of way. So I will never ask you to drive me to band practice ... mainly because I am not in a band. Totally cool if you are though. ... or not. I also have a truck and a couple of rad motorcycles and bicycles. ... *shrug* ... It IS Portland, after all.

"no married dudes, polys, or cheaters!!"
RESPONSE: I am single, and I am very wired and eager for commitment and monogamy. And I will add, Portland being Portland, for you women who are into Open and Poly relationships, I am very open minded and I'm happy to meet all kinds of amazing women, and I don't have the jealousy gene, but you're probably not up to offering what I'm looking for over the long term. ... Soooo .....Easy does it. .....*whisper* There ARE some single women on here, right? Or does the "OK" in OKCupid mean "Open Kouples"?

"no liars!!"
RESPONSE: I am a very open and honest person ... sometimes awkwardly so, if that's not apparent yet. It's all part of being a mondo nerd ... I mean what I say, and I say what I mean. ...Ummmm ... except when I'm being sarcastic, of course. .... Please be open and honest yourself, and also be able to recognize and value a man who is honest with you. ... errrr ......or at least be good at faking it.

"no passive aggressive types!!"
RESPONSE: Ok, now help me out here. So you mean like how many of you Ladies, on a dating site, who say that you're looking for straight men only, who are single, but only for friends? .... you mean that kind of passive aggressive? ..... *wry smirk* .... Ohhhh Portland!

"no aloof, flaky, or emotionally unavailable types!!"
RESPONSE: MEGA-ULTRA-DITTO!! Oh man ....seriously! From my experience trying to engage with women in Portland, that's kinda like the black skinny jeans calling the black hoodie .... uh ... black .... and stuff ....*smug self-satisfied chuckle*..... Zing!

Ummmm ..... Wow .... So you actually made it to the end? .... So what do you think? .....It was totally great for me ..... No ....really. Like .... maybe we should have coffee and pie sometime? .... and we can snark about the passive aggressive hellscape that is the Portland dating scene.