1.The Insecure Woman. Deliberately or not, she lies about how she looks. She will claim to be “curvy” when really she is the non-Chris Tucker definition of "pretty hot and tempting." A man can always tell a faux “curvy” woman is lying because she will only take pictures of her face and cleavage. If, by chance, she does have a body shot, she will be dressed in black or some other type of garment that flatters her “curvy” physique. She is not fooling anyone, except the clueless.
2.The Vain Woman. She takes licentious selfies of her cleavage, of her ass, of her legs, or of any other sexually arousing body part, then creates a premonitory statement at the top of her page that says, “Do NOT email me, asking to hook up. I am looking for a serious relationship with a good Christian man.” LOL! Um, Ms. Rita R. Ded called. She wants her brain back.
3.The Pseudo-intellectual Woman. She weaves interesting paragraphs that continuously emphasize how “smart,” witty,” and “independent” she is. Additionally, she brags about her college education and how difficult it is to find someone to match her superior intelligence. Throughout her profile she will complain about receiving emails from men who lack poor punctuation and grammar skills. A typical line from the pseudo-intellectual will read something like this: I’m an educated women… Im so sick an tired of guys hitting me up with improper punctuation and grammer.” Hmmm…
4.The Arbitrary Woman. She says she wants a nice, handsome, and financially stable man. A guy who fits these “vague” qualities emails her, and she replies, “Sorry, you’re not my type.”
5.The Paranoid Woman. The paranoid chick says, "The reason I don't want to meet you right away, is because I want to get to know you better." Three weeks later, she is saying the same thing. A week later, she is still waiting for the guy to email her back.
6. The Read-My-Entire-Profile Woman. She writes long-winded paragraphs rife with clichés that generally begin with “I hate talking about myself, but…”
7. The “I want Mr. Perfect/The One” Woman. She keeps stressing how much she wants to find the perfect man. A typical description in her profile reads: “He has got to be at least six feet, have all of his teeth, make at least $100,0000/yr, drive a Lexus (or some other expensive car), always listens to me even when I make no sense, wants at least two children, wants to live in the suburbs (unless I change my mind and want to live somewhere else, then he will want to live there, too), is college-educated, doesn’t smoke, doesn’t drink, doesn’t do drugs, doesn’t like going to clubs, doesn’t look at other females, doesn’t believe chivalry is dead, doesn’t watch sports all the time, likes to go shopping with me, doesn’t…” Her paragraphs are usually rife with ellipsis marks because she is frequently updating her profile to include some other fantastical thing she wants her Mr. Perfect to have.
Funny Male Dating Profile Types:
1.The Thug. He thinks his six pack, gold teeth, and his profile pic of an AK-47 will get him a date. Oh, and of course there is the classic out-on-parole back story.
2.The Professional. He blabbers about how much money he makes and claims that he admires independent women, but it is clear he wants a housewife when, in his profile, he says, “My ideal woman will have dinner ready for me when I get home.”
3.The Ass-kisser. Self-explanatory.
4.The Stalker. He usually wants to meet before a woman even replies to him. Furthermore, he emails the woman with creepy lines such as “Hi, I really, really, really liked your profile! I’m a Skins fan, too! What’s your number and where do you live? I can pick you up if you’d like.” When he doesn’t get a response, he emails her again and again and again until the woman has his account deleted. But it is not over. He gets a new account under another handle, and repeats the cycle.
5.The Jock. He has pics of his abs, his calves, his biceps, etc. His profile is usually bare, and the little bit he does write is about how many hours he spends in the gym. He also makes fun of fat girls until he discovers that the girl he’s talking to has a fat friend. Generally, he does not get that far, though.
6.The Player. He depicts himself as Mr. Perfect. Like the ass-kisser, he says whatever the woman wants to hear, but he also insults her in a playful way. His emails are generally short, funny, and/or irascible. He does not care if the woman replies back because he is emailing a hundred other women. Unfortunately, if the player has mastered his craft, the woman is putty in his cyber hands.
7. Mr. Hi. He emails, “hello,” or “hi” or some other uninspiring one-word response. If he’s lucky enough to get a reply, he takes the conversation to the next level by asking, “So, what kind of work do you do?” Essentially, he can answer his own question by reading the “My Details” sidebar.
LOL! Okay, time to get serious...
I had a great multicultural upbringing, so I enjoy conversing with people of various backgrounds. Writing is a good fit for me, because it allows me to investigate anything I find interesting.