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31 Tallahassee, FL Man


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I’m looking for

  • Women
  • Ages 19-36
  • Near me
  • For new friends

My details

Last online
Today – 10:29am
Relationship Type
Strictly non-monogamous
6' 2" (1.88m)
Body Type
Other and laughing about it
Doesn’t want kids
English (Somewhat)
My self-summary
Write a little about yourself. Just a paragraph will do.
"Shut up! Do what I tell you! I'm not interested!" These are just some of the things you'll be hearing when you go on a date with me. I'm an idiot and I don't care about anyone but myself.

p.s. No cats!
What I’m doing with my life
Don’t overthink this one; tell us what you’re doing day-to-day.
I'm the lead bass guitarist in my band, Are You Okay? Buster-Wolf! a.k.a. AYO?B-W!. We play an amorphous blend of Post-Rock and Anti-Folk with flashes of Dubstep and Screamo wrapped in a Crunk shell dripping with Auto-Tune. We haven't had any gigs yet, but my buddy Tadd is a bouncer at The Sidebar and he says he can get us on stage if another band cancels or burns to death in a tragic foam machine accident or something. This rip-roaring rock 'n roll suburban gangster life style keeps me busy. Too busy for things like school or a job, so don't ask me about those things.
I’m really good at
Go on, brag a little (or a lot). We won’t judge.
Not returning calls. Always being right. Putting you in your place. Putting myself in my place. Enjoying stupid things ironically. Laughing at my own jokes. Enjoying stupid things unironically. Bass guitar. Not listening to what you have to say. Not caring about what you have to say when I do listen to what you have to say. Being a bastard. Mario Kart.

I drop stars like five dolla billz.
The first things people usually notice about me
I’m an empty essay… fill me out!
I always wear shades.
They help me hide the fact that I'm always lying. To women.
Favorite books, movies, shows, music, and food
Help your potential matches find common interests.
I Hope They Serve Beer in Hell
I Hope They Serve Beer in Hell the Movie
I Hope They Serve Beer in Hell the Musical
I Hope They Serve Beer in Hell the Interpretive Dance
Tony's Lay Guide
Scott Pilgrim vs. The World
Kenneth Clark's Civilization: A Personal View
Coronation Street

3OH!3, LMFAO, Metallica (only their new stuff), Hollywood Undead, Forever and Always, Forever the Sickest Kids, Forever Genital Warts, Shinedown, Five Finger Death Punch, Brokencyde, The Decembrists. I used to like Nickelback until I found out they're Canadian.

I only eat authentic Italian food, ok babe? Macaroni, spaghetti, capellini, vermicelli, bucatini, rigatoni, alfredo, macaroni, soba, udon--you know, only the best Italian. When I was growing up my Ma would make us soup and salad every day from 11am to 4pm.
I'd say, "Hey Ma, I'd like the Zuppa Tuscana with the bottomless salad and a coke."
And my Ma would say, "OK, soooooouuuunds good! And would you like our free complimentary bread sticks with that?"
And I would say, "Fuck yeah I want some fucking bread sticks, bitch! Thank you."
Notice I said THANK YOU. Italians say thank you because we believe in RESPECT. Did I mention I'm Italian? I'm Italian. I'll be reminding you of this often on our date (before, during, and after the bedroom). It's important for me to keep this proud heritage alive by telling you about how we do things in Jersey. Which I plan on visiting eventually.
The six things I could never do without
Think outside the box. Sometimes the little things can say a lot.
1. My shades. I paid $300 US for these special edition, double-tinted Oakley ZRX-2s with bullet resistant lenses and optional wrap-around band. I wear them on trips to WalMart, on dates with undeserving women, during cloudy days, during over-cast days, at night, and at night while reading a book. Worth every penny.

2. My dog tags. I got them while I was defending FREEDOM in THE ARMY. I'M A VETERAN. I always wear them outside my shirt so that bitches know I WAS IN IRAQ defending YOUR VAGINA. Also they serve a useful dual purpose when I forget my own name, social security number, blood type, and/or religious preference.

3. My "Haters Gonna Hate" bluejay tattoo. I got this tattoo after some coward heckled my slap-bass solo during open mic night at Sheesha Nights. It depicts a bluejay wearing a feathered pimp hat as he struts his stuff in a conceited manner. Written below the bluejay are the words "Haters Gonna Hate," to remind me that haters will in fact always hate.

I can't count past three.
I spend a lot of time thinking about
Global warming, lunch, or your next vacation… it’s all fair game.
On a typical Friday night I am
Netflix and takeout, or getting your party on — how do you let loose?
Alone, by myself, brooding over what a massive tool I am/have.
The most private thing I’m willing to admit
I’m an empty essay… fill me out!
People keep messaging me about the "it crowd." I don't know anything about no it crowd. What is the it crowd? Who is the it crowd? If anyone is the it crowd, I am the it crowd!
You should message me if
Offer a few tips to help matches win you over.
You know what's best for you (hint: it ain't me).