I have been trying to set up my best friend with this girl, but realized too late that I am falling for her too. Now they are happily together and I have nothing but an unending series of what-if's.

I've known her for a few weeks. We have gone from working together, to hanging out, to casually flirting. It was her last day in Seattle and I probably won't have the chance to see her again. Typical Seattle: cold and rainy, and the skies dimmed in mid afternoon. She suggested we pick up some wine and watch a movie at her place. A scary movie, she said.

She sat close to me on her bed, in that darkening room. I put my arm around her and pulled her closer - her small body fitted perfectly in that nook between my shoulder and chest. She clutched my hand during the scary parts.

When the movie finished, neither of us wanted to move from that position. We talked about random nothings. She moved her hand on my chest (trying to find my heartbeat?). I played with her hair. She looked up at me and we kissed, and kissed, and kissed...

What is the purpose of a site like OKCupid? Ever thought about that? Why is it the way it is, built like a shopping catelogue for singles? OKC's blog recently criticized the paid sites (match.com, eharmony) for being worthless scams; the maths seem legit. But besides being free, how is OKCupid any different?

Why are you here? Allow me to speculate for a moment :)

A lot of people are here to look at profiles of hot guys and girls and harmlessly flirt with ones they like. Other people enjoy getting compliments from total strangers; that feels good! So, for those purposes, OKCupid (and any other "dating" site) works perfectly. And it works out great for OKCupid; the more you browse and message, the more ads they can show you.

The people at OKCupid know this. That's why there are all these personality tests and match questionaires here. Do you really think I need 500+ questions to know if I would enjoy a date? I can decide in a few seconds! OKCupid just want you to spend time on their site. That's its purpose; hooking you up is incidental. In that sense, OKCupid is a social site, like Facebook, nothing more.

So what do you think would turn this into a real dating site?

Here's one idea: Change the rating system. It is horribly impersonal and means nothing. For someone browsing profiles, the choice should not be "how many stars should I rate him/her". It should be {"Yes", "Maybe", "Sorry no"}. If that person also rates you as "Yes" then she should show up in your Quiver.

"To love and to cherish..."

Let's imagine a couple, Alice and Bob, who are getting married. They have known each other for years, and are very much in love. They want to spend the rest of their lives together. The night before the wedding, as he is preparing for the vows, Bob becomes nervous. He doesn't trust himself. He knows what he is feeling now; he knows that he is in love and he wants to be with Alice forever. But there is no guarantee that those feelings and goals will not change.

"In sickness and in health."

He can look her in the eyes and promise her, he can give her a ring as a symbol of the bond, he can hold her and reassure her, but those are mere words and gestures. He does not have control over how his feelings will evolve, as the circumstances of the future are unpredictable. How many millions of couples suffer from the stress of unforseeable relationship trouble? How many marriages fall apart each year? How can Bob avoid becoming a statistic?

"Till death do us part"

What if he can give her more than a promise? Let's suppose that, through an experimental neuropsych procedure, Bob can imprint Alice into his mind with a snapshot of his current mental state. He would associate all the feelings he has now to the person he identifies as Alice, no matter how much she changes her personality or her appearance, no matter her age or health, no matter how far apart they are or how long they have been separated. The strength of this imprint will never diminish on its own, and his feelings will remain as fresh as the day he made it; it would be an unshakable foundation of their relationship. They can grow closer, become more in love, have fights and conflicts, but whatever happens, Bob can find respite in having this mental constant.
To put it more succinctly, the imprint would have (a) a set of emotions based on his current mental state, which includes (b) a goal to continue having that set of emotions.

"I do."

Because he currently wishes to love Alice forever (part b), the imprint will guard itself from further modification; it provides its own stability. Bob will never wish to change the imprint, because that will change how he feels toward Alice and go against his goal. Imprinting will be the ultimate commitment.

What could possibly go wrong?