I don't recall asking for nutshelling!

Hm.
I thought that line was perfect in and of itself, but apparently it is too short in one or more languages.
I like that, one or more languages. Here, loser, you suck so hard we're not even going to bother telling you whether your yiddish is fakakt or your spanish is chingaro.

Anyhow.
I pretty much rock face. Even when I'm sleeping.
For more evidence of said face rocking and a good laugh or two at my general expense, visit: http://offthetwig.wordpress.com

I am day-glo, fowered, and jefferson airplane

I have been in the revenge business for so long...

And I paint trees, and women; I write humorous stories of questionable length and relevance; I think and dance and laugh; I love too many books far too well.
I annoy my cats on a regular basis.
If you're looking for a five star karaoke buddy, a puddle jumping mentor, a long white con or a triple zipper conversationalist, swing away.

Making the kessel run in twelve parsecs; hail mary comebacks; wearing socks; scrabble; standing next to you to make you look cooler; rummy.

My sweet, sweet lies.
Or the fact that I just fell.

wodehouse, nabakov (most beautiful writing style I've ever encountered), lewis carroll, ender's game, david fucking sedaris, cluny brown, anna karenina, HWoSG, calvin and hobbes, the tao.
hitchcock, tarantino, wes anderson, detroit rock city, princess mononoke, garden state, american beauty, the usual suspects, princess bride, donnie darko, fern gulley, the maxx, the full monty, empire records, life is beautiful, old star wars, boondock saints, happiness, snatch.
DAFT PUNK, FLOYD, dire straits, beatles, tom petty, regina spektor, bob marley, gorillaz, led zepellin, the streets, the shins, sublime, queen, the dead. Anything with electric guitar or pan pipes. I am also mightily impressed by the bagpipe.
avocados, chocolate milk, bacon, CHEESE, peaches.

electric guitar
air (guitar)
avocado
family
fire
parentheses.

Getting help in the forums.
And why the sea is boiling hot, and whether pigs have wings.

Drinking champagne in a ridiculous get up, hopefully with hat, to good dancing/karaoke music.
Stealing chairs.
Watching people fall.

I just woke up from a dream wherein there were these actual documents that would unite Mormons and Christians in peace for all time, and I spent a really long time hunting for these and in the meantime I ran across the book of Mormon in cliff notes form and it was really really interesting and now I kind of want to read the book of Mormon although I know it would be nothing like it was in my dream.

You recognize any of the above quotes; have avocados; in any way share my unfortunate sense of humor; have interesting dreams that bear retelling; need a stellar fucking band name; have luscious, luscious freckles; would rather burn to death than listen to the damned smoke alarm go off; will pretend to be interested while I talk about my cats; will laugh at my jokes (advance notice, most of them just appeared on an online list of the worst jokes ever).