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oh_jude

26 Singapore, Singapore Woman

Woman

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I’m looking for

  • Everyone
  • Ages 23–99
  • Located anywhere
  • For new friends

My details

Last online
Today – 8:06am
Orientation
Straight
Ethnicity
Asian
Height
5′ 2″ (1.57m)
Body type
Diet
Smokes
No
Drinks
Socially
Drugs
Never
Religion
Atheism
Sign
Education
Graduated from university
Job
Income
Status
Single
Type
Offspring
Pets
Speaks
English (Fluently), Chinese (Okay), Malay (Fluently), Japanese (Poorly)
My self-summary
Write a little about yourself. Just a paragraph will do.
I take things very seriously, especially when I wade around the fluffy cotton-like candy floss jungle to sort out licorice. Like most people, there are just so many mundane chores to do, like feeding my chimeras and the Harpies Sisters with candy corns (altered their carnivorous diet; they are now die hard sugartarians) or teaching oompa loompas new ways to harvest gumballs. Just as ordinary as any ordinarily average person could be.
What I’m doing with my life
Don’t overthink this one; tell us what you’re doing day-to-day.
Serving my time for Willy Wonka. In exchange for sugary perks, my contract is based on how well I can give kids the right candy to rot their souls, if not their teeth. But I could be wrong at times, because some just wanted their tongues dyed with organic food colourings or they might only want to ruin their lunch, not dinner. So it can be pretty unpredictable given on how unpredictable the demanding lots could be. Gotta keep an eye on that ever evolving purchasing intention funnel closely.
I’m really good at
Go on, brag a little (or a lot). We won’t judge.
Okcupid told me to brag a little on this, so I'm not even going to be subtle: I'm actually really good at making imaginary taxidermied dragons to achieve what Walter Potter couldn't with a bunch of schooling rabbits. And I also sell handmade cloud woven quilts, shit's so cash that hipsters always preorder 420 days in advance.
I also have sick table flipping skills!
Here's my proof: 
(ノಠ益ಠ)ノ彡┻━┻
┬─┬ノ( º _ ºノ)
And I spit fire and nonsense when I type too. It's a skill.
Which is why I have a profound appreciation for lame jokes. If you are not offended by the Bruce Lee joke, I think we should have a pretty good ice breaker to begin with.
The first things people usually notice about me
I’m an empty essay… fill me out!
Is that I'm not a bot
Favorite books, movies, shows, music, and food
Help your potential matches find common interests.
Dictionaries. Yellow pages. But nothing beats the text behind cereal boxes that acknowledges all the glory a household brand deserves as the Breakfast for Champions which brings forth the realization that whatever we believe in, or at least consume is nothing more than a deceptive lifestyle tailored by those who are in the business of Manufacturing Consent.

You know what sounds really magical? Farts. Okay sorry I mean the calm voices of Alan Watts and Bob Ross. Im aware of Mr Rogers but nothing beats bad ass Bob Ross who said "There are no mistakes, only happy accidents" while holding a painting brush.

I have always voted for Hiroyuki Sakai and Pedro.

Bacon.
The six things I could never do without
Think outside the box. Sometimes the little things can say a lot.
Water, carbs, fiber, fat, protein and vitamins for the basics.
I spend a lot of time thinking about
Global warming, lunch, or your next vacation… it’s all fair game.
- audience targeting and how to sneak on non-English speaking communities. Now I sound like a full time racist.
- how to delimit the use of Hokuto no Ken whenever I'm hungry.
-the joy of watching the Bernay's parade on replay; be it from the torch of freedom march or those whose matrimonal vouch secures De Beer's cartel prowess with a shiny bud of compressed carbon or whoever that owns a nice tnneteba
On a typical Friday night I am
Netflix and takeout, or getting your party on — how do you let loose?
eating bacon.
The most private thing I’m willing to admit
I’m an empty essay… fill me out!
My inspiration for intellectual pickup lines are always derived from the lyrics of Chacarron Macarron.
You should message me if
Offer a few tips to help matches win you over.
If you know when will Eddie Izzard be around

If you lack the platform to express that political incorrectness and wicked humor that you have been keeping within yourself like an imminent fart attack on your first job interview. You deserve a cookie for not messing it up. No seriously I will buy you a cookie.

And if you cannot pardon my language and grammar even though my inputs were from my mobile phone.