You also need to know that I loathe intellectual conversations with beautiful women. It makes me feel as though they are trying to get me to divulge important information they will later use against me when they are removing my heart from my chest and crushing it with the force of their well-toned thighs and calves under a stiletto heel. Because of this, I also have an irrational fear of stiletto heels. Please wear normal sized heels, non-stripper-sized platforms, flats or even sneakers to our first date. The only topics I will discuss are the weather, places to have dinner or get drinks, sports (but limited to Olympic Curling only), dairy products and how much I really do hate laughter and how quickly I will leave if the conversation takes a humorous turn in any way.
I don't want you know anything about my feelings. I don't like it when people trust and depend on me. Music is THE WORST... especially live, and especially when played on real instruments by skilled musicians! So is art and culture. I don't trust people who read books, and why on earth would anyone want to leave the city they live in to explore other places? I've never seen a movie ever, and it's important that neither have you.
Ok, let's discuss my abs. Now I know many of you ladies are sick to death of gentlemen posting shirtless photos of their abs taken with a camera phone in a bathroom mirror. I will respect this and definitely NOT post any photos of one of the few features on my body I actually worked hard to obtain and can actually feel proud of. This is the reason I won't post any such photos and definitely NOT because you can't actually see my abs through my flabby gut... it's totally NOT because of that. You're welcome.
I'm not looking for a soulmate, a best friend, kindred spirit or a partner in crime. I prefer a purely superficial and sexual relationship with a girl who has low self-esteem, no personality, no integrity, preferably a little on the stupid side and who absolutely positively will never, ever attempt to make any sort of jokes around me ever.
Finally, we all know true love has only been achieved by Buttercup and Westley. Non-fictional characters need not to apply, ammirite? So let's just keep it totally on the surface and never pursue true emotional, intellectual or physical intimacy, eh? It's a losing game for anyone but characters in stories.
So with all of that said, please message me if you would like to enjoy a lovely evening with a guy who definitely will not try to make you laugh or stimulate you in any way.